In my little experience as a dog sitter, I’ve noticed a pattern: at first, the dog is happy to see me, we play, they bring me their favourite toys, and do everything to get my attention.
After about 1 or 2 hours though, things change for a while. They start missing their parents and go looking for them around the house, sometimes sweetly crying or barking to call them.
What do you do in these cases? And if it happens to you, after how much time do they usually go into that “missing their parents” state?
I don’t know if what I do is “what you’re supposed to do,” but I usually try to stay close, talk to them softly, reassure them, and give gentle hugs if they’re comfortable with it. I feel this helps us connect and they seem happier after.
Usually it passes within 10 minutes once I shift back into normal play or routine, but I’d love to know: should I just keep acting normally and let them work through it, or is it better to actively comfort them?
On our first sit all was fine until day 10 when one of the dogs thought her owners were away long enough and went looking right through the house and particularly the master suite. Clearly she was missing them although happy with us. I just gave her extra affection, told her “ not long now they will be home” I was glad for her sake that was true, and she was fine for the next few days until they came home.
The first 1-2 hours I am just sitting down in the living room or gently doing snmaller tasks (not yet unpacking or rambling about) to let them get used to me. often just sitting quitely on the coach, reading or something. After that it is often treat time, to get them to know that I 'm an asset and we go for a walk if it is a dog (with treats in pocket - in addition to other equipment necessary).
After that I’ve found that everything is usually great. I find excuses to offer a treat (often just kibble from their daily ration of sorts) - just to keep the popular vote. But I take care not to give them excesses, try to keep it within what they normally would eat.
In 50 sits (the vast majority of them being for dogs), we’ve never experienced that. In fact, we’ve often acknowledged that, with no change in their environment or routine, pets seem hardly to notice the change in human company!
With both cats and dogs, we let them approach us at their own pace, act calmly and speak gently. Animals soon suss you out. On an early days sit, the departing pet parents informed us that one of their dogs (named Bindi) was a bit nervous around strangers so would take a few days to settle down with us. We have pics of her on the very first evening, snuggled into my husband’s neck and the very picture of contentment (she remains one of our favourite sit dogs and we have very fond memories of her, she’s an absolute darling girl).
A little kindness goes a long way. Dogs will pick up your vibes, so just don’t stress it or anticipate problem issues.
@Walter, on meeting new dog(s) then we typically walk them in a location that’s familiar to them. This can dissipate anxieties about owner leaving and us arriving. And burns any excess energy - dog may receive lesser exercise if distracted prior to departure. This also initiates a connection between us and the dog(s). Provides psychological comfort that everything is ok and everyday tasks are unaffected.
Twenty years ago, before we got our dog (miss you!), then we watched a great many shows of The Dog Whisperer. One of Cesar Milan’s tactics was to initiate contact with a walk, of sufficient intensity depending on dog, situation and energy.
Oh, with our dog, our sitters (we hire professionals he knows) tell us that he tends to mope and maybe not eat for a day or two after we leave him. But he recovers, as we’d hope. He bonds with them, and is ecstatic on our return.
I’m no dog expert but it sounds like by playing with the dog, you could be revving it up a bit. I usually just sit down with the dog and have a cup of tea and maybe read for a while. Then I take the dog for a walk.
In your shoes, if the dog started moping I’d get the lead and take them out for a walk. The familiarity might relax them.
We can’t really know what a dog is thinking, all we can do is make assumptions based on our interpretation of their behavior and body language.
That much says, a dog I had years ago appeared to be traumatized after I left her in a kennel for a vacation that was less than 2 weeks long. It took weeks for her to return to what I considered to be normal behavior.
That was the last time I did anything other than in-home sitting. None of the 3 dogs I’ve owned seemed the least bit concerned about my absence as reported by sitters and how they behaved upon my return.
I suppose familiar surroundings matter much more than the owners absence and a change in routine.
We’ve rarely had a dog miss their owners for longer than the time it takes for the owners taxi to drive off. We do 3 things.
Arrive in plenty of time so they typically sit with us and not the owners as we’re a new playmate
and the order of 2 & 3 depends on the dog:
Put the kettle & TV on, and just sit with the background noise of the TV, because the dog will know that always means cuddle-time.
