I don’t think you shot yourself in the foot. More like the HO shot you in the foot.
If I were in your position, I’d put aside what I agreed to in the heat of the moment and advise the HO that, on further consideration, the daughter’s stay does not work for you nor does it work with THS’s T&Cs. Further that you have plans for Easter and, again on further consideration, are no longer willing to change those plans.
4 Likes
Thank you all for your feedback/responses. I’ve learned a lot. I have high anxiety with confronting her. Haven’t slept well in the last week. Feelings of guilt like I should be accomodating because one of the dogs passed the week before I arrived (which she gave me a heads up, and I apprecited as I mentioned in my original post). Two - she always leaves me a tip, which I never expect, but I accept humbly because she is generous. BUT, I feel this time around, it may have been done as a way to manipulate me. From the beginning, I felt uneasy about this sit, unlike the other two. She is going through a personal major life change (which I don’t think is appropriate to discuss here), so I am trying to understand her grief. Also, things in the house have just gone wrong (power surge that could have caused a fire. The dryer is making weird noises, after the tenant and I used it on the same day, and a piece of my pants drawstring got caught in one of the dryer holes, which I was able to remove, but the noise in the dryer still persists, and I did tell her I wouldn’t use the dryer because I don’t want to potentially cause a fire. She told to still use it. I sent her a video of the dryer turned on, still cycling but making loud noises. I was transparent with all of these things, going happening).
I feel out of sorts too because of this stress. I don’t have the ability to make other arrangements, which will cost me a lot of money to do so. She didn’t change the dates of the sit either when she informed me that she wanted to leave before the original start date of the sit, so I am stuck, even if I could find another sit, the app won’t allow me to take it.
Please send me positive vibes. I’m trying to be hopeful that all will work out well but who knows given how the sit started.
2 Likes
If you wish to, you can ask member support to cancel the stay ( from the day that the daughter arrives )because the third party rule has been broken and then you will be able to apply for other sits.
This is an option which you may not want to pursue . However, I am mentioning it so that you don’t need to feel that you are trapped into staying due to not being able to cancel the sit on your dashboard . This may also help any other sitter in the future who finds themselves in a similar situation.
There maybe other reasons ( financial ) which means that you feel that staying is the best option for you.
Will you be mentioning the third parties in your review ?
5 Likes
We’ve had a similar situation and it’s so frustrating and stressful! Really feel for you. In our instance the homeowner messaged us three days before the sit began that her husband would be staying for a few days on and off, amounting to half the total sit time. It wasn’t raised when we agreed to the sit nor would we have taken the sit if we’d known that.
We contacted THS support who confirmed it’s against the guidelines and that we were within rights to cancel the sit, however we didn’t want to as it would mean making last minute arrangements that would also be expensive!
In the end, we responded that we weren’t comfortable with someone else being there during our sit and that it’s against ths guidelines. We said we would like to be accomodating if there is an arrangement that could be made that would avoid us having to cancel the sit. The host was apologetic and understanding and we ended up agreeing to do the sit a week later than planned which did put us out, but was preferable compared to sharing the house with someone we didn’t know.
The most frustrating part was that the HO actually marked us down in our review for reliability because did the sit a week late - due to her husband being there - even though she acknowledged in the review that was her fault (and then still docked us a star!)
Experiences like this can be really frustrating but I think the best thing is to communicate your needs and don’t feel bad saying no. In this instance I think if they insist the daughter stays, they should offer to put you up somewhere while she’s there to spare you the expense. As it’s their issue the consequences shouldn’t fall on you and your within your right to not want someone else in the house during your sit.
Also be honest in your review especially re communication. Hope things work out!
3 Likes
I’m sorry to read about your experience too. I will most definitely be honest about my review because I will never come back to sit for this person again because of her lack of awareness and lack of transparency.
4 Likes
Whilst you have decided to stay which is your call - have you discussed with the owner about the daughter not having visitors when you are staying there ? You need to set some boundaries for your privacy.
There is another thread where the sitter on arrival found out that a third party ( a “very nice friend” ) was also living in the home but they now had visitors too .
The daughter at your sit could do something similar and invite a visitor(s) over - best to get it clear with the owner that there is a third party rule and that that won’t be acceptable for daughter to have any visitors while you are staying there.
6 Likes
Sorry to hear about this situation and it wasn’t right of her to just spring this on you and assume you could pick her up,etc…
It sounds like you weren’t comfortable telling her how you really felt about the situation and I think a lot of people would find themselves feeling the same. As you said, there was fear of ‘rocking the boat.’
When sitters find themselves in a position where they don’t feel comfortable speaking up about something not working for them, the most important thing to do is own their choice.
This will go a long way in feeling better about the circumstances because it will make them feel less victimized, put upon, taken advantage of,etc…
At the end of the day, there is never really any truly right or wrong way to handle most of the situations that seem to arise between the two parties–it is all a matter of how the sitter feels, their perspective on the situation, their comfort level with ‘conflict,’ etc…
Good luck!
5 Likes
I think KC1102 is right.
If you do decide to continue, it will give you power if you make it your decision and not something that is forced on you and you need to endure.
You might want to consider what your boundaries will be going forward (or you can decide to roll with the punches).
It is still time, and would be reasonable, to be transparent on the coliving. It will be better for both of you, I’m sure.
Remember that the home is what you get in the mutual exchange. It is perfectly alright to have boundaries when you have accepted a third party.
Examples could be for instance:
«I’m happy to meet you and make this arrangement comfortable for both of us! Just to make things smooth, I wanted to agree on some house habits, like keeping shared spaces tidy, respecting each other’s privacy, and [insert other relevant topics]. How does that sound to you?"
-
“I’ve got a bit of a routine for taking care of things around here during the sit, so I appreciate keeping things steady. If you’d like to have people over or use specific areas, could you give me a heads-up so we’re on the same page?”
-
If additional costs arise due to her stay (e.g., transportation, utilities);» I hope this isn’t too forward, but I wanted to check how we’re handling things like [specific expense]."
The daughter might even be grateful that you open the conversation, as it could be difficult for her also. You could even say that you are both in a similar position, as third parties aren’t usually allowed on sits and it might be awkward for her that a stranger is in her mothers house, but you are sure you can make it work out alright.
I would not cancel your Easter plans, That is outrageous and against policy, in my opinion that would be fair reason to leave the sit, And if that is not something you wish to do at the very least I would bring it up immediately and not back down or change your plans. That is incredibly rude and inconsiderate, and I would report them. Awful! I’m so sorry you’re in this situation!
2 Likes