I don’t think you shot yourself in the foot. More like the HO shot you in the foot.
If I were in your position, I’d put aside what I agreed to in the heat of the moment and advise the HO that, on further consideration, the daughter’s stay does not work for you nor does it work with THS’s T&Cs. Further that you have plans for Easter and, again on further consideration, are no longer willing to change those plans.
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If you wish to, you can ask member support to cancel the stay ( from the day that the daughter arrives )because the third party rule has been broken and then you will be able to apply for other sits.
This is an option which you may not want to pursue . However, I am mentioning it so that you don’t need to feel that you are trapped into staying due to not being able to cancel the sit on your dashboard . This may also help any other sitter in the future who finds themselves in a similar situation.
There maybe other reasons ( financial ) which means that you feel that staying is the best option for you.
Will you be mentioning the third parties in your review ?
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We’ve had a similar situation and it’s so frustrating and stressful! Really feel for you. In our instance the homeowner messaged us three days before the sit began that her husband would be staying for a few days on and off, amounting to half the total sit time. It wasn’t raised when we agreed to the sit nor would we have taken the sit if we’d known that.
We contacted THS support who confirmed it’s against the guidelines and that we were within rights to cancel the sit, however we didn’t want to as it would mean making last minute arrangements that would also be expensive!
In the end, we responded that we weren’t comfortable with someone else being there during our sit and that it’s against ths guidelines. We said we would like to be accomodating if there is an arrangement that could be made that would avoid us having to cancel the sit. The host was apologetic and understanding and we ended up agreeing to do the sit a week later than planned which did put us out, but was preferable compared to sharing the house with someone we didn’t know.
The most frustrating part was that the HO actually marked us down in our review for reliability because did the sit a week late - due to her husband being there - even though she acknowledged in the review that was her fault (and then still docked us a star!)
Experiences like this can be really frustrating but I think the best thing is to communicate your needs and don’t feel bad saying no. In this instance I think if they insist the daughter stays, they should offer to put you up somewhere while she’s there to spare you the expense. As it’s their issue the consequences shouldn’t fall on you and your within your right to not want someone else in the house during your sit.
Also be honest in your review especially re communication. Hope things work out!
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I’m sorry to read about your experience too. I will most definitely be honest about my review because I will never come back to sit for this person again because of her lack of awareness and lack of transparency.
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Whilst you have decided to stay which is your call - have you discussed with the owner about the daughter not having visitors when you are staying there ? You need to set some boundaries for your privacy.
There is another thread where the sitter on arrival found out that a third party ( a “very nice friend” ) was also living in the home but they now had visitors too .
The daughter at your sit could do something similar and invite a visitor(s) over - best to get it clear with the owner that there is a third party rule and that that won’t be acceptable for daughter to have any visitors while you are staying there.
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Sorry to hear about this situation and it wasn’t right of her to just spring this on you and assume you could pick her up,etc…
It sounds like you weren’t comfortable telling her how you really felt about the situation and I think a lot of people would find themselves feeling the same. As you said, there was fear of ‘rocking the boat.’
When sitters find themselves in a position where they don’t feel comfortable speaking up about something not working for them, the most important thing to do is own their choice.
This will go a long way in feeling better about the circumstances because it will make them feel less victimized, put upon, taken advantage of,etc…
At the end of the day, there is never really any truly right or wrong way to handle most of the situations that seem to arise between the two parties–it is all a matter of how the sitter feels, their perspective on the situation, their comfort level with ‘conflict,’ etc…
Good luck!
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I think KC1102 is right.
If you do decide to continue, it will give you power if you make it your decision and not something that is forced on you and you need to endure.
You might want to consider what your boundaries will be going forward (or you can decide to roll with the punches).
It is still time, and would be reasonable, to be transparent on the coliving. It will be better for both of you, I’m sure.
Remember that the home is what you get in the mutual exchange. It is perfectly alright to have boundaries when you have accepted a third party.
Examples could be for instance:
«I’m happy to meet you and make this arrangement comfortable for both of us! Just to make things smooth, I wanted to agree on some house habits, like keeping shared spaces tidy, respecting each other’s privacy, and [insert other relevant topics]. How does that sound to you?"
-
“I’ve got a bit of a routine for taking care of things around here during the sit, so I appreciate keeping things steady. If you’d like to have people over or use specific areas, could you give me a heads-up so we’re on the same page?”
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If additional costs arise due to her stay (e.g., transportation, utilities);» I hope this isn’t too forward, but I wanted to check how we’re handling things like [specific expense]."
The daughter might even be grateful that you open the conversation, as it could be difficult for her also. You could even say that you are both in a similar position, as third parties aren’t usually allowed on sits and it might be awkward for her that a stranger is in her mothers house, but you are sure you can make it work out alright.
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I would not cancel your Easter plans, That is outrageous and against policy, in my opinion that would be fair reason to leave the sit, And if that is not something you wish to do at the very least I would bring it up immediately and not back down or change your plans. That is incredibly rude and inconsiderate, and I would report them. Awful! I’m so sorry you’re in this situation!
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If I had Easter plans, I’d definitely push back and keep my plans.
Regarding picking the daughter up at the airport, my response would be dependent upon the car arrangements. If the host provided her car for me to use, I’d accommodate by picking up the daughter, but insisting upon the fact that I’d needed the car as agreed before confirming the sit.
With regard to the daughter staying 1/2 nights, I’d probably ok it in light of this being a repeat sit that had gone well before (even though TH) doesn’t endorse or permit it. If it was an initial sit, I wouldn’t permit it.
I was on a sit where the daughter and friend lived in an apt in the basement. But they would come up to use the laundry. I said it was against policy, said that it didn’t really bother me, but she told her daughter not to come up. I am glad she did, it would be uncomfortable.
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Hi @DorisP How did it go with the daughter in the house?
OK, so what is the policy if this happens? You are on sit, now relatives come and stay. Can you cancel without a review? If you notify THS, they should cancel without you getting a review. What happens?
You can refuse third parties on any sit @Huronbase as it breaks THS Ts & Cs. You either tell the HO it’s a no & you’re leaving (& they do or don’t change their ideas), or you contact support and ask them to advise the HO you’re leaving. No reviews if sit is cancelled. #smallprint
Well, not great. As the HO did not change the departure date, I was not able to do another sit. Also, she told me one week before sit end date she was coming back early one day, then it became two, then three days earlier than sit end date. By this time I just accepted my situation about this sit. She also had family members come over the next day without letting me know ahead of time. I chose to stay because I couldn’t secure another sit due to what I said above of no sit date adjustment by HO, who was not transparent about her early arrival and her family coming to stay. This sit has taught me a valuable lesson to ask multiple times about certain things with HO before accepting sits, as well as before arrival to confirm they understand the THS T&C.
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…i typed in wrong place
she has treated you abysmally. Did she give you a decent review? I hope you didn’t give her 5 stars.