I have a sit coming up in a month for 3 weeks and sent my usual message confirming arrival times etc. The owners replied and informed me that during my sit their daughter will be visiting for a weekend. This was never discussed in the original offer.
This has never happened during any of my sits before and I’m unsure how to feel about it. On the one hand it feels like they are sending someone to check on me and it’s an invasion of my privacy and a distrust in my ability to look after their pets and home.
On the other hand, it’s the owners home and they have final say who stays there.
I’m not sure about this and thought perhaps some may be able to offer some advice as to how to cope with this new development.
For context I’m a digital nomad travelling through a foreign country and choose my stays based on where I’d like to visit. The home is in a historical town and I was looking forward to exploring during my stay.
It’s against TH’s terms and conditions for a third party to visit the property during the sit so just say “no, she won’t be because it’s a breach of the T&Cs”.
As you’ll soon read ad infinitum here, nobody but the sitter is supposed to be on the property during the sit. If you wish, you are entirely within your rights and THS policy to cancel your sit. That’s entirely up to you given that you really want to visit the locale. YOU have the final say of whether you stay.
As an HO, I’ve committed the faux pax of asking sitters if they were okay with a family member dropping by. It was an honest mistake on my part, a failure to have found and fully read THS’s T&Cs. It had nothing at all with checking on the sitters.
I would send copy and paste of the relevant section of THS’s T&Cs and offer options.
They can cancel you so that you can find another sit.
The daughter might need to pick something up which could happen whilst you’re out on a date/time to be agreed maybe.
The daughter isn’t allowed to stay as she’s a 3rd party.
I’d say that having received their message which was a surprise- you now realise they didn’t fully understood the rules when agreeing to you as their sitter- but it’s not how THS runs and if they’d like to consult the website they can learn more about the 3rd party rules.
Here is a potential response. Other owners who’ve received similar messages have made the wise choice to just put their kid in a hotel for a couple of nights rather than scramble to find another sitter:
Thank you so much for your message and for confirming the details of my upcoming sit. I appreciate how welcoming you’ve been.
I wanted to clarify what you mentioned about your daughter visiting during the sit. TrustedHousesitters’ Terms and Conditions require that no one else stays in the home during a sit unless it’s been agreed in advance and is reflected in the original sit arrangement. Because this wasn’t part of our original agreement, unfortunately I wouldn’t be able to continue with the sit under those conditions.
I completely understand that it’s your home and your decision who visits, of course. If it’s important for your daughter to be there during that time, the best option would be to cancel the sit so you’re free to make arrangements that suit your family. If you’d prefer to keep the sit as originally agreed (with just me in the home caring for your pets), I’m still very happy to go ahead as planned.
Please let me know by Monday August 18th what works best for you—I’ll support whichever path you choose.
Depending on how “precious” the overall sit is, I can imagine being curious about the daughter, and her presence might actually turn out to be a positive experience.
It really depends on the overall situation; so many factors.
If the daughter is coming over a weekend, and the sitter has time off work on the weekend, perhaps the daughter could become the sitter, and the THS sitter has a chance to stay elsewhere and visit the surrounding area.
Maybe the OP THS sitter (@CosmoBrownsCat )really, really, really wants to do this sit, so she is willing to bend the rules a bit. Yes, the owners are wrong, but there may be a creative solution here.
If it’s within your budget to do so, why not turn this to your advantage and book a couple of nights’ accommodation elsewhere in the town – see it as an opportunity to explore without the responsibilities of pet care? Pen a polite reply along the lines of how lovely it will be to meet the daughter to do a hand over (and you never know, this may well turn out to be the case), and that you’ll happily vacate for the weekend so as not to contravene THS Ts and Cs.
Once you’ve sorted out hand over dates, it might be advisable to ask the home owner to re-list the sit with two separate sets of dates, to avoid any ambiguity about where your responsibilities begin and end.
