Managing expectations - when things go wrong

Sitter Questions, Advice & Chat
1

My husband and I are currently on our second sit. I must add that this sit was agreed through another site, we have since joined THS and as new sitters are finding this forum invaluable.

We are having a very stressful experience. This has been a steep learning curve and we accept some responsibility for this experience perhaps due to our own naivety and inexperience, in that, with the benefit of hindsight there are many questions we could or should have asked but didn’t think of.

We responded to an advert on another site for “two very well behaved puppies 6 months old”

The ad had a Yes/No box for security cameras which was marked NO

We had a zoom call with the owner who stated one of the puppies was showing signs of being in season imminently and that it was expected to be over by the time we arrived a month later.

Upon arriving at the sit the owner had already left for her trip, leaving a set of written instructions and a handover with her partner ( who doesn’t live with her )

The first issue was the partner told us about cameras linked to their phones to monitor the pets, we hadn’t thought to ask about this on the zoom call as the ad stated NO. The devices are two way audio. We had an awkward situation, when the owner wasn’t happy about our request to turn them off, we eventually agreed that we would turn them back on if we went out.

The second issue was that the set of written instructions stated in capital letters and bold type “PUPS ARE NOT ALLOWED UPSTAIRS” and also stated that the female was due in season imminently and so they had to sleep separately downstairs.

The first few nights were a nightmare, the cameras were still on, we could not get the pets to settle at all, constant whining and barking for hours, and every time we came down to try to settle them we were conscious of the cameras on us in our nightwear , feeling like we were being watched.

After 3 hours not wishing to disrespect the owners rules nor the pets routine and feeling like we must be missing something, we came down and slept on the sofa with the pets separated in the same room with us.

On a call with the owner the next day after a rough night she confessed the NO PUPS UPSTAIRS RULE was her partners rule ( he doesn’t live there through the week ) and she had changed the notes to reflect his wishes because he didn’t want to encourage them upstairs. She “confessed” ( her words) to allowing the pups not only upstairs but ON HER BED when her partner is away because it is the only way she gets any sleep and can get up for work the next day.

We were furious , because our sleepless nights and stress could have been avoided had she written accurate notes.

For us there are three issues, the cameras, the fact the female had not gone into season as expected before we arrived and we had not been told about this, so upon arriving we were faced with dealing with this and the challenging task of keeping the pups separate at all times , and the inconsistency between her and her partner in sleeping arrangements, not reflected in our notes.

All of this has made it a very stressful time. We accept some responsibility for perhaps not asking the right questions, but feel very let down by the owner about what we perceive to be a lack of trust and transparency.

Suggestions from more experienced sitters appreciated, we still have more than a week left here.

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I’m sorry. I had a very similar experience, where the “rules” only applied to the sitter being there. In this case, it was a rescue dog with severe separation anxiety. Like you, I ended up sleeping on the sofa with him on the floor by me in his bed. (She had demanded he be “crated” overnight --it was only a small carrier and he was NOT crate-trained–and he wailed all night long. I alerted the HO after two nights of misery and she said “oh, I can’t help you.”). They’re considering their own convenience and comfort and not yours.

Without the “in heat” issue (UGH), I’d say the solution would be for you to state that you will revert to the normal routine (sleeping with you). I don’t know, though, with having to keep them separated. If one having to go to a kennel or another home makes sense, maybe that’s the solution.

On a separate note, I won’t sit a puppy again.

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@Katie , at the moment we have had a better nights sleeps by allowing the pups to sleep together on the landing outside our room. But the female is showing increasing signs of coming into season. They are siblings and the owner is very anxious the female does not get pregnant, it feels like a huge responsibility that we were not prepared for and I have told her that. She knew when she left for her trip that it had not happened and was likely to happen while she was away and did not forewarn us. We really feel that she should have let us know in advance so that we could make a decision about whether we were happy with that responsibility.

She does indeed seem to only care about how much this is affecting her and her partner and the pups and not considering the impact on us.

