@Purdie, I started problem-solving and looking out for myself early, because of crappy parents. I’m also much more logical than emotional. But I wasn’t born knowing how to handle this sort of stuff — it’s learnable.
Maybe useful to consider:
It’s much less important to please other people than yourself when it comes to those who try to take advantage. Who cares if they don’t like the answer? They’re not interested in what’s mutually beneficial — they focus on getting what they want. Don’t use normal nice behavior to deal with people who aren’t normal or nice.
It can be useful to say you’ll think about something, or to come up with an alternative option, but remember that, in various instances, you’re not obligated to come up with an explanation or solution, especially when you’re negotiating a THS sit. For example, “I’m not comfortable with that” or “Unfortunately, that’s not something I can accommodate” or some versions of that are perfectly fine. Full stop. If you don’t feel like doing X, that’s enough — you don’t need to justify it or argue the details of it.
Personally, I’m logical and play out scenarios in my head, game theory style — anticipate various outcomes, good and bad. I assume that if there’s going to be a mess or a jam, I will be responsible for dealing with it. I’m not too proud to ask for help if I can’t deal, but my filter is based on not necessarily getting it, which helps me screen out unnecessary trouble.
I typically look at only the first listing photo and then immediately start reading if I’m interested. Why: Looking at photos first can be unnecessarily tempting. Then you might make mental compromises to do the sit. I don’t allow that to happen. I first look for what I’m willing/unwilling to do. I read listings closely and try to read between the lines and listen for tone. If a listing reads off, I can easily skip it. Photos aren’t the most valuable info. The most useful info with sitting is about the responsibilities and the HO’s attitude, a lot of which is conveyed in what they write or not. If reading the listing gives me a good feeling, only then do I look at the remaining photos, for supplementary info.
I don’t hesitate to raise Qs or concerns and be judged for them. I’m not afraid of that consequence, because the alternative consequence — not asking and walking in blind — would probably be worse. I’m direct, because it’s logical, saves time and usually avoids problems.
I don’t live in fear of a bad review. I haven’t got any yet, but I assume that I’ll run into the wrong HO at some point. I trust that if someone unfairly dinged me, my other reviews would help put things in perspective. And if other HOs didn’t see it that way, I’d be better off not sitting for them anyway. I look for rational, fair people to interact with in life. Likewise in my career, for instance. It saves a lot of unnecessary grief. I’m not into drama.
And if people aren’t logical, why deal with them if you don’t need to? Illogical people are unpredictable, more trouble than they’re worth.
I also don’t want to sit so badly that I’d make compromises that end up making me feel that I didn’t stand up for myself or let anyone take advantage of me. Sitting via THS is a purely voluntary activity, after all. Why volunteer for regrets or other crap?
If you’re not feeling good about something, it’s perfectly fine to say so. In such cases, I’d just wrap up quickly and politely. Like, “This doesn’t sound like the best sit for me. Best wishes on matching up with the right sitter.” Then you’re done. Move on.
Some people worry about others’ reactions. But actually if your attitude is firm and yet neutral or polite, people are more likely to not mess with you. That’s because they look for signals about whom they can mess with — they want easy targets.
them 
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that sounds perfect