Leaving a sit midway for the first time, need some support

Sitter Questions, Advice & Chat
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Well folks, I need some support here. After several years and 20 5-star sits, I’ve encountered my first TH sit which I will vacate early and unhappily, a multi-week sit which I am leaving halfway through.

It’s all been much more high maintenance than it initially seemed. And I asked all the questions and even did an in-person handover with a day of overlap. I’ve communicated with the HO and put in more on this sit than ever before, but their tone has been consistently scolding, passive aggressive and negative. Not every day, some days are fine, which is why I’ve lasted this long. It’s why I figured just to stick it out. But this morning they overdid it again and I just can’t handle the stress of this situation, nor do I think it’s acceptable how the HO is talking to me.

They seem to not understand that expectations must be asked and agreed, not simply demanded and forced through when someone is already on the sit. Ther are some hidden expectations which have emerged for sure. Their communication has, at times, been negative and confusing, which they’ve tried to scold me for(?). As though they just assume I’m lying or trying to wrong them? I’m not, of course. I’m just a person with their own life and schedule who’s also trying to do everything they asked, and who is also a traveler in a city a million miles from home. I just feel a big lack of grace and understanding from this HO.

They also seem to have an issue with me having boundaries around my time and availability, and just other small negative “quirks” that are making things needlessly tense. I’m a good sitter, I love the pets, everything is mostly fine! It is my personal feeling that the HO is extremely anxious, tense, and possibly unhappy. But maybe this is just normal for them? I really don’t know. It is definitely NOT normal for TH and I don’t think this platform is a good match for them or what they seem to expect.

There have also been issues with one of the pets, who has been acting out in the initial weeks. I’ve slowly worked with this pet to establish better behavior and reliability from me so that he gets to know me and calms down and it’s been working. Whether this pet was upset over their HO leaving, rebelling against me arriving, or simply a bit misbehaved, I don’t know. But on many days of the first few weeks there was some issue. It was very stressful, but I handled it with full
communication, humor and grace. And now the pet has calmed down and softened a lot. It’s great to see.

As I said I have gone above and beyond my usual with this sit, have contemplated exiting a few times but stuck it out, have complied and tried to be nice and send cute content and reassure the HO over and over. But they are still….so rude. At seemingly random times and over things that are not a big deal at all. Just always passive aggressive and trying to subtly “force” me into giving them more and more attention or somehow seemingly accusing me of something or overcorrecting something that doesn’t need correcting.

Any support is appreciated. I’m now stuck finding last-minute accommodation in one of the most expensive cities in the world. I have another sit coming up in 3 weeks here. I am emotionally exhausted and I wish TH insurance protected against situations like this.

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What city are you in? It’s peak travel season so I imagine it would be very expensive to get accommodation for 3 weeks in July in any city? You’re not clear about what happened. Are you brunt out? Lack of sleep? You say the owners are passive aggressive and rude but haven’t given any examples. It would not be in their interest to cause bad feelings to someone who is in their home, minding their treasured pets. If you give some examples, it may be easier to give advice. Pet sitting should be an enjoyable experience and nobody should be needlessly suffering on a sit.

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Agreeing with @hellocat. The OP hasn’t been clear enough on the issues for us to offer suitable advice.

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If the host is requiring more than was in the listing or agreed before the sit was confirmed- this changes the agreement you made . You can leave and should be covered by the sit guarantee.

My suggestions

  • Screenshot the listing & Welcome guide now .
  • Make a List all of the extra responsibilities being asked of you
  • Screenshot the rude messages that you have received - ALL of them .
  • Inform the host that you are leaving giving them 24 hours notice to either return or find alternative pet care .
  • Contact the Urgent Support Phone Line - it’s a 24/7 phone number where you can speak to a human ! Explain all of the above . Ask them to end the sit date on the system so that you can look for alternative sits . Ask if you are covered by the sit guarantee plan as the hosts has not kept to the agreement - present the evidence of this .
  • Raise a member dispute “ presenting all of the above as “evidence “
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Sorry I’m just too exhausted by the situ to type specifics and now in the middle of scrambling for accommodation and packing. I’m a digital nomad so I have to pack everything.

