I am on week 2 of a 7 week house sit. The sit was initially meant to be 8 weeks but the HO kindly paid for us to go to an Airbnb for a week as they attended a funeral, which delayed their trip.
When I booked the sit, it was meant to be myself and my husband house sitting together, but our finances forced him to work away, whilst I stay here. It’s pretty rural and I don’t have use of a car, so the self isolation isn’t really ideal for me for 7 weeks. I also have chronic neck pain (benign tumors in my spine) and I’m struggling to get on with their hard sofas, and I wake up with a bad back from the bed too.
I feel quite desperate to cancel, but I don’t like messing people around and they haven’t been overly dishonest about the sit, unlike others that I have experienced. Here, I am looking after a cat, who they said liked company but was also very independent. They said we could go away at weekends and use their timed feeder, but when I returned having spent 2 nights away, she hadn’t touched her food as she refuses to eat dry food. There was also no mention of a litter tray (they have a big beautiful garden and we’ve had great weather), and she also vomits around the house and they have a specific vomit cleaning spray. She also isn’t very independent and refuses to be out of my sight, which can be a little bit much sometimes. The only other thing is that they have asked me to do some gardening, which I feel is a paid job, and the flower beds are pretty big too.
I would offer to stay here until they can secure another sitter, but again, I don’t really know what to do. I don’t like letting people down, but I also have health issues, one of which is suffering from being here.
Would it be very unethical of me to give them notice during a sit?
As ever it’s only you that can make the final decision @imissmomo. Ask yourself a few key questions such as, is this really extraordinary circumstances? Is it their fault your husband had to work away? How bad is the pain & what will you do if you don’t stay? Weigh it up and talk to the HOs if it really is too much. They helped you out with the Airbnb cover, do you want to try and repay that kindness? Think it over. Talk to them & open up the discussion. No one wants their sitter to be miserable but they were banking on reliable pet care from you. #thechoiceisyours
I’m feeling here that maybe long sits aren’t for you perhaps? I’m also feeling that your HOs sound great paying for an Airbnb wow, that’s really great HO behaviour. Now the things that bother you- can you make adaptions to the seating and find a less painful solution? Can you find a way to stay and fulfil your responsibilities? Treat this as a huge lesson maybe? It’s uncomfortable for you yes but I’m not hearing that it’s unbearable or dangerous to your health or that the HOs tricked you in any way. The cat might be sensing your ‘unease’ and staying close by keeping an eye on you- so can you reframe your thinking about it in this way. If you knew you’d be there alone why did you imagine you’d be ok? Can you give yourself a useful project eg learn something new using YouTube. I can’t see any legitimate reason to leave this sit. Others might view this differently so I’ll be interested to see their views.
Lots of issues at play here - your decision to sit solo rather than as a pair is your decision and not the homeowners so feeling isolated without a car wouldn’t meet the criteria of being an exceptional circumstances and a reason to leave .
Here is a link to the THS information about leaving a sit early
Whilst there’s no obligation for them to do so , you can ask the owner and they may be willing to re-list and find someone who would enjoy the sit . You do need to communicate with them .
With regards to the gardening ( is this watering , cutting the grass or more - was it mentioned in the listing ? ) if it’s not in the listing then you didn’t agree it it and you don’t have to do it . Some sitters enjoy gardening on a long sit and find it relaxing - their choice and not a requirement of a sitter unless it was clearly stated in the listing and you knew about it when you applied .
[quote=“imissmomo, post:1, topic:52355”]
Would it be very unethical of me to give them notice during a sit?
[/quote] Based on the facts as you have explained them, yes. Im sorry you are in this position but it’s of your own making and you have responsibilities.
On the flip side @imissmomo if you are feeling a little isolated out in the sticks then the gardening chores could be a welcome distraction to help make the time pass. #alwaysapositive
You summed up my thoughts pretty well here. I would prefer to repay that kindness, it’s just the pain levels that I am struggling with. My gut is telling me to stick it out, my body is saying otherwise.
Unfortunately, we have been using THS whilst looking for a place to rent, as it’s so hard to find somewhere these days. Things just haven’t worked out as planned with a very bad sit before this one, so this is actually my last long term sit!
I’m revising for entrance exams, so it’s an ideal place to be for that, it’s just the pain levels that are my concern. I am very grateful to the HO for helping us. I suspect I already knew the answer to this question before I asked it.
The short answer is that yes, you can absolutely leave a sit early. You’re not being held hostage.If you leave and how yoru do so is I think the more complicated issue.
If you are having some health issue (both the isolation and the back and neck pain) then this is itself a reason tot leave if that is what is needed. Is there any other options that you may be able to do or the owners may be able to help with?
Is there another bed available in the house that you could use? Have you goldilocksed all the seating to see if there is something else more suitable than the sofa? My partner has issues with low and soft sofas and prefers to sit on higher chairs like dining chairs with more back support so we just move some of those around the house.
For isolation is it possible to hire a car? It may cost some money but so will travelling home early or finding an airbnb. Maybe the owners can put you in touch with some of the neighbours for company - they may have book clubs or other activities they may include you in or suggestions on local activities you can get involved in.
For a long term sit having some basic gardening done is not an unusual ask. If it is somethign you were aware of before you agreed to sit then it really is something you should be doing, if your health allows, and may actually be beneficial. Do what you can.
