It's All About Communication

Sitter Questions, Advice & Chat
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I’ve read a lot in this forum about the importance of Communication - in both directions - before and during sits. I really do think it’s key.

I had one sit which was completely delightful. But there were some stressful days beforehand, because it always took the HOs at least a week to respond to queries. I don’t expect an instant reaction - none of us would - but when you’re trying to plan an overseas trip, you really do need information in good time. Plus, I know I’m old-fashioned, but it’s just polite to reply in decent time, isn’t it?

I also animal-sit professionally and I’m currently in a situation where I need to contact the animal owners regarding a sit coming up soon. Neither of the couple is responding to messages, via the sitting site or WhatsApp. My questions are important and the answers matter a lot to how I’ll organise my life during the sit. I’m left hanging and finding the situation increasingly stressful. Again, to my mind the non-response is rude and cavalier.

So yeah, Communication is hugely important. Massive gratitude to those who do it well… Pleas to re-think for those who don’t.

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When I first joined THS, I accepted an unsolicited offer to sit months before the actual dates. Later, when I msg’d the hosts for info and didn’t hear back, I followed up with this nudge:

“Haven’t heard back from you, so I’m wondering whether I should consider that you’ve changed your minds about your plans. No worries, if so. In that case, I’ll pursue other stays during that time. I just didn’t want to assume and leave you hanging.”

I then heard back immediately.

My boundaries even from the start with sitting via THS: If a host doesn’t communicate well, I’m prepared to cancel our sit. I figure we’re supposed to be partners, so I expect communications, welcome guide info and such.

Anyhow, the sit turned out well.

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We certainly have read here on the forum, of how important communication is. Exactly, how does one define communication?

We all have different cultural backgrounds; therefore, certain words, terms and phrases may differ in different cultures. And we all have different communication styles​-- so we all may define communication differently.

With me as a sitter, communication initially begins with how the HO’s listing is written. Does the listing have a welcome feel or a demanding feel? What can I glean from the photos? Unkempt / tidy? Does the listing give me enough details about the pet(s) that I would be interested in applying?

When I apply for sits, I am applying because I felt that the listings were attractive, had a welcome feel, the HO seemed friendly, and I would enjoy the pets. I will then send a personalized application. I always appreciate a HO that responds with a message of thanking me for applying, but they chose someone else. Or they will say, “thank you for applying, I am reviewing applications, can I get back to you in a day or two?” And then there are the times when I have sent an application and it was declined by the HO without a reason. While reasons/feedback is not required, it would be appreciated.

For me, communication is two-way. It is one party relaying information (communicating) and the other party receiving and responding to that information. If communication becomes one-sided, then one party will feel slighted. And sometimes messages can be misinterpreted or misunderstood.

Have you ever received a text message from someone and you felt instant annoyance or irritation? I admitteldy have. In an instant, I have created my opinion, perception, and feeling—only to have the other person say, “I apologize; I did not mean it that ​way.”

The meaning of text messaging can get lost. Everyone conveys and receives information differently – one person may be offended by something someone said and someone else would not. If a message sent seemed harsh or critical, the person offended should say something that could clear up any misunderstandings / misinterpretations.

Communication certainly is important and when something said or not said does not feel right, it is ok to ask for clarification.

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When I am not traveling, I hardly ever look at my WhatsApp. It is not really the standard way that people in the US communicate with other US people while in the US.

I do look at my email regularly. I do look at texts on my cell phone regularly.

When Owners and Sitters confirm an agreement to host and sit, it is ALWAYS a good idea to ASK for all to exchange email addresses (and make sure it is the main email address that the person uses), cell phone numbers, and connect on WhatsApp right away to make sure that is working correctly for everyone.

Hopefully this makes communication easier, more efficient.

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For me, communication is an essential part, not only of housesitting but of human relationships and life in general. Even with pets!

You are absolutely right but I don’t think that is just your opinion. I believe it’s a universal truth.
What may differ between cultures (and, come to it, species) is the code and the channels we use to communicate. The basic code is language, in this case mostly English but we are not all native speakers and even native speakers have some different uses ( remember the skillet?) but on top of language there are cultural differences about the way we use it. Like “feel free to use any food” (remember?) The meaning of the words is clear to any basic user of English but that was not what the owner really meant, she meant to be polite, not literal.
So what can we do to avoid or overcome misunderstandings? I think it is very easy if both parties are motivated and keep all possible channels open, as @PVGemini suggests. Precisely because it works both ways we can always check if we have understood correctly, sometimes it may help the speakers realize that they actually implied more than they intended to. Like the sitter who asked “so let me get this clear, are you saying that instead of you paying an extra night at the hotel you expect me to pay?”. When confronted with the implications of what they were asking, they backed off. That’s an example of effective communication. Now, being effective doesn’t necessarily mean being polite, and politeness is even more culturally influenced than language. I can tell you, coming from one of the less polite backgrounds that I’ve ever known. We’re getting better now but when I started traveling in the early 80’s, we were simply rude. But that’s another story.
Human language is a gift, a treasure we sometimes don’t appreciate for what it is worth. Lots of relationships (at all levels) fail because we sometimes prefer to figure out what the other person’s feelings or intentions are instead of simply asking or even expect them to know what our feelings or intentions are without telling them.
In THS we have no previous history of communication with the HO or the sitter, sometimes we don’t even share the first language or cultural background so no much room for guessing here, I’m afraid.
It may have come out a bit like a lecture. Before you start guessing, it wasn’t my intention :smiley:

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This is one of my favorite quotes.

