I’ve seen several posts from sitters about HOs telling them after sit confirmation, or even during a sit, that an adult child or out-of-town friend is going to “pop in” or “stay for a couple of nights”.
This is not a request for advice, just my response, amused by the situations our kids can put us in.
I’m a newish HO with 2 adult kids, just coming out of Uni. One was horrified to find she couldn’t come home from our family holiday this summer a day early, for a friend’s party, and stay at home (with other friends from the party ), because we had a THS sitter. The sit was only a week long.
This is a problem for HOs that I hadn’t really anticipated, TBH; that our kids might be offended and upset that parental holidays prevent them (while not officially living at home) from just popping home, say for a weekend while we’re away.
Conversely, now one has boomeranged to live back home after graduating, I am being guilt-tripped about going away and leaving them at home to do “free cat-sitting”, while also having to negotiate friends to visit to cover Child’s own mini-absences. I can’t book a THS sitter, because Child is home, but Child also wants the freedom to come and go during the period of our 3-week trip.
So, while I completely sympathise with, and support, a sitter’s right to not be invaded (for all the legal and personal reasons!), please spare a thought for us poor HOs navigating the minefield of parenting adult offspring, who very much expect to still have their cake (or bedroom) and eat it . We are a put-up lot!
I can appreciate that position for sure. In all honesty, I think that while most sitters would not want to share the space with a third party for any length of time, some might not honestly care.
And while I get THS making the blanket rule about the home being vacated for the duration of the sit, I don’t see anything wrong with adding a caveat that it would be permitted so long as the sitter explicitly agreed to it.
I remember I did a sit back in 2018 in New Zealand where the host’s partner–whom we met when spending the night in their apartment when we arrived in the country–spent the weekend at the house and it was actually a really great experience.
We went to a bonfire one night with a bunch of people in the neighborhood and the next couple of days he drove us around showing us some really beautiful areas of the North Island that we would not have been able to visit on our own.
I suspect that there are lots of instances where hosts discuss this with sitters upfront–perhaps being unaware of the policy–and they are perfectly fine with it. And if they are not, they have the ‘cover’ of the policy that prohibits it and they don’t have to do anything with which they are uncomfortable.
I honestly wouldn’t expect a sitter to accept it! I just can see how the question arises since it happened to us . I agree, it could work out great, but in most cases, as HO, I would consider it an imposition on my sitter. The Child has to learn!
I had a sitting in place after swapping extensive questions and notes on the house/dog. The HO sent a Whatsapp a month later casually advising me that her son was coming home so the sit couldn’t go ahead.
Luckily it was only for a weekend but she could have told her son to have a weekend away
My thoughts and prayers are with you during these difficult times Parenting adults isn’t easy - it’s even harder as an employer. It’s not possible to ‘book’ anyone through THS, so maybe a membership for your offspring is the solution. You’d be the perfect match
I’m so glad your view is “the child has to learn”. I can imagine a tribe of uni students arriving home after a party! Recipe for disaster. The dilemma of the family home. We downsized, so while there is a bed if needed, it’s too small for them to want to stay too long
Try notifying them that you’re going to “pop in” to their place for “a couple of nights” See how that goes.
I like the suggestion @buttercup gave of gifting them their own THS membership. Then let them know if they’d like to apply to be the sitter during your absence, you’d be happy to consider them and have the opportunity to review their performance.
We had a week long sit where, 2 days before the end, the HO announced her daughter was househunting in the area and wanted to stay the night (our last night) at the family home with her 4 children!! We were not given a choice- the HO just said if we weren’t comfortable to stay with them there they would ‘contribute’ towards a hotel night… !
We’d already put up with a week of multiple builders & workmen coming in daily-that we’d only been told about on arrival- so we were already pretty pi**ed off with them and this was the last straw!! We did not want to stay with the family of 5 or stay in a hotel without kitchen access etc We felt quite unsettled.
We decided to contact our next host, who we already knew might be flexible on arrival, and fortunately they immediately invited us to arrive a day earlier. So we politely declined the hotel and went directly zo the next sit so it all ended well!
To the OP I can understand your dilemma with the adult kids! But I’m glad you also seem to understand that for a sitter these kind of last minute arrangements can be quite stressful and disruptive when sprung on them!
In another scenario when booking a Christmas sit in Singapore the HOs were doing a split trip and would be returning to Singapore for one day/night between the trips and asked if we’d be OK with them coming home for that night to change their luggage etc. We were not thrilled by the prospect! (Or having to clean up twice for their 2 arrivals!) But we agreed. In the end their flight timings changed and they had no time to come home inbetween. But at least we knew and had agreed before confirming the sit.
