Woops yes, this is why I’m not typing details of the sit right now. Too stressed 
I’m in Dubai and it is off season luckily, but it’s still expensive and a big cluster of chores, logistics and stress. As a nomad I have a particular type of anxiety attack that occurs when I have to pack, but it’s fine I’m used to it 
.
All because an HO couldn’t stop arguing and badgering me on an already high maintenance sit. She just seems like a miserable person, or like having daily anxiety which she expresses passive aggressively and in a controlling way I don’t know. But it’s just too much. I really tried. But enough is enough. Glad I got that Premium package!
Wish me luck in getting reimbursed, I guess, and let me know if anyone has any more tips on that front. I am totally new to that scenario and to leaving a sit so I’ll have to figure it out.
In terms of other sits, I have another one coming up here in August and I don’t see many coming up for July. Mostly it’s August. Truthfully, after this experience, I am craving a break.
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I’m sorry to hear about your situation @Hiya - I can see that you’ve spoken to a couple of our agents today - so I’ve passed them a link to your post for further context.
Keep us updated on how things are - and more importantly how you are - as this situation progresses.
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I’m also realizing she’s going to leave a horrible review, even after all that I did for her and the pets.
Luckily I have my next sit lined up but it sucks that situations like this also wind up in a negative review as well. 
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@Hiya I’m glad to hear you are getting out of an intolerable situation and that you have Premium membership to help offset the costs. Don’t worry about the review- you can’t do anything about that now but you will have the opportunity to respond on it later. Just make sure that when you do write your own review (and your response to hers) that you keep your tone unemotional and stick to the facts. Future hosts will read this in the context of all your other great reviews and will see where the problem lies. Good luck with your next sit - onwards and upwards! 
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Thanks Jenny. I’m writing a document that details all the issues with this sit.
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Not to get all psychological-warfare or sound like I’m campaigning for Chris Voss, but have you tried mirroring; repeating their words and behavior back to them? It can shift the dynamic.
When people see their own language repeated and reflected, especially in writing, it often reframes the conversation and prompts them to rethink their language and position.
Voss is the ultimate negotiator. While reading the book might not be realistic right now, his videos are quick and give you tools you can use immediately.
This could help you get clarity, and, when it comes to premium or insurance, document clearly whether they’re the ones breaching and backing out of the agreement by their actions, not you.
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Once your document is complied raise a “ Member Dispute “
You have to call it this for THS to start an investigation and take any action …
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I wanted to respond to this—I love the detail you went into here! And I totally get what you’re saying.
Gentle pushbacks were exactly what I was trying, and they only seemed to anger her. She seemed to label them as passive aggressive and disrespectful instead of seeing them as me trying, gently, and sometimes firmly, to nudge a reactive person away from pushing me too far. It’s textbook stuff for someone who is trying to get too much out of you. Ironically, I have to deal with difficult people and clients a lot in my job especially, and am usually good at it! But yes, through time I’ve gotten better about knowing boundaries and just putting a hard stop to things. It’s essential. It sucks when you find these things out along the way instead of upfront but…people like this, I think, know not to be completely forthcoming about all the issues at the start.
I had already considered leaving in the first days of the sit…there were red flags in the beginning and I had the TH emergency number ready. But my thought process was—she’s in travel stress, she seems highly anxious and prone to the negative, give it some time, give it a week for adjustment. I also had things to do in my own work and life, of course. Blowing up a sit and rearranging all the plans takes days and sometimes weeks of disruption.
I typed about this before but I found many of her communications passive aggressive as well, in that she kept “nudging” my boundaries to accept more and more issues and “requests” that were actually not framed as requests at all.
Perhaps she thought that was a good way to get what she wanted, too, but she failed to see that she created a problematic dynamic. Or she doesn’t care and thinks it’s her right to communicate that way. I just can’t believe the repeated “scolding” coming from a woman my own age who is not my grandma. 
I just don’t think she considers herself high maintenance, though I know she has had other sitters (on and off TH) leave early or have issues. So why does she keep getting pet sitters or using this platform? And why doesn’t she have alllllll her expectations and requests and cat issues detailed in her listing and WG?
She just shouldn’t be on TH and I don’t think her cat or her are actually suited for pet sitting in the first place. Real talk, she should either train and pay a local, full time professional who can be her repeat sitter, or not leave her cats. At least not the one troublesome one.
Thanks for listening, of course it helps to talk and write it out!
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If you have any tips on how to format all this documentation, do let me know? I mean I’m just writing it out plus screencaps…it seems like a lot! I actually downloaded our entire WhatsApp history for sake of ease.
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@Hiya, wow. First, sending virtual hug for a seemingly terrible situation.
