So I house/pet sat twice for a couple, they’re close to their 60’s and I’m a solo female traveller in my late 20’s. They like to do overnight handovers at each end of the sit, which means we spend the evening having dinner together. Overall the petsit itself was great, their animals were super easy to look after and they have a lovely home.
However, the interaction with the couple is what made me uncomfortable. The first sit went OK, they were nice enough and cooked dinner or bought takeaway. However the topic of alcohol came up a lot and they were drinking a lot too. The second sit is where it got quite bad. The husband of the couple became very pushy with having a drink the night before they left.
But the issue became worse when they arrived. They arrived a day early, meaning they wanted a two night overlap. The husband came home drunk at midday, after having already been drinking and partying the entire week they were away. He then began aggressively pressuring both his wife and I to drink with him and he even said “my plan for tonight is that I want you to get so drunk” (to me).. he made many sexual and rude comments and in the end him and I got into a heated argument. He went upstairs, fell asleep and the wife was crying and telling me that he was just drunk and they have previously had marital issues.
I decided for my safety that it was best to leave (despite them returning two days earlier) and got myself a hotel for two nights. I made a report to THS, writing all the comments he had made, outlining they came back earlier than they had listed and that overall it is not a safe place and this shouldn’t be accepted on the THS platform. THS of course did nothing about it, didn’t even investigate (there was a previous solo female who also did two sits and neither her or the owners left a review after her second sit). They just told me they didn’t have any proof and that they would amend the sit dates to reflect that I had finished the sit two days earlier… which actually makes things worse for me on my end as the owners will know I had made some sort of report.
Also I had a third sit planned with them in advance, which I canceled of course, and when the owners relisted the sit, the dates were amended to take off one day, meaning they were likely trying to have another two day overlap with me again during the third sit.
Absolutely disappointed in THS and will likely stop using this platform soon and I won’t be recommending it to anyone in the future.
This sounds like a very horrible situation @ManifestingLemons you did the right thing by leaving and reporting to THS.
Please write an honest review to warn future sitters .
In the unlikely event that another sitter finds themselves in this situation in the future there is the emergency 24/7 phone line that can be called for THS support .
@ManifestingLemons, that sounds awful. Kudos on proactively dealing with adversity; for report to THS; and for cancelling repeat sit.
Not sure how you reported matter to THS. FYI, THS has a formal protocol - “Member Disputes” - for dealing with housesits where there is a breach of Terms of Service by either pet parent or housesitter.
Suggest that you read THS Terms of Service (weblink below) and identify any section(s) that you consider breached by pet parent.
Then suggest raise a Member Dispute. Weblink below explains process, information requirements. This process collates information/allegations and evidence from both parties. Suggest consider any evidence of allegations, as this may well be important to any THS actions.
Otherwise, as @Silversitters noted, within 14 days of sit end date then leave a review with clearly stated facts.
We believe that most THS members are good people with good intentions. But there are outlier exceptions, on both sides - with odd situations, expectations, behaviours or otherwise. Any technology matching platform can weed out such bad actors through reviews, disputes and perhaps newly launched report function.
I think my main concern about writing a review is that they will dispute it to THS, which THS has already told me that they don’t have proof that the owner did or said any of those things.. so what I’m worried about is that I will get a bad review from them which will stay up, while my review of them will be taken down.. I just don’t feel supported and feel it’s a lose lose for me
The reviews are blind and you also both have a right to respond so there’s that. As I understand it if you raise a member dispute against someone then their account is suspended whilst they investigate. Maybe someone can help you more than zero support @Jenny can you help this member explore options as this seems pretty unhelpful from MS? #modbackup
The wider question here is how do we as sitters deal with HOs who act strangely/inappropriately or at times in ways that we certainly wouldn’t accept outside of the sitter experience? And so what makes sitting such a different context? It’s about vulnerability, judgement, and maybe a lack of understanding the THS processes or systems. Without evidence it’s tricky to prove he said/she said situations so I’m not sure opening a formal dispute would work? But you have great power in your Review. Keep it factual, they returned early without prior warning, the husband was drunk, I’d also put into the review that you’ve already cancelled a future sit due to some unacceptable behaviour.
Thanks for the tag @Cuttlefish I’ll be reaching out to @ManifestingLemons very soon via DM with some more information so that we can make sure they’re supported.
First, I am so sorry this happened to you. I remember being in my 20’s many decades ago and all the unwanted advances. The culture was different then. Writing your review is a tough one. You want to warn others but not turn off potential hosts so how you write it is important. I would start with the positives. I would also mention this was your 2nd time there. I would end with the male host arrived home intoxicated and unwanted advances were made to me. I am a woman traveling alone in my 20’s. I felt so uncomfortable that I immediately left.
