If anyone wants to make use of the mute/ignore function you can head to this screen, which you access by going to your profile, choosing preferences, then choosing users.
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You can also click on their user name, then click the name again to go to their profile and do it there. I find that’s generally easier to do in the moment just in case that’s easier for anyone else.
ETA: and I just realized you actually want to Ignore, not Mute as Ignore will actually hide the messages from that person. I don’t know what mute does.
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Support is subjective. For instance, there was a thread started by a sitter who felt that some hosts were biased against her and her son because of their race. A bunch of other members kept posting in ways that negated or challenged her lived experience. Some of those commenters are on this thread.
On that thread, many comments were what’s known as micro aggressions and yet that entire thread kept going with such comments even as I and a couple of others strived to support her.
I highlight this not to revive that thread, but to note that everyone’s idea of support is different.
Some people think support is just about being allowed to vent and then receive affirming comments, for example. On a forum, you’re not likely to get nothing but POVs that agree with you. If that’s someone’s preference, longstanding friends are the best source of that type of support, because you presumably chose them. In a forum, you start a thread and you’re inviting strangers from all over the world, varied cultures, different POVs and communication styles. And yes, some might upset you or rub you the wrong way. That’s the reality of life. If the comments violated terms, they’ll be moderated if you report them. And all of that is subjective as well.
What I find useful in life, not just forums, is removing whatever perceived tone or projection of intent (because there’s no way you can actually know that) and asking myself, could any of that be true, applicable or useful? If so, whoever commented has just helped me, regardless of perceived or projected intent.
By doing that, you’ve come out ahead. And that also uses intellect, rather than raw emotion, which is variable and can be triggered by others. That’s a choice and the more such muscles we build, the better it serves us in life, not just sitting. And if something isn’t true, applicable or useful, shrug, we also can use intellect to ignore.
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I prefer a forum where we can adress also the difficult topics of petsitting, whether it be as a host or sitter. To be able to discuss it here is really the only option for many of us, as a community of people who knows what it is about. I find feedback very valuable, and given in a kind way it can be a gift even if it is …. «accurate» and true. Just discussing with «a mirror» isn’t very interesting in the long run, and does little to broaden the scope. The most interesting for me is to learn from people with other views and insights than me.
The truth is worth having, but it has to be given as from a friend who wants the best for you. I would like to be truthful - but I don’t have to say everything that I think is the truth. In addition I have to acknowledge that several things can be true at the same time. We can both be right even if our truths seem to be in contradiction. With a backdrop like that it can be very insightful and interesting to share and explore thoughts and experience together.
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I agree, perhaps reader response is subjective. However, there have been downright nasty posts on these forums of late, and I choose to no longer engage with those members who appear to take pleasure in belittling others. Those are the posts I am referring to.
To be honest, I had no intention in participating in this thread when I read the original post but it has turned into an interesting debate and I love debates, I think they’re healthy.
Side question: Can I use OP both for Original post and Original poster?
Why didn’t I want to participate? because the term “support” is subjective and also there are different situations and types of topics. The threads I have opened were never intended to look for support but to learn from people sharing their experiences as well as sharing my own. There are other topics where the OP clearly states they want to vent, look for support or even a virtual hug. I feel most of the time they get what they are looking for from most of the posters on this forum and I see moderators step in with kind reminders of forum rules and etiquette.
I don’t understand support as blindly agreeing with someone’s point of view. I never expect that from my friends. It’s true timing and tone are important and sometimes it’s just a question of just letting things cool down before contradicting a friend. That’s not so easy in the forum because sometimes there are strong assumptions and assertions in the original post that may “heat up” debate with people who don’t agree with those assumptions.
I am going to use an example that works for both sitters and owners. I have seen several posts of people complaining that they don’t get enough protection from THS. Most of the time it is just one time posters who disappear and don’t even follow up their own topic. It can be an owner or a sitter, it doesn’t make any difference. HOs asking THS to check “professional qualifications” of sitters or sitters asking THS to go to every home and check they are safe and adequate for them. We all know how much we pay for our membership and can make a simple calculation if that would be enough to hire people going around checking homes and making interviews. I have even seen posts where a member expects THS to take action against the other party when they have given a five star review. More than once, I have read “I want it reported”
IMO there is no opposition between a debate and a supportive discussion. I’m not a native speaker, I might be wrong.
I fully agree with @Jenny
And appreciate this forum for creating that environment.
I have never flagged a post and I don’t think I will. In fact, when I see a post had been flagged it just makes me curious. Instead, I may remind the poster that the tone or the statement is a bit too judgemental of exaggerated. And I have apologised and/or edited a post when I have said something inaccurate or something that was taken in a way which was not intended.
I do appreciate moderators’ reminders although occasionally I don’t really know what posts they refer to.
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This is a really good point to raise - I wonder if the Forum team can be more specific when leaving thread reminders e.g. which guideline in specific is being broken - we do try and send a DM to users where needed but sometimes there’s just an overall negative vibe on some threads so it’s easier to do an umbrella message. I also want to make sure that we’re not publicly shaming anyone, as although we don’t tolerate guidelines being broken, we want everyone to have a fair chance at improving.
I’m going to have a think about how we communicate about moderation in discussions where there’s conflict, and see where we could improve things 
That’s very nice of you and I think it’s always good to keep finding ways of improvement. I didn’t mean it as criticism, though. Not even constructive criticism. I have no problem dealing with my own curiosity. 
I fully understand and agree that you
But it would probably be helpful to indicate
I once DMed a member to let them know about a guideline they were not aware of. They just edited their post and thanked me.
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Just by what you said right there is negative feedback. What your saying is ,ppl who worry about things that they have nothing to worry about. What you worry about may be different from what i worry about. So who are you to say i shouldn’t worry about something that you dont. Thats nice. Everyone is entitled to have worries and no one should feel that there worries are stupid, or not important.
Ahh no worries, I didn’t see it as criticism 
I’m just super enthusiastic about seeing where we can improve 
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I didn’t see that comment as negative. It seemed straight forward and logical to me. I might be missing something though … 
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I’m with @Gabba , I didn’t see that as negative from @pietkuip either. I think he’s totally right with what he said, we shouldn’t worry so much! But some of us do! I definitely do! But I didn’t read that in negative way, I read it in a logical thinking way… and then I read ‘molecules’ and it made me smile. Everyone’s different in how they read into things I guess.
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I could see where someone who tends to worry/have anxiety could see that as dismissive of what, for some people, can be almost crippling thought processes.
As someone who is NOT a worrier and who considers it wasted energy I recognize that I can sometimes find it hard to empathize with folks on the other end of the spectrum and frequently find them frustrating to be around. I do my best to be cognizant of this and not dismiss things that to me are minor but to them are major, but it can be difficult and I’m certain I slip up here and there.
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I’ll be honest pietkuip - I was surprised initially by some comments you have made but now I’ve come to realize that you can be brutally honest and upfront so it no longer puts me off. I now actually enjoy your comments Funny, you should ask “is this about me?” so you are obviously aware that you may rub some people the wrong way and I applaud you for asking that!
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I appreciate your words . Maybe i read into to much. Thanks.
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@Globetrotter
His new lady will calm him down 
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I’m new to THS and the forum and I hope the veteran posters don’t stop posting.
I’ve learned a lot from reading through tons of posts that have so much learned experience from those who’ve been using THS for years.
Us newbies need your knowledge!
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I now got asked if I was ok. For discussing molecules!
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I think THS is a bit of a Wild West
There are attitudes, emotions, desperations, worries, insecurities, surprises, and egos flying around. I have been shamed and I may have shamed others. Thanks for the reminder!
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