Children visiting during house sitting

Sitter Questions, Advice & Chat
21

@Mokina As you can see there are as many who find this unacceptable as those who can work around it.

Everyone has said “go with your gut feeling” and I agree wholeheartedly. If you like the area and length of sit, then fix in writing how it would work if one/two children (hopefully adults only) return.

I wouldn’t be put off the sit if it was the pet care, area and length I wanted.
However I would want written agreement that if one child (or two) I would vacate the house moving to the annex for the remaining time and cease all pet responsibilities at that point. The sit would essentially be over and you would be free to look for another sit or move on. Same conditions as if the HOs needed to return home before the end of the sit IMO.

Up to you. You have said that it might not happen at all, and that you’ll only know a month or so before the sit.

Please do come back here with what you decide, you’ll have the community support either way. I hope it works out as you want.

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22

I wouldn’t want access to the premises where the children stay, not even when they are not there. I can only accept being accountable for myself, not others.

I would only accept the sit if the granny flat is completely separate and the pet (you only mention one) can stay there with me for the whole duration of the sit.

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23

No, if it happens to be a self contained annex/flat with a separate entrance, which is what a granny-flat would imply to me in England, the third party rule doesn’t come into it, but the OP is in Dublin so until they let us know whether it’s self-contained granny-flat then we don’t know that for sure, but I’m pretty sure Dublin would class a granny-flat as a totally self-contained place too.

But it all sounds like a little bit too much hassle to me.

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24

How is the sitter enjoying solo access to the listed home? They are either sharing the main home with 1 child or going into the granny suite because both children came home. It’s nonsense

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25

If there are all of these concerns, considerations and questions before the sitting has even started then you can multiply those once it starts.
A big No from me too.

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26

If the OP is interested in pursuing further, they should definitely ask for specifics. In various places, some guest quarters can be self-contained. Like a “granny flat” implies separation in many circumstances. And maybe in that case, there’s no sharing of the main house.

In my own home, we recently had a mother-in-law unit added. We intentionally had it built so it could be self-contained, with its own entry, bedroom, living room, bathroom, kitchenette and such. It even has access to its own washer and dryer and parking if needed.

Some folks build such units for convenience as well as separation, potentially for guests, a nanny, in-laws, etc.

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27

She asked how we would feel. I said I would be fine with that. I’m me, and you’re you. And in the end, and considering all our different input, she will decide what she is comfortable with and what she is not.

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28

No, they aren’t going to be sharing the main home at all, that is not what the OP has said.

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29

You are correct, I rescanned the first post too quickly. It does seem to be a bait and switch as per @Maggie8K 's observation

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30

I saw it a slightly different way :heart:, I think they’ve got grown up kids, who have probably only just decided to let their parents know what their potential plans are, because that’s what grown up kids are like, so the parents/owners are probably just trying to find a potential solution to their own already agreed holiday plans :rofl:.

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31

Strong possibility

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32

Duplicated post.

33

I totally agree. Whilst my viewpoint is at odds with yours, i recognise that we’re all different.

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34

Timing wise, according to the OP, things unfolded quickly:

The hosts “came straight back” to set an online chat to discuss X — their alternative needs involving two kids.

To me, that sounds like bait and switch, but of course other folks can interpret differently.

Personally, I did have a confirmed sit where the host came back to me months later (before the sit started) and said their grown son unexpectedly moved back in and would overlap for part of my sit. We had a quick and friendly chat and I said I could sit alone or their son could take care of the pets and we’d cancel the sit, no hard feelings. We ended up canceling.

Plans change, life surprises us, etc. Good to be flexible and show grace, both hosts and sitters. But if circumstances smell fishy, to me, giving benefit of doubt often is a good way to get taken advantage of.

