We have just completed a two month house sit whereby we met the host couple the day before they left and stayed a day after they returned (at their request).
During the two months sit I sent pictures, videos and messages a couple of times a week, sometimes these were acknowledged, sometimes not. Which was absolutely fine, we loved the sit and would definitely return.
Since we left I received numerous messages per day, some trivial like where was our towel for washing (I’d already washed what we used). All questions regards the house sit were answered but then the host continued to message me every day with pictures and updates on the pets and what she was up to.
I am on holiday myself so the disruption has been off-putting so I just added a ‘react’ to the message. Then she started video calling (I didn’t answer) at all time of the day and evening, knowing that I was on holiday saying she couldn’t get a hold of me. After two weeks of this stressing me out (and the reviews both on) I have blocked her number.
Now she’s emailing my partner and sending a message of THS, to say there is an issue with my phone and she’s trying to get in contact with me (it’s now almost three weeks since with left so it’s nothing to so with the house sit). I haven’t read or answered either. Has anyone had similar? In over 70 THS house-sits I have never experienced this amount of contact following a sit.
Should I continue to ignore messages or should I answer and be honest regards the amount of contact making me feel uncomfortable? I will now not return to the house-sit which is disappointing but this stalking behaviour is unacceptable.
I would try directly telling her that you dont appreciate the messaging. The issue with that is that some people only understand “STOP THIS NOW OR POLICE COMES”, and nothing less gets ignored, no matter how kind or candid. Still I would do that, as I think it would have a higher likelihood of relieving me from the stress.
I hope I never get put into that position. I have had some close calls, where the host expected me to be a personal friend (in a one way street: I listen, they talk), but short answers made it stop.
I would not have blocked her. Not communicating with her the truth only makes her think you are injured or sick and that’s why no return call. She doesn’t understand that you being “business friendly” so to speak doesn’t result in her being your best friend now. I would have texted and said something like, I am on holiday and can no longer respond to PP when I am no longer at the sit and the sit has ended. I wish you well and I enjoyed spending time with Rover. If you want to return add, please think of us again for your next sit.
Definitely needs a blocking system, I’ll contact them and suggest it, I’ve left the message as ‘unread’ but I know she’s going to keep trying, she doesn’t have a self-awareness bone in her body!
That’s a good idea, she doesn’t seem to get the ‘ignoring her’ way and thinks there is a personal relationship developed but even friends and family don’t contact me this often!
First, I would only reply on the THS messaging system so they have a record of the comms.
Second, I would reply to her on the THS messaging that while you enjoyed the sit and pets very much, it is now completed and you attention is focused on your holiday and future sits so you won’t be responding to her text and phone calls any further and specifically request communications stop.
Keep her blocked on your phone and email.
If she responds further on the THS system, report her for harassment.
@Stmarys, while we stay in communication periodically with some past pet parents then it is only occasional and two-way. We’ve never faced the predicament that you outline.
This is hopefully a honest expectations disconnect from someone with whom you developed a great rapport. In some ways, congrats on building trusted relationship. but there are boundaries.
Sometimes simple, honest communication is a wonderful thing if challenging in short-term.
While difficult then we’d encourage a polite communication that - as you deem appropriate - reiterates how much you enjoyed the housesit; and that you are now focussed on current/future housesits [or other matters beyond vacation] so welcome fewer/no further communications; and that you wish her success in future housesits [i.e. express no appetite to return as that’s noted in OP].
Otherwise consider ask THS Member Services via support@trustedhousesitters.com for guidance as this situation, while hopefully unusual, has probably happened previously.
@stmarys That is wild! What are they even emailing and texting about now, so long after the fact? Does she think you have some sort of steady arrangement now? Cause there do appear to be an increase of listings looking for that..
Haven’t experienced that level of persistence, but did have one host who repeatedly messaged me with dinner invites etc. weeks after. He didn’t stop until I left the state.
Had a few others who kept sending pet updates, texts, and videos, along with new dates, hoping I’d commit to future sits. Didn’t stop until it was crystal clear I wouldn’t be traveling there again soon. Which, in one case, despite being a lovely experience, therefore meant no review from them (new members).
Also had one who sent me holiday greetings with pet pics shortly after writing a pages-long rant in response to my review of a stay that could have gone slightly better
Overall, the behavior had stopped once hosts realized I wasn’t planning traveling back to the same location anytime soon… them sending pet photos etc. doesn’t change that. But it does show that some genuinely believe pets (or hosts!) are reason enough to fly across states, countries, or continents. And it’s even more obvious when recieving invitations in the app.
The way sitters are marketed and portrayed by THS are definitely causing and contributing to this behavior.
Absolutely needs to be a block option. It’s stalking and clearly unstable behavior
I agree. It’s somewhat like we’re indentured servants to some people, and exist to serve their needs, practical and emotional.
I have maintained contact over the years with a few favorite HOs. There was and is mutual respect. Letting me know their beloved pet died, checking in a few times a year to see how I am, getting together for a coffee, that sort of thing.
Anyone madly trying to contact someone (and repeatedly), especially so close after the end of the sit, has Issues.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, especially after the sit when you should be able to switch off and move on. You did your part by completing the sit and caring for their pets; you don’t owe the owners ongoing emotional support or endless follow‑up once the agreement has finished.
We had a similar experience and it really taught us how important boundaries are after a sit ends. We also had a couple who became a bit obsessed with us after what had seemed like a great sit. At first it came across as sweet – they wanted to send a thank‑you gift, so we (naively) shared our postal address so they could ship it. But then the husband started turning up at our home with random “surprise” gifts, completely uninvited. That moved from flattering to creepy very quickly, because we had never invited that level of contact or any in‑person visits once the sit was over and we found out by messaging his wife that he was lying to her about his visits.
We ended up blocking them on all communication channels because the unannounced visits crossed a big boundary for us, and at that point our safety and privacy had to come first. This sounded so familiar I even went and checked to see if it might be the same couple, but I don’t see any 2‑month sits on their profile, so I’m guessing it’s a different pair. Either way, the whole situation really reinforced for us that it’s OK to say “Please don’t come to our home uninvited,” to cut contact when people don’t respect that, and to prioritise our own safety over worrying about hurting an owner’s feelings.
Wow I am so sorry you went through that, that was very intense. They had taken copies of our passports and we are grateful it wasn’t our driving licence with our home address. Although thankfully they do live in a different country to us.
Thank you, that’s really helpful. We’ve over 70 house sits behind us, some repeat some we hit it off with but never experienced anything like this, the odd Christmas message or a future date request. They felt we went above and beyond, which we do for everyone but certainly has crossed our boundaries.
