I’ve just confirmed a 3 week sit with someone who hasn’t had a sitter through the platform in about 18 months, and she’s had a total of 3 or 4 in the last 2 or 3 years since living in her current home. I’ve done more than 30 sits in the last 18 months, all glowing reviews. I’ve been asking her questions about things like a bicycle to use since she’s listed a bicycle as an amenity, getting around to see some sights, etc, and had already told her that I would take her wee dog with me on the bus wherever she could go, and have already said I don’t leave pets on their own for more than 3 or 4 hours total in a day as a standard, and I am 100% honest in that. Today she rang and in the conversation she had said she was worried about my “intention” in coming to hers, that I seemed focused on things I could possibly do whilst there (for 3 weeks) and was concerned I wasn’t going to be there for “my job” of house and pet sitting, to which I told her it goes both ways, people don’t travel to sits and pay to travel to sits JUST to sit around the house all day with the pets, they go to experience new things and places, and my 30+ reviews aren’t glowing because I’m neglectful of pets. Then she said if I wanted to back out of the sit (which starts in 3 weeks) that it was no problem, to which I said of course I don’t, and I’ve already booked my rail ticket and wouldn’t have done that if I wasn’t serious about coming!
Does this sound like a simple case of her being nervous because it’s been a bit since she’s had someone in? Our initial video meeting was great, she wasn’t neurotic and there were no red flags at all, I simply came to her with a couple of questions since I’ll be there for so long!
Sounds Like my marlow sit. I’d Run away! Can’t please Her… Entitled and not in the spirit of fair exchange. Can you get a Refund? It’d Be in your best interest….
Does she state on her listing how long her pet can be left alone? You sound like a great sitter and wanting to go out for 3-4 hours a day is not unreasonable. It’s probably pretty much the norm.
While care of the home and pets are the first priority for a sitter, the concept is based on equal exchange and sitters get a benefit as well, such as free accommodation and sightseeing in the local area. Wanting to be gone a few hours a day is totally reasonable–there was nothing that you seemed to say that would suggest you would be neglectful of your responsibilities.
I highly doubt there are any sitters out there doing this as some sort of altruistic desire to provide free pet care while people travel. I think most people understand this, and if a host ever seemed to say anything that suggested otherwise–as this conversation with her seems to have–I would not want to sit for them. I would not feel comfortable going into a sit knowing the host was already suspicious of me before I even got there.
Ultimately it is up to you. I would see this as a red flag rather than some expression of understandable nervousness, especially since she went as far as to ask if you wanted to cancel…she might have been hoping you would take her up on that offer so she would not have to be the one doing the cancelling.
If you decide to go ahead with the sit because you feel you are not in a position to change your plans because of financial reasons, you have some sort of attachment to the location, or whatever else, be sure you take full ownership of that choice. If things go sideways at all down the line in whatever form that takes from unpleasant conversations with her to a bad review, the emotional impact of anything ‘bad’ that may happen won’t hit as hard when you acknowledge you chose to go forward with the sit even if she said things that concerned you.
One very common thread I see in many ‘bad sit’ stories is all sorts of things happening prior to the sit starting that gave people serious reservations, but they forged ahead anyway.
If you back out now, you can maybe find another sit. If you dont back out now, you will worry till the day the sit starts, and probably as long as it lasts, that the host will suddenly kick you out. And that you get a bad review.
But the worst thing in my opinion is that now you two have lost good communication. From now on, you might double think every question you have: what if the host will misread it. And the host is suspicious of you, and will mistrust what you say. That would be exhausting for me.
I wouldn’t sit for anyone who didn’t trust me. That already puts you on the back foot, and if anything hiccups or goes sideways, things could quickly get messy or ugly.
@mikomeko you can’t cancel a confirmed sit, the HO has to do that, maybe you should explain “I have committed, spent money on transport and THS does not allow ME to cancel, only you can do that”. I wonder what her response would be in that situation. As others have said 3 weeks is a long time if you are uncertain.
I have turned the duration of my TH membership into a social experiment, so I am offering this as someone who only sits occasionally, but if you can afford to listen to your intuition and get out of the sit, I would. It sounds like an unpleasant dynamic’s already established between you and the HO. Lately, I noticed an increase in entitlement and a decrease in hospitality, and decided to stop engaging on any level with hosts I’m already questioning from the get go. Recent example, I found a great looking easy cat sit, had a fine exchange with HO on the phone, and at the very end of call I said “Just confirming you don’t have any internal cameras” (I have it written in 3 places on my profile ) She did have a camera and said “if it’s a real problem we can turn them off” …I told her I was put off that she didn’t disclose and it took me asking, so I was going to pass on the sit. She was surprised and I was relieved. I cant tell you how many times I have negotiated away things that felt badly, and this has cost me my comfort and often times self-respect on the sit. I know it’s different when sitting FT but there’s something empowering about saying no to a host who doesn’t get the nature of the exchange. Since TH doesn’t care about this stuff, it will be up to both sitters and HO’s to honor what feels good. Few weeks later I applied for a sit and before we even got on the call, the HO said to me “I saw in your profile that cameras are a problem. We have an Alexa for our lights but are happy to dismantle it.” So I guess I’ve challenged myself with trying to find like minded people and not compromising my expectations of how I want to be treated.
Similarly, my sitter profile includes my priorities, as well as a friendly heads up about THS dealbreakers. That includes internal cameras.
When I video chatted with an NYC host whom I connected with serendipitously today, they mentioned twice that they don’t have any internal cameras. And they did that without my asking.