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35

Nnnnnooooooo waaaayyyyy

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36

@Mokina
As you can see, lots of thoughts on this.
I think most people are curious to know if the “granny” flat is indeed a completely separate unit with no shared space.
If there is any shared space with a 3rd party it goes against THS rules - whether they are family or not, whether they once lived there or not.
Everyone needs to decide for themselves where the line in drawn.
I learned the hard way that my privacy is extremely important to me and I have zero interest in bumping into anyone I did not arrive with in the kitchen in my jammies with crazy hair and no bra, no make up when I go feed the cat/dog - or have someone walk in while in a somber mood watching something sentimental on TV…or having them watch me fumbling around in the kitchen looking for some item I can’t find -
For me, these are all intensely awkward moments I do not want to share with a stranger…even if it is or was their home.

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37

So there is a chance that they won’t need you at all.

Apart from the third-party considerations, I would not want to risk being canceled on a month before the sit.

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38

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39

Thank you all for your comments.

I also believe in trusting our gut’s feelings, although sometimes it’s difficult to know if the feelings are genuine or if perhaps there is some fear in leaving the comfort zone. Either way, it is always good to hear other people’s experiences and thoughts.

Just to clarify some points, the sitting would go ahead if one or both the children would be there.

The little house is separate, the garden where the pet spends most of the time is shared.

The children are grown up, they are College students. I don’t know if the child would have access to the main house or not, it hasn’t been discussed.

I don’t know where the pet would stay, but this is a big one. Also it shades a lot, it requires daily hoovering. If it had access to both houses it would be a massive work to be done.

When during the call I heard that if both children come home I should move to the granny flat, I felt very bad. I’ll be driving 1200+ km to reach their home. I’ll be given the possibility to spend a long time in a Country which I love where I won’t have to worry to pay a rent and I feel grateful for this, but I’ll also provide a service. Staying in an external unit for me, it sounds like being excluded, like being a servant or similar, no matter how beautiful the accommodation is.

Also being asked to move out, no matter how kindly has been said and what are the reasons behind, it just sounds like get out of the way and give space to other people who have the right to stay while you don’t.

The PP very kindly invited me to stay for a few days before and after the sitting. Of course I would be delighted in staying in the small house in these circumstances so that we can give each other’s privacy, but it is a different story from the sitting.

I think it should have been highlighted on the listing. Most of the accommodations I see on listings are in the main house, I’ve seen only very few ones where sitters are accommodated in an external unit. I’m not one of those applying for it, but I know many people are more easy going than I am.

Anyway, I had the answer within me, although I wanted to sleep on it. The day after I sent a message explaining all the reasons and saying that with regret I would decline the offer.

I thought they were going to accept it and that I was going to move on, instead… I got a message where I was told that they totally understand and said that maybe if I could stay in the smaller house since the start, it would make more sense and I wouldn’t need to move out… I thought, they don’t really get it :roll_eyes:

Today I got another message where they sent me the video of the smaller house. It was built for the grandparents, despite being smaller than the main house, is quite big, clean, beautiful and all that.

They’re telling me that child n. 2 won’t go home for sure. Child n. 1 could go home and be happy to stay in either house. They’ll know only shortly before the sitting starts. The sitting would go ahead anyway as child will be busy on Summer job.

They’re saying that the other applicants are happy to stay in the small house, but they’re also saying that I’m their first choice.

How flattering it can be, in some way it is getting more complicated… I thought, despite with some regret, that I was this sitting behind my shoulders. Instead, I can see that they’re trying to work it around, but still I wouldn’t feel comfortable.

This is a Country that I know quite well as I lived there for many years and I just “escaped” when the housing crisis started dramatically. People are improvising tiny granny flats in their back gardens and charge tenants very high prices. It has become normal to share space with strangers.

I have my experience in sharing flats when I was younger, but now at my age and on my life path, I’ve become more private. Also in the Country where I’m living now, we have many problems but luckily we all have a home and we don’t need to share renting with other people.

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40

Well that sounds like you’ve came to a firm decision on your side. When you first applied you were probably very excited and motivated, and now, because things weren’t as straight forward as it first appeared, it’s probably dulled your enthusiasm for the sit, and that’s totally normal. It sounds like they really wanted you, which is lovely, but I wouldn’t sit if my enthusiasm wasn’t still at the same level as when I first applied.

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