I had a 6 week nightmare sit prior to this one, where I had to take a cat to be put to sleep because of the owner’s neglect, and the house was dirty and infested with fleas. I stuck it out for the sake of the remaining cat, when really we should have left. Saying that you would avoid me as a sitter, not knowing me or my background is rude and completely irrelevant.
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It’s relevant if you want to sit in the future, because hosts would consider such. Most sitters consider such and want good reviews. I don’t host, so that choice would never come up for me. Shrug.
Things to consider or ask yourself:
- where will you go that won’t cost you money for accommodation?
- what are the pros & cons of leaving v staying?
- you will still be in pain, will leaving change that?
- is your current low feeling being amplified by your previous sit experience?
- is it that you just miss your partner so you are finding fault everywhere?
- is it fair that the owner be messed around by you not fulfilling the entire sit?
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@Crookie, These are all excellent points. 
But isn’t Workaway, pretty much like THS, primarily an exchange of services without any payment?
So what is the plan after you eventually leave the sit early? To join your husband? Are sofas in his work away more comfortable?
5 weeks is not a life time, it will be over before you know it
Edited to meet posting guidelines
I don’t think OP meant her husband was doing Workaway ™, rather that he had to take work that required him to be away from the sit.
I agree with the others - only you can make the decision about whether to stay or go for your health, but it seems you and your husband did not plan well for this sit, and the challenges you’re facing are of your (meaning the two of you) own making.
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Does Amazon deliver to the home?
If yes then order a thick mattress topper plus supportive sofa cushioning. Cheaper than leaving and paying for accommodations.
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I understand how tough this is. It isn’t what you planned. But you and your husband made an agreement and it’s not fair to your hosts to cancel. There might be some things you can do to make yourself more comfortable like getting a mattress pad or a good pillow. There might be some things the homeowner would be willing to do like help you out with a car rental or uber allowance.
You could let the homeowners know that you are having health issues and the unexpected withdrawal of your husband is making things tough. Rather than abandon ship, see if they’d be open to posting as a last minute sit and getting someone in to take your place.
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First off, well done for asking for help first rather than making a decision to cut and run. Hopefully the advice you are getting in this forum is helping!
My own take would be that health and safety needs to be taken as a major consideration. That said, it doesn’t seem like this issue was unforeseeable, so in fairness to the HO, you should try to make this sit work.
From the additional comments you have made, it seems that it is only the pain management which is the “deal breaker” here. Is it at all possible to make any amendments which will assist you e.g. are there ergonomic products you could purchase that would make chairs or beds more comfortable like inflatable cushioning, mattress toppers? Yes it would be an expense, but as others have pointed out, you have to weigh it against the cost of alternative accommodation which you will be facing should you leave. If storage/transport isn’t an issue, they would also come in handy for future sits. Perhaps it might also be worth consulting a healthcare professional about ways to manage pain when dealing with stranger’s furniture - again, this could be a useful investment for future.
Hope the pain eases, whatever way you decide to go.
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@anon95695450 So, the pet parents paid for you and your partner to stay in an Airbnb when they unexpectedly had a funeral to attend at the beginning of the sit and they’ve said it’s okay for you to spend some weekends away from the home (you say also that you’ve already spent 2 nights away). I think most sitters would agree they sound like fair, considerate hosts.
You’ve stated that isolation and neck pain (in that order) are the main reasons why you are feeling ‘desperate to cancel’ after 2 weeks of a 7 week sit.
Your question is whether it would be unethical to give them notice of your intention to quit before the agreed end date of the sit. We all have different values, of course, and my own feelings are that yes, it would be pretty unethical. You made a commitment to these pet parents and they’re relying on you. From what you say, there have been no sit misrepresentations and your health issues are ongoing, so you presumably know how best to manage them? Chronic back pain is awful, but maybe you should have mentioned this when applying, and questioned the seating and sleeping provision?
It sounds as if you’re feeling pretty miserable and want out. Nobody can make you stay, and maybe an alternative sitter might actually be the best option here, for everybody (including the cat, who clearly craves attention and love).
I’d advise communicating openly with the pet parents and suggesting you stay until alternative sitters can be appointed. Going forwards, it seems like you should possibly re-think what kind of sits you’re capable of and are happy to commit to, for everybody’s sake.
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If a sitter has ongoing painful conditions that they can’t manage, it’s probably better for them to avoid sitting at all. Because if it’s all dependent on the host’s furniture, you won’t be able to tell till you get there, and if so, you’d be in pain no matter how long or short the sit is. That means any host would face risks with such a person sitting.
In this case, though, when someone mentions a slew of unrelated factors, it doesn’t sound like pain is key enough to abandon a sit.
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That is not correct. The OP has stated quite clearly and specifically the sole cause of their need to leave which is the pain they are experiencing.
There is no indication that the cat is not receiving the care and attention that it requires from the OP.
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Studying for exams suggests extended sitting and that’s unlikely to be helping your back too.
Definitely look at your ‘ergonomic setup’, use cushions to pad ‘voids’ on chairs, books to raise the height of things as needed.
Go for walks, hot showers/baths.
Back pain is horrid. I know exactly what your mean. But honestly I would trying to set up beds, couches etc. to suit and see if that helps.
Even short term meds.
Not just because of this sit, but because it’s getting some skills ‘on board’ to help you in the future. It makes SUCH a difference to build your own capacity.
Yes it’s painful, but if its not harmful to your condition then it’s worth giving it a crack.
I would not be gardening. I think that’s one thing to avoid.
Honestly most HO would insist a sitter hang around every day. They genuinely sound like hosts I would want.
