Agree with others, just say no. If you did the over-polite thing of saying that you could if there weren’t other options, agree with @MaggieUU that you need to make it a very clear no ASAP. You can always say you got a last minute project, realized how big your work load really is, etc. You’re allowed to rescind that offer because you didn’t agree from the start.
Having had dogs there are lots of pet care options: friends, family, dog day care (they often have overnight are), dog hotels (real thing), Rover. The owners know this, but they thought they would try the freebie THS option first. Kind of sounds like a bait and switch.
I haven’t found myself in this situation personally but I firmly believe them shifting the goal posts like this is not at all fair to you. The person requesting this of you is no doubt relying on you feeling that sense of obligation to them which isn’t right.
A previous version of me would’ve probably caved and obliged but definitely not now. Definitely stand your ground on this as they’re clearly trying to take liberties here.
I wonder why so many people have difficulty saying no (not just you by the way) it seems to be a universal problem. It’s very hard for me to understand possibly because I don’t have a ‘cringe’ muscle…. so I rarely if ever cringe/feel embarrassed/shame etc. It certainly makes it easier to say what I think/feel. And yes it can cause difficulties…. but it’s who I am. But back to you, I think I’d stick to what you want- and communicate this clearly- if you feel the need to you can say that you felt obligated to say yes ‘to be helpful’ but that you now realise it’s impossible for you to do this.
Societally, we have been conditioned to be ‘people pleasers’ and to have the ‘go along to get along’ mentality. I believe that’s where a lot of it stems from.
That’s laudable that you have no issues standing your ground. Hats off to you for that. A lot of people need support with this though through no fault of their own.
It’s not really a ‘hats off’ thing for me though it’s part of who I am- being different. I’m just curious about the people pleasing part which to my mind isn’t really part of saying no when you don’t want to do something. I think it’s more to do with avoidance of conflict perhaps? I don’t know, but I’ll continue to be fascinated by the psychology of sitter/home owner interactions and what causes tension.
I think it’s great that it’s a part of who you genuinely are as a person. I’d say it would be far better for more people to be this way and to be able to assert their boundaries clearly.
However, since it’s past midnight in my part of the world, my intellectual bandwidth is starting to run low. There’s a lot to say on a topic of asserting one’s boundaries that a few lines on a thread doesn’t do justice to. Goodnight!
In your position, I would say no if I wasn’t prepared to take on responsibility for the dog as well. But… I would also offer to leave the sit early so that the home owner had the opportunity to look for a sitter who was willing to take on the dog as well as the cats, if that’s what they now require. You’d be well within your ‘rights’ to stay on, with only the cats, as per the original agreement. But, unfair as it is, perhaps it’s better to leave on a good note rather than insist to stay on and outstay your welcome.
I don’t think it was wrong for the HO to ask you. I do agree with the majority…the HO has a right to ask you and you have a right to decline. You should absolutely decline and explain with one sentence why you must. Do so as quickly as possible…no one likes to be left hanging in imbalance.
Please keep us updated as this progresses!!!
In these forums…sometimes the OP turns into Casper…this is an important post, 30 posts within 1 day means this is a very sensitive and important topic.
Welcome to the community and thank you for bringing this to the forum!
I can understand how you feel. Lots of times, I have ended up taking additional tasks after saying “only if there’s no other option” Most of the time they interpreted I was volunteering.
I have a feeling that if you felt forced to accept, even in the terms you did, it’s going to be difficult for you to say no now. Maybe it’s easier to ask how the arrangements for someone to take care of the dog are going, let them know that you are worried about not being able to take proper care and the dog and the extra stress that is causing you. Perhaps you could suggest other options, like someone mentioned, the partner could find a sitter for the dog.
Just do what feels right for you and
whatever you decide will be right because it is your choice and you are the one who has to live with it, being who you are.
I hope the owner finds some solution and you can finish this sitting as originally agreed and with no extra demands or worries.
Good luck.
It’s not a bad thing to want to help people out but often people take advantage of this & will try their luck. I agree with many of the others that this request is a step too far. I’ve seen your update post about saying you’ll help if she can’t find anyone else. Please go back and say you really did want to help but it’s not something you are able to do. Remember this a mutual arrangement with boundaries agreed prior to the sit - you’ve agreed to cat sit nothing else.
