Hello there! I would love your sound advice for the unique and challenging situation I am currently in.
As a HO I’ve had over 15 5 star house sitter sits that have gone like a breeze and I am grateful. My home and pups have been well taken care of and happy! Until now…
When I first interviewed this sitter she seemed well versed with taking care of animals and homes and is a professional house cleaner. She also lives just on the other side of the island so she would have a car and was flexible with dates. Even though she didn’t have many reviews which is sometimes a red flag to me - I figured she was new to the site and building her profile. So I thought she was a great fit.
Upon the sit dates approaching she sent me a long message which included asking me for compensation for her sit to cover her basic needs while sitting. I was very confused about this as I had never been asked and believed this was a violation of THS policy. After some research I found that sitters are not to ask for compensation and that when using THS it is to be an even exchange with no money involved. I informed her and she told me she didn’t realize this and thanked me for letting her know. First red flag…
We did agree that because she is a professional house cleaner than she would do a clean during her sit and I would pay her a set amount. So then I leave for my week long work trip. Half way through my trip I had to cancel work engagements because I got sick. Ended up having a
Mild virus that just needed rest and Tylenol. Nothing serious but enough to cancel the trip. I was cleared by an urgent care doctor to travel as he deemed I was no longer in the window of contagious.
So then I decided it be best to rest and recover back home. Things happen, people get sick and have to come earlier than expected. I let my HS know at which point she demanded $200 a day to vacate which would have amounted to $1000 for 5 days. She informed me that my coming home early would cause her to be homeless and unsafe and would need to rent an airbnb. I tried to call her on several occasions to discuss but she refused to talk to me and just kept demanding $$ from me via text. I told her I didn’t have an extra $1000 to give her but she could stay in my guest room of my very large 3/3 house until the end of the sit dates so she is not “homeless and unsafe”. She refused stating that she didn’t want to catch my emergency virus. In total she has demanded $$ compensation from me 6xs now which she knows is against THS policy. I was also informed she can call THS and ask them support her with an alternative sit or accommodation.
The HS also informed me that she cleaned my house and demanded that I Venmo her immediately which is odd cause whenever I’ve had a house cleaner I pay after my return home to assess that they did the job they are hired to do. I mentioned it seemed fast that she cleaned my house 4 days into a 10 day sit by which she replied “it wasn’t fast - I cleaned it several days ago” which again felt odd because who cleans a house at the beginning of a sit?
After a lot of back and forth I finally called the emergency line with THS and they informed me that HS has no right to ask me for compensation and to send them screenshots of her texts demanding compensation at which point I did.
I’m in a peculiar situation because as she’s made several demands and threats I’m trying to stay kind and calm as she is still in my house taking care of my dogs. I feel vulnerable and am afraid she will do something to my house, steal or worse, hurt my dogs. She seems mentally unstable and totally inflexible. She even suggested that I find a friend to stay with upon my return home so that she can stay at my
House. Sorry but this is an unreasonable request to ask that I not return to my own home.
I have generously offered for her to stay at my house. I have paid her for cleaning my house site unseen. I have done my best to give her THS resources for extra support. I am praying she doesn’t do anything drastic to my house or dogs at which point I will be calling the police. And I will not be compensating her however I can’t tell her that because I’m afraid of what she might do. I truly hope THS will take care of this situation and either deactivate her as a member who keeps violating a clearly stated policy or finds some way to support her as I feel I have done all that I can and it’s not my responsibility at this point to take care of her or give into her demands. To be truthful if she wasn’t so demanding and threatening right off the bat I may have actually considered compensating her. But her attitude and entitlement stinks and I hope no one else has to go through what I’ve been through with her!!! She was horrible!
Are you now home? In your shoes I would probably have someone maybe accompanied by police stop by and pick up the dogs. That would be my priorirty. Make sure the dogs are okay and then deal with the sitter. Hopefulyl the police could convince her to pack up and leave.
Please follow through with @Silversitters advice regarding filing a member dispute. This bullying, extortionist (and I am surmising lying) sitter needs to be off the site. What happened to her residence on the other side of the island?
And consider changing your locks and/or access codes.
It sounds like you are still away. For the safety of your dogs and pets I would now lie to her. Tell her you will pay her cash when you return. Then take a police officer with you to walk her out. I would not go home alone without an officer. Tell her you talked to TH and they said you can’t pay her because it is against the rules. Have a restraining order in hand as she could be trouble.