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Good to have already those different channels of communication set up! Because that is very important, almost essential, when one does not get through on the channel of the site, for whatever reason (there are many).

For when it starts getting important to really get hold of them, I want the possibility to make a voice call. And in a situation like this, that is what I would try.

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That’s just what I did - reluctantly, because I’m very shy about cold-calling people I don’t know well. I was also resentful of being put in that situation. She didn’t pick up. In desperation, I WhatsApped her partner. He responded - after five hours. So that situation is finally resolved. But a reasonably quick response would have saved me a lot of stress.

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For sure, we all have different backgrounds and assumptions when it comes to what’s polite and what isn’t. But to my mind, responding to queries a.s.a.p, by whatever means they’ve come, is non-negotiable in the Courtesy Court.

None of the people who’ve failed to do so with me have been travelling, caught up in an emergency or had any special reason for not getting back to me… They just didn’t see the need. Or couldn’t be bothered. That’s where they and I clearly have radically different notions of what is and isn’t decent behaviour.

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On Sunday around lunchtime, I cancelled on a few TrustRoots people after about three hours of not hearing back from them. It was messing up my day.

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@Newpetlover

Possibly yes, but is it universally utilized?

You gave an example in a thread of a HO not “properly reading your application”. Your application sent to the HO implied your interest in the sit and you gave the HO a specific travel time at the airport. The HO did not acknowledge your interest or the information you specifically gave. Then this communication is one-sided as the HO did not relay back feedback from the onset information that you initially gave.

Having a two-way conversation is when each person has an opportunity to exchange information and provide feedback on that information. Each person has a say. Each person has a voice. Two-way conversations should be a dialogue and not a monologue. There are times when a person is so focused on what he / she has to say that they neglect to hear what the other person has to say or ignore what the other person has to say—that is a one-way conversation.

When I was leading and training Soldiers, I gave them information, but I also wanted their input as to how we could be better as a team. I as a leader, had to set the tone. The mission was never just about me. By giving them an opportunity to share their ideas, it helped them buy-in to our goals, and helped us build trust to achieve our goals.

Absolutely, I agree! Communication in life is very essential as it touches so much of what we do. Whether we are talking to family/friends, buying groceries, buying airline tickets, hiring a contractor, or expressing our viewpoints/opinions here on the forum, communication is an important part of our daily lives.

And yes, those beautiful pets that have their own way of talking with their eyes, wagging tail, or body movements, have a way of touching our hearts without saying a word. :heart:

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@fledermaus

If those people did not get back to you, how would you know that they were not traveling, had an emergency, or other reason for not responding back to you?

Yes, it would be polite and courteous for people to respond in a timely fashion. But people will do what they feel like doing. And people will be who they are and if you begin to put what your expectations are on people, you potentially will always be disappointed.

You cannot control what other people do—only what you do. If a HO is being unresponsive, then it is your choice what you do with that information.​

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I guess we just use the term differently. In that case I would say there was a communication failure. Like if I keep speaking Spanish to someone who doesn’t understand that language, or I keep speaking and shouting at a deaf person. I am just not using the adequate code or channel, so I am actually not communicating. I could be as well sending messages to myself. IMHO, communication requires the participants sharing not only the basic elements and tools of communication but also engaging actively in the process.
But I agree that for the shake of communication, which is my goal here (not arguing), I can correct my initial statement and add “effective”. Effective communication is two-way. This discussion is a clear example of it. Because most words can have multiple meanings, we need to interact and make sure that the nuance we intend gets across. Even speakers of the same language and similar cultural background are constantly “negotiating” the code and checking that communication is effective, that the channels are working… Most HOs and sitters on the forum have expressed our preference for video chats or personal visits where possible because that way we can use multiple channels simultaneously, verbal and nonverbal and that makes the trust building process much easier.
Sorry I am really obsessed with communication. Can you tell! I had I colleague that once called me a “language fundamentalist”

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@Newpetlover

It’s ok if we use the term differently. When someone has not acknowledged, not given feedback, or has ignored what I have said, I would view that as one-sided—almost like having a conversation with myself. If I am only having a monologue and not a dialogue with someone, I consider that one-sided.

Definitely, because to be attracted to or attacked by a magpie can have significant consequences. :sweat_smile: But, yes, there are so many words / phrases that have different meanings. What we say and its intended meaning can prove the difference between understanding and a misunderstanding.

With communication or effective communication, a person can ask “Did I get my intended message across?” “Was the message understood?” “Did the message convey the intended tone?” If the answer is no, then getting clarification can clear up any ambiguity.