Based on what you said, and without her version, it’s difficult to say. But some of things you do quote indicate she doesn’t understand the nature of the exchange and sees this as a job to the point where your inquiring about something she listed as an amenity is grounds for suspicion. Frankly, in your shoes if I could get out a credit on my fare, I’d back out. Life is too short for this nonsense. You might feel otherwise.
It’s hard to know what compels people to act the way they do. Is it just poor communication skills? Is it some confusion about the exchange model? Is it some self-destructive need to stir stuff up and create drama where none needs to exist? Did she have an actual bad experience with a neglectful sitter? Whatever the issue, you can’t waste your time on it.
If you do want to go through with this, I’d have concerns based on her asking you about backing out, that she might be thinking of backing out. So if my aim was for clarity that I wouldn’t be last minute cancelled by the homeowner, I’d request another video chat to work things out and clarify expectations.
It’s beyond me how some homeowners treat sitters. So far we have always trusted our sitters to be at home when the cats have to be fed. With our former cats this was very important, because they needed to have their meds. With the new and young ones this isn’t that important but we always trusted them not to be away for too long (more than 8-10 hrs). But even if this happened once or twice during a 3 weeks sit, we wouldn’t be thrilled but also wouldn’t complain.
Stay away from that sit!
We do have a small camera in the hallway, which I don’t mention in my listing, because it’s turned off anyway. We installed it last year to be able to see the kittens in the hallway before we opened the door to get into the house. They were 5 months old by then and very curious what might be behind this door we were disappearing through. Now that the kitties are old enough to go outside, we don’t use it anymore. As soon as new sitters come into our house, I show them that the camera isn’t plugged in, because I know they might be concerned.
With 30+ sits and glowing reviews behind you, this doesn’t sound like a capability issue.
From what you’ve described, it feels more like a homeowner who hasn’t had someone in for a while and suddenly had a wobble. When pets and homes are involved, even very reasonable people can become a bit protective and over-interpret neutral questions.
It’s not unreasonable to ask about a bicycle that’s listed as an amenity, or to mention wanting to explore a little during a three-week stay. Most sitters aren’t travelling purely to sit indoors 24/7 — we choose sits in places we’d also like to experience. That doesn’t mean the pets aren’t the priority.
If you want to test whether this was just a communication wobble rather than a deeper mismatch, you could try something simple: send a short follow-up message along the lines of, “Just to reassure you, the dog’s routine and wellbeing always come first for me. The reason I ask about things like the bike is simply to understand logistics for downtime — I structure my days around the pet.”
Her response to that will tell you a lot. If she relaxes and affirms, it was likely nerves. If she doubles down on suspicion or adds new concerns, that may indicate a bigger compatibility issue.
The fact she offered you the option to back out could just as easily be anxiety as accusation. Sometimes these moments are less about intention and more about reassurance.
Only you can gauge the tone, but from the outside this reads more like a trust wobble than a red flag — and those can often be steadied with clarity.
I very much get your concerns here; I expect I’d be asking myself the same questions. Unfortunately none of us here were privy to the exchange, the tone, & other nuances, so we’re all guessing as well.
I’m more on the same radar as @WeRPAWsome at this point. Most people really are reasonable, & she may just have the jitters & want to know that you’re not planning to be gone most of the day every single day. You have the option to exercise your obvious empathy by reaching out & smoothing the communication snafu if that’s what it is, as well as reassuring both of you before things go sideways.
If it were me & I wanted move forward with the trip, I’d send a message and/or ask for a call. I’d tell her that you’re still very much interested in doing the sit, but could feel that perhaps something was making her have second thoughts so you wanted to give her the opportunity to share her concerns so you could both be certain it was a good fit on both sides. Then ask her in a sincere/non-confrontational manner what her vision of a good sit/outcome would look like, and listen to her reply.
If her expectations are an obvious mismatch, you’ll know immediately & can tactfully & sympathetically agree it may not be the best fit, & cancel. Otherwise if everything seems reasonable, you can assure her that you’re on the same page: pets are first priority, & while you don’t plan to be house-bound for 3 full weeks and are sure she wouldn’t expect that, you’re also not planning to be gone every day/all day etc. Reassure her that you know it can be stressful having a stranger in your home & leaving a pet, and that you’ll treat them as if they were your own (just like all your past hosts can attest to, in their reviews.)
Wishing you the best of luck; I hope it works out for you. I hope you’ll let us know how it goes!
Just curious where you put that in your profile and how you state it. Like, “FYI this is against THS rules”, or more personal “I will not accept sits where…”? What do you list as dealbreakers?
Mine says “smoke free sits only please” and maybe I could add some other things after that. Like cameras, or… now I’ll have to have a think.
One of the hardest things I’ve learned in life is how to say “no”, especially if I’ve agreed to something and then the other person changes the plan. But since I’ve learned to stand up for myself, I’ve found that the other person often understands and there are no hard feelings. And if there are, you really didn’t need that person in your life.
I agree with @WeRPAWsome and @MerryPuppins that good communication is essential and helps prevent and solve lots of situations.
OTOH, in this situation, I understood that @mikomeko had already reassured the HO twice about their commitment to the pet care.
At this stage I am not sure if going over this once more would put the HO’s mind at rest or just continue a never ending cycle. My decision would be based on how badly I needed to do that sit.
My impression was that HO has changed her mind. I have a couple of friends who are completely unable to accept that they need or want something, instead, they phrase it as a favourable option. When I read that HO was “offering” to cancel because sitter was perhaps more interested in sightseeing it just rang a bell.
