Please advise THS of the specifics and leave asap.
Boundaries are not part of this person’s skill set as evidenced by her behaviour.
There are way too many infractions and dangerous signs here and please do NOT second guess yourself or minimise what you’re experiencing.
Please take care of yourself first.
I suggest you might like to post here a draft of your review before posting it. Remember though that you only have a window of 14 days in which to post it. Well done for sticking with this sit but, as someone has mentioned, you shouldn’t have accepted it in the first place. She sounds horrendous!
Will definitely post a draft of the review, appreciate you all helping with that as well ◡̈
I’m trying to pull through what’s left of the sit but she’s getting worse and worse. I just woke up with yet another message from her complaining that I hadn’t sent her a picture at night and that I’m still doing whatever I want even though she asked me to send pictures (?) I did ask how often she’d like to receive updates in the interview saying I take lots of pictures and maybe messaging every day would be too much if she was on holiday and she said she doesn’t mind being spammed if it’s pictures of the cat. I never thought she’d actually DEMAND being spammed 24/7 with pictures as if all I did was stare at the cat all day (she knows I’m working but since I didn’t have much work to do the day I arrived she now thinks I pretty much don’t do anything at work). If it weren’t for the cat, I would have left already. I have sent all the screenshots to THS support.
I agree she has a severe mental health issue and is not willing to accept or deal with it. She has just been awful to me and I am running out of patience but will stay strong and not succumb to her provocations.
Thank you for the space to rant too, I don’t feel so alone now!
@MerryPuppins
Yes, if a host changes the dates it essentially cancels the original sit and the sitter must reconfirm the sit with the new dates. I just did it last week.
I am sorry to hear about this experience. She sounds like she has genuine mental health issues and that can’t be easy to deal with.
Based on what you wrote here, a lot started going sideways prior to the sit starting and lots of red flags, especially the multiple date changes.
Just so you know, you are under no obligation to keep accommodating that–as you would have seen, the sitter must reconfirm their acceptance if the host changes the dates because doing so essentially cancels the sit.
You note it is only your second sit so there can be bit of a learning curve.
Perhaps you didn’t think cancelling was an option but it always is–when things start to come to light after a sit has been confirmed that gives sitters or hosts serious reservations about continuing with the arrangement it is reasonable to cancel.
A sitter should not feel compelled to do a sit that no longer works for them and a host should not feel compelled to accept a particular person–who is a total stranger-- into their home when they no longer feel comfortable doing so.
I know there are aspects of this dynamic that can cause discomfort and like any other uncomfortable situation in life, people may be reluctant to speak up about the various issues that may crop up; it might feel very uncomfortable to tell a host you no longer want to do the sit.
It is always helpful in these sorts of circumstances to own our choices–you could have cancelled but you didn’t. And that isn’t about blaming the sitter for a bad experience, it is merely taking responsibility for our choices which goes a long way in making us feel less victimized, taken advantage of,etc…
It can be helpful to reflect on why you proceeded to do it anyway–you will uncover some very helpful insights that will help you create a more positive experience moving forward.
Like you said, you can use this as a learning experience moving forward and it is good the sit is ending soon and you can put it behind you.
And as someone who has been sitting for 11 years, I have never experienced anything close to how this woman was behaving so I do think it is rare. That isn’t to discount people’s negative experiences, but as a new sitter, if worries about future sits going this badly is weighing on your mind, it can be helpful to hear that this isn’t commonplace.
Best of luck
Thank you so much for your message.
I did reconfirm the sits myself, I guess I was just naive, excited and always think the best of people and since it looked like we had ‘hit it off’ as we had been messaging for weeks, the date was approaching, it was almost two weeks and I had nowhere else to go, I missed the red flags and decided to confirm anyway. I might have cancelled had I known about the third party earlier than the night before.
It is definitely a learning experience and even though I loved meeting this cat and spending time with her, the mental strain dealing with her owner took makes it worth to just book a hostel or airbnb instead until I can find another sit. I was doing my best to comply with everything in order not to get a bad review and that’s also why I was even reluctant to cancel the next one we had together in August. I am so relieved I cancelled it now.
