Sitter wants to leave 1 week into a 3 month sit

Sitter Questions, Advice & Chat
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Hi there,

I’m looking for advice/ help/ suggestions.

I’m away from my house and dog until October, and my house sitter, one week in, has said that she’s feeling a little too bound to the house and might want to leave the sit early. To be clear, it’s a house in the country, and my dog, like any dog, has routines and requires attention.

But I think it’s just a personality mis-match. I’ve had housesitters before who adored the beauty of my house (it’s an unbelievably beautiful property), and the quiet. My sitter has already taken my dog away to a friend’s house for the night one week in, which makes me very uncomfortable already. My dog is anxious and likes being at home.

I am in a total panic-- I’m 6000 miles away and can’t just fly home. I’ve started looking through new sitter profiles, but because this is a confirmed sit, I can’t click on the dates I’ll need someone to see who’s available, and invite them.

I don’t know what to do!

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Hopefully you’ve conveyed this reaction to the sitter pointing out the stress it is causing you. Maybe make it clear to her that you need her to commit one way or the other and, if she decides to bail, that she needs to give you the time and opportunity to make alternate arrangements. Either way, I’d immediately be in contact with the folks at THS to get help sorting this out.

I’m surprised it isn’t against THS terms to remove a pet from the property overnight other than for emergencies or by prior arrangement.

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@fairybekk, welcome to THS Forum. Sorry to hear that it’s such a tragic reason to join the community. Sounds like a horrible experience. There are probably suggestions and learning experiences for future housesits but suspect that your immediate priority is for your pets and property.
From context of experienced housesitters then we suggest the following:

  • Communicate. Schedule a video or audio call with housesitter and discuss the situation. Message/email can be poor for such comms. Armed with two-way insight into the situation, and any perceived challenges then potential solutions may emerge.
  • Engage. Reach out to THS Member Services. Make them aware of situation. They may well have helpful suggestions or advice. This can be done on the THS website, THS phone app or via email support@trustedhousesitters.com.
  • Backup. If you don’t already have one, create a Plan B. For a three-month housesit then this may require re-listing the housesit. There is a special area of THS Forum ‘last-minute sits’ that may help to promote your property.
  • Listing. Given credible potential of re-listing of your housesit then it may be a good time to re-read your listing and ensure that information is complete, accurate and current. Suggest reflect on concerns raised by current housesitter and specifically provide text to mitigate concerns in any new listing.

Good luck. Hope that it works out.

p.s. you may wish to add a weblink to your listing on your THS Forum profile. perhaps someone reading it may proactively reach out. a subset of housesitter relish multi-month housesits (we’ve completed several).

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Hi @fairybekk

It sounds like a tricky situation, especially with you being 6,000 miles away. Once confirmed, a sitter is really committed to staying for the duration of the sit, and - assuming everything is as described in your listing - should only consider leaving in extreme circumstances, eg. family emergency. Part of doing a house-sit is also to provide a degree of security with the house being occupied over night, so your sitter shouldn’t really be staying out unless it’s something that has been discussed and agreed to. However, despite ‘the rules’, you may do well to consider alternative arrangements, given that the sit is a long one and your sitter is already showing signs of not being comfortable with the situation.

In your shoes, I would have an open conversation with your sitter as soon as you can, and if possible a video call rather than messaging etc. so that you can get a better feel for what’s going on. It’s a long sit, and there seems to be little point in trying to make someone see it through to the end if they don’t want to do it. Frustrating? Yes. And not what you’ve signed up for either, so I do sympathise. I know you shouldn’t have to ‘babysit’ a sitter, but her desire to leave early could be down to just one thing, or an accumulation of several minor things, which you may be able to offer solutions for. It’s always worth having that conversation.

If you are unable to resolve whatever issue is troubling your sitter to the point that she agrees to stay for the duration, (and you are happy for her to do so), then either you as home owner would need to cancel the sit in order to re-list with new dates, or your sitter would need to contact member services to explain why she wants to leave the sit early. Without a legitimate reason for doing so, leaving early would reflect badly on her and undoubtedly affect future applications. You would need to agree between you how some sort of hand over to a new sitter might take place.

A rural sit, with a dog, in a beautiful house sounds really appealing to me, and I’m sure it will appeal to others as well. However, inviting sitters rarely works. Instead, you need to make your listing as attractive as possible and wait for the applications to roll in. You can link your listing to your profile here in the forum if you like, and other members will be able to offer advice.

Finally, I feel as though I should apologise on behalf of those of us sitters who actually take our committments seriously.

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I guess it’s defining “might want to leave the sit early”. Is that in the next few days or weeks and will she give you time to find a replacement? You need to talk to her and THS support and find a way through. What is it that has changed her mind and can you alleviate or fix it to make the sit work or is that not an option? Always stressful when at a long distance. #wishingyouwell

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It is:

5.3.12. ensure that pets will remain at the Pet Parent’s property overnight, and will not be taken away from the house without prior approval from the Pet Parent

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So sorry to hear this. I would also be in a panic. She probably thought she would like the peace and quiet of the country and then discovered the isolation and not seeing people is not for her. This sit sounds like a couple would have worked out better. I would contact TH after you talk to the sitter and see what she meant by that statement and when she wants to leave. TH may let you list your profile starting with the date she is leaving as this is extraordinary circumstance.

