I’m a long time TH user and HO looking for some input from experienced sitters. We are in the process of planning to build a detached apartment in our garage for my father in law. I’m wondering how this will affect future sitters. We rely on TH when we travel and have had only positive experiences with sitters. We have chickens and we prefer our 2 dogs stay at home. My father in law has no interest in caring for our animals so we would still need TH if we travel even after he moves in.
The apartment would not be attached to the house and it would have its own entrance. Would this make feel a sitter uncomfortable knowing someone is on the property but not in our home? He’s very good at keeping to himself. We would be very clear and up front with our father in law that he should not interfere with the sitters and that they will have permission to use the backyard and outdoor kitchen/patio area which will be adjacent to the apartment. I’m interested in hearing your thoughts. Thanks in advance!
It’s not built yet. We’re in the process of designing it. It will be adjacent to the patio but we have requested that there be some separation so we both have privacy.
We did a sitting where the mother in law was in a similar annex. Despite instructions and the best intentions from the owner, she regularly came into the main house and in the end we had to lock the door so she couldn’t wander in
We were asked to take her shopping once a week which we agreed to as we would be going anyway. Unfortunately, she forgot certain items and expected us to take her every few days.
He will be allowed to use the patio area but we are designing it so that he can’t see it from his apartment nor can we see into his apartment from our patio area. We are in the designing phase so maybe that’s why it seems vague but I’m pretty clear on what my preferences are in terms of how it’s built. I would like there to be separation from his apartment to our patio area.
This would certainly not put me off and I would not lower your stars is everything was well on your end. If something like @itchyfeet mentioned happened (you never know), I would mention it in a friendly way in the review so that other sitters are aware of the situation.
I am all for this kind of arrangement with elderly people and I like to support it. If I otherwise liked your listing I would apply and have an open conversation about possible issues, what I would be willing to help with and what my boundaries are, which usually tend to be more flexible when dealing with people that may need others’ help.
This wouldn’t put me off at all and you are being honest and up front about it. Your father in law shouldn’t access your home while a sitter is there though.
We do get a lot of good applicants, especially if I’m able to post the dates well in advance. I find the good sitters are the ones who plan ahead:) And I am very up front about everything with my sitters and would also be giving him very explicit instructions on how things work when we have house sitters. This feedback is super helpful. I plan to share this with him while we work on designing it. It will strengthen my argument to have clear separation in the patio area.
Hi @amyjomulvaney If the sit was appealing overall, then the situation that you describe wouldn’t put me off. This type of set-up is a great way for people to maintain independence in their later years and I’d be happy to support that.
As a senior citizen myself, I would not mind this. Unfortunately grandpa is not living there yet to observe his lifestyle. Will he be spending a lot of time in that shared space is something you do not know yet. Will he be thoughtful when you have a sitter and not always corner the sitter for conversation. I would not mind if he is a pleasant guy but maybe a different generation would. I think once you observe his personality and lifestyle at this new arrangement, it will give you a better idea of how it will work out. I assume he is having some difficulties living independently and if you are now going grocery shopping for him, what happens with this arrangement when you are out of town. Are you making meals for him. You may not even know yet how this will all work out so I think once he is there 3 months you can answer this question yourself. How you predict the situation will work out and how it does merge may be different.
@amyjomulvaney
Only a few months ago, I was dog-sitting in a setup very similar to the one you are planning: a mother-in-law apartment with its own entrance and its own gate from the street, but with a shared backyard. I absolutely hated it.
To top it off, the owners were not dog people, and the dog was not fond of them either, barking each time they showed up in the backyard, which resulted in my having to go inside with the dog. To make things even more complicated, the dog wasn´t walked, so the backyard, or rather my half of it, was his only playground.
In addition, the owners did not quite respect my privacy, and on a few occasions, they used my gate and walked right in front of my windows facing the backyard. Once, they even waved to me; on another occasion, they stood right in front of my window with some people. Never again.
That said, yes, it can work, but include some sort of division of the backyard in your planning
As a sitter, this wouldn’t automatically put me off, but it would definitely be something I’d want to know before applying.
For me, the important factors are transparency and clear expectations. If your father-in-law has a completely self-contained apartment with his own entrance, is independent, and understands that the sitters are responsible for the pets and have full use of the house and outdoor areas, I’d be comfortable considering the sit.
I would appreciate knowing:
Whether we should expect any interaction with him, or if it’s simply a friendly hello if we happen to cross paths.
Whether he ever uses the shared backyard or outdoor kitchen while we’re there.
Whether there are any circumstances where he might need to enter the house (hopefully none, except genuine emergencies).
Many THS sits involve neighbours, gardeners or pool technicians coming onto the property, so another resident isn’t necessarily a deal-breaker. The key difference is that sitters should still feel they have privacy and aren’t being observed or supervised.
Being completely upfront in your listing will help attract sitters who are comfortable with the arrangement, and they’ll apply knowing exactly what to expect. I think you’ll still find plenty of experienced sitters who would be happy to take the sit under those conditions.
@amyjomulvaney
A few years ago, I was invited to a sit where the elderly mother (in her 90s) lived in her own home next door. I was assured Mum was well but asked if I would be okay to pop in to say hi daily. I said that would be okay. However, I brought up the fact that I would not take responsibility should anything happen to Mum’s health. They needed someone in the village to do that.
I did the sit and only had Mum and her dog next door for one night as her son came to take them back to his home a couple of hours away - issue solved. I was happy to water Mum’s inside pot plants for her.
I don’t know how old your father-in-law is but this is something to think about.
There was privacy between the cottage I was in and the mother’s.
I would be sure to post photos of his living quarters from the outside and its proximity to the main house and be very clear regarding boundaries or lack thereof.
Older folks can be funny about almost anything, right? The aging process is not always kind to all of us.
You’ll need to be clear about his mental health as well. Does Grandpa usually just let himself into the main house and does he have all his faculties to know not to do this during a sit, etc.
Your pool will be smaller but I’m sure there will still be some.
This is all new territory for us! A big change! Thank you!