I do take responsibility for this having been my choice but also understand lack of experience and not exactly knowing the terms well can lead to people taking advantage too. I just wanted to know whether it was common and I should just put up with it or not and now I know thanks to all of you and THS support that it is not, and should a situation like this come up again prior to a sit, I might as well cancel it.
I am however now concerned by the mention that she might raise a member dispute against me and my account may be temporarily closed as I do have sits confirmed until the end of the year and am afraid it’d make me lose them or lose the other home owners’ trust in me. I think it would just not be fair. I hope the THS team does the proper investigation and takes into account the fact that I raised the concern first and provided evidence before taking any action on a potential claim from her against me.
Thanks again!
An underappreciated sign of things to come. If she treated this sitter so inconsiderately, you probably should have realized that she could treat you badly as well. I am not scolding you. But you have a lot to reflect on. May your future sits be everything that you have hoped for.
Thanks for your response.
I am neither playing a victim nor blaming myself. I am just inexperienced. As previously mentioned, I will take this as a learning opportunity since there were a lot of red flags I missed.
Appreciate the kind wishes!
Hey, @oridd99
Welcome to our community!
I’m sorry to read that your recent experience didn’t work out, but i’m glad to see that so many of our fantastic members have shared their advice and reassured you that this isn’t what you should expect moving forward.
I see that you’ve already been in touch with the THS support teams, so I just wanted to share some handy links should anyone ever find themselves in a similar situation and they’re looking for some guidance.
Link to THS’ 3rd party policy
In summary, pet parents must ensure the house is vacant and the sitter can’t invite people over without the pet parents consent.
Link to Camera policy
In summary, any/all camera’s (including external doorbells) must be disclosed in advance, and any internal camera’s must be deactivated.
@oridd99
Here is a link to the terms which all members agree to when signing up . It can be useful to review and remind yourself of the terms, especially when something seems “off” with the sit .
Absolutely right. I am so glad that you’ve discovered the forum. It will help immensely.
It’s true, one thing I have learned is a small but major red flag is when an HO complains about previous sitters in your early conversations. Just consider why they would bring that up?
I’ve had a few owners complain about sitters and it doesn’t bother me. I sometimes complain to owners about previous owners, however only when I’m at their home and feel comfortable with them
I’ve had only one set of hosts complain about a previous sitter, but she was outrageous.
She drove their car without permission during the entire sit, even though they’d given her a $200 gift card for ride shares. They were able to get her kicked off THS because of that, since they had external video footage of her driving their car. She also apparently cleared out their pantry. They ultimately thought she was a homeless scammer.
I didn’t think their talking about such a jerk was off putting. And she was their first sitter, with me as the second.
We had the cleaner complain about all of the 6 previous sitters faults ( left their boots by the “wrong “ door, “took over “ the kitchen , got up late, were “drinkers” , worked all day on their computer which left a mark on the table)
However, the hosts had given them all five stars and glowing reviews . The cleaner said she liked us the best ( but no doubt she probably complained about us too ).
Nevertheless , the host gave us a five star review and invited us back .
She sounds like a crotchety cleaner. Did you complain about her to the host? 
Please put all the violations in the review and have proof, save it. They will respond nastily but future sitters will be in for a nightmare since THS won’t ban that person and your review will be the only red flag for sitters to spot pre-sit.
@THSforumadmin some folks need to be banned of they’re a risk to sitters such as the OP’s current host.
Be safe getting out of there!
@oridd99 Just a thought - maybe ask THS to have both of you agree to NOT leave a review for each other as part of the resolution. I say this because it seems like she will give you a bad review which will be unfair to you considering the mental anguish you’ve endured and will put a damper on your profile as your very first pet sit review will be negative and might put off HO immediately when they review your profile.
But how would no review warn future sitters ?
I also wouldn’t trust this owner to keep to any agreement made not to review .