Go for a walk because that always seals the deal.
We don’t unpack bags until later, and we don’t play with the dog until later, because we would have already been playing with it while the owners are there, so once they are gone, it’s time for the dog to feel relaxed and chilled with us, rather than playing, it’s all about them just being comfortable with us.
The biggest difference is when the TV goes on though, that’s a brilliant signal to the dog to relax and snuggle.
Yes a big dog, a tall Labradoodle. Pleased to see them home, but also an element of snubbing them for having left her. We were her new people now. A lovely dog, and sadly passed away a few months later.
We have done many dog sits and not had the experience you describe.
When we have a video call before confirming a sit, we always ask in detail about the dogs usual routine and stick to that . Dogs settle when they know that these “strangers” will feed & walk them at their usual time .
If a dog is behaving in such a way at the same time each day - then I might ask the hosts - what usually happens at xx o’clock because xx seems to be missing you at that time - maybe there is something that the host forgot to tell you - like they get a treat or other interaction at that time .
We’ve had several hosts comment that their dogs were happy to see them when they returned home but also were looking for us for several days after we had left .
To add onto @HappyDeb from the perspective of a dog trainer…
Let the dog work through their feelings. Unless they are self-harming, I’d leave them be. If the behaviour continues for a long time, interrupt it by giving them something else to do like a walk or a play session.
Time spent together whether just in keeping company and hanging out or play is always a safe bet.
A couple notes,
usually when a dog meets a new person and runs to grab a toy, it’s a coping mechanism because they have such big feelings about something that they get something of comfort to hold in their mouth. Not a bad thing and doesn’t mean the dog isn’t happy to see you but can be over generalised and anthropomorphised by humans quite frequently.
I’m very big on checking in re:if a dog wants pets. Taking a pause every now and then to ask for consent, then allowing the dog to re-engage with you if they so desire to do so is a good way to gauge if a dog is simply submitting or genuinely wants to be petted.
Overall though I wouldn’t worry too much based on what you’ve written.
Once, we were gone 3 weeks, south america then antarctica. I knew our
dog would be with the dog walker at a particular dog run along the beach. So I went. Called my dog when I saw her and she cried for about 5 minutes. I know she was happy to stay with the dog walker at her home and hang with her buddies, but this was a little too long.
I let the dog or cat call the shots!
In all my sits, I’ve really only had 3 dogs who haven’t accepted me quickly. One was a 3 dog, cat, and parrot sit and in 2 weeks, 1 of the dogs never got close. She would watch me from across the room, she ate, used the dog flap to come and go in the yard, but never got close. The HO did tell me that she was always wary of men which was interesting because the parrot only liked men and was wary of women. Kind of a dilemma when selecting a sitter
Another short sit with a solo dog - he spent his time in the large yard, would come on the porch for meals but only after I’d put the bowl down and go back inside. He had a flap and would come in to sleep at night after I’d turned off the LR light - I’d hear the flap when he came in and would go back out when he heard me get up in the morning.
Current sit is 2 dogs, 1 hangs out with me all the time. Wolf was very friendly when I arrived but once the HO left made his way upstairs to spend the night. I did entice him back down in the morning and he then spent the next nights on my bed (both dogs spend the night on the bed). But Wolf seems to just be a loner - will spend a lot of time in the fenced yard (good weather) or I’ll find him curled up in an open closet or sleeping behind a chair. Occasionally he has joined me on the couch to watch a movie.
Whatever makes the dog comfortable!
On one of my first sits, the HO noted in his review that the dog & cat both went looking for me in the guest room after I left. That really made me feel good about the sit. Some others have done the same since. (HOs - if it is true in your case, that is one of the best compliments you can put in a review!)
Than you for your tips, @Happypets ! And sweet story, the one with Bindi… 50 sits and no settling issues! You guys must have such a positive, calm vibe that the dogs easily pick up on. “Don’t stress it or anticipate problem issues.” Love it.
I was glad for her sake that was true, and she was fine for the next few days until they came home.
and we go for a walk if it is a dog (with treats in pocket - in addition to other equipment necessary).
