Food in the fridge

Welcome & Getting Started
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It sounds like some folks are looking for warmth and appreciation. In those cases, the food and treats represent something and are aimed at a different kind of craving or hunger. Those folks are more likely to be let down than folks who just expect clean accommodations in exchange for pet and home sitting.

Personally, I don’t want gifts I could buy, even from folks I know and love. I’m picky and, when I see unwanted gifts, I would’ve rather people not wasted their money. But I do get that they’re trying to show warmth, appreciation or such.

Like one HO bought me some desserts I wouldn’t eat, so I brought them to someone else. Another homeowner brought me rum from their vacation destination. It didn’t matter that I don’t drink rum; they were being kind, which I appreciated. I was being kind when I bought their pets treats and food supplies that had run out. No biggie to me. It wasn’t as if they were taking advantage of me — they’d offer to pay for anything I bought — but I didn’t need everything to balance dollars and cents.

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I’ll be honest: I don’t expect food in the fridge, but I do very much appreciate it when homeowners are thoughtful and generous with food and other amenities. Having access to a pet sitter for free is a huge privilege. I love the pets I care for, and I voluntarily sit for free for several reasons: partially because I love animals and love their company, and partially because it allows me to travel and see new places.

I’ve been pet sitting for TH for eight years now and I’ve had a variety of experiences— most of them were very very wonderful. But I have had a few sits where it was clear I was being taken advantage of. A few owners have been unclear about how high maintenance their pets are (totally fine with high maintenance pets! I just need to know), and I’ve arrived to more than one sit where the home is not clean at all, to the point that I had to basically deep clean the home.

When I sit for people who ask me about my food preferences and are clearly looking for ways to show their appreciation, it simply feels good. That’s it. It’s not even about what they have to offer materially, but that they value what I am offering. Finding folks who will love your pets like their own is a gift. I don’t expect to be compensated, obviously, but it feels really good when it’s clear that I am appreciated.

I also know that having a place to live and pets to hang out with instead of paying for a hotel or airbnb is a very wonderful thing. Pet sitting is a great way to get to know a place! So again, I don’t expect anything in return. Even a note from a homeowner, or a couple lovely details, can go a long, long way. As a pet sitter I always leave the house in better condition than I found it, and often I’ll leave the homeowner homemade goods or some kind of treat as a token of my appreciation.

The great thing about TH is that we get to discuss these things with each other before confirming a sit. Through trial and error I’ve learned that I need to be very specific in the questions I ask, and I also need to be clear about what a good sit looks like to me and my own expectations. When I first started, I didn’t ask a lot of questions, but now I make sure I ask a lot of questions, and I encourage pet parents to ask me more questions. Unfortunately, I am also hesitant to take sits from folks who don’t have reviews or who are new to the site, because these have been the instances where I have had bad experiences. So, for pet parents who are new to the site, I encourage you to be generous in including pictures and writing about the pet and sit details, as these are green flags for me when pet parents don’t have reviews or are new. If I can tell they care about giving sitters all information up front, then I pretty much know they will be great to work with!

Wow, that was long-winded! And I did more than answer the one question! But I hope this helps!

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These sound like issues that should have been discussed before the sit. Did they tell you that they expected you to pay for the wifi before the sit? If not, that’s not cool at all.

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@unistasia
What questions do you ask the owners before you agree to sit?

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In some cases, perhaps. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar!

However, mutual generosity and reciprocity are natural and healthy aspects of humanity. The word ‘community’ actually derives from that impulse. The more detached relationships may be more straightforward, but arguably more clinical and objectifying.

There are probably more healthy and less healthy versions of ‘food and treats’ folks and ‘clean accommodations’ folks - like everything, really!

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How generosity works: It’s voluntary, not expected. By contrast, if someone is saying that they don’t feel welcomed unless a HO ponies up, that doesn’t even allow choice, really. It says, if you don’t provide me with X, you’ve failed.

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@Sunshine_G I totally agree
@Maggie8K you’re saying it’s wrong to feel disappointment when someone is not generous. One could also argue that it’s wrong not be generous. In the end it’s down to personal preference, but I think a community like this benefits from mutual kindness and generosity more than a cold, clinical exchange.

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Generosity is expressed by people how they choose — not dictated by the recipient. There are plenty of ways to be generous that don’t involve filling the fridge, for instance. Like my current HO set out a footstool, expecting me to not be able to reach stuff like they can, because they’re taller than many folks. A previous one had laid out a bunch of suggestions for things to see, visit or eat. Another HO introduced me to neighbors and friends, who invited me out. Those were generous impulses that didn’t cost money and weren’t prescribed by me.

