I think everyone “learns” to use the site. If homeowners don’t use the site often, they may get lucky or they may forget the lesson. We applied for a sit a while back. It took a few days for me to hear back that they were probably going with someone else who’d applied early but would “circle back.” Then crickets. We got another sit that overlapped. I meant to withdraw but forgot about it. Then I got a response that the sitter they had in mind wasn’t going to work due to a family illness, so would I be interested in scheduling a chat for this weekend. I apologized (even though I have nothing to apologize for) and let them know I took another sit.
I doubt in your case that they were “too busy.” They may have been waiting to talk to someone else or they may have been waiting for another response from someone else. Whatever it was, it’s not an effective strategy to actually fill the sit. This is their problem, not yours. They’ll figure it out eventually.
As a strategy, if that works for you, then it works, especially if you are transparent about it. As a host, I also often schedule multiple chats – up to 3, but I try to set them up for a time frame within 24 hours, so I can let people know my choice quickly. If a sitter is waiting to hear back on something else and can’t give me a confirmation within 24 hours, I will move on to another person. This is based on the experience of waiting, and then finding that the others have moved on.
That is too long to decide IMO. What it means to me (I am a HO) is one of these things are occurring:
they are bad communicators (they had other videochats scheduled and didnt tell you - I am always transparent with this and estimated timelines at the end of a chat)
there was not an immediate “connection” with you, but they werent ready to Decline you, they wanted to get through the other chats to see if there is a better fit (again, bad communication - they could have stated “we have more chats, will advise in x-timeframe”)
as you stated, their needs come before yours which means not a match
Some HOs do not feel comfy to be transparent about the process. Me? I like transparency and estimated timelines. If I dont “click” with someone by videochat, I decline within a couple hours after making SURE I do not want to invite them to the sit. If I REALLY “click” with someone along the way of say 5 videochats scheduled, I will tell them at the end of the videochat I want to choose them. After making sure we are all on board about the sit, extend the invite immediately, and then once Confirmed, I will decline the others with a message. Including cancelling other scheduled videochats explaining I found the perfect fit and thanks, I am open to future applications.
Have fun on your trip with the unis!!
Also trying to schedule multiple good candidates quickly can be troublesome, sometimes HO/Sitter will lose out because of this.
As HOs we would never wait to confirm a sitter that is compatible with us, especially not 48 hours. We do not shop and compare. When we have our video call we decide if the sitter is a good fit. It works or not. We know there and then. If a sitter is a good fit we ask them if they want the sit and if they do we confirm. We then inform other applicants that our choice is made. We don’t wait to see if we could find someone better because we could always find reasons to think someone else is better.
Funny sometimes how this works out. That can be a long time to be confirmed as sitters are often looking or applying for multiple sits in the time frame they want.
We had this happen recently. Had a great video call and during the call the husband literally said “Well, we’d love to host you guys.” Seemed like a done deal. We hung up and waited. And waited. Next day - still no confirmation. Strange. Waited one more day and received a “sorry you were not chosen this time” automatic THS message. No personal note from the HO’s at all.
I guess we should have seen it as a red flag but in the moment it felt insulting, really. Not even the courtesy of a note as to why they changed their mind after offering it to use during the call?
I stewed over this for several days as we kept looking for other sits - in the area we wanted there were seriously zero listings most days I checked (warm place during winter). I was so frustrated and then VOILA a fabulous sit popped up. One where their sitter canceled suddenly so we jumped on it and were offered one of THE most fabulous sits we’ve had to date!! Way better than the one that accepted then declined us, in fact! It was twice as long in an amazing home literally steps from the beach with an easy pet and great hosts.
So now I am SO grateful those people chose someone else in the end!
I think it is and that’s why I usually withdraw in those situations I really don’t want to partner with people who don’t communicate in a timely, clear manner. What if something went wrong?
I only sit for fun if I can see just a small hint that something might not be quite right, I just lose interest.
It was a great lesson for me especially because I took the delay and then the decline with no explanation very personally while my husband shrugged it off. Doesn’t always happen this way (when we are not selected) but I will hold onto that experience as a reminder of what CAN happen when things don’t go as we want in the moment.
All the same, I do struggle with getting the “sorry you were not chosen this time” automated message with no personal note from the HO. We take the time to write something very personal in our application. Sending a personal note doesn’t take that long - now that it’s only 5 applications - it means 4 short notes (understood the occasional extra applications getting in there), a note would be nice. “Thank you but we’ve selected a sitter who is more local” “thank you but we’ve selected a sitter who has sat for us before/has more experience with small dogs/has their own car/is a former vet tech, etc” I would totally understand these explanations. If the reason is too awkward to say, like they just didn’t click with us then just “thank you for applying, we’ve selected another sitter this time.” I mean, just something would seem courteous. IMO
This system generated message is sent out automatically - not when the host confirms their sitter but when a sitter clicks “accept” - probably most hosts don’t even know that this is the auto message that is sent and they also have no way of knowing when it will be sent out …
We don’t really care about this even, at least it’s informative- but it’s the timing that matters, if after the video chat you know we’re not ‘your people’ definitely click that ‘no thank you’ button in a timely manner. It’s the psychology of ‘yes we have chosen you but we’re not telling you‘ thinking that’s so puzzling anyway this experience was worthy of a forum discussion so I shared it here.
I recently had two similar situations but like many things it’s all about context.. the first one was a young guy who said he’d get back to me.. 48 hours went by nothing.. Meanwhile, I already started talking to an older couple. We hit it off.
Looking back, I usually get families who are genuinely happy to have met me. There’s a sense that we’re clearly a good fit, and it’s going to be a positive experience.
In the case of that younger guy, he said he was happy to have talked. But something about his tone was off. I picked up on it, but just filed it away. Sure enough..
In any case I did send one last message saying that I was moving forward with the couple, who were really happy that I did choose them. I just didn’t want to do it without letting that guy know that I was.
We had a situation, just yesterday, where we applied for a sit and we were the 5th App. The HO messaged literally 7 minutes later- “Do you have a car and can we do a video call this evening”? I said Yes to both and asked what time? & could he send his address so we could check out the area in advance. He replied- 3 hours later- with the address & call time 7pm. 7pm came and went without him even having read our reply- after 4 hours. We were getting irritated by his slow responses and I was sure he was busy checking out others while keeping us on hold- all day. Lo and behold at 7.15 he messaged saying “Apologies-we think we’ve found someone for the sit. However we loved your profile So please do look out for future dates” (internal..Grrrrr .. No mate- this was your one and only chance to have us as your sitters!!) I didn’t bother to reply, just cancelled our App and archived him. He didn’t even confirm the sitter till next day. I find that kind of attitude arrogant & dismissive. Some hosts do think they are something special and that we are lucky to get ‘chosen’ Disrespectful time waster.
I think (being charitable ) that often HOs possibly are caught up in ’work mode’ in terms of communicating and of course depending on culture/context/attitude their particular style can be pretty jarring. Different styles of making mutually beneficial arrangements is the space where a lot of decision making occurs both for sitters and HOs. I certainly notice ‘sales and marketing’ styles of communication and I myself can drop back into a headteacher mode which I have to be aware of…
Anyway the micro psychology that goes on in this space is fascinating, and open to much misinterpretation, leading to missteps misunderstandings and all forms of frustration.
He may have confirmed but the chosen sitter didn’t accept until the next day - you can’t see when a host clicks confirm only when the sitter “accepts “ does it become a confirmed sit .
Depending on how they set up their e-mail notifications they may not have received your messages immediately. There is definitely a delay in messages being delivered .