I have not returned home yet. I’m on my first of 2 layovers before I am home. But I will be there in the next 4 hours. Hoping and praying for the best outcome. I will definitely be locking my doors and changing all the codes upon return. She’s made it clear she will not be there because she doesn’t want to catch my “emergency virus” which at this point is almost entirely gone. She seems really dramatic and ultimately she’s made the decision to make herself homeless when she otherwise have an entire room and guest bathroom and section of the house to herself without doggie care duty. But tbh I can’t imagine having to live with her in my house for 5 days. I really hope she’s gone as she said she will be. I’m almost thankful that I am recovering from this sickness.
For her last sit she got rave reviews and 5 stars across all the way! So this really surprised me. I have a feeling that she uses TH for housing and that she’s actually unhoused. When she arrived her junky car was packed to the brim with stuff - no judgement but if this were the case it would make sense why she is reacting this way. But it’s not my responsibility to house her in case of an emergency which happens sometimes!
Yes exactly I’ve been buying time and lying to her and saying that I’ll talk about compensation via text (since she won’t answer the phone) once I’ve arrived home. I’m trying really hard to play nice until I get into the house. Case in point: there are ALOT of impoverished transients on the Big Island of Hawaii. This is the first time I went against my intuition and accepted a HS who is “local” all others have been legit travelers who have been nothing but accommodating, gracious, communicative and have treated house and home like their own. I will not be accepting any more “local” applicants. It’s too big of a risk.
(Post edited by the Forum Team to meet the Community Rules).
So, she has a home on the island, but can’t just return there? How big is this island, that it’s too far to drive?
That aside, I slightly disagree with other respondents. This woman strikes me as absurdly entitled, pushy and demanding. She is also very probably dishonest. But I don’t get the feeling she would deliberately damage your home or hurt your pets. I’d stake my five stars on it. So please don’t get too anxious.. And safe trip back.
That’s what I was thinking. She sounds like she’s reacting like someone who’s been living on an emotional razor-edge.
From the sound of it, you’ve handled it all very well. Your offer to let her finish out the stay in your spare bedroom was a kind, reasonable solution. Please send an update when things have settled!
I do have one question. You paid for her to professionally clean your house which she said she did when she first arrived. How did you leave your house? Did it need cleaning right away? What type of cleaning was she going to do that would be different if you left a fairly clean house and any sitter cleans it at the end of the stay as that what we do.
This sitter sounds very unstable - red flags all over. In the future pay close attention to anything that might be a red (or even yellow) flag and just decline. However, there are a couple things that I find curious. You said you aren’t home yet and your virus is almost entirely gone. It doesn’t sound like this was something that would require cancelling a sit. I also don’t quite understand the cleaning thing. A home should be left clean and the sitter should leave it as they found it. Not clear why you would pay for her to clean.
I hope you are recovered and your pets were well cared for (despite the crazy). Be sure to give an honest review so other hosts know to steer clear of this sitter.
A sitter demanding money is never acceptable on THS. In retrospect her asking for money “for cleaning services “was a red flag .
Having been the sitter on the other side of a curtailed trip, (three times ) it is a stressful situation even when it’s for a genuine reason and you have a back up plan . This doesn’t excuse the sitter making demands of money but maybe they were stressed and overreacted initially when you told them their stay was being curtailed . You were fair to invite them to stay on , although many sitters prefer their privacy and wouldn’t be comfortable staying on with the host after they returned home . However there wasn’t much else that you could do - so you at least gave them an option . Hopefully the sitter has calmed down and has made a back up plan .
Have you asked THS to officially end the sit on the date you are returning? That will enable you to leave a review of the sitter and also mean that she can apply for other sits for those dates .
Sounds to me like the sitter was homeless, so agitated and unstable. But for me as a sitter, if the HO had to return early because of illness I wouldn’t want to stay in their house with them. I would expect them though to offer to either pay for a hotel for the remaining days, or to offer to buy me a ticket home, depending on where the sit was in relation to my base. All most unfortunate.
I agree. Clearly this particular sitter is unstable, but if a homeowner came home early I would expect them to offer to either put themselves up in a hotel until the end of the agreed dates, or pay for me to stay in a suitable hotel (not fancy, but clean and safe). I personally would not accept the offer as I only travel to places I want to go anyway and can afford hotels, and for me cats are a bonus, so I’d rather just be on my way. But there are sitters for whom staying in a hotel would be a major financial setback, so the homeowner should take this on if they chose to come back early.
A homeowner wouldn’t accept a sitter living early without making alternative arrangements, and I don’t think a sitter should accept a homeowner coming back early without alternative arrangements - which should not include sleeping under the same roof with someone you don’t know well. Particularly if that someone has a potentially contagious illness.