HO behaviour - feedback appreciated

Sitter Questions, Advice & Chat
1

Hello there.

I’d really appreciate other sitters opinions on my last homeowner’s behaviour.

My partner and I accepted a sit to look after two dogs and about nine days before the start date, my partner seriously injured his leg. He was told he would need to wear a rigid leg immobilizer for weeks, followed by months of limited mobility — a huge blow for someone very active with many plans ahead.

I contacted the HO and explained the situation, telling her that my partner would no longer be able join me. Which she had no problem with. I explained that I had had to move in with him to look after him to avoid him being alone in the house during the day. From the outset I let her know that my intention was obviously to respect our arrangement and do the sit, but asked - really nicely - if there was any possible way she might find another sitter or option for her four-day trip — perhaps by posting a last-minute listing on THS — but she didn’t take me up on that suggestion. I didn’t insist (stupid of me). I really regret that decision. We thought her unhelpful demeanour was a tad harsh, but I still very amicably agreed to honour our commitment and go ahead with the sit.

Since her flight was early in the morning, we had arranged that I’d drive from Madrid to her house the evening before to settle in, meet her, and get to know the two dogs. I told her I’d leave around 1 p.m. to arrive by about 7 p.m. It was a long and partly mountainous drive (over 300 miles - practically London to Glasgow) and a storm was expected that afternoon. The last couple of hours were really awful — exceptionally heavy rain, almost no visibility.

As it turned out, five hours BEFORE I left home, the homeowner woke up feeling very unwell. She’d apparently been sick for a week, and her condition had worsened. What she thought was the flu had developed into a chest infection. When I arrived, she promptly told me it was highly unlikely she’d be going on her trip. She was coughing badly yet not wearing a mask (which would – for most folks– have been the obvious thing to do for my benefit). And she had lost (she informed me much later) her sense of taste (typical with COVID).

So, essentially - in her own words - she had me drive 6 hours from Madrid to her house — in stormy weather— on the VERY FAINT “off chance” she might feel better and could leave for her 4-day trip the next day. Even though she knew I was leaving behind an injured partner who needed my care, and that the probability was extremely high I would be driving back down to Madrid the very next morning. And knowing I would be exposed to someone who obviously had a virus.

She said that she had been sick for a week so that she probably was no longer infectious. But that’s not her decision to make. It’s mine. The following week I had a family event with many older people. I would have arrived to her house wearing a mask if I knew she was ill.

She had prepared dinner, as planned, but coughed and spluttered through most of it. She then suggested/offered I stay a few days with her, which would be handy because I could help with the dogs, and therefore help her “get better quicker.” But she also “supposed I’d prefer to drive back to Madrid straight away given my partners situation” — which of course I did. I still took the dogs out the following morning, offered to do some grocery shopping for her, and remained polite and helpful throughout my short stay.

The following day, I drove the 6 hours back to Madrid — 12 hours of driving in under 24 hours, in awful weather most of the way. The round trip cost about €130 in fuel and tolls, which she would have been fully aware of. She never offered to compensate me. I was seriously UPSET when I got back home as I felt she could have avoided this situation for me.

Anyone want to offer an opinion on this experience?

Thanks in advance

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2

I am sorry to hear about your experience and your partner’s injury.

The first thing that struck me was traveling so long for such a short sit. I am sure you had reasons, perhaps trying to build reviews?

The host not informing you that she was sick and was potentially not taking the trip was definitely wrong on her part. But given that she still wanted you to come in spite of your circumstances, it doesn’t surprise me that she acted in a thoughtless and selfish way.

As for the costs, sitters are responsible for their own. While reimbursing you would have been a nice thing to do–especially when she knew she may be cancelling the trip– she is under no obligation.

And given what had happened with her up until that point, she definitely does not strike me as someone who would make such an offer. You are free to ask her, but again, as far as the site ‘rules’ go, she bears no responsibility for these costs and there would be no repercussions as far as her membership goes for refusing.

