Easiest thing now is to clarify with the HO by contacting them
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(HO speaking here) Thank you for writing this. I always felt awkward in the past, since for scheduling/plane cancellation reasons but also for getting to know and trust my sitters I insist on crossovers both before and after the sit.
I never even came close to, but I would cancel a sit in person if I felt I couldn’t trust the sitters.
For me, it’s about getting to know each other, showing the routines, welcoming the sitters, and giving them and myself a sense of security (if something travel related goes wrong, we can always go to a backup plan). Also, there’s always questions and my homes all had and have quirks 
I felt awkward because when I learned about THS from my ex gf, she always did the greet-and-run thing. I found this didn’t do justice to the pets, but it also simply felt very rude.
Of course I always set sit dates accordingly and I bring this up before I decide on a sitter. I never had anybody who didn’t appreciate the crossover, no less decline it (they would’ve been denied the sit then).
So thanks for putting my mind at ease! 
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I would not like if they did not accept an invitation for dinner. That is not about feeding. Most important reason to do that is to build a personal connection. I would get concerned if the people who were going to live in my house with my pets had problems with that.
But with the overnighter, that would be fine for me. I would think it was considerate. Or maybe they did not want to get their sleep interrupted when I got up at 5 am to catch that flight. If I was rich I might even offer to pay for their hotel.
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Sounds like poor communications by both host and sitter. In such a case, things are best clarified by talking directly. Can be as easy as something like:
Sitters: Thanks for your kind invite, but we’ve made other plans for overnight (or dinner). For a handoff, what do you think of X?
Then work things out in a mutually agreeable way.
In future, always have this discussion at the outset. Like how can you arrange a sit without knowing when to arrive? And that can naturally segue into what overlap will there be, if any, and how handoff will be done.
Don’t assume that X will happen because of past sits. Each sit, host and sitter are different.
Many people enjoy sharing a meal and connecting, so if this is a dealbreaker, it’s better to make clear upfront. And worth considering that some hosts won’t trust sitters who don’t want to do an overlapping handoff.
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I’ve done a repeat sit where my hosts showed me around (or we chatted on the second sit), then they left to spend the night at an airport hotel, given their early flight the next morning. Worked well. Lovely folks and my favorite sit dog. On my second sit, they even invited me to stay extra days beyond my sit if I wanted to, though I didn’t choose to.
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If it is a dealbreaker for the host, so can the host.
Although I can see the good reasons for a handover the day before travel I don’t really see why one would have to put on the pj’s and sleep in the same house as a dealbreaker. Either way.
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If they would have been denied the sit, who knows whether they really appreciate it.
But I would probably say no. Or even better - HO put it in profile and we don’t apply.
We avoid crossovers and point blank refuse meals. Sometimes, the HO appears relieved at not having to cook on the eve of departure… However, we always do a warm handover, whatever the pet (s)
Personally, I think honesty is the best policy.
I explain I am a faddy eater and would be happy to have tea and cake with them. I add. I am a bit of an insomniac, so it’s best if I stay in a hotel.
So far, it hasnt been a problem.
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Absolutely ok ! And there is no need to give a reason if you’d rather not. All that you need to do is be clear, respectful and committed to the “contract” /whatever you commited to when accepting the sit.
Ironic story : I was supposed to begin a sit today but the HO asked if I could arrive last night as they were planning to leave very early this morning. The request came last week (I accepted the sit about a month ago) and I said, “Yes,” knowing all along that I really didn’t want to spend the evening . It was certainly nothing personal as they were lovely over the phone interviews. I’m just v v v awkward and uncomfortable around new people especially when staying in their homes. I just talked myself down and convinced myself that dinner and socialising would be fine. When I arrived, I was shown the ropes…and away the owners went to spend the night with ther daughter ! It was a lovely first night with a dog and a couple of horses…only !
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That really should have been discussed in any pre call. However, we have had people both stay over, and also who have stayed at a hotel nearby. We love meeting homeowners and sitters over a meal, but happy also if sitters don’t stay but come early for a tour. Just be clear on your preference 
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So they invited you at dinner time and they just left???
Who does such a thing. So incredibly rude.
No I only assumed a dinner invite given the timing of my intended arrival. Believe me, even if they HAD promised dinner and didn’t come through, I would have been perfectly happy as dinner with strangers - lovely and well-being though they are - is NEVER something I look forward to !
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Unfortunately I don’t think we’ll be able to say that because the HO did factor the overnight into the dates they advertised so in applying/accepting the sit we’ve agreed were available for that first day/evening even though they’re not leaving until the following day.
I think what we’re going to do is explain that if we’re not required to sit during the first day then I will be working and we will arrive during the evening - that way we won’t get under their feet while they’re packing/getting ready to leave but will have ample time for a cup of tea and personal handover.
We have no issues with an in person meet and greet/handover and would offer to go over prior to the sit in order to do this and avoid the awkwardness of a meal/sleepover with them.
It’s still all very new to us and we’re learning from our mistakes 
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You agreed to the dates, but it sounds like the overnight with them was not in the listing or discussed prior to confirmation. It’s not something you agreed to, so it’s fine for you to say you are not comfortable with that arrangement.
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Sounds like your hosts assumed that you’d overnight with them, have dinner with them. And you assumed otherwise. That’s a mutual communication gap. They should learn from their mistake as well. It’s not all on you.
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I wouldn’t find that rude as a sitter. Unless someone specifically invited me to dinner, I wouldn’t take it for granted. I enjoy breaking bread with hosts, but I’m also totally fine with fending for myself.
Another sitter has previously commented on the forum that they ask directly whether they’ll be sharing dinner with their hosts, so they can plan accordingly. Seems pragmatic if that matters to a sitter(s).
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I am not taking it for granted (certainly not if they had not asked if I had any restrictions on what I eat), but I find it very rude to ask someone to arrive at home at dinnertime and not have dinner with them. Or at least provide food in case they had other obligations, and apologize in advance.
Of course I can fend for myself. That is not what it is about.
(By the way, Sweden is quite terrible in this regard. Children’s friends often did not get food. From the NYTimes in June 2022:
https://www.nytimes.com/2022/06/02/world/europe/sweden-feeding-guests-dinner.html )
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I can see your point. Agree to disagree.
Hej Hej, that’s really interesting to learn! I never saw or experienced this when I did a year of au pairing in Stockholm; when my au pair kids had friends over, they always ate together, but I did find that the parents often ate separately to the kids, wanting to feed them all first (a basic meal of pasta or chicken nuggets or something) and then later the adults would eat. Definitely interesting though!
P.s: You’ve just triggered a lot of memories. Now I have the Bamse Bear theme song stuck in my head 
(Sorry @Littlewhitedog for getting off topic! 
)
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Thanks for sharing. Never knew that this was kind of normal in Sweden. As a non-Swedish person it is strange for me, but yeah…there are already more topics about such kind of “cultural differences”…
F.e. “help yourself” has a different meaning in some countries…
Maybe the overnight sleeping and sharing a meal is also a kind of cultural differences/ different ways of what’s normal in your environment/ family.
I myself and in my environment would think it is nice to get to know eachother better. I particularly like the contacts we make in this concept of trustedhousesitters.
And it is in my opinion also an act of hospitality and spontanity to invite the sitters to overnight and have dinner.
But I know we are on the other side of the original poster. And are very easy talking with/ inviting “strangers” (if they want to or need to).
And that there are also people from my country who think as the original poster.
There is no right or wrong. As you see in the reactions in this post.
That’s the beauty. There are always good matches to make.
I for myself can just say that I like to get to know the people a little bit more in person. After all, I get the responsibility to care for their house and pets.
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