Hi everyone!
Just to update that I’m finally free!
I called THS support again as I’m not hearing back via email and even though they said they can’t guarantee or confirm what’ll happen at this point, they’ve received the evidence (I am going to send more), and they have everything on file and will carry out the investigation and have it also into consideration should she raise a member dispute against me (which she shouldn’t as she knows she’s breaching the terms herself). I did not want to confront her but at one point I did say something about not being provided written instructions and that she had to do it per the terms and she said “well you never cared about the terms otherwise you would have been more insistent on them” so I would say she knows she’s breaching them. She kept being quite aggressive in her communications.
I was going to leave on Wednesday morning but she arrived on Tuesday night. I was going to sleep in her bed with the cat and then she told me to sleep on the sofa. On Tuesday afternoon, I told her I would be leaving that night instead before she arrived so she could be alone with the cat like she wanted and asked what she wanted me to do with the keys (she had already changed the instructions multiple times). She of course did not take it well, and the instructions as far as the key kept changing till the last minute. She said it wasn’t OK to leave tonight and let her know on the spot when I had known I would be sleeping on the sofa for a week. That I had committed to stay until Wednesday morning. I said I preferred to sleep on a bed and have a place where to work tomorrow already than to sleep there, that I could no longer count on the same comforts initially agreed upon and she said that a very comfortable sofa was enough comfort and it wasn’t a 5 star hotel, I needed to adapt. There was no way I was spending a night with her. There were a lot of interactions like this all throughout the sit. In the end, I left, sent her a message, and never heard back. I hope to never hear from her again.
THS support said they’d end the sit by 4pm ET (about 9pm UK) but I didn’t receive any notifications from the platform nor have I heard back via email, when the last person I spoke to said they’d contact me via email. They’d also said they would contact her to remind her of the terms today (Wednesday July 16th).
The girl on the phone did say something about the pet not being able to be let out of sight at no point at all per the terms, which I found odd so I asked her about it (like what if I go to the supermarket? It’s also a cat) and she said I was right and she’d check on that. This because she asked whether there was someone the cat could be left with until the owner arrived (I was leaving at about 7:30/8pm and she arrived at around 11:30pm – which support also asked to provide evidence of so they could end the sit), and the roommate was not going to be there. But they had also told me I could end the sit at any point if I felt uncomfortable or unsafe due to breach of terms but then I can’t leave if the pet doesn’t already have someone else looking after them? Both her and the roommate were getting back in just a few hours, and the pet had been fed.
I also got to talking with the roommate and she treats him even worse than me. The way she talks to people is just not right. He even told her he felt she treated the cat better than him and she said “well of course I will, she is my cat and I love her.” He also confirmed he has only been living there for less than a month, he paid rent on June 19th and I had definitely confirmed the sit before that. We had the videocall on June 20th and she didn’t say anything. It’s very unlikely that it was mentioned when I applied. THS support also said if it had been there from the start, her post wouldn’t have been approved because it goes against the terms. Even if it was there and it was agreed upon in advance, it is not allowed.
Things got even worse later on – she kept harassing me with messages asking about the cat and other random things about the house etc. and I truly could not wait to get out of there. I am going to a hostel today and tomorrow to my next sit, looking after a dog. The owner said she will pick me up from the bus station and even mentioned she was thinking we all have dinner that night with a lasagna but thought I was a vegetarian so asked whether a veggie lasagna would be okay or if I wanted something else. They seem very nice and considerate and I hope to have a good experience. The dog and the house also seem like a dream.
Regarding the review, THS support said they can’t make her or me not provide a review. However, if she posts a review I do not agree with or don’t think is fair, I can always reply with my side of the story so the rest of the owners considering me can see it. I knew this already but I thought you could also give a “complaint” to support on an unfair review so they’d revise it.
I will work on my review and post a draft here. Thank you again for the help and for commenting, it has been very useful and interesting to read all your viewpoints and discussions and I’ve taken every word of advice in.