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Hi. I have no doubt that the generous THS forum community will share some suggestions. Hopefully this will give you some help and comfort. However, you haven’t mentioned contacting the management of the site this sit was booked through. I suggest that this needs to be done, and you need to clearly state your limitations to them. Make both the owner and the website management accountable for this situation, rather than you feeling as though you need to accommodate them. I realize the welfare of the pets is hugely important, but you are being disrespected. You have apparently contacted the owners, without getting any satisfactory solution. You should not feel uncomfortable about firmly stating your position. I hope things improve for you soon.

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Thanks Snowbird, we haven’ t yet contacted the management but intend to, we have written a letter to the owner first and sent by email and are currently awaiting her response.

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Oh, I think you’re being too generous in your consideration of the homeowners. It doesn’t seem to be reciprocated. Regardless of any resolution with the care of the pets, the camera situation should be immediately reported to management, in my opinion. However, of course it’s your decision. Remember you can only take care of others (the pets) if you first take care of yourself. OK, enough nagging from me :face_with_hand_over_mouth:

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@snowbird, we rectified the camera situation, we agreed with her that we would turn them off and then on again if we went out without the pups and that aspect has been reported to management ( before the first sleepless night ) we then agreed with her that the pups would sleep together on the landing outside our room and we have had a better nights sleep since then, but the female is showing increasing signs of coming into heat and it is likely they will very soon need separated, which we are not willing to do.

The difficulty we have is that we are travelling at the moment, our next house sit starts on the 18th Dec an hour away, and we have a limited budget for airbnb accommodation so we feel a bit stuck here, as we can’t just go home.

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It does sound like you’re doing all you can. I hope you at least ask for a glowing reference for your THS profile. You will have deserved it. Don’t feel uncomfortable prompting her to include how you went above and beyond for this sit. She doesn’t need to go into details, but rather just praise you for being responsible and reliable. Homeowners appreciate seeing that type of comment. I had an external reference (not THS) where I asked that they specifically mention that I cared for their Airbnb and they were fine with that. Keep in mind though that when they submit a reference, it basically can’t be edited (other than exceptional circumstances). On a brighter note, surely the next sit will be a great improvement? :slightly_smiling_face:

9

Rightly or wrongly we have asked her to consider a paid donation for the fact we have had to go above and beyond. I know this is meant to be a no money changes hands arrangement but she has made it clear that she doesn’t have many options for someone to help with separating the puppies and that getting someone to collect the female would be a last resort and would leave them both distressed. We have said that we don’t want her to feel that we will leave if she doesn’t pay us , as we won’t, we have committed to it and will do our best, but at the same time we would like her if she is willing and able to consider a paid donation for the additional stress and responsibility placed upon us.

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It sounds like you have been put into a very unpleasant situation where for one thing you have been deceived and the deception between a partner relationship. It is most unfortunate and there are probably not any questions that you could have asked to prevent this.
For now focus on managing as best you can. If sleeping on the couch has worked to quiet the pups, keep them separate and allowing you to get some sleep, keep doing that. Get through the week and keep the pups safe.
If you need a mental health break, take shifts with your partner.

Leave a blatantly honest review because this is unacceptable on many levels and if possible, let the admins of the site you used know.

Lots of great sits with great pets and people available on THS.
Best wishes

11

Thankyou, last night we slept okay because we have allowed the pups to sleep together upstairs, but it is likely the female will need separating from her brother before we leave. We will have to speak to her again, no response to our letter to her as yet. We have managed a couple of hours out at a local health club to relax and for a coffee. I’m going for a swim tommorrow on my own for some head space. I feel very angry. Thank you for your support

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Try to enjoy the pups and YES get out and do something that makes you feel wonderful. The day will come when this will fade to a memory.

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Hi @adamas we hope that you manage to resolve the ongoing issues and have a safe journey to your next destination and sit.

I’m going to close this topic now, you’ve received some great support from our caring community and for your peace of mind perhaps it’s time take this matter up with the Admins of the whoever this sit was arranged through.

Good luck with your travels and do let us know when you are on your next TrustedHousesitters sit.