Have been in a similar situation. I explained that I would haft to cancel the whole stay then, as I couldn’t do it due to insurance reasons ( which is true, it’s also a clear breach of the terms - the other is just a slightly softer, more practical explanation). In that case, the HO’s child quickly found other arrangements and stayed with friends instead - they have more options than someone just visiting the area or city.
A host told me months after we confirmed that their grown son would overlap my sit, because he’d moved back in unexpectedly. We had a quick phone call and I said I’d be happy to do the sit as planned, solo, or we could cancel. Our chat was friendly and we ended up canceling, with the host volunteering to share costs to rearrange my travel. She also later referred me to a friend, who also hosts on THS.
For me, it was no big deal, because I always have a backup plan.
I wouldn’t like it as a sitter but my decision to stay or not would depend on many factors. How long the sit is, how appealing I find that area, home and pet. Could I easily replace this sit with one just as attractive to me. You said you are a nomad so maybe staying in a house opposed to a hostel or hotel is much more satisfactory so you would rather stay. I would write the PP. I would say something like, I was surprised when you said your daughter will be staying for a weekend. Are you aware of, then give them THS policy. Are you sure your daughter would be traveling alone and not staying past the weekend? Maybe go to a hotel or hostel just for the weekend she will be there. Don’t have to worry about pet care and have no cap when to return for pet care. If it’s a long sit, I think I would choose that option.
I could write that letter only because the same thing happened to me years ago, and a wise friend showed me this approach. I just adapted it—and I’ll tell her you appreciate it, since she deserves the credit! (In my case, the other party backed down)
I agree with what you are saying. They definitely should have asked versus told the confirmed sitter.
But what if….the home is huge, and the daughter would be sleeping in the separate unit above the garage? What if…there are rarely sits in the area, and the OP really wants a chance to be there for an entire 3 weeks, with one cat?
I am just daydreaming, but only the OP sitter knows the details and her own wants, needs, and boundaries. So many possibilities!
I found out when I arrived at a sit that the son had returned home unexpectedly. He stayed in a separate part of the house and his mother arranged for him to take me out sightseeing. He was pleasant. I had an opportunity to talk French. It turned out remarkably well. Why not talk over the options with the homeowner?
You’ve had excellent advice so far. It is a breach of terms of a confirmed sit, but should you wish to, you can accept it. It could turn out fine or it could leave you in a tight spot.
You could get «a sightseeing and learn French» so to speak. Or the parents already seem entitled «informing» you instead of asking if it is ok, the daughter might also regard you as «help», have friends over, throw a party as she’s finally home - and you might be cleaning after her and/ or otherwise be held responsible for things that might occur, things broken/ missing, a mess. Which in part is reason behind third party rules, I guess, besides sitter safety.
So if you choose to do it, I would regardless mention that it is breach of terms and ask them what they have in mind and whether the daughter is informed of the THS terms - before you make your final decision.
@CosmoBrownsCat Arrange with the HO’s to take the weekend “off”, explore the area to your heart’s content, everyone secure in the knowledge that the HO’s daughter will assume responsibility
Lots of good advice here. Just want to add the overall viewpoint: You didn’t know this was against the rules. They didn’t know it was against the rules. If you need them to cancel because you aren’t willing to break this rule, and they refuse, then you need to contact THS and have them cancel the sit for you. You’ll need to get a human and you’ll need to have proof that they are going ahead with the third party plan.
But we are all humans here, so it’s likely that once you make clear that it is against the rules, and you aren’t comfortable and it’s not what you signed up for or anticipated because it is against the rules, it’s more than likely they’ll come up with a compromise of some kind of mutually agreed upon plan. Just don’t feel pressured to accept something you aren’t comfortable with.
I hope that you will not do the sit if someone else is there during any time that you are there. Maybe they will make other arrangements for the daughter.
I would like to see the rule that “No one else is present during the sit” stays enforced and doesn’t go by the wayside.