Why hearing both sides matters in our stories

Sitter Questions, Advice & Chat
1

Hey everyone,

I’ve been thinking about how we share our experiences here and something struck me: we often get just one side of the story. It’s natural, but it might not give us the full picture. Remember, every story has two sides, and understanding both can really change our perspective.

Opening up to both viewpoints not only makes our discussions more credible but also helps everyone involved get a better grasp of the situation. This isn’t about picking sides but about enriching our understanding and maybe even playing mediator when things get tricky.

So, how about we try to encourage sharing from all angles? It’s not about finding who’s right or wrong but about getting a fuller, richer story.

What do you all think? Any ideas on how we can make sure everyone feels comfortable sharing both sides of their story?

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts!

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2

@anon22438636

Three sides to every story actually. His, hers and the truth.

We will NEVER hear both sides on this forum unless the forum members can identify the sitter AND the HO in the same forum!

If you can figure out how to arrange that…I will buy you and your spouse a very nice dinner within the next five years!!!

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3

On a few occasions we’ve had the opportunity to hear both sides a few days apart in different threads and it makes for very interesting reading.

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@BonnyinBrighton

And that is when we have all three sides!!!

5

I’m tempted to post the reference I left for a host and their reference left for me. You would read totally different versions of the reality.

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@Cheri

DO SO!

Create a new forum/topic…not sure if you are a sitter, HO or both. But pick the right category and start a new topic on it.

Label it, “3 sides to every story” or something of that sort. Post the link here when you have both of those set up!!!

On-topic…but better and more appropriate elsewhere as yours will be a very specific example to be used versus a more generic conversation of this forum.

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@Cheri That’s exactly what I mean. You believe in your version of the story, the pet parents believe in theirs. Maybe sometimes it helps to change your perspective and see how the other side experiences it. Not to convince you, but to make you understand why they have this different view.

Vice versa

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8

If you add your profile to your forum settings, one could see those reviews.

Sometimes that is how the other point of view comes in the discussion here. Or the OP gets some pushback, and then slowly more and more gets revealed. This forum is much better at that than the one-star rants on Trustpilot without any follow-up.

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9

On the unofficial FB group, there was a fantastic comment on a negative experience from two anonymous posters, who posted separate from eachother. One was an owner, one was a sitter.
Everyone felt sorry for the poster from whom they just saw and read the post. They immediately took side of the poster which item they were reading, without asking (and clearly seeing) if the posting wasn’t a bit one-sided and subjective.

And one of the comments was something like:

""Hi, it looks like you are the sitter of the anonymous houseowner who did a posting two days ago. Here is the link: --attached link–

Your story is quite different from the story of the HO.
What’s the truth now?“”

It was a really neat manner to let people know that when there are two parties involved, which both just tell there side and point out all the negative things from the other side, the truth would be somewhere in between.

It would have been also a fantastic example to show and teach about in a classroom about gossipping and “there are two sides of a story”.

Give half of the kids the pet sitter story and half of the kids the homeowners story and start a discussion about who is to pity for and who is right, based on the information they got from just the one side…:innocent:

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@1MA
I tried to join an unofficial FB group but could not for some reason. It was massive, based in the US I think, so probably not right for me. I just did a liitle search right now and found one with less than 200 members, hopefully they will accept me.

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I personally think OPs should be given the benefit of the doubt but clearly everyone will read posts knowing that they’ve been written from one person’s perspective. There is a trend on here for certain of the same forum members to play devil’s advocate and it makes for tedious reading and means the original poster who is looking for advice has to waste their time justifying things instead of getting advice. There is of course room to get clarification and query certain aspects but automatically assuming someone’s lived experience isn’t to be believed can be problematic.

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I think it is not just about justifying things. I think the people here wants clarification of things. And giving another perspective.
And the outsiders (the people here) who are asked for advice by the Original Poster don’t share the same emotions as the people involved (original Poster). So they are maybe already seeing it in another wider, more open-minded way.
They just can give good advice if they know all of the facts. Without emotions, without black spots. Having a helicopter view, hovering above the situation, seeing it from a distance.
And that’s the problem. With just one-sided information, you maybe are not getting all the facts. And just one side of the story, written in emotional state, so with (unknown) black spots.

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I think the FB group I am talking about is the one you were declined.
Weird that you couldn’t get in. In my point of view they accept very easily and everyone, because there are also everytime new members who aren’t memberof THS (didn’t subscribe).

I also think that in this group are a lot of USA members indeed.
If you join such a FB group, be aware for a lack of respect and objectivity in some comments below the topics…

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@1MA
By coincidence my application from weeks ago has just been declined due to me not answering the questions first time. Thing is, when I first tried i could not type in the relevant boxes and click though. It will have been a Facebook glitch, I run four Facebook groups and gemlins like that do happen at times.
I’m pretty savvy on Facebook now, and always type with respect and do not get involved with online ‘popcorn’ debates :laughing:

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One common cause of that is when the account does not have a profile picture. That FB group does not have an active human admin anymore.

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… for responding to the OP with “Report them to THS !!”

But when the OP gets some pushback and then tries to justify themselves, often essential facts come up that they had not told. For example that their sit had not been duly confirmed.

Some posters have written here about experiencing terrible things like sofa cushions in disarray, or ice cube trays only being half full. Then the proper response is to calm down.

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And who is the one that judges?

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@pietkuip
By coincidence I’ve just been accepted after weeks. It was probably a glitch.
I run four Facebook groups, two public and two private. One of my main things of not automatically accepting anyone is a profile without a photo and also if the account is less than six months old. It helps stop the spam bots get in :+1:

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@anon22438636
In principle I agree with you, but I don’t understand how we can go about hearing the other side of the story. Do you have a practical suggestion?

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20

Well, this is not so easy.

People often prefer nowadays to air their grievances in more public, less confrontational spaces such as social media or forums rather than address issues directly. This avoidance of face-to-face communication, which social media platforms unintentionally encourage, means that people rarely express their thoughts, feelings and needs in person. Instead, they may post online about their experiences, sometimes without fully reflecting on their own behaviour. I think this is a very worrying trend.

If problems are not resolved directly, they do not simply disappear, but often escalate and lead to further misunderstandings and resentment. Also, the anonymity that exists in many online forums can sometimes lead to more negativity and even hatred. I believe that we could see less hostility and more constructive dialogue if we reduced anonymity and encouraged direct communication between parties.

Here are a few thoughts:

What about implementing a system where discussions are linked. When a sitter posts about an experience, the system can notify the homeowner that their side of the story is requested if the community flags it as needing clarification. This could prompt the homeowner to share their perspective in a new but linked thread, helping the community see both sides. For a homeowner to be notified and invited to share their side, there could be a threshold. For example, if 10 members express interest in hearing the other side, Trusted Housesitters could reach out to the involved homeowner. This ensures that the community’s interest in a balanced view is genuinely there, and it isn’t just one individual’s curiosity.

Of course this thread would need to be heavily moderated. But this forum is already heavily moderated! Anyways, these would not only allow both parties to express their sides but also enable the community to contribute constructive advice. The aim would be to foster understanding and possibly find a resolution, not just to air grievances.

Although challenging, reducing anonymity could be another step towards accountability. If at least the moderators and the Trusted Housesitters staff know the real identities behind the usernames, this could help in ensuring that the discussions are genuine and responsible.

This approach won’t be simple, and it would require careful implementation to respect privacy and ensure security. But I believe that by encouraging direct and open communication, we can create a healthier and more supportive community, don’t you think?

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