This sparked a great idea for next year’s graduation season (this year’s is already past):
What a lovely gift it would be to offer a college graduate a year of membership to THS plus an “initial sit” so they can get a review? Many people would love to travel and this could open up a whole world to them. I’d narrow it to college versus high school; most high schoolers I know are still too young and/or immature to be entrusted with the care of a whole house plus a pet. Not to mention that in many countries you have to be 25 or older to rent a car, which is necessary for some sits. (I know there are exceptions, but for a marketing campaign it’s best to focus on the best target market)
Hey @Jenny : Can you share this idea with the marketing team? If there were a little “gift kit” available outlining how to do it plus an electronic gift card for the membership - make it easy for those wanting to give a unique graduation gift.
I am currently a sitter and have kids in Uni. And a pet.
For me it would be totally out of the question to have the kids stay with a sitter. If they want to stay at my home they are welcome to, but then they would have to make an agreement with me to take the responsibility of the pet while I’m away. So that would be my offer - I’ll let you know next time I need a sitter.
In the meantime - shack up with a friend or book another accommodation (plenty of options here from camping to hotels).
Tbh (and I wish I could say otherwise), I could only trust 2 of my 3 adult kids with care of the pets, and NONE of them to leave the house in a state fit for habitation upon return. And I’m talking about OUR house…much less recommend them to any of my THS Hosts!
(I know I clearly bear some responsibility as I raised the messy little buggers…but at some point we all have to take responsibility for our own habits and shortcomings…right? Right?!??? )
I have not yet, and hope never, to have a situation where someone else is planning to stay at the house where I’m sitting. But since I now know it’s possible I have a prepared reply. I’m putting it on THS….
“OH No! Trusted Housesitters doesn’t allow me to stay in a home if someone else is there. Gosh, I hope you get this sorted so I can still sit for you/ so I don’t have to leave.”
I seldom feel stuck and I’m always prepared to do what’s needed to get out of a situation I don’t want to be in. I will eat the cost involved.
*Exception for clear , serious , emergency situations.
I have in my profile and initial application that I’m searching to match up with hosts who follow the no 3rd party rule. Then during my initial phone/video chat, I specifically bring it up. I also notate in my application that it’s highly disruptive to our work and home school schedule when hosts change dates and that we fully expect the full dates to be honored by both parties.
There would be an age restriction i.e. a recipient would need to be over 21 - but I can still see how this would make a great gift for something like college graduation.
We turned our own home into a holiday cottage while we pet sit, given the cleaning costs each time, we made it quite simple to our son, it’s cheaper for us if you stay in a Travelodge sometimes
We’ve had this request as sitters.
Our hosts said that the daughter had sprung it on them last minute that she’d be coming and staying overnight for one night. When we explained that we were not comfortable staying with a third party in the home (and it’s against THS policy) . So if she came we would leave . The hosts promptly replied that the daughter could stay elsewhere with her friend .
We got the impression that the hosts were very happy to use us as the excuse to tell their offspring “No” you can’t stay at the house because the house sitters are there .
If they’re really adults, they can surely understand the situation and find their own solutions.
If an adult child is “horrified” to find she has to find a 24-hour alternative to returning to her parents’ home, with friends, after a party, because of a pesky sitter…… Perhaps a little talking-to about the nature of the term “adult” would be in order…
Likewise, a truly adult offspring would understand that having animals is a responsibility - and if they want the privilege of a free roof over their heads, they should also be willing to take on a bit of responsibility.
I do spare you a thought. But if the rules of THS don’t allow for your adult children to come and go as they please and you’re not happy with this….. You have other routes.
I think your adult children should watch the cat. I have to laugh with them wanting Freedom. Is there such a thing ? How come us parents don’t ever get it. Tell them you want your freedom, and this is your house and your willing to let them stay as long as they are actively looking for a job an their own place. But until then they can help around the house. That includes pet sitting while your taking your Freedom Vacation.
), because we had a THS sitter. The sit was only a week long.
. I agree, it could work out great, but in most cases, as HO, I would consider it an imposition on my sitter. The Child has to learn!
Parenting adults isn’t easy - it’s even harder as an employer. It’s not possible to ‘book’ anyone through THS, so maybe a membership for your offspring is the solution. You’d be the perfect match 
We did not want to stay with the family of 5 or stay in a hotel without kitchen access etc We felt quite unsettled.