I have a 3 & a half week sit beginning in 4 days. I just learned that my boyfriends mother is having organ failures and is going into hospice. Additionally, his father is in the early stages of dementia. All in all a stressful situation. My boyfriend will likely need to be back in his hometown for the next month or two to help and he would like me to be there as he navigates all this. He has a brother that can help him through Thanksgiving but he’s a trial lawyer with 3 trials set for December.
All that said, there’s a better than 50% chance that I would need to leave this sit early. I don’t want to cause the HO the extreme stress of dropping out on her with less than a week before she leaves for her trip. My parents live an hour away from the home. I was going to be bringing the dog there for Thanksgiving anyway and the HO will be meeting my mother the day I arrive for the sit. My thought is, if I need to leave early I could offer for my parents to keep the dog for the time that is left. The HO may not approve of that solution and I will respect that and find another way if that is the case.
My question is, should I disclose this possible conflict during the night I will be staying with her before she leaves?
I don’t want to stress the HO out right before she goes on a trip but maybe it’s better to be transparent and work out a solution in person so I don’t throw a problem at her while she’s far from home. That said, there is a chance I’ll be able to complete the sit without conflict. His mothers health is too up in the air at this point to know.
Unfortunately, you made a commitment and it’s on you whether you meet your commitment. It’s largely a question of personal integrity.
If you know your boyfriend’s wants and desires will preempt you meeting what you committed to, let the HO know as soon as possible. Dropping this kind of fait accompli on the HO last minute isn’t going to get any better with further delay. And a few extra days may be what they need to make alternate arrangements that could be much more difficult to make after they’re off on holiday.
As a HO, I wouldn’t be at all happy with you dropping the sit last minute under the circumstances you describe. You’re only talking about your boyfriend having to fend for himself for 2 weeks. Hospice and dementia typically involve much longer timelines so it’s hard to see where your presence would have much impact.
It’s just one of those things that none of us can plan for. Tell the HO what is going on now, and let them know your parents have offered to help out if needed given the circumstances, which is a fantastic solution for them in your particular scenario.
Agree with @Peonie19. If you can, tell the home owner as soon as possible. Leaving it until the night before she travels is cutting it too fine, and puts her in a situation where she is leaving and can’t easily make alternative arrangements if needed. This can be ameliorated by being transparent as soon as possible.
Tell her now so she can make arrangements. Nice that your parents can step in if needed but she may have a neighbor or friend who can come for a few days if needed. I had a sitter leave for two days during a sit to officiate her sister’s wedding and it was easier planning with a neighbor ahead of time.
A sideways answer : Compare the stress the HO will experience now vs. the stress she will experience while away with immediate access to resources and solutions.
Better you give her the full scenario just as you did here so that she can plan and think and take whatever steps she feels necessary.
Plus, her compassion for your unfortunate situation would less likely be tainted by any frustration she might have if she discovered that you knew any of this in advance.
I’m sorry for this awful situation that you’re going through . There’s no easy answer but knowledge is power both for yourself and for the HO.
Sorry to hear of your situation, was this sit planned as a couple or solo ?
You should the host immediately, they need to know asap.
Whilst it thoughtful of you to think of some solutions that you could offer , the host may prefer to make other arrangements and it is up to them to decide who they want to take care of their home and dog .
Most responsible hosts going away will already have a Plan B for any such emergency . So if you let them know now they can implement that . It could be that they prefer to make other arrangements for the whole sit to avoid uncertainty, which will free you up to support your boyfriend.
I’m sorry for the imminent loss to your family. It must be unbelievably stressful for everyone, especially coming at holiday time. I hope your bf’s mother’s final days are peaceful and full of love.
This is a lot. You just learned it now. It is unlikely the homeowner will want to cancel the sit and start again, but the homeowner needs to understand what is happening and make arrangements. The homeowner may simply want to find another THS sitter for the remaining time and leave the dog in the home or some other solution, so tell the HO ASAP so they can decide.
Definitely discuss it now, but first of all I’d suggest thinking about what you want to happen here, and where you’re at, emotionally.
Surely a relevant issue is: how close are you to your boyfriend’s mum? Is your presence required to support your boyfriend, or is it something you feel you need to do for yourself, to say goodbye to this lady?
Sit commitments are important, but so too are other issues and end-of-life support is not something you can underestimate. Stating the obvious but, it’s now or never.
Make the right decision for yourself, as it’s one you’ll have to live with.
I hope this isn’t too late to answer, but this is where your pre-sit planning comes in.
I make sure to discuss emergency plans with the host - so that if I have an accident or emergency, they have a plan B for animal care.
In the Welcome Guide there’s an emergency contacts section. Make sure to discuss with the HO who will take over animal care if you have an emergency. Be open about this - I find this detail & thoroughness builds trust with my hosts.
For my upcoming sit I already know that the neighbours in flat 2 or flat 4 will TAKE OVER in an emergency. That gives me huge peace of mind.
For any trip, an accident or emergency can happen any time. Your hosts might also be delayed returning home for any reason at all, and they will feel glad you encouraged them to be prepared for this should that happen, because then when you leave, their emergency contact can take over!
