I’ve seen an uptick in people posting replies that completely discount or negate what an original poster is saying on multiple threads. There is a way to offer constructive, generous response without gaslighting or criticizing folks for sharing their valid experiences and concerns. This is very basic web and forum etiquette. People are posting about what worries them and they are being strangely berated and shamed, it’s a bizarre dynamic I never noticed before on these forums. Where are the moderators?
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I know what you are talking about. Most people on this forum are amazing and really helpful (you all know who you are!). However, there has been a couple of posts very recently where some of the comments were really hurtful to the OP’s, and I was surprised the moderators hadn’t stepped in earlier. Perhaps no-one had flagged it up with them.
If a question requires an honest and frank answer then that’s one thing, do it! Be honest, be frank! But if an OP’s being ridiculed when their post obviously suggested they were looking for friendly support, then supportive comments is what they should receive, and everyone on here should do us all a favour and click on the flag icon if a comment is hurtful to the OP.
This is a brilliantly helpful place in so many ways, let’s keep it that way!
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Is this about me?
When people are worried about stuff that is no reason for worries, I think the helpful thing is telling them that. For example about molecules.
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I don’t think it helps to encourage people to just “be honest”, because they take it as license to be blunt and discouraging and turn things into debates instead of supportive discussions, you know? Instead the idea is to keep things generative, supportive and constructive. As one poster recently highlighted, the forums are new and many sitters are able to use them for the first time to figure out the intricacies of sitting with group help.
But yes I agree with everything else you wrote 
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I don’t have an issue with bluntness and honest responses to my questions as sometimes it gives me a reality check that my thinking is off track. It’s easy to tell by the number of responses that a consensus is forming that may be at odds with my perspective.
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When I said that bit I had in mind those that ask for feedback on their profile, when we’re given the dogs-bed to sleep in, or when things look dirty, those requires honesty but I try to do it in a diplomatic way, there’s a way to do things. But I know that 's not the posts you were referring to. I was shocked at the hurtful comments recently! It’s nice to be nice
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I’m relatively new to THS. I’ve found the forum incredibly helpful. I’ve seen the odd off comment but in the main compared to a lot of FB forums and groups it feels in the main a very positive, friendly space and well moderated. However there is always room for improvement. It’s on us all to think carefully before we post replies as to how it could be interpreted by the original poster. As my mum used to say, “if you’ve got nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
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Hello everyone,
Thank you for bringing this up. It’s a topic with a lot of nuance, and while I may not be able to cover everything, I’ll do my best to address things. 
We understand that negative behaviour can occur on the forum, and it’s something we actively work to address. Dismissive or overly critical replies can be concerning and may conflict with the community guidelines we’ve always upheld. Our goal is to maintain a space where everyone feels comfortable sharing their thoughts, concerns, and experiences without fear of being belittled. At the same time, we also want to create an environment where difficult discussions and differing opinions can be shared—so long as they align with our Community Guidelines and Terms of Service.
When engaging in discussions, we should all approach conversations with empathy and respect, even when we disagree, and this is something that we often publicly address when a discussion gets heated. Different perspectives are welcome, but how we respond to them matters. We’d always prefer responses that are supportive and constructive, rather than dismissive, to keep the conversation open and inclusive. Sharing alternative viewpoints can and should be done in a way that invites dialogue, rather than shutting it down.
That said, we recognize that the diversity of our forum’s members means that everyone communicates differently. Some people have a more direct style that can come across as abrupt, while others might use humour that doesn’t always translate well in writing. A big part of our role as moderators is to welcome these different communication styles and help clarify any misunderstandings that may arise. We can’t control how someone reacts to a post, nor can we control someone’s style of communication, but we do our best to foster understanding where possible.
I encourage everyone to give others the benefit of the doubt, and if a conversation feels uncomfortable, sometimes it’s best to take a step back before responding, or even move on to another discussion. If you feel a real personality clash, you can always use the “ignore” or “mute” features to improve your experience.
The Forum team reviews negative behaviours when we see them or when posts are flagged, and we’ll take action when necessary. While we do our very best to read every post, we also rely on members to flag anything that might concern them. A lot of our moderation and management of Forum members happens quietly behind the scenes, so it may not always be visible, but rest assured that we are constantly working to provide a respectful, positive space.
Thank you all for your continued efforts to keep this community kind and supportive. our member’s contributions make this forum, and we appreciate your help in keeping it as positive as possible.
Jenny
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I agree 100%, and this behaviour does not suit my personality at all, so I have stopped posting here for the time being. Just adding a post to say that it bothers me too.
