HO told me two weeks into sit her daughter will be staying in house over a holiday weekend without notifying me before I agreed to sit

Sitter Questions, Advice & Chat
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Hi there,

I am currently on a one month sit (third time for this person). Previous sits have gone well. Before I got here for the third sit, she told me that one of the dogs, sadly, had crossed the rainbow bridge. I appreciated her giving me a heads-up because it prepared me a little for the rest of the dogs who are grieving for their lost family member, and how to deal with the behavioral issues that have arisen.

That aside, last week (2 weeks into this one month sit), she drops a nonchalant bomb that her daughter will be coming to stay for one night, then in another conversation she said over the entire Easter weekend her daughter will be staying, and will need the car, and I should pick up her daughter. The HO never asked if I had Easter plans, or if I was available to pick up her daughter (who could easily take an Uber to the house from the local train station).

I feel trapped because she wasn’t transparent before she left, and waited two weeks into my sit to tell me. I feel very upset that she did this. I feel she thought because I returned for a third sit that certain boundaries can be crossed. If she had told me about her daughter coming and needing the car for all of the Easter weekend, I would not have done this sit because I chose this sit to be alone, and focus on personal matters. It makes me lose trust in her. Also, now I have to cancel my Easter plans because I was caught off guard by her lack of transparency, and didn’t know how to communicate my frustrations without rocking the boat, so to speak, while she dropped this unexpected news on me.

I’m sitting here wondering if I should say something now or wait until she returns. If anyone has some good suggestions, I would like to hear them please.

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@DorisP That is very unfair of the pet parent, and it’s against THS policy to have 3rd parties on the property during a housesit. Is this indeed a THS sit, or privately arranged?

Speak up immediately and tell the owner that you have made plans for Easter and that it will be a great inconvenience to you to have someone else in the house. No need to explain any further. She may realise that she could lose your services.

The alternative is that the daughter takes over the sit and you leave. It might cost you, though. But you are within your rights to cancel. If you’re a premium member you might claim back from insurance.

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It’s a sit done through the TH site.

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Hello @DorisP, sorry about that. DODGY!

I would contact the PP first and discuss it.
If it doesn’t get convenient for you again, Support team :wink:

Please check 3P Policy:

Third party policy

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I left a sit when the son arrived to stay at the house. He and his mom had confused her travel dates. I understood the confusion, but I was uncomfortable with the arrangement (He may have been as well). It was close to home, and he was happy to care for the animals, so it was easy for me to leave. At a minimum, I would let them know that you have plans you do not want to change and are unavailable to pick her up from the station.

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@DorisP
We had a situation during a 3 week sit where a host text us that one of their children would be coming to stay for one night as they needed to be in the area and we would hardly see them .

We replied that THS have a third party policy and that if they wanted their daughter to stay, we could leave the sit early to accommodate that. We were polite , but also made it clear that if we left early ( so their daughter could stay ) that would end the sit .

This curtailing of the sit would have been very inconvenient for us but we felt it was the best way to handle it rather than say “your daughter can’t stay here “.

The host quickly replied and said that there was no need to leave , their daughter would stay with a friend and that the daughter had just sprung it on them .

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@DorisP My advice would be exactly the same as what @Silversitters has given. Just follow what they did.

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Chapeau! @Silversitters :top_hat:

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The whole thing rubs me the wrong way but especially the part that you should pick her up! From where, the airport? And on your gas dime? This lady had a great reliable sitter that the pets now know and love. Someone she now trusts and she blows her good thing by doing this and being unthoughtful. I would not want to sit for her again. I would feel she is really taking advantage of me.

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We had something similar @DorisP on a repeat sit, a sort of “oh, our son will probably pop back & stay for a few days while he’s not working but he’ll use upstairs”. Our reply was “Sorry but that isn’t allowed in the THS Ts & Cs so won’t be possible.” And the problem went away without having to get personal. The added “can you pick them up” is beyond cheeky, as others have said hold your ground and say you can leave for Easter &/or leave the sit if the daughter returns and hopefully she will rethink. #equalexchange

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Bravo @Silversitters , you handled it like a pro!!!

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Hope you have a backup plan, which gives you options.

When a host tried to tell me that her grown son would be overlapping my sit, because he’d moved back home unexpectedly, I politely said I could do the sit as planned or he could take care of the pets and home on his own and we could cancel the sit. I was polite, but firm.

Fortunately, I hadn’t bought airfare yet (nor started the sit yet) but even if I had, I would’ve switched to my backup plan.