It can feel overwhelming now, especially with a vomitty kitty, but if you can perhaps make some small improvements that help your sleep and seating and isolation it could lift the sit as a whole.
If you do need to go please talk to the owners and let them have some time to try and find another sitter. It may be difficult considering the are away and may take them some time.
And that’s fine if the pain is too much and you have to leave for treatment. Your first post identified loneliness & feeling a bit isolated as the no 1 problem though. If you’re going to talk to the HO then it needs to be for reason 2 not 1 for them to find just cause to accommodate you leaving the sit IMHO.
Nobody can make you stay, but You run the very real risk of getting a bad review if you leave the sit early. Most of what you have written is not the HO fault, and they have very kindly offered to pay for accommodation for you, which they didn’t have to do. Maybe such a long sit isn’t for you.
I would avoid mentioning of “hard sofas” as this implies you putting some of the fault on them, which it’s not (their fault). Any type of sofa softness requirement should have been discussed before accepting the sit.
Sounds like you and your husband didn’t think through your situation and needs before you committed to a sit and now you want out, even though the hosts aren’t responsible for your issues. You’d be seriously letting them down if you left — your choice, of course — and should expect a bad review in such circumstances.
I am sorry to hear you are having a bad time. I have never experienced something like you have so I can’t say for sure what I would do.
Based on what you said, it appears that housesitting is a temporary thing you are doing until you find a permanent residence rather than something you plan on doing for the long-term.
But, regardless of the reasons for sitting, or how long someone plans to do it, when people have issues that could interfere with their ability to stick to the commitment and/or carry out the given responsibilities–such as financial or health issues like you have here–they need to carefully consider the assignments they take, or whether sitting is appropriate at all, at least in the present moment.
I know in this case, doing the sit alone wasn’t part of the original plan, but if your financial situation means that there is always the possibility your husband may not be able to accompany you on the sit, and the HO is only left with a sitter who may not be able to do the things that need to be done, that really isn’t ideal for them, nor is it for you either obviously. The fact that you could end up somewhere alone should always be taken into account moving forward.
If you are seriously suffering physically and it makes it difficult to carry out the responsibilities of the sit, I don’t think it would be totally unreasonable to leave, though it sounds like the main concerns aren’t related to that. Again, not sure what I would do. I think this was a good learning experience, and gives you a lot to think about moving forward.
Is there anyway you can make the sofa more comfortable? We tend to move cushions around, the sit we are on at the moment has a very uncomfortable sofa so I’ve got cushions from another chair to put on top of the sofa to make it more comfortable. What is it about the bed that makes it uncomfortable? Are there other beds you can use?
It would have to be really bad for me to leave a sit, theres been several times we’ve had to grit our teeth and just get through it. Can you get out for a walk? Can your partner come to you (or a friend/family member) at the weekend?
You could potentially get a bad review if you leave early.
Hi @imissmomo
Sorry you’re having a hard time. I can’t relate to your pain issues which are obviously not nice. I can relate to taking a couple of sits when I started as a solo sitter that I learnt weren’t a good fit for me. Mainly lovely rural properties but in the middle of nowhere and having to walk or take public transport anywhere. I now only look at sits in or on the edge of towns or villages.
As to leaving early. This is a tough one. As said the HO may take a dim view and mention you didn’t fulfil the sit in your review which may make getting anymore sits on THS very difficult.
@imissmomo I empathise with you finding yourself unexpectedly alone on the sit and with the challenges you mention.
We have only ever left a sit early once.
Its a long story- completely different situation from yours- but it got to the point we simply could not bear to stay. In this case a lot happened and communication with the HO broke down completely. We had to involve THS and they tried to liase. We could not reslove the situation and eventually we gave a deadline we’d leave- 2 weeks ahead (longer than the HO asked for) and we offered to handover to the next sitters if they wanted to re-list… We loved the 4 pets and did not feel able to leave until we knew their care was sorted. In the end one half of the HO pair came back early. We stuck it out 6 weeks (of 10) and it was a very long 6 weeks! We agreed no reviews either way- that was the best solution for us all.
So I’d say definitely communicate with the hosts. Be as honest, open and helpful as you can to help you and them find a workable solution. But at the end of the day its your life and your health and no one can force you to do something that us not good for you. Go with your gut.
All the best
My thoughts really mirror everyone else’s. However, if you went off for the weekend, as well as the dry food, you could leave a dish of wet food out too. And keep the cat to one area instead of it being allowed to vomit wherever. Your back pain; I’m currently suffering and probs not like you but I can empathise. I find a ‘proper chair’ better. Have you a stick to use, a tens machine and failing that, is there a chiropractor locally who comes to the house? That may help. Not sure about the gardening….maybe if they’ve got tools with long handles like a hoe of something? I’m guessing your husband is returning from time to time and maybe he could tidy the garden when he visits?
I’m so sorry not to be any help whatsoever; hope you’ve a good stock of anti inflammatories and pain relief as well as exercises to keep moving.
I am not considering leaving due to the isolation (I have plenty to keep me busy) or boredom as some are assuming! It is the pain I am experiencing from the furniture!!
wherever. Your back pain; I’m currently suffering and probs not like you but I can empathise. I find a ‘proper chair’ better. Have you a stick to use, a tens machine and failing that, is there a chiropractor locally who comes to the house? That may help. Not sure about the gardening….maybe if they’ve got tools with long handles like a hoe of something? I’m guessing your husband is returning from time to time and maybe he could tidy the garden when he visits?