@pietkuip Not aimed at you. I appreciate your replies and I think they are never rude, just occasionally blunt and often funny 
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Amen! I have been shocked at some of the responses to things I and other people have posted, to the extent it just doesn’t seem worth it. House sitting can be a challenge, particularly for newbies who are finding their feet. The idea of having a kind and supportive community is appealing. Reading the abrasive, shaming comments that frequent this forum is not. Thank you @Hiya for addressing this.
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Yes, but there is a difference between being blunt and honest, and being downright nasty. I think the OP is referring to those comments that are intended to shame or otherwise hurt.
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Bear in mind that reader response is subjective. Emotional state can influence perception of the written word (in the absence of observing body language, tone of voice etc.) and, given that many posts on here are written when the OP is in a heightened emotional state (due to recent experiences), then challenges to their own viewpoints may be perceived as further criticism, when they are intended simply as a wider view of events, or to offer an alternative experience or opinion.
I think Jenny sums it up very well:
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I’ve missed a few days because I didn’t see the latest drama.
The written word on a screen is hard to create emotive and meaning especially with English as a second language and differing cultural humours BUT that said, good manners are universal. I’m quite blunt but very rarely am I outright rude or mean. When I first joined the forum earlier this year @pietkuip was the voice of reason. In a way I could respect and understand. Direct to the point and not wishy-washy mambypamby talk. I’ve seen trolls on this forum come and go, I’ve seen people find offence when it makes no sense (to me) to find offence BUT I’ve mostly witnessed humans trying to communicate to each other in their best way possible. On the whole this forum is a wealth of knowledge, a tool for connection and a way for travellers/sitters and hosts/pet owners to mutually benefit from each other and hopefully creating lasting friendships. Especially with the pets.
and thanks to @Cuttlefish I can only now see strawberryjam …lol
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When I first joined the forum I thought that @pietkuip was overly-blunt, even deliberately and unnecessarily confrontational (I hope he doesn’t mind me saying this 
) but the more I’ve read his comments, the more I realise it is his direct style, reflecting his culture and his life experience, and I’ve come to really enjoy his posts and value his point of view.
This is just one example of initial reader response, tempered by wider experience of the writer’s style. I genuinely believe that posts on here are not always personal, as one might initially believe, and most definitely is not ‘intended to shame or otherwise hurt’. They’re just alternative viewpoints, which we can all either take on board or ignore.
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Very good observation.
Everyone of us have different experiences pet sitting as well as life. There is no point taking any of this personal. I think they are called keyboard warriors, people who say things on forums but would never say such things to someone’s face. They are not worth the effort, ignore and carry on regardless. I used to be blunt and to the point if someone is being ridiculous in my opinion. Now, I ignore.
Some of the situations people describe here are absolutely horrendous but I can’t add anything to the conversation so I say nothing. When I can add another point of view I will. But I am not here to vilify situations that were easily avoided or unreasonable demands. Ive done some stupid things in life as well as pet sitting but I don’t demand the community comes up with a solution. I work it out myself.
As I keep saying, THS is a fantastic concept for us and the forum has been very helpful letting us grow and get better at what we do. The ideas and different perspectives have been eye opening and we have incorporated many of them into our pet sitting experiences. Keep up the good work.
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@Gabba @Happypets I’m not the OP, but JUST TO CLARIFY, the ones I noticed recently were not from @pietkuip , nor were they lost in translation, they were just mean and hurtful, one comment in particular was from someone who was new to the forum. @pietkuip is blunt now and again, but very helpful and very amusing the majority of the time. Where would we be without a touch of humour.
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I really hear you on this and this is part of why I have recently been reducing how much time I spend on here.
Overall, the forum has been of great benefit for me and the overwhelming majority of participants genuinely seem to wish to be helpful and supportive of one another.
There are however times where we could all live without the comments which almost invalidate and dismiss somebody else’s genuine experience. Yes, at times we all need to be able to hear hard truths but sometimes they can be delivered in a way that really lacks tact and can feel a bit patronizing and even undermining of the other person.
Because of this, I now think twice now about posting if I’m ever in a pickle on a sit, which thankfully is quite rare these days, as guaranteed there’ll always be at least one comment which somehow ends up adding to my stress! 
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Just a general reminder that you can ignore people in the forum. If there are folks that you have repeatedly had negative interactions with/reactions to, it’s worth considering muting them. It’s generally what I do as I try to mitigate stress in my life, in whatever form it manifests.
ETA changed mute to ignore as Ignore actually hides the posts.
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Bravo to that. Same here.
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