Feeling Unsettled During My First Sit – Seeking Support

Sitter Questions, Advice & Chat
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Hi everyone,
I’m currently on a housesit in Spain and needed to share something that’s left me quite shaken. I arrived late in the evening after a long flight + drive and encountered a lot of unexpected issues: no gas in the house, extreme heat, broken or odd windows, mismatched plugs (not European), poor kitchen equipment, and no prior info that the front door locks automatically so I got locked in.

The washing machine barely works, and using it tripped the electricity. On top of that, I am caring for plants and horses without proper guidance. When I’ve asked for clarification, the homeowner responded in my second day with coldness or passive aggression — even telling me not to reply anymore because I was “asking too many questions.”

I’m doing my best to be responsible and caring — especially for the horses — but I’ve felt bullied and unsupported. I’m not here to name or shame anyone, just to process this and ask: has anyone else experienced this kind of emotional stress while housesitting? Is it something wrong with me cause she is certainly making me feel like this. She even highlighted that no one else has been asking so many questions before.

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How sad to hear that something like this is happening to you.
I think maybe you should comment on it as there are some minimums in terms of comfort and it seems that what you tell is all wrong… in addition to his attitude towards you…
You shouldn’t feel that way…try talking about it and see what solution you get.
Alñ the best!

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I could’ve written this myself. First sit was exceptional. Second one I showed up the first day and stayed the night with owner. House was very unkempt dirty dishes, banged up walls, toilet not working, soiled mattress. I hoped she would clean up before leaving at 4 pm the following day so I stayed out of the house to give her space. Returned to the same. My mental health was seriously taking a toll and I felt nauseous all the time in this space. The owner was also very outspoken and a bit intimidating so to be honest I didn’t feel comfortable saying anything in person the first night. I also didn’t realize how truly untidy the home was at that point.

By the third night I was done. I packed up and sent a message at 9 am notifying her she needed alternate plans. She confirmed receipt of the message immediately and then nothing. Hours later I finally got hold of the THS emergency line and they said I needed to confirm pets were cared for. She had said they would be fine for up to 10 hours and at this time it was around hour 7. I was still in the area. She continued to ignore me so I reached out to her emergency contact who confirmed he was there. I verified with THS and now we have engaged in review battles. I never abandoned the animals and would have returned to care for them without spending the night if she needed me. This is supposed to be a mutually beneficial exchange and your host did not hold up their end of the deal. You do not need to suffer because of the way they left things.

Call THS emergency and tell them you need to leave and coordinate with the homeowner on a sooner end date so that THS can help you find new accommodation. You don’t need to “tough it out” because someone else expects you to live in their filth. Take care of YOU (and the pets).

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Thank you so much! I finally cleaned and settled but it just made me unsettled to be spoken like that. But will grow from the experience and after being a bit upset will sleep over it and enjoy the beautiful nature! :smiling_face:

It really helps to hear it’s ok to ask questions and communicate when settling in.

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Is this the same sit you weren’t sure about a month ago & then decided it would be okay? Or another one @DanaNedelcu? #needmoreinfotohelp

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Oh this sounds horrible on so many levels and I am so sorry that you’re having to go through this on your first sit.

Step by step may be the best way to approach these challenges :

  1. The most impt thing (in my eyes) is the horses. Do you have horse experience ? If not, do you have friends or connections who can help you here (assuming that the HO’s are still unresponsive or unhelpful) ?
  2. The front door issue. Have you figured it out ? Even if the HO’s are…ummm, unhelpful…your safety is contingent upon you being able to get in and out.
  3. Depending on where you are, an int’l adapter may be easy to find locally.

There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong with asking questions. Personally I see it as a sign of a responsible, caring and thorough sitter. You’re in anew environment around new animals with new responsibilities. The HO clearly has communication (and possibly other) issues.
I hope , for your sake, that the sit is short !

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Yeah! It’s an extra cottage the owner has on her land where sitters come and go.

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Hi Toreishi! Thank you. I have a lot of horse experience. But I needed to confirm with the HO what she wanted me to do about a wound made by flies;Everyone has different ways. She said on Sundays we shouldn’t disturb people with messages.

Good idea about the adaptar. I just thought it would have been nice for her to let me know.

But the nature here and the horses are lovely and will try to ignore this and enjoy. I just needed a space to vent out my anger for being treated poorly and to get some reinforcement. I am a highly sensitive person and I generally like things to be good for all so it touches me when people say I wronged them and start to analyze myself a bit too much. But will be ok!

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Then it sounds like time to leave. They have previous form and it’s not going to get better IMHO. Give 24 hours notice, say “I clearly don’t have the skills you require so please find someone who does.” And tell THS and protect yourself from stress and a bad review. As for “no messages on Sundays?! Is she Swiss by any chance :flushed_face:? You’re being bullied. #timetoscarper

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Thank you! I don’t want to leave. Love the horses and the nature and I accept the situation as it is. It’s more complicated to change flights or pay rent till my flight. But I just needed some clarity so that I can get her out of my system and to understand better what is happening and how to position myself. I will just ignore her now. A bit worried she might give me a bad review about asking a lot of questions but will just have to reply with my pov.

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Two words for you : Horses and nature.
Let those be the joy of this experience.

And, I would strongly encourage you to be very honest in your review - objective, factual and clear. It is evident from your description that the issues are more likely the owners than yourself.

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As an old Uni tutor once told me, “The only silly questions are the ones you don’t ask.”

It sounds a grim situation. Good luck!

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Thank you! Super good advice. Do you think I should leave a review?