Everyone has their preferred way of communicating. Some people are better writers than speakers and prefer writing. And some people are better at speaking than writing. Everyone should do what they are comfortable with.

What we say and how we say something to someone can have either a negative or positive effect on how the message is received.

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I applied for a sit when I started on THS a few weeks ago. The sit was for September. Six weeks later, they had not even started reviewing the applications. So I got a positive answer for another application I had sent and got accepted, then I withdrew the former application. H/O need to understand that in order to increase our chances we apply to several sits, it’s actually encouraged by THS. If you are waiting 2 months to start reviewing the applicants, you might have none left by the time you decide to review. Keep that in mind. Thank god this was only a one time occurrence, usually H/O reviews applications after they have a few. As sitters, we need to get flights, get ourselves organized. In my case working from home I sometimes have to adjust my patient’s load and appointment times to take time difference into consideration. I cannot do this with a 2 weeks notice …

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Welcome! And good you found a sit you like.

I would believe most HOs are aware of the fact that you’ll have to apply to multiple sits, since every HO can only accept one sitter team. I definitely am, but well… there might be those that aren’t, because they’re not thinking further than their arm can reach.

Don’t trust the “review” flag; I believe that only shows up when the sit is paused (or auto-paused after five applications), and it also doesn’t mean the HO is doing anything.

Not getting anything for six weeks is completely unacceptable (he…, not getting anything for a day is bad manners already, unless your appliation message was completely lacking of personal touch, but then you should work on that part). I’m not a sitter, but I’d probably have cancelled that after two days.

Spirits high!

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Hi. Once the agreement is made I always ask for email and phone number. If its an urgent question and you don’t get a response within 48 hrs I would send another email and then same day call if you don’t hear back. There is no reason why anybody (TH or anyone) should need to wait greater than 48 hours. There are some rare individuals that don’t look at there email or text on a daily basis. And, when you are awaiting urgent information it can cause a lot of unnecessary stress.

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You ask how I know that the non-responders didn’t have an emergency in hand or weren’t on the road… It was clear when they did finally make contact that neither had been the case.
As for “People will do what they feel like doing”… Apparently you’re right. But sometimes, perhaps, they shouldn’t. Perhaps sometimes, they should do the right thing. I’m sure there are days when we all, as sitters, don’t Feel Like getting up at the crack of dawn to feed the cats or walk the dogs… When we don’t Feel Like cleaning the house thoroughly at the end of the sit… When we don’t Feel Like taking the guinea-pig to the vet because she seems really unwell… etc etc. So perhaps, likewise, there are times when we should respond to important messages, even if we don’t Feel Like It.

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Cheers for matching up with folks with healthy comms and matching reasonable expectations and boundaries.

Like on my current sit, my hosts and I’ve been messaging on WhatsApp regularly. That’s included my flagging that their dog needs a boost in allergy meds and them responding right away about how to adjust. Or them having told me at the outset that their grown son would come around to mow the grass and do yard work. He has his own keys to get the equipment, but they also reminded me on the day he’d come. Plus, he called me ahead of time to make sure to not surprise me.

Stuff like the above, I think of as common sense and common courtesy. But having read about various sits gone wrong in this forum, I find them unfortunately not common enough.

I think it’s important to look for signals early. Like I just withdrew my application for a sit. If a host doesn’t start communicating well at the outset, I’d rather avoid the risk that that’s how they’ll behave during a sit. To me, better to miss a sit over a false negative than to risk a bad sit over a false positive.

In this case, the host was clearly obtuse or self-absorbed, because after I withdrew based on their poor comms and apparent sense of entitlement, they then said they hoped I’d sit some other time. :joy: As if I would when I figure I’d just dodged a bullet. :face_with_peeking_eye:

THS is a matching platform. To me, matching is foremost about being on the same wavelength as my hosts. That’s because they’re the potential dealbreaker for any sit, no matter how good it might be otherwise. I don’t believe in talking myself into sits or forcing matches.

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@fledermaus

Your doing the right thing may not align with someone else’s doing the right thing. Not everyone will be considerate of you or your time. I posted on a thread about a HO that was 25 minutes late for a video call. Needless to say, I did not accept that sit. Why? Because my time is important and the HO did not bother to offer an apology for being late. I felt it was inconsiderate and disrespectful.

I value communication and being on time. After that experience, I stressed the importance of communication and being on time with HOs. If I apply for a sit and notice that the HO has read my application, but has not responded (in what I consider a timely manner), I withdraw my application and move on.

You have to prioritize what you will or will not accept. Make sure your wants and needs are expressed. Sure, it would be great for everyone to do the right thing. But, of course, not everyone does the right thing.

It would be great for people to ‘respond to important messages.’ The reality is that not everyone does or will. For your peace of mind, sometimes you have to let go of what you think people should or should not do.

For someone who has not done the right thing against you, has wronged you, takes forgiveness.

Humans make mistakes. And I have found that the way to have peace with the people I felt have wronged me, is letting go and forgiving them. This has been beneficial for my peace of mind, heart health, and mental health.

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