I apologize for the length in advance but would like to share my situation with as much context as possible in case someone has already experienced something like this before or they just have some word of advice.
It is my second sit and I’m unfortunately having a very negative experience with a home owner. I’m sitting for the most loving and cuddly cat and she’s very easy to look after. It is the owner’s first time using the platform (she said she would have her neighbor come feed the cat twice a day before but thought she deserved more because she loves being around people and that’s why she got on the platform. She also travels every month for 1 to 3 weeks) and there wasn’t a lot of info re. the responsibilities on the website, just that she was an indoor cat who liked company. It was actually my first confirmed sit because I applied and she wanted to confirm me right away. I noticed she was quite intense from the start but seemed generous, accommodating and friendly so I had no problem with it. My first host was amazing and since I had been in touch with this one for like a month over WhatsApp I was very excited to come.
Here are the main issues:
We confirmed the sit and 2 weeks later we had a videocall where we chatted for more than an hour. Then the day prior to arriving she sends me videos with instructions and mentions her roommate. She says she doesn’t remember if she told me about him but thinks she did and proceeds to give me details. It caught me off guard since I didn’t know I’d be sharing the flat with someone. She says it was on the platform, I checked and it does indeed say that one room will be occupied but that is all that it says and I did not remember having read it when I applied, but maybe I just forgot. It’s fine, I accept it because I was arriving the next day and am used to living with people anyway but was a bit scared at first because she’s really paranoid and didn’t speak well about him (until she realized I was getting scared and said that he’s fine, she’s just paranoid). Later on, I mentioned to her as feedback that next time it would be helpful to get the details during the videocall. She got very defensive saying it was already on the platform and I agreed to it when I applied (no details, no mention of him though until the day before, I also did not say I didn’t agree, I just provided feedback), and I found this reaction rather sketchy.
Before I arrived, she offered me to come in August to sit for her again if I was available because I gave her ‘better vibes’ than the person she had confirmed so she preferred to cancel them and have me instead. I said yes. I am sleeping in her bedroom because that’s what she told me and the place that is in the listing over the platform. She said I could leave a day after to accommodate my needs and there was no problem, and even offered me to stay with her for a week before the 2nd sit because I hadn’t found anything. During this sit, she changed her mind, saying she actually arrived the day before so I needed to leave that day and that me leaving the next day instead must have been a mistake. She edited the dates over the platform at least three times. I just said fine to everything because I didn’t want conflict. Less than a week into the sit, she asked me to send her pictures of her sofa (they weren’t good enough the first or second time so she asked me three times and I had to do it thrice) because she was going to sell it and get a sofa bed and in August I would be sleeping there instead because she didn’t want anyone in her bedroom, just the cat. I said that is not what we agreed and she said I needed to adapt to the home and not the home to me. I said the home isn’t supposed to change and that I wouldn’t have a comfortable place to work which is what I needed so I preferred to cancel. Thankfully, we cancelled, it was a 3-week long sit and I wouldn’t have been able to put up with her for that long. Also, she didn’t even give me towels.
I had requested a welcome guide which she didn’t provide, nor did she provide any sort of written instructions. She told me everything when I arrived but didn’t get it on writing and to some of my questions she would give vague answers. Later on, she complained because I wasn’t following the instructions she allegedly provided (like locking the cat in her bedroom if I’m leaving and her roommate is in the house because it’s not his job to look after her and that’s why I’m here. I personally didn’t think it’d be bad for them to spend time together if they wanted to). The dates, the instructions, the expectations constantly changed because she’s unpredictable and changes her mind a lot.
Basically, I feel she’s treating me as if I was her employee. She does not care about my comfort and is not at all considerate. Yesterday she complained because I was out for too long. Not even my mother messages me and controls me this much. I could just ignore her messages but it gets worse and I do want to do everything right and comply with everything but I feel nothing I do will ever be enough and she’s just trying to find things to complain about. She messages me every 4 hours tops asking if the cat is okay. She wants at least 3 updates per day and gets upset if she needs to ask me for it and I’m not proactively sending them (spoiler: I am, it’s just she didn’t tell me she wanted specific updates at specific hours or anything so I can’t meet an expectation I’m not aware of). She also asks me about her roommate and am pretty sure she has asked him about me. She’s supposed to be on holiday but instead is on top of me all the time, as if she was micromanaging me all day every day. She doesn’t care if I’m working, sightseeing, if it’s late on a Sunday, or anything. She doesn’t say hi and her messages are passive aggressive if not just aggressive.