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@fairybekk, I can see that you’ve tried to add your THS listing to your THS Forum profile. Alas the weblink does not link. Suggest follow this helpful procedure.

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Thank you. I did convey this to the sitter. If I’m being honest, I’ve been in such a state about it all day. I’ve already started looking for other sitters, and am messaging lots of people on Trusted Housesitters just to see if by any chance any of them have a few months free.

I didn’t realise it was against THS terms to remove the pet, but that makes so much sense. It really threw me. I feel like we went through so, so, so much getting to know each other, and setting of parameters, structures, information etc (she even came up for a night to stay a month ago, just to double check!).

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Thank you! I added a link to my listing in my profile.

I’m communicating with her-- trying to help her come up with some structures that will help. Her issue is that she’s lonely and feels isolated. We’d done a trial night over a month before I left, and I was so, so clear, in so many ways, that this is a rural sit for folks who like solitude. I’ll definitely re-state that over and over again in the listing.

Thanks you for the advice on re-listing it, too. I’ll do that now.

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This sit looks sooo lovely! And the description seems clear enough about the conditions. I wonder if this sitter is new and/or has never done such a rural sit with a dog before. True, it can be a little confining, but she should have recognized that before committing!

On remote dog sits, it’s always nice when it’s offered to bring the dog to a friend or family member’s home for a night occasionally – but if that wasn’t something that was specifically encouraged (due to the dog’s anxiety), it’s disappointing that the sitter is already over-relying on it.

The dog sounds like she might be too anxious for this, but if possible, you could make recommendations to help the sitter get out of the house with Eliza – for example, if there’s a cafe or restaurant in town that allows dogs, you could suggest that she take her there when she’s feeling isolated.

But in the end, it sounds unlikely that this will last the full three months. The best suggestion then is probably to get on a call with the sitter, talk through it, and (assuming nothing has changed on her side), ask how long she is willing to stay (maybe another week or two?) while you work on finding a new sitter. This will probably involve formally ending the sit in the platform so that your dates are free to re-list, so make sure she understands that this will happen.

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This is one of those situations where a note on the sitter’s profile stating that they ended a 3-month sit on day X would be really, helpful, since a cancelled sit will mean no review (am I right about that?).

Someone who is given all the information about a sit and decides one week in they can’t keep their 3-month commitment is not someone I would want to come sit for me.

@fairybekk I’m sorry this is happening. It sounds like you did a good job describing what your sit would be like, and you’ve been very generous about trying to accommodate this sitter. I can only imagine how stressful this is and hope you are able to get a good resolution.

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A sit that is cancelled before it starts will not have a review .

However this sit has already started so if it is curtailed , it will still be possible for both parties to leave a review ( within 14 days of the amended end date of the sit )

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Great news!

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I read through your listing. I can kind of understand why it could be overwhelming for a solo traveller that might not have really tried a rural place and that hasn’t it seems planned or thought much about how to spend three months there.

I would think for any sitter it would be great to make a schedule for the days and weeks. Options seems to be for instance joining the local gym and do some workouts there each week, play the piano (I have just started learning the piano on Duolingo! :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes: There is a «music» option with piano in the app! But it is awkward to play on the touchscreen of the phone - I would have loved a piano!). Do you have any organizations or other with activities? Or someone giving classes in a topic, or some charity with something to do? Just to get out a bit and meet people?

At my work we send out people on jobshadowing for 3 months. Some of our questions is what they plan to do and see in their free time, what they can do if and when they get homesick, etc. Maybe some ideas for you. I see that there can be issues with males at your sit. For long, rural sits it would probably be an advantage to have more than a solo sitter. Also in cases where a sitter isn’t feeling well or if something comes up.

It seems it is still a possibility that the sitter can stay some more time until you find another solution. Hope she can find something to fill her days and feel less isolated. That might make it easier and less stressful for you too.

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Also you can place your listing in the “Last Minute Sits” category on this Forum!

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Yes, I would like to put that in a review-- I would never have accepted a sit with someone had I known this was even a possibility.

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So, she’s going to try going out to a coffee shop for a few hours every day, and unfortunately she’s going to take Eliza to her mum’s a couple of hours away for 1-2 nights a week. Which is honestly so, so upsetting to me, but I feel like my hands are tied right now.

I’m looking for a new sitter to come and step in. Asking everyone I know.

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UPDATES:

Trusted housesitters has started a discourse.

The sitter has come up with a protocol to find the time more tolerable, which includes getting out to coffee shops every day, going to yoga classes, and taking my dog to her parents house a couple of hours away a few nights a week.

She has asked TH to end the listing early so that I can relist and find someone else. She said she will stay with my dog until I find a replacement.

I cannot tell you how unbelievably angry, disappointed, and sad for my dog I am.

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@fairybekk thank you for updating the forum

Currently your sit says no sitters needed - you need to get THS to end the sit so that other more suitable sitters can apply asap.

You can call the Urgent Support Phone Line which is available 24/7

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