Unexpected pet parent family member dropping round

Sitter Questions, Advice & Chat
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Hi there,

I’m currently completing a sit where the pet owner has been working abroad for 10 days. To give some context the pet owner’s parents live 5 minutes away from the house.

A few days ago (mid-sit) the sit was extended for a few more days due to the owner’s work trip being extended. I agreed to stay for the extended dates.

It is currently day 8 of the sit and today I unexpectedly received a text from the pet parent saying they are back in the area (staying with the parents) and could they come and collect some thing they need from the flat, in 30 minutes’ time? I was really taken aback by this, as for all I knew they were still out of the country and despite the sit being extended, they hadn’t said they’d be coming back to the area (as it was still within the original sit dates anyway). It would have been nice to have at least a few hours warning that they needed to drop round, let alone that they were back in the area.

After an initial feeling of surprise, I replied saying yes that was fine, to which they then replied that their father was on his way around as they (the owner) was too busy rushing around.

I then received a text from the father saying he was on his way and that he would knock. He turns up 10 mins later but opened the front door using his own keys and didn’t knock or wait for me to open the door.

Is this breaching the THS third party policy? Is there anywhere that states how much warning should be given before anyone drops by? Or if they can at all? I felt really uncomfortable about the lack of warning and the assumption that it was okay to come round. Furthermore about him not waiting for me to open the door and coming straight in.

Despite this, they are nice people and I think they are just very busy and in their own worlds.

To give more context, the initial sit was supposed to be 4.5 weeks but was reduced to just 10 days 2 days before the sit, due to the owner’s work changing their trip (she is a journalist so I assume it is rather unpredictable). I was disappointed by this but didn’t let it bother me too much as I knew they hadn’t breached any rules and that there wasn’t anything I could do.

Additionally, on the first day of the sit a few hours before I was about to arrive, they asked me to come later than we had scheduled. I wouldn’t usually have minded this, but it was just a little inconvenient as I was already on the train, so could have taken a later one. As mentioned, I knew there wasn’t anything I could do and that they hadn’t breached any rules, but I did feel quite messed around.

Any tips on what to say to them / the owner when the sit finishes and I can give feedback? Obviously I don’t want to make it sour whilst I’m on the sit but I think it would be good for me to explain to them that dropping by unexpectedly isn’t really ok, and also for the benefit of any future sitters.

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None of this would sit well with me, mostly because it seems the HO is not being respectful of your time.
I think if I were in your position I would stop agreeing to all of their changes and requests. Once you agree with their changes in dates or people stopping by who don’t follow the rules (to knock, etc.) you’ve basically agreed to let it continue.
If I were there I’d ask for a firm date the sit is over and stick to it, no further changes.
I’m sure more experienced THS sitters will advise which of the above things the HO’s have done goes against THS T & C.

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Hi @HE_tea

It sounds to me as though – rather than any particular THS rules being broken – various incidents have added up to a general assumption that a sitter (in this case, you) has nothing better to do than accommodate the ever-changing requirements of a home owner and their pets. Nobody likes feeling that they’re being messed around, or that it’s just expected of them to drop/change whatever plans they might have had in order to fit in with somebody else’s. It’s more about someone’s attitude than anything else.

In terms of giving feedback, for me, it would all depend on whether the home owner showed any sort of awareness of the fact that they might be inconveniencing me, and the impact their changes might have on my plans. I’ll happily go out of my way to help someone if I can, but if there’s that sense of it just being ‘expected’, I’m likely to be less accommodating, and would consider making reference to the changes/drop-ins in a review. If you do mention these things, I’d just keep it factual and unemotive.

What may have more impact, if you’re able to do it in a constructive way, is private feedback (ie. not as part of your review) with the aim of just drawing the home owner’s awareness to the situation as you see it. Either in person, or via a message. It sounds as though he/she has a lot going on, but that’s not really an excuse. Sometimes it just takes a gentle reminder that a bit of consideration goes a long way.

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We’re very accommodating and try to help and adapt if we can. We have no problem with people popping in IF we’re given plenty of notice, but 30 mins notice wouldn’t sit right with me, if he were just going to stand at the door and not enter then 30 mins would be fine, but that isn’t the case here, I would have messaged them back to say sorry make it after ? time instead.

The fact he opened the door, isn’t too bad-bad in my eyes, the father just won’t know the rules, so whilst it’s not great, if it were me I would have let that slide, considering you knew he was coming. It’s just on top of the changes that it starts to all add up. No breaching of the rules, because you agreed they could come and date changes etc.

You mention they are nice people, and it all depends on your connection. You obviously made them feel very relaxed with you, which is lovely. But when HO’s have asked us to adapt things, they usually put us in the picture of the whole scenario. Maybe they thought because they’d given you different dates originally and potentially messed you around a little too much already, they were letting you stay in their home as last agreed.

It’s a tricky one, go with what you feel is right, but I wouldn’t have agreed to 30 mins, I would have put them back at least a few hours, not because I had to, just because 30 mins isn’t right.

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Wow! All the date changes are pretty ridiculous, especially reducing the sit from 4.5 weeks to 10 days!!

Who knows when the Owner actually got back to her home town, but at least she had the decency to allow you to stay until the end of the newly agreed dates. (I have had an experience when the Owner came home early, and we were asked to leave the home early).

Sitters should be given more warning if someone needs to stop by for any reason, and of course, the visitor should knock!! That is simply disrespectful x 2.

I would not say anything until the Owner writes a review. I would finish the Sit gracefully and write a factual review. Once the reviews are published, then I would either call or send an email to the Owner with some friendly advice.

