Expectations when arriving the day before, Dinner?

Sitter Questions, Advice & Chat
1

Hello hello!
Having been house sitting full time for nearly two years we finally thought of posting on here to see what others thought about a small situation we experienced recently.

It’s nothing major or anything like that.

We had agreed that we would come the night before as the home owners had an early flight the next day, which is always fine by us arriving the night before, and we agreed that we will arrive around 430/5pm. On arrival it was Algood. Got shown around by one of the home owners, as the other one was still at work. Whilst he finished his work up, we kind of just sat around for 90mins until the other home owner got back. At this stage it’s about 730pm when she gets back. Now, this is where it got a bit strange. We assumed we would be having dinner with them, as with all our other house sits when we arrive the night before. Around 8pm they asked had we eaten, and we said no(as we had been waiting around their home since 5pm and had just driven 3.5 hours to get there). They then said they had organised dinner for themselves and that we should organise ourselves dinner. We were both a bit taken-a-back, as with every single house sit when we had arrived the day before, we had a meal together with the hosts. We were knackered from our drive, plus had worked before the drive, so we just opted to make some baked beans on toast as that was all we had with us, in the kitchen whilst they ate their huuuuuge roast dinner (could have probably feed 4 people) They also poured themselves a glass of wine and didn’t offer us one. We are not really complaining about not being offered dinner, which was still a bit random to us, it’s just that we left work early and drove near 4 hours to get there at the agreed time, Sat around for nearly 2 hours whilst he worked having meetings. They could have easily told us to sort out dinner before and it just felt a bit transactional compared to the other 25 house sits we have done in the last 2 years.
Interested to see people’s thoughts about this and if anyone has had a similar experience. Not the end of the world but for sure felt strange when it happened.

2

I think it’s rude and I think that if you need to come the night before to do hand-off because they’re leaving early, they should provide food. This is how it has been for all of my sits in the past. My last 2 sits were with new HOs and neither offered a meal. Going forward if the plan is for me to arrive early I’ll purposely mention meal expectations, especially to newer members.

3

While it’s strange and not very hospitable I wouldn’t stress it. Some people live in their own void and aren’t overly empathetic. Also they may have had a lot going on getting ready for their trip. Hopefully it’s the exception not the rule going forward.

4

We had something similar with some HOs in Germany who had been bitten by previous sitters. The host had spent all day cooking for them and then they refused the dinner quoting food dislikes so he was naturally put out. This meant that when we arrived in the dark having taken a long, cold bus in a new international city we waited for a couple of hours until I said “Have you guys eaten?” to which they said yes and we were faced with supermarket shopping & a very late meal of our own making. They weren’t being rude, just wasn’t a match of expectations (both our faults). It sound as if your people were in a world of their own, ask next time what dinner plans are and then all should be well. #nowtsoqueerasfolks

5

We wouldn’t turn up at 4.30/5 and expect food, unless it had been mentioned. They probably presumed you would have already ate before you arrived.

Officially, you should expect nothing, it’s not their responsibility to feed you. The fact you had a long drive etc is nothing to do with them, that was totally your choice.

Some HO’s go above and beyond, and some don’t, it’s as simple as that. They’e done nothing wrong in my eyes.

6

With one exception, all sits where I’ve arrived a day ahead have included my hosts inviting me to lunch or dinner, whether out, takeout or cooked by them.

With the exception, my host (a guy whose partner was abroad) was busy packing and said something about making a sandwich for himself, so I happily ordered DoorDash for myself — it was in a city where I have favorite restaurants, so I was glad to not have been offered a sandwich.

I didn’t think anything about it. He was perfectly friendly and otherwise welcoming, had even bought me a package of brownies from a bakery, for instance. The dynamic didn’t feel off.

By contrast, the situation you described seems odd, for them to have a full meal and wine, without offering you any.

In various instances on my arrival, hosts have also offered me tea, tea and scones, a cocktail or wine before dinner.

Personally, if I were hosting, I’d automatically offer a drink on arrival and treat sitters to a meal. But some folks are socially awkward, so they might find it hard to make conversation with a stranger or not be accustomed to entertaining.

In any case, I wouldn’t take their behavior personally. I’d probably feel badly for them lacking a sense of hospitality. Reminds me of a reference in F. Scott Fitzgerald’s “The Great Gatsby”:

“Whenever you feel like criticizing any one,” he told me, “just remember that all the people in this world haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had.”

7

I truly hope that you only award these selfish and entitled hosts a maximum of 2 or 3 stars on the hospitality rating in your review! Who on earth thinks it’s okay to do that?

We’ve actually had this happen to us just once, when we were asked to arrive in the morning. The hosts proceeded to make themselves lunch and instructed us to take the dog for a walk whilst they ate! It was only a very short sit, so we sucked it up but were absolutely incredulous at the audacity of the situation. It’s rude and disrespectful behaviour IMHO. They surely could have offered us a drink after our journey, at the very least?

These entitled hosts have treated you like staff, not as welcome guests. After asking you to arrive the day before their departure to facilitate their plans, I don’t know how people can feel it’s okay to behave like this. I guess we judge people by our own standards, and we simply don’t treat people like that.

8

@TheTinnedTomatoes their unwelcoming behavior clearly defines whether a HO sees the sitter as “the help” or a guest in their home. A guest is treated with hospitality “the help” is not. Shame on them!

