Forgot to ask…”When are you leaving?”

Sitter Questions, Advice & Chat
1

I am 58 y/o male and went for my first sit. My wife and I have used sitters in our home and it has worked out great. My wife was going to come but had to cancel due to work. HO was fine with that. She told me to arrive 5pm which I did. She showed me around then said she had dinner for us. (This was Valentines Day). I said she didn’t need to, but she insisted. During dinner she informed me that I could sleep in the master bedroom and she would take the guest bedroom…I had no idea she was going to stay. This felt uncomfortable for many reasons. Dinner and stay over on Valentines away from my wife for one, second, she doesn’t know me from anyone…a stranger in your house for the night? It felt very odd but I did not say anything and rolled with it.

SO…my lesson learned is to always ask when the HO is leaving.

I must say this woman who was a little older than me (I think!) was the sweetest person with the greatest intentions and I liked her very much. I did tell her afterwords that I felt it was inappropriate for me to stay and she said she would probably not do that again.

2

We have sitters stay over the night prior routinely. One, to get to know to dog while we are home. Two, to ensure they don’t encounter any travel delays (not needed if it was local).

We don’t find it odd though I do understand the weirdness because it was Valentine’s Day.

She seemed gracious in offering (what I assume to be) the more comfortable master. We just have the sitters stay in the guest room.

3

I always ask hosts during our video call to send me their departure and return info in writing and I ask them to tell me when they’d ideally like for me to arrive – not because I’ll automatically be able to do that, but ideal is a starting point in case further discussion is needed.

I mention that I’ll make travel arrangements AFTER they send me their travel times and welcome guide. Works well to motivate them.

And I’ve never been surprised by any hosts’ departure or return, or by any overlap.

4

It is actually quite common to have sitters stay the night before–sometimes a host is leaving very early the next day, sometimes the care of the home and pets may be more extensive and having some time together can help things go more smoothly. So I don’t think she did anything outright inappropriate. Also, some hosts might have another overlap at the end of the sit if they have a really late arrival.

But some sitters are not comfortable doing these overlaps and they may opt to either spend the night in a nearby hotel at their own expense –asking the host to cover the cost when they are offering you a room in their home would not be appropriate I think–or opt out of doing such sits completely.

And if people are for the latter option, it is probably best to ask the host right upfront in your application message to confirm the dates they are leaving and coming back. This will be a good time saver if this is one of your ‘dealbreakers.’

This is a good example of the learning curve of sitting. Being new, you probably did not think to ask about such a thing as I think it is common to assume the start date is when the host is actually leaving. And she may not have thought to mention it though it would have been good to do so. Now you know for the future

Good luck on future sitting adventures!

5

All our sits involved dogs and we stayed over with every HO the night before they left. All had a separate guest room so the space to do this. It is kind of weird initially, but I do prefer that kind of handover with dogs. You have learnt something with your first sit and no harm done.

6

You sound like a true gentleman. There aren’t many of us left. I would have felt the same.

7

The specifics of your story do seem weird to me mostly because she offered the master bedroom to you while she is there. If she simply offered you the guest room I wouldn’t feel this is weird at all. But since it wasn’t discussed upfront during all the planning stages, I can see why the whole situation made you uneasy. My husband and I are about to do our very first house sit, we started out as homeowners and we still are homeowners here. I asked a lot of questions about the planning on the front and back and during the end of our interview chat where it was decided we were the chosen ones to be the sitters. Thankfully, we won’t be sharing a roof with anyone. Personally, I would pay for a hotel before I share a roof with strangers, but that’s just me. As for our house when we need Sitters, we are lucky enough to have a separate one bedroom Casita on our property and we let our Sitters use it on the front end and back end as needed, as long as we don’t have a renter out there. At the end of the day, this seems a very personal choice on the part of both the Sitter and the homeowner for every single scenario. I would think that the size of the house and the layout of the house would also play a factor, and we have a very small house so sharing the roof Here is not for me. In due time, I very well may change my mind as a homeowner. Sometimes things don’t play out as I like, so I’ll do my best to keep an open mind if a situation arises where there doesn’t seem a better choice but to share a roof with strangers. Strangers who I am willing to let care for my house and my pets by the way… I know it seems kind of dumb right?! :melting_face:

8

I have overlapped with several owners in different sits (single men, women, couples, families …) No problem for me. I have actually enjoyed the interactions but it has never come as a surprise. We have always discussed the hand over arrangements in advance. I understand it must be weird to be caught up in an unexpected situation.