I would just leave it at that. As a host I would think poor girl as a lot of us can relate. As a potential sitter I would stay clear. I am surprised you didn’t receive more support from THS but I don’t know how you presented this to them. I do believe he should be removed. No excuse for his behavior.
Hi @ManifestingLemons I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had such a negative experience. It would have been uncomfortable under any circumstances, but when unwanted behaviour is taking place in someone’s home and you are supposed to be staying there, it must have been really unpleasant.
Whether or not your review will be taken down depends very much on what you write. Keep it brief and objective, stating facts rather than how those facts made you feel. The aim is to give future sitters a heads up, without writing anything that might be considered defamatory. Also, I assume that you reviewed your first sit for them (and gave them a decent rating), before returning for the second sit, so a drastic change of heart on a second review may well raise questions not only about them, but also about yourself unfortunately.
How about something like this?
Overall the petsit itself was great, the animals were super easy to look after and Xxxx and Xxxx have a lovely home. This was my second sit for them, and, despite enjoying pleasant handovers as part of my first sit, I decided that a 2-day handover upon their (early) return, along with the overfamiliarity that accompanied it, was unnecessary. As a solo female traveller in my 20s I decided to move to a nearby hotel instead, and have subsequently cancelled a future sit with them.
Thank you so much Becca! I really appreciate your advice and the example you’ve given on how I should write my review. I think sometimes it’s good to have an external person who doesn’t have any emotional attachment to help see things at a neutral/fair angle. I think I will use your example as my template as it has made me feel a lot more confident in actually leaving a review.
Is there any way to contact the previous sitters? If they had a similar experience, their input would the preverbial last nail in the coffin and get them booted.
I like your advice, but think it’s a mistake to soften the description in such a way. It leaves the events open to interpretation, as well as minimizing the dangerous potential this situation had to escalate, thereby possibly leaving future sitters in danger. It also lets the male host off the hook, when he is surely going to write a pre-emptive review in anticipation of the OP mentioning his behavior.
I would suggest something more like:
“The hosts returned 2 days early with the expectation I would stay over through the posted sit dates. Inebriated, the husband made sexual & aggressively inappropriate comments & advances to me, while pressuring me to join in his continued drinking. It was unprovoked & made me so uncomfortable that I left early, & have canceled a future planned sit for this home.”
Yeah I have tried to find the other solo female but unfortunately haven’t been successful. That’s where I thought THS would support more, in at least maybe contacting previous sitters…
@ManifestingLemons You’ve had excellent advice on wording but I think @Becca’s choice of wording at times is not direct enough. Specifically, I think overfamiliarity is too vague. I suggest @SeniorSitter1 's more direct wording of intoxicated and unwanted advances really paints a better picture.
Please submit a review, for the sake of any sitters who may consider any later postings, if they’re allowed to remain members.
I don’t believe any company would be foolish enough to take a review down where a solo female sitter described aggressive sexual behavior that made them feel unsafe — as long as you keep it factual & unemotional, & don’t doxx the host’s personal info.
The danger is too great — both the PR & the liability, if something happens in future.
@ManifestingLemons Please do leave a review. The fact that a couple of previous sitters haven’t reviewed would raise flags for those who know to look for them, but something that gives a bit more context could be really helpful for the next person (in the unlikely event that anyone still wants to apply after reading your review.)
I have deliberately kept wording a bit vague, assuming that anything that’s directly accusatory – without the evidence to back it up – may be removed. I think most people would be able to read between the lines at the mention of ‘overfamiliarity’.
Thanks @MerryPuppins, I really appreciate all your advice! I think after receiving the response I did from THS, I wouldn’t be surprised if they did remove my review if I stated that there was rude and sexual comments/advances due to the lack of proof.
In my email/report to THS, the only proof I could attach was my hotel receipts, whatsapp messages of the wife talking about how they were at a party and drinking the night before they came back, and also an “accidental” voice note from the husband at 11pm, clearly drunk and he didn’t even remember sending it (but nothing crazy in the voice note). I also just have the final messages between the wife and I, in the moment I was very friendly to her and felt bad for her (because she was clearly distressed and crying) so I tried to make my message as friendly as possible. The only “evidence” that it didn’t end well was her saying “such a pity it had to end like this” in her message. I just wish I could contact the previous solo female and see if her second sit was also similar to mine..
Yeah, this is where I get conflicted. Because I totally agree with you, and that’s what’s stopping me from writing a review, that if I use explicit words such as even just “sexual”, it will get taken down. At the same time, I see that others think I should be more clear and honest about what happened.. but overall I’m just afraid of retaliation.. it’s not just his behavior when intoxicated, overall there was something off all along, their behavior is quite entitled and they know my full name, about my career..
I’ll be reaching out to 