For instance, at Christmas (if you celebrate such or similar holidays involving gifts), do you tell people they must give you a gift and what it should be? To me, that undermines the spirit of giving.

And note: The “cold and clinical” description is a straw man. There is no binary choice of welcome me with food or I’m not welcomed. Likewise with references to a lack of mutual generosity.

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@Maggie8K those are nice examples of generosity/thoughtfulness.

I’m not sure @andrealovesanimals was suggesting it’s binary?

Appreciation of food generosity might not necessarily mean deeper cravings, but I guess many people seek warmth and connection, which seems quite healthy to me.

Clean and efficient is of course quite healthy too, if that’s how people like it - and, I have occasionally experienced cold and clinical, though rarely!

Where there are strong preferences, it seems to work best when there’s a match…

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There’s this idea (I don’t know whether it came from a book by that title) of “love languages.” It boils down to how people express love in different ways. I haven’t read it, because this seems straightforward to me: If you’re able to recognize how people express love in their way(s), even if it’s not your ideal way(s), then you will be more appreciative of love and people. And if you demand or expect that they must express it in a certain way(s), you’re more likely to be disappointed and to miss out. I suggest that one of the great things about travel and meeting people is to take them as they come and to give benefit of doubt, which requires generosity.

To extend the idea: Looking for a perfect match in sitting means you’re guaranteed to be disappointed at various points, simply because of the variety of people and their backgrounds and personalities, customs in the world, etc. So maybe consider being more flexible.

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I wasn’t suggesting anything. I gave my personal opinion. I’ve never encountered an empty fridge and would not feel happy if I did. If others feel ok with that, it’s up to them.

And yes, generosity can be expressed in many different ways, including asking the sitters how they are doing, suggesting places to go etc.

Like others have said, there needs to be a match of personalities and ideas between sitter and home owner. For me for example it’s not essential to have the house absolutely spotless. I’d rather have it a bit messy but friendly rapport with the owners, rather than everything spotless with an empty fridge and short efficient exchanges with the owners. Obviously these are only two possible scenarios out of many.

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True… plus, when I first started I hadn’t considered enough the work hosts put into getting their home ready for a sitter. Especially when the sitter’s using the host’s room.

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Sometimes they leave eggs or butter or something that need to be eaten. I do not care if they leave the fridge empty, it’s their home! If they do not specifically tell us to consume something, we put their belongings in a bag and leave it inside the fridge.

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I ask them about their expectations, detailed questions about their animals (any anxiety issues etc), ask them about their experiences with pet sitters, home quirks, neighborhood quirks. I pay close attention to their answers and will ask more questions based on those. If they seem evasive, I will not book the sit.

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When we go away we give the sitter a $50.00 gift card to Publix. (local grocery) that way they can get whatever they want.

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@Sunshine_G Thank you for pointing this out.

I pay to have my apt professionally cleaned the day of a sitter’s arrival so it can be nice, glistening, and extra comfortable for them lol

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@Maggie8K

You are seriously preaching wisdom in this thread.

I I feel that you hit it right on the head. To feel valued and appreciated, doesn’t mean gifts or something that the recipient feels entitled to…

So because I didn’t give you food (which wasn’t part of the deal/terms and conditions of TH), you don’t feel that I appreciate you…

Eh, that just leaves a bad taste in the mouth.

Now to put it on the flip side, do owners have an argument to say that they don’t feel valued and appreciated if a sitter doesn’t provide gifts, pay for utilities, or do a deep clean of the home/apt?

I’m sure that some would say that’s ridiculous… The same thing could be said about wanting an owner to provide food.

It can work both ways here…

Mind you, I don’t ask my sitters to replace anything or to pay for anything extra. And if they bring their car, I pay for their visitor’s permit.

I guess as others and myself have pointed out - People just need to be clear and properly communicate their expectations BEFORE confirming a sit to stave off resentment and disappointment.

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@WingNut , this is off topic but every time I see your handle, I crack up. It’s great! I have the same reaction to @Fuzzbrain. Such funny screen names!

That is so generous of you to leave a gift card to Publix!

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In one of my sit the owners told me I could use everything I wanted in the fridge or cupboards BUT in the fridge there were only bottles of alcohol, in the cupboards a soup in a can and some cereals, literally only that food. In another one I arrived very late in the evening and after an hour of explications about cats and the sit they told me “we go to bed” (ah, they gave a glass of water). I was starving and luckily I had a protein bar in my backpack. Other owners left me fresh food and told to use whatever I wanted to use. It is always different… mostly I find food and when I leave, I do the same.

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That is very thoughtful of you and I do hope that it is reciprocated every time !
Thank you on behalf of sitters !

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