I was very taken aback by the response I received for getting in touch with a sitter to say I had chosen someone else (7 sitters applied and I sent them all a personal thank you for applying). Basically I was telling them they were good enough in that I said I would ask them next year, but obviously they are aggrieved and offended by my declining them. Is this something I should expect?
MY MESSAGE:
Hello (person’s name) Thank You both for applying. I have actually chosen another sitter but you look a lovely couple. Would you be interested if we go away for longer next year (nothing as yet planned) as you are a long way down the road. If so will keep you in mind. Kind regards
THEIR RESPONSE:
Their reply was rather blunt saying if they have not been chosen this time why would they want to come next time/be good enough next time (exact reply not posted to protect their identity and personal information)
It is probably better not to ask a question (“Would you be interested?”). Just telling them that you will keep them in mind should do.
Then they do not need to respond.
(On Couchsurfing, it was not uncommon to get rude or even aggressive responses. That is why many hosts there pressed the decline button without any text, avoiding interaction that might be nasty.)
Hi @CarolT. I would say it is an unusual occurrence. Most sitters, I am sure, would have welcomed your individual response and felt warmed by your question suggesting a potential future sit. That’s if they are genuine, reasonable folk.
When these things happen, it can feel jarring. But it’s actually a good thing that their behaviour/response revealed to you what they are really like when things don’t go their way. They sounded pretty rude tbh…
Now you know, you can choose to avoid them, if you feel that is not a good fit with you. Better to find this out sooner rather than later.
You did all the right things. Including the Q of a future sit. I would have really appreciated that if I was disappointed at not being selected. So keep up doing all the nice and right things and enjoy your THS experience. This forum is great for support and perspectives.
No, this is not something you should expect. That was very rude of the sitters. I would never send such a message to a HO who declines me, and would immediately rule out that sitters for sits in my house in future.
Your message was perfectly fine and written in a nice way. I have frequently received similar replies and even gone on to sit at another time. I have always replied back in a nice, polite way. It isn’rt always easy to decide and sometimes I have applied, after the owner has been comfirming things with somebody else. One sit I was initially turned down for, was later offered to me, as the first choice, still had not confirmed after a couple of days and had seemed very undecided.
Do carry on with your very nice replies. At least that way, you will know who not to invite back for your next sit.
Wow! I would have been delighted to receive your message. How bizarre to be offended that someone likes your profile enough to invite you a future sit! I don’t think their behaviour is typical at all. I have been declined for several sits and am always happy when a homeowner says they liked my profile and would consider me in the future. I think your message is even better because of the way you asked the question, it came across as very sincere.
Diplomacy is an art! People are offended, it’s human nature I’m afraid, when you use terms like “I have actually chosen someone else” sounds quite condescending! and “will keep you in mind” also quite condescending.
I’m sure you meant well but diplomacy is important when telling someone you don’t want them!. I have had to send many messages saying the same thing but without offence.
The trick is to let people know that their non selection was because of anything other than you preferred someone else!
An example perhaps: “I’m very sorry but I have to decline your application as the person I have agreed to come and sit had contacted me before I received your application”. There are many ways to tell someone you don’t want them, but politely!!
I had an opposite reaction. I was down to a choice between two sitters with whom I was doing videos. One was not that far away in another state and coud come by train. The other was across the ocean but was spending a few months at an internship and my sit worked perfecty between two other NYC sits. The more local sitter told me that to pick the one between the sit because it sounded like she “needed” it more and it was perfect for her. Of course both sitters are on the list of people I’d check with before publicly listing.
Hi - many thanks for your application but unfortunately you haven’t been successful this time- but please apply again if you see an invitation from us - best wishes
Didn’t like it at all. It sounded like a job interview rejection. They later asked me if I was still interested, maybe someone cancelled on them, but I said I had taken another sit, which was actually true.
I did use the words “but you look a lovely couple…”
and the fact I would keep them in mind for the future rather than a complete brush off?
Well, overall this has been a learning experience. Thanks for your comments.
@CarolT
I think your reply was nice. Personally I would have felt good about it and I would have continued the conversation about a possible future sit. But hey, if these particular applicants get offended that easily, you’re better off not dealing with them anyway.
I’m sorry the sitter was rude in their response. At least you know you dodged a bullet by not choosing them.
Sitters only apply to sits they think will work for them. They apply carefully after reading the listings. They choose among thousands of listings. They constantly reject listings for reasons that aren’t personal.
Homeowners have the same right to choose. When I apply for a sit, I’m always thrilled if I’m accepted, but I would never take it personally if I wasn’t. I get the myriad of factors involved and that it’s not personal. No sitter is forced to apply to a sit they don’t want. No homeowner is forced to take a particular sitter. I’m also a petparent. If a sitter reacted negatively to my declining them with a note letting them know I’d consider them for a future date, I’d take this as a reflection on the sitter, not on me.
The first listing I ever had, I wound up talking to two of applicants. I chose the more experienced one, but connected well with the less experienced sitter. I had another sit coming up a month later and chose the previously rejected sitter for that sit. Had she reacted negatively to not getting the first sit, she never would’ve gotten the second. Both of those sitters wound up with repeat sits for my cats.
All it does @CarolT is rule them out for the next time. If they didn’t like your polite message and can’t be courteous in return about their lack of success then they’re not the sitters for you. Lots of HOs don’t bother to message at all and then, some that invite you specifically, when you send a “thanks, super kind but not available as already booked” they ignore you as their response:flushed:. #peopleadeweird
Really nice that you wrote to them all personally as not every home owner does. However, if you’ve said that to the unsuccessful ones you might not choose them again next time as there are still several. As @pietkuip says, pointless asking that question.
Yes you did say “but they look a lovely couple” it’s the way a compliment is framed that makes it a compliment or not! and as someone mentioned you did reply to them and not everyone does. Quite obviously your motives were for the good, perhaps they were too sensitive but I do see why they would have felt a little annoyed at your message.
All the best for your sit.
It sounds like a generic cut and paste job that they send to everyone, so impersonal. Previously, when HO contact us to ask us to sit, I prefer to see our names on the message, not just a cut and paste job
Don’t take it to heart.
Maybe they were having a bad day.
Maybe they’re just ornery people.
You did the RIGHT thing sending a note.
Adding that you’d be interested in using them in the future?
That’s very thoughtful.
I think your response was just fine and appropriate. While I understand the disappointment when rejected for a sit, their response was completely uncalled for.
I’ve had a couple instance where we weren’t chosen on a sit but we later sat for them. One had turned us down with a positive message and later contacted us when they original choice bailed on them. The other went with an experienced sitter but remembered us for a sit they later listed. That resulted in a wonderful sit and we’re heading back for a repeat month long sit over the Christmas holidays.
I believe the sitters response was very rude but showed you a lot about them and I think you dodged a bullet with them as they showed you their true character.
Dan
I am a sitter myself, that was unkind of the sitter to respond back to you like this. You want someone who would continue to respect and acknowledge knowing that you’re in good hands as you have someone to care for your pets while you’re traveling. You want to be comfortable with a sitter knowing they will really care for your fur kids.
Your wording is actually good. There are many ways to word it out kindly. Another idea to word it could be, “Thank you both for applying, after reviewing multiple (or few) applications we have chosen a sitter however, I hope you’d consider next time I go on vacation.” Something like that but again your wording is fine. If it offended someone, then that someone could show signs (possible red flag) that you might deal with something during their stay with your pets. Again, You really want to feel comfortable with the person based on how they communicate with you. You follow your instincts and heart.
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