She has a camera she didn’t mention before either, but said she wasn’t going to use it because it was illegal. Maybe just to communicate with me at some point, but she didn’t disconnect it… If I can prove she’s using it, could I report her?
If you’ve made it this far, thank you. She seems to be a difficult character to deal with and even though I love the cat and am enjoying my time with her, I’m anxious and stressed all the time about getting a message from her with yet another misleading instruction or complaint. I asked my previous host if it was allowed to have someone living with the sitter and she said when she signed to THS as pet parent, the terms said the space needed to be only for the sitter. However, it might be different if it was mentioned and agreed on upfront prior to the sit that there would be a roommate, and that maybe the terms changed so suggested I got into this forum to chat with other sitters to see if they’ve ever had something like this happen before. She said she’s happy to recommend me to anyone if I ever need it because I was a great sitter for her cats and I am anticipating the current owner I’m sitting for will leave me a bad review, if any at all. I’m just wondering if this is common or if she’s just taking advantage and whether it could be reported. I am going to leave an honest review anyway for the next sitter.
Get out of there asap. No third parties allowed especially live in roommates, that’s beyond bonkers. Huge changing of responsibilities and boundaries within the sit agreement. No feeling of mutual exchange or balance. Micromanaging comms. All sounds fairly hideous TBH. Report and cancel sit with THS and document the breaking of all those Ts & Cs. #getoutofdodge
First, I do not believe that a person who continually changes the terms of a sit actually had the roommate listed and you just forgot. It is possible to edit the listing, and in fact highly probable this is exactly what she did. I am happy to hear you declined further sits. I would definitely raise a member dispute. In fact, I believe you would be well within your rights to give 24 hours notice and end the sit. Please, if we want this platform to continue to thrive, give an honest and factual review. I would also raise in the review that you don’t remember the roommate being listed in the original listing. Hope your next sit is awesome.
Hi there - most, if not all, of the things you are experiencing are NOT normal at all.
Sitting for someone who has a roomate in the home is against THS policy. Cameras are against THS policy. THS policy states that the home owner needs to provide you with written instructions via the welcome guide (or some owners use a word document). Everything she is doing seems like she is not following THS policy. We would have reported her day one to THS if we arrived and there was someone at the house. Now…if you knew before hand and it is mentioned in the ad, that is on you. She should NOT be allowed to do this.
From THS: A pet parent must ensure that their property is vacant and that no other person will be living in the home apart from the sitters. This includes (and is not limited to) no family members, tenants or employees.
If a home owner was asking for updates 3 times a day, we would comply but definitely mention it in the review!
Download the app “Fing”, connect to the Wi-fi and if the camera is hooked up and on wi-fi it will show. If it is on, unplug it, cover it, etc and then report to THS.
Things to mention in review for future sitters:
She has a roommate that stays in the home whilst she is wanting sitters too as well.
She has indoor camera that was questionable if it was on while you were there (if it is confirmed on via Fing…then definitely mention that she said it was disconnected, but it was indeed on).
Mention that she appears to be a micromanager and would like at least 3X updates a day (this in itself would throw a lot of people off - 1 MAYBE 2 updates is normal for a sit).
So sorry for you. This is not normal in any way and also seems breach of terms.
I would just get in contact with member services and I would get out of there as the sit is misrepresented in several ways.
If you somehow are not able to, you can also set some boundaries. For instance the usual for a pet is communication no more than 1 time a day if there are no health issues and such. So it is possible to say going forward you will post an update daily between so and so, and if you get mail from her that is when she can expect an answer.
This HO is very difficult to satisfy so I would stop even trying to meet her (shifting) standards and do what would satisfy a reasonable HO.
And please include her plan to give future sitters a sofa bed in your review.
Wow, thank you so much for your messages and advice. I did not expect so many people to read this and am incredibly grateful for your insight and well wishes.
I also suspect she edited the listing but I can’t prove it. I will check on the camera thing, she didn’t disconnect it just said ‘she won’t use it’. I will also see how I can get in touch with member services and report her as I didn’t find a way to do that over the app thus far. She’s back on Tuesday so I only have two more days to go. I was going to stay on Tuesday night and leave on Wednesday morning but I think I will just leave on Tuesday before she arrives so I don’t have to cross paths with her. I just laid down for a nap and woke up to her calling me because she wasn’t getting a response – at this point it is almost harassment. I have lots of screenshots of the WhatsApp chats, however they’re all in Spanish. We’re in the UK and she’s originally from Spain and I am from Argentina so we just communicate in Spanish.
