Thank you. Yes, I’ve really pondered how to approach the response to her review. I want it to be measured and factual, while also indicating to future sitters that they should not expect this to be a mutual arrangement. As for silence, that is also a legitimate option. The people I have shared the review with (including one lovely homeowner who has become a close friend) have all said it reflects terribly on her, so I may allow it to speak for itself.
I will be taking my first proper break from sitting next month, so perhaps I will feel quite differently afterwards, but this experience has really knocked the wind out of my sails!
This was a red flag, If the home owner kept messaging me months before the sit I would have cancelled it. I love house sitting and I don’t mind speaking with people, but I am not there to provide technical support with their pets.
Also, I would not respond to their review etc., the house owner made it clear she is unreasonable and it will affect her more.
Good luck in the future and hopefully you can vet these kinds of house owners out better so you don’t get taken advantage of.
It’s important to reduce the power this host has still got over you. Visualisation can be very helpful. Sit opposite an empty chair and imagine her sat opposite you. Say all your things out loud to the chair, and as you speak your truth imagine her shrinking on the chair like Alice in Wonderland until she’s so tiny you can hardly see her. To make it easier write her name on a piece of paper ahd put it onto the chair. Rip a piece of paper away each time you say your things….i know it sounds weird but it’s a powerful thing to do. Eventually you’ll smile and laugh as you put the ripped papers in your bin. .
Thank you for these suggestions, they are really powerful. I considered writing a letter to her and burning it, something I have found conducive to letting go of relationships in the past. I have posted a brief but assertive response to her review and hoping to draw a line under it all now and focus on more positive things.
Interestingly, her listing has been removed by THS as there were some concerns around her latest ad, so I’ve no idea whether it will be reinstated. I hope, for the benefit of future sitters, it remains inactive.
A huge red flag. I consulted several people about it as the sit approached as I was tempted to cancel. They all said I should walk away or, ‘you know what to do’.
Unfortunately, I felt it was too late to make alternative arrangements for the four month period and I didn’t want to let the HO down. If that happened now, I would feel quite differently.
The main issue with the sit was the expectations placed on me as a sitter, and the lack of boundaries, reciprocity and respect for my time. I felt as though I was expected to be at the HO’s beck and call as early as six months prior to the sit. She defended this excessive communication in her response to my review as ‘building a friendship and rapport’ which it absolutely was not. I think there is a vulnerability in being a full-time sitter as it’s difficult to say no to a homeowner, even if their expectations are beyond unreasonable. However, after this experience, I won’t have a problem putting my foot down in the future.
I don’t think this is a sitter problem. I think you personally probably let people take advantage of your generosity. I don’t mean that as a criticism, some people simply give more than others, and this is a genuinely good lesson in learning to stand up for yourself. You bring real value to a house sit. You’re worth knowing that, and worth the homeowner knowing it too.
Going in with that mindset changes how you respond when a homeowner keeps adding more requirements. You push back. In most cases, if it doesn’t stop, you cancel.
We’ve all had bad sits. For me, those were genuinely the best learning experiences I’ve had, they taught me exactly what I’ll push back on next time, and exactly what I won’t accommodate again.
You deserve the best sits out there. Look after yourself first.
Thank you, I needed to read that. You’re right it’s not a sitter problem. Some sitters have no difficulty putting their foot down, as they should. This sit has revealed a lifelong tendency to people please and put others’ needs first, and I think this particular dynamic brought that to the fore. I struggled to say no to the homeowner’s unreasonable demands because I was in her home and because I didn’t want it to be reflected in a poor review. It felt like a precarious position but I realise that for another sitter, it may not have been.
It’s an interesting discussion worth exploring, just how much people learn about themselves whilst hosting/sitting. I’m reminded of my Camino de Santiago trek across Northern Spain in 2016, not so much a pilgrimage more a shedding by the roadside of things I no longer needed to ‘carry’ both literally (everyone takes too much stuff) and psychologically (I was a Therapist).
As a sitter you took ‘stuff’ into this sit which you’re now shedding maybe. For this alone it’s a positive experience, the Universe metaphorically speaking has sent you what you needed.
Just think, you’ll never need to do that sit again ever!
Thank you for your honest review! It means so much to the rest if us out here.
Behavioural responses, like the pet owners, fall under a sociopathic category. Thank you for protecting us!!
My last two sits on THS have had so many undisclosed issues yet both had only five-star reviews, with sitters effusively thanking the homeowners for choosing them. There is no way they didn’t also encounter the issues I did.
I understand wanting to keep the peace to an extent, but I think we need to move away from five-stars being the standard and be more honest about our experiences. I was adamant I wasn’t going to censor myself.
You are doing a great job of evaluating what happened in this situation. These types of situations can really throw us off balance! I agree with this HO having some serious narcissistic tendencies. The good news about having this experience, and now sharing with the rest of us, is we can all be a bit better equipped regarding potential red flags. Keep healing from this traumatic experience! Don’t let her bring you down anymore.
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