So if your cat owned a mobile phone who would they be calling?
Maybe a Cat Helpline saying how hard done by they are? 
Their catnip dealer
Mine would be calling me every 10 minutes demanding I open a can of Friskies
Hello - is that the Dreamies Hotline?
Call to the vet to cancel all upcoming appointments.
Calling Great Escapesā¦
ā Hello, how quickly can you arrange for me to be sprung?ā
āHello, is that the Dog Pound? Yes Iāve got one here waiting for immediate collection! Happy to arrange a big donation to your company! ā
āPest Control? Finally! Yes thereās a big noisy bird here with grey feathers. Exotic type. Needs removing immediately and donāt let it talk you out of it. Donāt believe what is says about the abusive cat, itās clearly got polycarping excessivus Maximus!ā
Meanwhile the lapdog,while this is all going on, is busy on a laptopā¦
ā Hello is that Rewiring services? Yes I need a vasectomy reversal procedure. Thereās been a terrible mistake and someone got my wires crossed without me realizing. Iām born to be the leader of a big tribe. This āfixingā needs to be unfixed asap. Yes Iāll happily wait on line for prompt attention!ā
ā is that Trusted Housesitters? Please send me the sweetest old lady on your books who
has a steady 5 star average and gives treats out all day long. She needs to be an excellent groomer and stay at home sitter who loves a furry companion. The present owner is getting negligent and mean - easily distracted by other pets here. Can you deliver? Purrfect!ā
āHello is that Rodent Restaurants? Yes I want a big delivery of live rats and mice, regularly. Keep āem coming, as Iām worried I might become redundant soon! Yes Iāve got the address details right here!ā
"is that Churru palace? Itās me Jimmy, I need express delivery by today, 1pm, I know itās 12.45, but I have entered deep starvation mode already: Iām gonna take 38 of the pink ones, but the baby pink kind, not the dark pink, thatās for the dog, I donāt like it, it tastes like diet stuff 
. Add another 23 blue tuna melts, and 10 green salmon delights, give yourself a generous tip, oh for dessert, add 3 tubes of mackerel pumpkin latte, thanks boss, charge it to the account, letās go chop chop, 15 minutes and Iām out, I know you got my back, 
"
Calling Animal Control/SPCA because he can see the bottom of the food bowl. The owner is obviously abusive and neglectful and starvation is imminent.
And maybe arrange a special kind of appointment for the male dog!!
Dog poundā¦yep for sure my cats would make that call!!!
Theyād be calling the veterinarian and asking what their neutering appointment is about.
Absolutely dangerous! As a sitter Iām already subjected to much malicious bullying by kitties who use threats to get endless treats and side-splitting meal servesā¦.
I have found my clientās diaries and seen for myself how they enjoy messing with me (from going dark and causing panic, to fainting at my feet with hunger) and their cruel manipulation.
Also had a clowder of cats grab my phone and send message to parents begging for help -and laughing at meā¦