9

Hi @TheTinnedTomatoes
I agree most hosts would offer you food when arriving in the evening. However I got taught a lesson early on with my sitting journey. I flew to Italy and got a bus to the sit location the night before. The HO had asked me to arrive a day early but couldn’t accommodate me. I arrived at 8:30pm, dropped my bags at the hotel and made my way to the HO’s place. Where they spent a number of hours going through everything in the welcome guide in detail. No food was offered. I got back to my hotel at midnight and ate the complimentary packet of biscuits.
I now ask if arriving in the evening where the nearest grocery store to buy some food. Most of the time the HO will respond with directions but advise food will be provided upon arrival.

10

Yeah they weren’t socially awkward and didn’t seem busy at all. Had already packed, they seemed very chill. Not really a complaint about them not offering the food as much, more so just how they went about it. Not stressed or anything like that, or even offended , it was just the way they went around it. Not judging or anything too as people are people. We just wanted to know what others thought

11

Didn’t say they did anything wrong. I guess it’s hard to know what it was like if you weren’t actually here but the food offering wasn’t the main part, it was just how they went about it. Felt very strange and they weren’t busy as had packed before and were chilling. Not a biggie, not offended or taking it personally. Just interested to see what people thought. Cheers

12

I don’t assume that a meal will be provided, but it’s nice if it’s offered before I plan my journey. For sits where I needed to be in the area the night before because of the HOs early start, I’ve had one where I had to find a B&B, one with a lovely meal and leftovers in the fridge for me to finish off, and another with no meal but I was fine with that as I was in self-contained accommodation - and it helped me discover there were no cooking pans or utensils in that, so the HO was able (apologetically) to get some from their own kitchen.
As with so many issues, it’s a matter of communication and not assumption.

13

I find this rude, no matter what the circumstances. The host could have clearly stated before arrival that you would need to prepare/buy your own dinner rather than sit there and consume a huge meal in front of you. Even not offering a glass of wine which they were having shows a complete lack of courtesy, absolutely no excuse, just plain rude.

Happened to me once, I drove three hours to the sit and after sitting around for hours (which early arrival they requested) they went out and bought Chinese food and a bottle of wine. Didn’t even ask if I would like to order anything myself, they just went out, came back with it and sat there eating in front of me. Zilch, zero, nothing said or offered. I ended up opening a can of beans and again not a word was said. Entitled! Rude! Their behaviour that night ended up being the red flag that didn’t show on previous and many communications and was not a good sit at all, one month.

You can say questions should be asked about such things but anyone with a sense of human decency and raised with courtesy and respect would not anticipate that these situations should arise and a guest in your home should be treated as such, a sitter IS an invited guest.

14

I think it’s rude and bad manners, especially eating in front of you, but I wouldn’t dock them any stars, as they are not obliged to feed you.

15

WORD. Nothing left to say.

16

I’m a sitter at present and I totally get that a situation like this could be awkward.
I think it is natural to adress this pre-sit. If one talk about a possible arrival the day before the departure of the host, it is also natural (for me) to mention what their thoughts/ expectations are regarding meals etc.

If it is a requirement from the host to arrive the day before, I would think it most natural that the host make arrangements for accommodation, if it is the sitter who would like to come before it is on the sitter to organize accommodation but could be a nice gesture from host to offer.

For meals that is the sitters responsibility either way, but hospitable to offer a meal if host wants to. The sitter should not make assumptions on getting meals, but can ask what the host thinks. If nothing is said or asked I would assume that I as a sitter organize meal (-s) myself.

Arriving at 4.30/5.00 one can make a whole lot of assumptions (have already eaten, will go out to eat, order in, make oneself…) . Better to just ask, and easiest to ask pre-sit (and not while in living-room after sit has started.)

17

It seems like you didn’t fully read the text. The issue wasn’t about expecting food.

Why would it be “obvious” not to expect food after 4:30/5? Eating habits are quite individual, and I strongly doubt that most people in the Western world stop eating after 5 pm.

Communication is key, and yes, I find that behavior very rude and lacking in any sense of mutual experience.

For me, THS is not a job; I expect a social exchange. I don’t do it to pass the time, to live somewhere for free (I earn quite a good income in my profession), or simply to do someone a favor. I actually want to have a good time, love to spend my time around dogs and meet new people. In my view, every THS “job” has failed if the contact doesn’t last afterward. That is my very own approach and I know this is not for everybody.

18

It wasnt really the assumption of the dinner part of it as they can do as they please, it was just the way they went around it. We accommodated to them by coming the day before as they said they would prefer we come a day early to get used to things. And we did get food on the way but im not one to eat dinner at 430pm as ill just be hungry later. Again they can do whatever, and its in no way a dig at them, just felt weird is all. All is good and we just wanted to see other peoples thoughts and experiences :slight_smile:

19

Exactly my thoughts. I would never have dinner around 430/5pm. And yes the issue wasnt the expectation of food, it was just how they did it. In no way are we holding a grudge or taking it personal, just after 2 years of house sitting we have never come across a situation like this. All is good and no harm done just an interesting discussion we thought.

20

How thoughtless and inhospitable on.their part. I agree with @kimshady that this shows you were viewed as ‘the help’. I would consider deleting some stars for hospitality in my review.