9

I understand your particular situation might have felt weird. Glad it worked out. Something to ask about for future sits – and yay for having done your first one, by the way!
I’ve really enjoyed night-before/after with HOs and met some lovely people, had nice meals and plunged immediately into great discussions where it seemed like we’d known each other for ages. I feel a bit odd coming in without meeting the people for the handover, but I gather it’s pretty common.
On my first sit the HO moved into the guest room – I guess, thinking it would save me having to move rooms/do laundry etc.? as she had offered the master. 2 ladies, so less uncomfortable. :laughing:

At least, you will have some more things on your “list of stuff to ask” for future sits. :slight_smile:

10

Until I read in the forum about some sitters not being comfortable with overlaps, I never thought of them troubling anyone.

Most of my 27 sits have included overlaps. The few that haven’t have involved cats.

Some overlapping hosts have offered me the master bedroom, because it’s the nicest. If you’re overlapping by a night, it can mean not switching rooms for the duration of your stay if they just put you in the master bedroom from the start.

Of course, everyone has their individual preferences and comfort zone.

Personally, I have no trouble overlapping with hosts, whether solo men, solo women or couples. In one case, my hosts even had two friends stay over the night before, because the couple drove from a few hours away and would be flying out with my hosts early the next morning. In another case, one of their sisters was visiting and was flying out the next day, as my hosts would as well.

In all cases, I’ve had pleasant meals/conversations with folks. No big deal.

11

I do feel more appreciated when hosts offer me the best bed in the house: especially if I am anyway sleeping in that for the duration of the stay.

My example is not directly fitting, but I took care of this very needy dog (0 time alone), and the hosts returned at 11pm, so I stayed one overlapping night. It was obvious to them that they sleep on the couch in living room, and I get to keep the bed. I find this obvious but also thoughtful.

If I was a host, I would also find it easier to prepare the master bedroom for the sitter when I have time, instead of in a hurry in the morning of my departure. The guest bedroom I can just leave and deal with when I return.

In general I am very surprised to hear stories where there is a surprise overlap. I dont mind any overlaps that are reasonable (done for the needs of the pet: I once sat this very traumatized dog who needed three days to get used to me). I would worry if host has so little knowledge of THS that they dont realize that not all sits have overlaps, and they need to tell me if theirs does.

This whole gender thing I dont get: I dont look at people as on/off romantic partners, so it does not matter to me if I sleep in a house of a single man. Sure, I am not monosexual, but so most people can understand it even easier: if there is a group of people who you would never consider as romantic partners, just add your hosts/sitters to that category and you have to wonder no more!

12

New THS HOs definitely have a learning curve. With each sitter we have hosted, I learn a little more. Just as I imagine I am about to have a learning curve as a new THS sitter. With all the personalities and cultures around the world there will be plenty of people who do not not align on opinions, habits, comforts of life. I see it here each time I scroll the forum and enjoy learning about all the sides.

13

I like your approach. I like to know when the host is leaving/arriving so I can plan accordingly.
The problem is when they travel by car, because they usually don’t have to stick to a specific timetable, and it´s way more flexible. What do you do in these cases?

14

i do the same thing, whether hosts fly, drive, take trains or even fly their own plane.

The only difference is, when the transportation is not publicly scheduled, I ask them a day or two before they arrive: (Pets’ names) will be so happy to see you folks (whatever day). Would you please let me know when you’re a couple of hours from home (you can adjust timing to suit you), so I and (the pets) will be here and ready to welcome you back? I want to have the house in good shape for you.