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I called TH support and they informed me that the insurance only applies if the HO returns early? Which is strange.

The HO already messaged asking to leave tomorrow which I would be happy to do, but it takes some arranging.

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Only relying on what you have said here, but also others on other topics in general on forum.

My impression have been that often sitters that are really nice and accommodating find themselves in a horrible sit. It means in absolutely no way that nice people are responsible for others mistreating them (I hate victim-blaming in any shape or form. Adults behaving badly are always responsible for their behavior!!! (I hammered those !!! :wink: )

What these exploiters do is that they find a soft spot and start digging. What they really don’t like and find hard to handle, is push-back. Push-back can be done in the nicest way.

first - when I reach out with an issue or a question, I always suggest something/ a solution/an option that is acceptable to me. I don’t ask what they want first, and thereby giving them the turf. They might suggest, and I might go with their suggestion, but it is my choice.

This is about setting boundaries. To be able to set boundaries, you need to decide first what is your boundaries. I think many times issues start here. Sitters (or people in general) have not thought of what is important or acceptable to them or not. That makes it hard to handle difficult situations. You can still bargain on something that is out of boundaries. But ofc the bargaining will be difficult of you start out saying yes compared to start out saying no, sorry.

So start with that. What is acceptable for you? Only you can decide. And no, you don’t have to bargain with yourself! This should be your preferred situation! :grin:

Communicate what you want or need. This can be done calmly, friendly and neutral.

In your situation, one thing to consider is to saying something like " I feel that our communication styles are not compatible, and this has caused me stress. For instance “sentence, direction” can come across as :option: It is probably not meant that way, so bringing it to your attention. I suggest we talk to each other : differently, like equals, :other: going forward.

It’s okay to set boundaries and stick to them. If the host tries to persuade you to stay or demands more from you, politely but firmly reiterate your decision.

I appreciate you asking me for this favor* but unfortunately this is not possible.

*because they ask you for a favor that you are not obliged to give them.

Other examples of push-backs could be:

Q “Why can’t you just do :task: while you’re there? It shouldn’t take long.”

A “I understand that this task is important to you, but it was not part of our initial agreement. I’m afraid I won’t be able to accommodate this request.”

Q “I’ve noticed that you haven’t been sending as many updates lately.”
A “I’m sorry if my updates haven’t met your expectations. I’ve been sending them in accordance with our initial agreement. If you’d like more frequent updates in the future, it’s best to discuss this before the sit begins.”

Q “The pet has never behaved like this before.”
A"I understand that this behavior may be unusual. Pets can react differently to changes in their routine. I’ve been working with :pet: to help them adjust".

Take care of your self. Coming to forum is one such great thing. You have also done the community a favor doing so, as others might find this topic struggling with the same issues.

You can also contact TrustedHousesitters’ support team to inform them of the situation and seek their guidance. I know many are disappointed on what they can actully help with, many times rightfully so, but I have also seen several members here on forum that have gotten good advice.

Best of luck!

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Screenshot this message and get back to Urgent Support .

That is not what the terms say . Sitters are covered too . Ask to escalate to a manager if necessary. Be prepared to provide all the “evidence “ of the additional tasks , and the rude messages from the host.

From what you have said , this host is NOT complying with the member code of conduct

“ I will be respectful to the entire TrustedHousesitters community,”

I will agree all responsibilities with my sitter before a sit is confirmed “

The sit has been curtailed due to a breach of the Terms of Service and the code of conduct by the Host . Therefore if you are a Premium member you should be covered

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I agree about it being enjoyable and most HOs seem to get that. But some HOs seem to passive aggressively resent you or talk down to you in certain ways? Or feel they are allowed to micromanage you, exploit you, etc. I get that it’s risky leaving someone in your home. But this is not how to handle it? Realistically speaking, you have to let go a bit in his process and give the sitter some air and some grace.

I am a very friendly, chatty, personable person. So it has also happened a few times that boundaries get hazy—the HOs start to tell me all their personal problems or they want constant chatty contact or they want to start dumping their bad emotions on me. It also tends to coincide with HOs who push the boundaries in other ways.