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@cawosey (quotes taken from the original post)
:
All these things suggest a cat who is possibly feeling insecure and craves attention, which the OP claims ‘can be a little bit much…’ i would be checking to see if it’s furballs, watch to see whether the kitty is excessively grooming (a sign of stress) and speak ing with the pet parent about the vomiting concerns.
Ongoing periods of unexplainef vomiting would require veterinary attention, IMHO.
It sounds like the OP is so focused on being ‘desperate to leave’ (she mentions isolation, neck pain, uncomfortable bed and sofas, gardening she can’t do and not enjoying that the cat won’t leave her side, all in her opening post) which strongly suggests that she’s possibly not so focussed on the symptoms being displayed by the cat she’s there to look after. So yes, from what’s been presented here by the OP, I’d reiterate that an alternative sitter might actually be the best option here, for everybody (including the cat).
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Sorry to hear you’re having a tough time - have things picked up at all over the last couple of days? In your situation, I think I would write a list of things that were bothering me, and also a list of which of those things I was able to do something about. Sometimes it really helps to have it there in black and white. If I felt like I was able to action enough things to make the sit bearable for myself, then I’d grit my teeth and stick it out.
I don’t think that anything you’ve mentioned counts as the ‘exceptional circumstances’ under which you’d be able to leave a sit early, so unless you have an extremely understanding HO, leaving early is inevitably going to result in a poor review and you may struggle to find sits in the future.
There’s a lot to weigh up, and I hope you’re able to come up with some solutions that make it a better experience for yourself.
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When I first started, I took a sit, somewhat locally in Michigan, in Jan, with a pit mix that was not socialized, so pulled on the walk. I had ripped my meniscus two weeks prior and was having severe pain, walking. But I did the 10 day sit, walking that pit mix, with a pressure sleeve on my knee. And I am 65. It was not fun, but I committed and I needed a good review. That is part of the process if you want to do this. If you want to stop, then you could leave. But it isn’t very nice to HO who trusted you.
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I wonder why you even considered taking a sit when you have so much with your own issues and so on.
And when you are in such mode of No, I can’t do that, that is too much and so on.
To sit some few minutes in the garden can truly support health. That’s why people recommend doing a tiny bit of garden work, to get out of a miserable mindset and embrace it fully.
I have chronic pains too, I know what kind of refuelling I need. But I easily sometimes put myself in the same negative and miserable mindset you seem to have put yourself in now.
And you are thinking about fleeing instead of finding solutions and acknowledging what is good in this situation you have ended up in.
And I also wonder why you choose to sit in such rural and isolated place in the first place? I recommend you to avoid them from now on.
And the cat obviously heard you asking for company, that you don’t want to be isolated and by yourself.
Edited to be in line with forum guidelines
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None of that suggests the OP is neglecting the cat or not providing the care and attention the cat needs. It actually shows they are very aware of the cats condition. You have just made a huge assumption possibly based on your own experience but I can tell you that every pet I have encountered that was more demanding or sick and even more than “a little but much sometimes” received exemplary care from me.
Someone tried to get help and empathy and explained their situation and experience in detail in order to get that. That should not open them up to suggestions that they are not providing for the animals in their care just because they provided that.
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@cawosey The OP actually asked for opinions on whether it would be ethical for her to leave the sit under the given circumstances:
You seem to suggest we should only give responses which align with the OP’s desire to leave. Ive responded with my opinion. You clearly dont agree with it and that’s fine, we are all entitled to our own views.
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I agree with Trust re chronic pain. It needs constant vigilance to keep your ‘tank’ topped up.
There are a lot of ‘self care’ strategies needed to keep functional capacity (or at least the best you can manage with the medical issue). And minimize the pain as much as possible.
If they are neglected, then the pain quickly increases. Sometimes you can ‘save’ the situation with aggressive management.
Other times you can’t. And for whatever reason the ‘tells’ are ignored, yes it’s truly miserable.
EVERYTHING becomes harder mentally and physically to do. A ‘downward spiral’ can be a real thing.
Basically your choices are try and use drugs, which are ineffective long term. Or use ‘coping strategies’.
In the case of managing spine/neck issues, for me. Housesitting is quite likely to cause serious pain, different postures, back/neck support changes everything.
And if I get bad sleep because of the pain, then it becomes almost certain.
It needs to be managed, and if the way of doing that is having someone else on the sit with you. Then once that person is unavailable, then you either need to do something else, or not start the sit.
It sounds like there no ‘back up’ strategies used, possibly because there were none.
So yes OP needs to take accountability for that. And figure out the immediate and what happens in the long term.
If the current situation is damaging the underlying medical condition then that’s different.
But otherwise its a real chance to learn how to manage what sounds like a serious issue better.
I totally get the pain, having wrestled life threatening vertebral osteomyelitis. And I mean life threatening.
I don’t always get it right, but I have a good daily life despite never being truly ‘pain free’.
What made a massive difference for me was to stop relying on a spouse as the go-to.
I have more capacity than a lot of persons of a similar age/demographic without chronic pain. Sometimes significantly more.
But that’s come from learning if I don’t manage it well, I would be the OP.
So I get it, which is why ‘suck it up’ can actually be the best option.
Make the environment more comfortable, get drugs for short-term pain relief so sleep is possible. Do the physical exercise for mobility, preventing reoccurrence, flare-ups.
Don’t get ‘cocky’ and think everything is OK and take a shortcut, like forgetting to take posture breaks. You might get away with it once or twice but that’s just luck.
That’s why people who truly understand how pain can steal everything might seem ‘cruel’ when giving advice.
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