In my case, it also helps that I normally telecommute, so it’s typical that I have video meetings and such to work around – I don’t want anyone surprising me in the middle of one or before I’m done cleaning. But if you don’t work remotely, you can still say something like, you don’t want to be in the middle of cleaning, or taking a shower, or you want to avoid being out when they return, etc.

The key thing to keep in mind is, no one likes to be surprised or interrupted when they’re in the middle of getting ready for travel and it’s matter of fact to coordinate. You just have to phrase it so it’s friendly and conversational, not rude or blunt.

Note: I’m selective about hosts from the outset, so they’re polite with me/sitters and are perfectly fine doing as I ask above. If you’re not careful and settle for a rude, entitled, etc., host, it won’t matter, because they might just do whatever they want, without consideration for their sitters.

I screen my hosts with the idea that we’re partners, because lots could potentially go wrong on a sit and I want to be coordinating/cooperating well if things hiccup or go sideways. I don’t want to sit otherwise.

15

I had a strange experience last year. The HO asked if I would like to stay on the Saturday night, to get to know the house and the dogs and I said that would be great. The sit was from Sunday to the following Sunday, so just come the evening before she left.

A few days before, she rang me and said to still come Saturday evening, but she was going out to a party after dinner, but her partner would be there with me! I had not met either of them yet, and definitely wasn’t comfortable spending a night in with her partner. So I said I would come over Sunday morning, in plenty of time before they left, so she could show me around. She said come over whenever it suits on Sunday, which I thought odd, as she was meant to be leaving on the Sunday. When I got there she showed me around and I played with the dogs.

I assumed she was off packing, but she came back and said she was going to put dinner on, would I like a glass of wine. I asked her when she was leaving and she said they’d decided to wait until the next morning, as they were so unorganised.

They were really lovely, we got on well, but she had asked me to stay Saturday night, the booking was a Sunday to Sunday, and didn’t end up leaving until Monday. I really didn’t need to get there until Monday morning, as they headed off late morning!

When you are from overseas, and travelling, you have your visits organised, and then organise other accommodation around that. I could have had an extra day at my previous location, rather than spending 24 hours in a strangers house, no car and in the countryside!

16

This is great advice, I never push the “what time are you leaving” question, when that’s really the important bit, to organise travel. I think they will naturally follow up with that information, when they share the welcome guide. Often, you have to chase up the times and the welcome guide.

17

I think I had to nudge only once for a WG in all the times I’ve sat.

I’m not going to chase anyone down anyway — if one nudge isn’t enough, I would just cancel. I won’t bother with hosts who can’t get their act together.

18

Sometimes, when HOs are driving, they want to be flexible about the time they leave or get back but some of them don’t even think of the impact this may have on the sitter.

I once had a sit where the HO couldn’t make her mind up about when they were leaving and when I should arrive. At the beginning, I was open to several options. She finally decided that I should arrive on a Sunday and I booked accommodation for Saturday, she then said it would be better for me to arrive on Saturday. I said I had already paid for accommodation and made other plans and would arrive at the time we had previously agreed on.
Gosh! I was glad I stood my ground, they were insufferable! One more day with them would have killed me.

19

…I do prefer hosts who are flying, no surprises on leaving or return… Unless they fly via Dubai.

I once had a host return early by train. They apologized etc, all good, but I was still in the middle of cleaning and eating. I had not received their message about it (surprising bad connection), so I felt awkward to not invite her to eat with me, I could have easily offered her a meal had I know.

It was surprising how annoying that all was, even though they just popped in to leave luggage, and then left again to see a friend - as they did understand that I had created my schedule based on original agreement.

(Edited to meet the posting Guidelines)

20

I hope your review mentioned that she early returned on you. Personally, if I saw that in a review, I’d automatically avoid the sit. I bet many sitters would.