The next place I’m going to is on Thursday to sit a dog and the couple seems wonderful and has used THS plenty of times before, and I was already able to confirm sits all the way up to the end of November so I really hope it’s only positive experiencies. They’re all from the UK and seem great and chill. I’ll just take this as a learning opportunity. To be honest, the cat has nothing to do with this so it’d kill me to just leave her alone.
You must speak to THS about this sit. A third party in the premises is against the rules. There are no grey areas in the circumstances you describe. In reality you shouldn’t have agreed to sit in the first place just on this basis alone. The HO doesn’t seem well suited to THS & in case future listings slip through the nest & THS don’t remove the listing you should give an honest review to protect future sitters.
Hi @oridd99 here is the phone number to call THS. Tell them you want to raise a member dispute against this HO. Be sure to use the words “member dispute” so they can take action. This HO needs to be removed from the platform ASAP.
This is unsafe and not ok. I would contact THS asap, ask to abandon the sit, and submit a complaint. Alert the owner that you are ABANDONING the sit, not cancelling it; THS will cover for your hotel after 2-6 months, if you have premium membership. Since they already have someone feeding the cats, they already have replacement sitter. Make sure you exaplin this to THS too. They are very good about responding back. Make sure you leave an honest review so that other sitters are alerted. support@trustedhousesitterscom.zendesk.com. Also 3 updates a day is ridiculous. Sounds like the owner has some serious mental health issues.
Thank you so much. I will definitely call, raise a member dispute and leave an honest review to try prevent other sitters to go through what I’m going through! I did try to set boundaries btw – it did not work. I’ve discussed it with a lot of psychologists in my circle as well and they all agree it’s a particular character and she shouldn’t be having anyone in her house nor be on the site.
I’ve got a headache… I am sure you have too. no that’s not normal, you’ve had more than your fair share to cope with. Well done you!
Leave an honest review, just stick to the facts, don’t mention personality traits.
Hopefully she’ll give you a great review, but also be very respectful in your reply to her review (as other owners WILL read it, so don’t bring anything up that isn’t mentioned in her review, so keep it nice and friendly)… and then never ever sit for her again!
It’s not normal, and it’s not right! You deserve a medal!
Re. member dispute: As the host is described it could happen that she raise a member dispute against you. In that case your account might temporarily be closed. So make sure you have important info for upcoming sits, like phone number, adress, Welcome Guide or other info you need access to.
Doesn’t this auto-cancel any active applications or confirmed sitters?
Even if you’d agreed to the sit initially, you had every right and reason to cancel ahead of time as she kept changing parameters & details. I know the revelation of a roommate, especially male, would have been an immediate cancellation for me.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. You seem like a nice person who tries to be accommodating & non-confrontational. That makes these situations challenging, however. For future, possibly consider that canceling up-front would actually be the easiest, most non-confrontational way to deal with these types of hosts.
Also, as many experienced housesitters would probably echo: trust your gut on these things, ALWAYS. If something seems like a red flag to you, it IS. If something makes you uncomfortable, you don’t need any other excuse to step back — just do it. Your safety and comfort isn’t something you should be compromising.
Just to update that I called the urgent number provided (thanks again!) and they confirmed that this does indeed qualify as an urgent situation as it breaches their terms and are asking me to send proof to carry out an investigation. I will finish the sit and they will contact her to discuss and remind her of the policy after it has finished. They said they can’t guarantee her profile will be banned as it ultimately depends on each situation, evidence, and the investigation that is carried out, so I will make sure to leave an honest review.
Thank you all again, will continue to keep you posted if anything for everyone’s future reference! I have to say support has been great so far and responded and acted immediately.
I’m also happy to have found this forum and community, silver lining I guess
Wow it’s just … the same story every time with different flavors! I can tell you that you are not alone, this has always happened on the platform, and seems to be increasing with frequency.
I do think there needs to be a more thorough onboarding for HOs and sitters alike, both to prep them on what NOT to do and the actual exchange and culture of the platform, as well as to prep them on how to prevent or get out of bad situations like this.
I definitely feel like my first 5-10 sits were short “experiments” where I had to learn through trial and error. But lately had my first one that was like you describe, after 20+ sits and years on the platform. These sorts of HOs just do not belong on TH and I wish they were screened to stay away.
As others advised, get out if you can and report the sit with screencaps.