I think your partner’s serious injury was a very legitimate reason to cancel, and it is admirable you wanted to honor your commitment; but it is important to remember that you don’t owe any one anything, and when sitters do things out of ‘guilt’ or some false sense of obligation, things tend to not go well, as I have seen from many stories on the forum. Sits can get cancelled for countless valid reasons from both ends and people need to think about what they would do in such circumstances.

The situation is over and done with, and it would be helpful to do your best to shake it off and chalk it up to a learning experience.

As someone who has been sitting for many years, I think hosts like these are not commonplace in the least. So don’t let this discourage you from doing more sits.

Good luck!

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3

OMG. What a ridiculously rude HO! So sorry you had to deal with that

One lesson I’ve learned (and I feel your sense of duty in staying committed to this sit - I am the same) - sometimes when you are going through a personal crisis you should just cancel. It’s better to maybe upset one homeowner but be present where you need to be (with your partner).

I hope your partner recovers well, sorry for this truly rude and inconsiderate HO. I feel you should report them to THS, I mean did they even cancel the sit? It sounds like you showed up after a terrible drive, were fed a germ infesteted dinner, and drove back the next morning? After walking the dogs and offering grocery shopping (um, listen nice is one thing, that’s over the top - shoulda high-tailed it out of the infection zone ASAP!!). That can’t be…right?!?

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4

This one is ALL about good decision making and accepting responsibility for those decisions.

  1. The HO isn’t responsible for your decision to go ahead with the sit (booking a couple reduces risk of cancellation).
  2. The HO didn’t experience your drive/storm etc and being ill themselves had their own concerns about cancelling their trip. They were simply hopeful they could do it….
  3. The HO owes you nothing….

You made some poor decisions I’m afraid, and I’m looking at this as a sitter. You can learn and grow from this experience.

5

Unfortunately I think you both (sitter and home owner) made poor decisions in respect to this sit situation. All you can do is treat it as a learning experience and be more definitive in the future and more assertive with the host if a similar situation presents itself. Good luck.

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6

@Jupiterwoman

In your shoes I would review that the host was unwell and cancelled their trip but failed to inform you until after you had already arrived . This despite them knowing that you would be travelling 300 miles ( 6 hours ) to get to their home.

Deduct stars for communication .

This is factual and unemotional and gives future sitters enough information to make a decision about whether to apply for future sits with this host.

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7

Describe what you described here in the review, so no other sitter falls for this trap.

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8

Yes. I can be a bit of an idiot. But the woman was sick and I felt for her as a sick person. And the dogs were so lovely I really did want to spend some time with them and have a nice walk before 6 hours of car.

9

Yes. You’re probably right but house-sitting has become an important part of our lives and we both decided not to jeopardize it

10

Yes. I wanted to do the sit even though it was far because HOs nearly always invite us back and it’s so difficult to find a nice sit in northern Spain. I did it as an investment for the future. And I really love that area.

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11

It sounds like a dreadful experience, but looking back on this, you had an extraordinary reason to cancel the sit. Although you have to ask the homeowner to cancel, it is not their decision – it is yours. If a homeowner refuses to “unconfirm” you and find another sitter, your option would be to contact THS and let them know what happened and that you cannot possibly go to the sit and won’t be going. This isn’t some form of modern day indentured servitude.

You expected another person when given an option: You would do it anyway or they could find someone last minute – to choose to go out of their way and find someone anyway. The homeowner should not have had a choice in this.

Once you did that, when they got sick. People often make not great choices about things like going into a job or going to an event or going on a trip when they are sick. Once she offered to have you stay with her and take care of the dogs as she wouldn’t be going immediately, you could have again said, “No thank you. That’s not a THS sit. I’m afraid you’ll need to cancel the sit.”

I have nothing to say about the homeowner’s behavior. There are a lot of people using this site. We have to vet each other. We have to set boundaries. If you don’t set boundaries, people will take advantage of that.

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