20 5-star sits indicates significant housesitting experience. Alas stuff happens in life. We’ve faced two last-minute cancellations, by pet parent of international housesits. Not left sit early, though have faced some surprises that led to greater application criteria focus and stricter due diligence.
There will be a future time for you to reflect on learnings. But now seems time to look after yourself. While we’ve completed housesits in over 10 countries then we’ve not been to Dubai so cannot practically comment.
Deep breath. Chin up. Be safe. And be creative.
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I have seen some other sitters describe a “two week limit” on sits and I am starting to understand why. If this sit ended a week ago I’d already be out, free, and ready to leave an honest review.
But the longer it went on, the more chance there was for even more issues and lashing out from the HO.
It’s the same in freelance, you wouldn’t take a big long project with a new client, you’d do something small first and test things out.
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I am so sorry for you. This must be awful.
Good news, I booked a room in a totally different area of town and “evacuated”! I immediately felt so much better and lighter upon leaving.
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I do miss the cats a bit though, especially the nicer, calmer one of the two. I think she could tell I was leaving as she was doing extreme things for attention last night, it was ridiculously cute. I always feel a little bit teary-eyed for a moment when leaving the lovely pets I’ve bonded with, especially when I know that they know I’m going!
But yes, I’m free!
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So happy for you, @Hiya ! 
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I just wanted to thank everyone on this thread, especially the posts from @Silversitters which helped me get clear on what was going on and why it was so wrong, lol.
Sometimes when you’re in the middle of a stressful situation, you can’t see it in full detail, you just know you’re being mistreated and need to get out.
I may be repeating some things now but I agree that reading detailed forum threads helps others out, it helps me out! So I always err on the side of over explanation here 
The issues were exactly those: that the expectations, schedules, demands etc. were not made explicitly clear in writing via the listing or WG. Most were not mentioned in initial convos, only during handover or later during the sit. Again, expressed as demands and expectations with a passive aggressive twist, not as respectful requests. And not things agreed to beforehand.
And then, yes, the disrespectful communication in line with the HO trying to force these things through, or scold me for not complying with things I never agreed to. And me denying or questioning certain things. This spilled over into other communication, too.
I realize that the T&Cs may not be made super clear to those on the platform at all times. I certainly forget things from time to time, it’s only when there are problems that I tend to look them up. So this is something the HO needs to fix–alllllllll of her requirements, special preferences and cat behavioral issues need to be included, with full clarity, in the listing, initial interviews and welcome guide. What she considers “no big deal” may actually be dealbreakers for others. (I suspect she knows this.)
And this is something that I will get more vigilant about, if I continue on the platform. Right now I’m not sure if I will. But if I could have responded more as @Garfield described, by explaining to the HO that these things were not agreed upon or allowed, it may have helped. Either by making that clearer to the HO, or maybe escalating to TH sooner. Not sure. Again, when you’re inside a stressful and multi-tasking situation, you can’t always get this clarity.
For sure on other threads we have talked about the issues with how TH advertises itself to HOs and the onboarding process, and how it can lead to misunderstandings. Whether this HO was truly ignorant of these requirements or willfully ignoring them, I’m not sure. But either way, I got the brunt.
I will also get the brunt later when the credit card bill comes for the room I had to book for the remaining 17 days here in Dubai 
But at least for now I can rest and get back to my usual schedule.
I also wondered–is there a word for when your daily work and self hours keep getting interrupted by stressful cat and HO issues? And then you can never really get back into your zone and catch up with them? Not “bottlenecking” exactly, it’s that truthfully those hours and that mindset are lost for the day. Day after day. You know? I lost many hours and cumulative days of worktime and selftime during the 3 weeks of this sit. (My work is creative and requires me to “be in the zone”. Normally sits are GREAT for this, and the pets actually make it more productive, not less.)
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I don’t know if there’s a word for it, but I call it wasted mental energy. Or un-flow.
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Sounds disruptive and draining.
As a full-time telecommuter who sits only while working (because I consider sitting a change of scenery, but not a vacation, because of the obligations), I’m very selective about sits. That’s so I can balance obligations and not end up shortchanging myself. I’m not interested in being a hero, martyr or chump, because sitting is only icing to me.
Having clear boundaries helps me get the most from sitting, helps me maintain fair trades.
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Un-flow, yes, that’s getting closer. It’s a flow disruption!
Difficult to explain to those who would think, “well just get back to it and open up your laptop”. It’s not that simple! And some of these situations were so stressful that afterward I had to recover in certain ways–working out, leaving the house, cooking something lol. You know? Like at some point your mental load or your body just crashes and you need a full reset.
“Systemic churn” also comes to mind…too much churn and it actually causes an entire system failure or shutdown.
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