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Some other sitters have posted about nightmare sits / hosts, whether in the forum or on Facebook groups, for instance. It’s unfortunately not surprising, because there are creeps, exploiters, bullies, etc., in the world and THS is a subset. Sits like you describe are in the minority, though. Otherwise, THS wouldn’t be able to get members to renew.

I’d suggest you ask yourself how you might have done stronger due diligence and better protect yourself going forward, because THS is just a matching platform and each host and sitter have to protect themselves while pursuing matches.

Personally, I would not be willing to do any sit that caused me angst. That’s because I’m very clear on what role THS sits play in my life — they’re icing. If so, why would I put up with crap for icing, especially since sitters also pay a membership fee, lay out for travel costs and barter unpaid labor and time voluntarily?

Personally, I will never take abuse, bullying, gaslighting, etc., to take care of anyone’s pets or home.

I’ve done 24 sits over two+ years and have never been abused, bullied, exploited, etc. All of my hosts have been kind and appreciative. I mention that, not because I expect perfection or that anyone can guarantee themselves great sits even with due diligence, but that there are plenty of great hosts out there. If I didn’t believe or experience that, I’d quit THS without hesitation.

Besides having clear boundaries for what I’ll accept or do to sit, I always have a backup plan. I highly recommend that for all sits, because otherwise you leave yourself open to being trapped or stranded by bad hosts or even good hosts who end up facing emergencies that might force them to cancel or cut sits short.

Wishing you better sits ahead. Please review this and every sit honestly. Imagine if some other sitter could’ve warned you off this sit. That’s the value of reviews.

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Always leave a review so that other sitters have a clear picture and can choose if it’s a deal breaker or not….

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@DanaNedelcu, we see some great back-forth with experienced housesitters.
Thought add perspective of educational learning.
Encourage that you reflect on your THS application process. Did you thoroughly review the listing? Did you have a video call? Were you prepared for the video call? After call, were you comfortable with understanding of pets, property and expectations?
Encourage that you reflect on what information you wish you had known in advance. Perhaps it’s available heating; or any broken property matters; or kitchen equipment or otherwise.
Sounds like you’re content with your horses and nature. But we all learn from experience … suspect most experienced housesitters on THS Forum have experienced some challenging situations from which they learned. We certainly have … and refined our criteria, processes and questions. Onwards to adventure!

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@DanaNedelcu I feel for you, because she should be trying to help you take care of her animals, and you should have been made aware of the doors automatically locking.

But to put it in perspective, some of the other things you mention is what we have found to be quite normal for places slightly inland, away from the main resorts. So I am guessing you are slightly inland in Spain.

We sit a lot of Spain, so in our experience, the below is normal…
No gas in the house - Maybe there’s an outdoor kitchen, or they use solar power.
Broken or odd windows - It happens, don’t ask me why, there isn’t the same sense of urgency to fix things when they don’t have cold-cold weather.
Mismatched plugs - if they are expats, it happens.
Poor kitchen equipment - it happens, they may cook or do paella on the bbq instead.
Washing machine tripping - that happens A LOT, we only try to use 2 appliances at a time to help ensure things don’t trip out. There is only 1 house in Spain where we sit that is super duper modern, in all of the rest we limit what machines/equipment we use at any one time.

The below has nothing to do with the owners, because you choose to take a sit at this time of year:-
Your long flight/drive - has nothing to do with the owners
Extreme heat - Spain in general is hotter than normal at this time of year, I know, we just left Spain a few days ago, it was a few degrees hotter than normal when we left, and we couldn’t have coped with anything hotter, you need a medal for caring for horses in the heat.

That said, the door locks, and their lack of help about their horses, asking you not to contact them when you obviously need their personal unique advice on their animals is inexcusable. It’s just not on. We’ve never had anyone who ‘minded’ us contacting them for what we perceive as being a good reason.

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Be very factual in your review. Future sitters need to know how bad this sit and the owner is so they can avoid it, otherwise there will be another unsuspecting victim.

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As @HappyDeb has said many of these things are fairly normal for inland Spain, the electricity tripping, mismatched windows, a mix of electric plugs (if they are not locals). When you use the washing machine switch off everything else that you can, this is very ‘normal’.

Arriving from a long flight and in such extreme heat as Spain is receiving at the moment makes this all seem so much worse.

Do you have any way of keeping cool? Have you discovered any way of cooking? Try and solve one problem at a time so you don’t feel so overwhelmed. And stay well hydrated so you don’t become ill.

You mention a long drive so if you have a car at least you can get to civilization and get gas if that is what you need for cooking. Bottle gas is usually available in petrol stations.

It’s very difficult for you if the host is not being helpful but for any practical solutions ask on here and we can possibly advise you.

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Hey Deb! I was not complaining about the situation of the house. The nature is beautiful and there isn’t much work to do for the horses. Just to keep an eye on them. I genuinely love their presence so I do like to offer them my company. The thing that bothered me is that she made me feel bad about asking questions. I have never been to Spain and I’ve never been in her spare house to know how things run. I live in the capital of Romania (different culture, different ways). I was not blaming her for the heat or my long journey. Just saying I got there around 21:30 and didn’t know where to turn the lights on from and then got locked in the house. But don t mind any of these stuff. I was just giving my perspective. The only thing that was off in terms of what she provided was a box full of old broken pans and some dirty cutlery full of mold plus no mugs or cups and the smallest knife. Believe I was not thinking about luxury. Just some basic stuff.
But yet again this is not what bothers me. But the way she didn t respond or how she made me think I am suffocating her with questions. It s not like I wanted to talk to her to stress her out. Just wanted to know what to do when the electricity went off and how to open the broken windows. Just a bit of help to find my away around things.

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