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Unfortunately it’s stated that they will not pay if the sitter initiates the cancellation?

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I mean I called the emergency helpline to complain and inquire about leaving. But the HO sent me a message asking me to leave. So who cancelled it?

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If the host asked you to leave, the host is canceling and you should be covered if you can provide proof that they asked you to leave.

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My understanding is that if either party breaks the T & Cs then the other is entitled to cancel / leave ( giving sufficient notice so that the pets are not abandoned)

For example if a host found out that a sitter had bought a third party to stay in the home without permission the host could cancel the sit and be covered by the plan . In this case the actions of the sitter breaks the terms and as a result the sit is cancelled .

Similarly if a sitter arrives to find a third party living in the home ( which is a breach of the terms ) they can leave and will be covered . It’s the action of breaking the terms which initiates the sit cancellation …

But you do need to keep member services informed of what is happening and provide evidence in the form of screenshots of messages / photos etc

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Screenshot and send that message to
Support@trustedhousesitters.com.

Phone the Urgent Support Phone Line again and ask them to check that they have received the e-mail . ( They appear to be dealing with a week’s backlog of messages currently)

If you are making a claim under the Sit Cancellation Plan - this thread may help …
https://forum.trustedhousesitters.com/t/tried-tested-process-for-premium-insurance-claim

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Do I need to do this right away or can I finish my work for the day and the whole move-out process?

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@Hiya

“2.Cancelled Sit Notification

Sitters must notify TrustedHousesitters within 24 hours of a Sit being cancelled and provide correspondence that confirms the cancellation.”

This part should be done asap - you can follow up with more information later when you have moved out .

All the best

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Okay, I called them again and confirmed that the HO cancelled. They still encouraged me to have a conversation with the HO one more time and work it out, but I feel like I’ve been doing that for the past few weeks already. Like I’m already depleted.

All in all I just think about how some HOs can be on this platform with such unreasonable demands on a sitter’s time, independence and energy… I guess this has been a topic before. But how come some HOs seem to be so considerate and others are so nitpicky and demanding? And they don’t seem to know they are nitpicky and demanding? I just wonder if HOs did sits, if they would understand better. I also wonder if some HOs need a reality check about the behavior and required attention for their pets. :face_with_spiral_eyes:

Anyway for me, as a digital nomad, the benefit to this exchange is having a nice, comfy place to stay, cuddle with LOW MAINTENANCE pets and focus on work for a while. When the pet and home care starts to overtake my focus and attention for more than 1-2 hours a day, it loses the beneficial payoff. I have had to personally learn where that boundary is and I thought I was vetting appropriately. (Ie I don’t take dogsits when I have a lot of work to do.)

That other post about having a document stating sitter expectations is sounding better and better.

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I don’t think I’ve ever been on a sit that only required 1-2 hours of home/pet care a day. Pets need playtime and your company. Not all day, but they do need your time. Otherwise a homeowner could just get a neighbour or friend to pop around and feed the pets once or twice a day. I’ve done over 30 sits and I work from home but I also understand that the main reason I’m there is to take care of the pets.

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Yeah I mean 1-2 hours of “extras” per day really. The feeding, playing and attention/cuddles are pretty much 24-7 when you’re in the house. Those I just consider normal daily rhythms and it’s no bother at all. But when it’s also hours of extra things like dealing with problems and extended convos with the HO, that feels more like work/stress and I have to make sure I’m not spending more than a few hours a day on those.

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I understand. I would not like to spend time chatting to Home owners either, and it is very unusual for any pet owner to be phoning, unless there was an emergency. It seems that you have been very unlucky in this case. You say you are in a city, but didn’t specify which one. I imagine there must be lots of people in every city posting last minute sits for sitters, so hopefully you will get another one soon. I’m in Dublin and have had owners from 3 previous sits contact me in the last week alone to see if I was free to sit again. So do check listings near to where you are.

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I’m assuming you mean house owners? However, we get what you are saying. :blush:

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