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There are all sorts of reasons they may have had to come home early from their trip, and I am sure not wanting to disrupt your plans was one of the reasons they decided to stay with their family, if not the only reason. So that they may have needed to get some things from the house is understandable.

I am sure having the father come instead of them–especially since he just walked into the house without knocking–was not ideal. They did let you know they were going to come by so that is better than just either of them showing up out of the blue.

I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and I wouldn’t automatically assume anyone was deliberately trying to be disrespectful,etc…

I tend to not get too worked up about a lot of things that happen housesitting–especially things that are one-off instances and not some ongoing thing I will have to deal with-- because it is a temporary situation. I would probably just let it go. The way I look at it, in the grand scheme of things, this is not a huge deal. Now if people were coming by regularly while I was there, that is a different story.

Given this was a one-off instance of having someone come to the home for a specific, understandable reason–as opposed to unannounced regular visits of which you were not informed or did not agree to, that a future sitter might also have to deal with–I probably would not write about any of this in the review. I think giving them private feedback is sufficient if you feel like you must say something.

To be clear, I am not saying how you feel is wrong. I am just giving an alternative interpretation and perspective. If there is a way to look at a situation that will make me feel less aggrieved, I always try to give it serious consideration.

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The HO seems to have quite a chaotic life, and some of what has happened to your sit would really not work for other sitters.

It would be helpful to other potential sitters if your review could somehow reflect that you accommodated the date change and request for a visit mid-sit, and how that worked out in reality.

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Definitely please mention the date changes in your review. That’s a huge problem for many people. Especially cutting the sit by more than 2/3. For those who travel to get to a sit and would then be stranded with nowhere to live for weeks, it’s really unfair. I would just say something along the lines of “The sit is best for sitters who are very flexible with dates as the initial sit was cut by 2/3 the day before I arrived and then extended again part-way through the sit. Sitter should have a backup plan if something similar were to occur again. The HOs father also entered the house using his own keys and without knocking at one point, which could be disconcerting for sitters if they weren’t aware it was a possibility.”

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I think you’ve been well and truly messed around! I understand that things change but it sound like its been take take take on the part of the home owner, with no thought about you at all.

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I think you’re being incredibly tolerant and forgiving. All those major date changes…! But what got me was the father just letting himself in. He may not have read the THS rules, but your H.Os should have made it very clear to him that there was a sitter in their home and that he should act as if he were calling on that sitter as a visitor, not walking into his own home (which he wasn’t, anyway!) . AND then he says he’ll knock… But doesn’t??! TBH, that would freak me out! How could I be sure he wouldn’t decide to drop round to “collect something” in the middle of the night…Or whenever…? I get that they’re Nice People, but if they’re doing Not Nice things, that becomes irrelevant.

What to say to them…? Yes, it’s tricky. But there are tons of no-nos here. I would maybe go in with “As a single sitter, it’s very important to me to feel safe and secure at all times… Which means having anyone let themselves into the property really worries me…”
Maybe that and “…It was quite hard to work around your date changes. Perhaps in future you might leave it a little later before booking a sitter…?”
[Sounds better than “Sort yourselves out, stop taking your sitter for granted and tell your dad not to be such an entitled twerp!”]

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Couldn’t agree more with @fledermaus As a solo female sitter, a male stranger letting himself into the house unannounced really irks me. Yes, you were aware he was coming round, but I don’t feel him letting himself into the house has been adequately addressed. I would NOT be happy. It’s an invasion. He may be used to doing this when the HO is there, but there is a sitter present and behaviours need to be altered accordingly. Boundaries need to be in place, THS rules need to be implemented, they are there for a reason.

I think the behaviour of the HOs needs to be taken seriously. They have messed you around something chronic and there have been no repercussions, so they have continued to do so. I understand you may not want to address these things while they are away/ during the sit but I do think they need to be brought up at some point.

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The only part of this that I would have a problem with is opening the door without knocking/waiting for me to answer. I am known to have my morning coffee in my night attire (naked). Only giving 30 minutes notice is not a problem. If the place was untidy, deal with it. I’m sure there place isn’t pristine at all times. As for the date/hour changes. Things happen. At least they didn’t cancel completely

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As @Becca has mentioned, it is the continuous adding ups that gives the feeling they’re not aware of your needs. Ok, they may have a chaotic lifestyle but that would only explain part of their behavior.

Asking you to come later when you are already on the train doesn’t sound very thoughtful.

It’s true that, as @KC1102 said, they probably stayed at their father’s in order not to disrupt you any further but it must have taken them quite a while to get there. In that context, giving you 30 minutes notice is not nice at all.

Again, it’s true it was the father who opened the door but she told you he would knock, so she should have told him not to take the keys. But it seems he was already on his way even before they got your answer. Wrong, again.

So, no. I would not let it be. But I would probably follow @PVGemini’s advice and not mention it until the review. Unfortunately there have been too many cases of spiteful reviews when people are not aware of their shortcomings. I would write a factual, unemotional review. I like @CreatureCuddler’s suggestion except for the part regarding the father entering the house. The way it’s written leaves out the context of some warning.

I don’t agree with @PNW that you have let them think that you will continue to agree to their changes but, unfortunately, it’s really likely that that is what the HOs may assume. So, I would not mention anything regarding past issues right now but I would be prepared for a possible future situation and be ready to cut it short. In that case, I would kindly remind them of your own needs and of the fact that this has to be a mutually agreed and mutually beneficial exchange, not a one sided contract.

I wish you the best of luck and keep us posted, please.