The host tried to sell me on the overlap and mentioned that their grown son would be traveling with them part of the time, but nope. Even if THS didn’t prohibit third parties, I wasn’t sitting with an unwanted roomie.

My POV: No sitter should accept any sit if they don’t have a backup plan. Otherwise, hosts can leave you trapped, stranded or in a financial jam. And that can happen for even totally legit reasons, like the host falls ill, gets injured or has some other emergency.

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I feel I already shot myself in the foot by agreeing to her daughter coming, because I was caught off guard, and a loss for words and I didn’t want to rock the boat. I will definitely make it a point with other sits to confirm that no one else will be coming during my sits.

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She probably knows and that’s why she’s doing it, to trap you and get away with it.

Of course, your options will depend on your situation:

  • If you can afford to leave the sit, you can do as @Silversitters suggest. You can try even if you can’t afford it. I guess their daughter would not be willing or able to look after the pets for the remaining time.
  • Even if you are willing to accommodate the daughter staying there, you may consider at least not picking her up. That’s really unbelievably cheeky of them.
  • Whatever you decide, I hope you mention this in the review and I would not sit for them again.

I am sorry they have put you in this position. Good luck!

The forum would appreciate updates.

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Hi Doris,
As others have said, this is totally against THS policy. I had a sitter once who wouldn’t even let my cleaning lady in. It was her right. So I would inform the homeowners that it is against THS policy and can she make other arrangements? If not, then I would leave the sit.

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You could still say that you have learned later that it’s against THS T&Cs and that you think they may not be aware of that either. You would like to abide by this policy.

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You can say that you were not expecting this request and that have had time to think about it and that THS has a third party policy so if the daughter is coming you will leave .

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Agree with the others.

She might well know she is crossing boundaries, but just assume as suggested that she didn’t. Give a soft push-back and say that you have been made aware that it is against the THS-terms and you are not able to. It is, apart from the inconvenience and breach of terms, also problematic because of possible damage or incidents that may occur (who will get the blame/ be responsible?), if daughter is in her own home - will she act entitled towards you, will she take over the home, have guests (or an Easter party), it will probably be you that clean after the daughter etc.

There is a possibility that it will be more than just her having a bed. And why should you look after the pets if the family of the host is home? She could have tried to make an arrangement where you got time off, giving you a hotel gift card, reimburse expenses for pick-up or other if she wanted to make it an equal exhange?

First, decide for yourself what is good for YOU, so you know your stand. I would have suggested to end sit and daughter take over, and then found other arrangements for myself. If that is what you want and are able to. I realise not all are able to. So you decide and push back accordingly. But be firm on that.

A draft could be something like:

I reach out regarding the recent update about your daughter’s plans to stay at the property during the Easter weekend and the arrangements for her transportation. While I understand that circumstances may change, I’m concerned that these adjustments weren’t communicated prior to my acceptance of this sit. I’ve since learned that having third parties stay on the property is against the terms of TrustedHousesitters, which further complicates things. Given this information, I’m unable to accommodate your request for your daughter to stay.

I will of course continue to take great care of your dogs for the remainder of the sit and provide them with the best care. Please let me know how you’d like to proceed regarding your daughter’s plans.

Optional, but I would: If neccessary I can offer to end the sit :date: when you say your daughter would like to come and depart before she arrives.

If you do choose to stay (which I wouldn’t) how are you to handle your expenses picking her up (she could well organize her travel herself), organize the use of the home, will you be sitting on the edge of the bed in the guestroom while she is hosting for her friends?, the daughters third parties - should that even be allowed during your sit?, what about cleaning of the home? This could well spiral off in a bigger nightmare.

The daughter could surely stay elsewhere. Visit family, friends, book a hotel (or mummy could. After all, she is saving a months worth of kenneling).

Should you wish to even consider, I would need a video call with daughter and discuss these things.

I had hosts that asked about alterations. When needed I just said unfortunately it wasn’t possible. One time as it was convenient for me I offered to cancel sit. They have every time said that they should figure out something else, and they did, and gave me 5 * reviews.

Should you choose to go with it, your expenses should be covered and you get free time as daughter is there and can look after the pets.

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Will you mention this in your review? I can see where this is very sticky and awkward, especially since it is your 3rd time. Our repeat sits mean the hosts feel like friends, so the lines gets very muddled. I would have been caught off guard as well and stammered without a prepared response.
Ugh. What an awful position for HO’s to put sitters in! And from what I read above, it is more common than is should be.
I hope HO’s read these threads, too.

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Especially the last paragraph, bravo.