You made great points that I agree with. I have had home owners list no children in their profile and you know not to apply, which is helpful. I don’t at all have an issue with an owner communicating that their sit is not suitable for children. Sometimes this is is directly said in messages. As a mother I also take my son’s safety into consideration and his comfort. I never select homes for example that have lots of breakable items in common areas. Also he has been taught to help with pet care and cleaning duties. When we first started out, it made sense that host might be hesitant to have us with few reviews. With documented proof now that we leave homes in great condition with happy pets, the quick denies are a bit sus. Also having someone insinuate that my son would be more likely to tear up someone home than other children did not sit well with me. I think some host prefer to have sitters that look like them and share the same culture. Cool too. Just wish we could by pass each other a little more easily. Hope that you have great experiences hosting and sitting as a family.
Thank you. I find that most of the hosts I connect with to be really open minded people and welcoming.
I secure lots of sits and am also often rejected. I made the post because it’s a pattern I noticed soon after I joined the site, but has continued despite good reviews. Those of us who experience discrimination on a regular basis, often "let it go.‘’ And then there are times where you choose to do something about it. We can all choose to be better and not be lead by the assumptions of others we have maybe grown up with an never questioned. It sounds like in one instance someone took the time to communicate with you, investigate if their assumptions was founded, and ultimately choose you based in you alone. I’m asking more hosts to make the effort. It’s to everyone’s benefit.
All I can say is, that when you know you know. If this has not been your experience, congrats.
When you know, you know! And sometimes I really dislike that WE know. Thanks for your response.
@PaperStan , I completely understand what you’re saying. Like you, I have been hurt on occasion by interactions or the lack of between myself and a pet owner. It’s hard when you are a sensitive type, which I am, but please don’t take these to heart. There are also many kind, wonderful owners, as you have already seen, who will welcome you and your son. Keep applying. And if you would like some feedback on your profile, post it in your forum profile and experienced members will reply with tips to help you make it shine.
Here are the instructions: How to add your THS profile to your forum profile
Your remarks about inclusivity make me think of a unique application experience I had. Because the owner regularly received so many applications, most of them already checking all the necessary boxes, to ensure a connection with whomever was selected, the owner chose to probe further and asked what issues were important to me and what my values were. I was intrigued, replied, we set up a video call, I got the sit which was lovely, and I’ve been asked back.
I’ve been called sensitive before and unlike you don’t see it as a negative character trait that should exclude me from “competitive” opportunities. In fact you helped make my point, so thank you. True competition is about skill and experience. I am more than qualified to do what I’ve already been doing successfully. I’m making the point that those factors should be the consistent criteria given weight, not biased opinion such as you have expressed. Still as this is an inclusive forum, I respect your opinion and your right to express it, even if I disagree.
Could you explain what you mean by “when you know, you know”?
Oh, sure it’s an idiom to express the following. When you’ve experienced some type of discrimination you feel it intuitively. I often give others the benefit of the doubt, by investigating, following up, asking questions, more benefit than I’m offered usually. I wish I wrong, but usually not. Bias can be communicated directly and indirectly. When direct, I have more control in avoiding discomfort. For example, the Governor of Florida and laws in the state such as “Stand-your-ground” have directly made it known, some people will not be safe there. Now I can make the informed choice not to spend money or visit that state. Indirect situations don’t give the same choice. In short I don’t want to apply to them be made to feel like I or my son is a problem somehow. Be specific about what you do and don’t want in your profile and it’s all good. Examples I’ve seen that are helpful are “no little kids, no children under ten, local sitters only, couples only, etc.”
Some homeowners who surprised me during the last 6 months since applying:
- Many rejections without a word- I no longer get surprised
- A sweet old couple I did a video call with said we would be perfect and would send over the confirmation. Then sent a rejection instead
- I applied for a Singapore sit. She messaged stating our family would be perfect and that her dog loved toddlers. My kids are teens. She did want to confirm the sit but the date changed and we couldn’t accommodate the change. Note “she wanted a toddler” which is surprising considering alot of HO’s may not think toddlers would be ideal. Such a nice change.
- A family we did a video chat with said we would be perfect. We were waiting on the confirmation and got a rejection instead
- We applied to a millenial HO on a whim because the dates worked in between other sits fully expecting a rejection. She sent over a confirmation instead.
- In the beginning, with 0 reviews, we were on a roll and got many confirmed sits.
- After getting a bunch of confirmed sits in the beginning, we got rejection, after rejection, after rejection??? What happened?
Forest gump said it best…“Life is like a box of chocolates” THS is also like a box of chocolates-you never know what type of HO you’re going to get. We may not be right for every family, but we are right for some. And for those lucky homeowners who say yes, their pets get absolute tons of cuddles, pettings, hugs, walks, runs, belly rubs, and playtime. The HO’s get sitters who have never canceled a sit even when better ones came along.
I hear you.
I figure, channel your experiences, good or bad. For example, I build inclusive teams, which studies have repeatedly shown boost bottom lines. I also know how to coach and mentor people, especially managers and execs. And to screen out clueless or toxic job candidates.
That’s helped me thrive in competitive industries, which has included an IPO. So cheers to those who underestimate or try to define me according to their limited mindsets. They cluelessly give me fuel. LOL.
I think there is something I was missing from the original post, as it read to me originally that you were posting about being rejected just for sitting with kids. I was actually expecting a different post based on the title including bias. Now that I read followup replies, I am taking your original post differently, that the discrimination (based on something other than having young children, which is what I understood earlier) is behind rejections such as the one you highlighted. My apologies for misunderstanding. I did not intend to tell anyone to accept discrimination.
The meaning and root cause of this post seems to have confused a lot of people, including me.
It is often helpful to pare down a piece of writing, remove emotive or irrelevant embellishments, to establish what is the core element of a matter. Applying this practice to the OP raises a number of points that are not clear to me:
So, to summarise, the big question here is “what discrimination do you feel you have been subjected to?” We don’t know whether you belong to a group or groups widely acknowledged to suffer discrimination against race, gender, religion, sexual orientation etc. Do you suffer such “mainstream” discrimination and is that the true essence of your point; or have you been rejected by an HO that made a casual error in marking their sit as “family friendly”; or are you saying that you feel discriminated against because you have a child?
Caveat: misunderstanding is rife and I must emphasise I have no agenda or implications. I am genuinely trying to seek clarification of a complicated post.
I’m sorry you feel there’s some bias. I think home owners choose a sitter based on many things.
I remember when I started on THS having a video chat with a HO who rejected me as she really only wanted female sitters. That’s her right of course but a bit of a waste of time having a video chat if I was always the wrong gender…and didn’t fancy a gender change for the sit.
When I started I got frustrated at the number of rejections I thought was because I am a mature guy but a lot of my recent sits the HO have said that was a plus for me.
I read the OP and had no trouble understanding the point. I suggest that everyone stop with the questioning and doubting, because the worst thing for someone who experiences discrimination is for a bunch of others to try to explain away what they experienced. Bias obviously exists in the world. Is it so hard to believe that it exists on this platform, too?
Note: PaperStan didn’t say everyone was biased and underscored that most of their encounters on THS have been positive.
When I read all the replies, many of them come across as what can be described as micro aggressions. Why: Discrimination happens and people who experience it don’t need to be told to grow thicker skin or to dismiss it. Such comments actually worsen things, because some bias is simply immoral and/or illegal and no one should have to tolerate such.
If you don’t have empathy to offer to this fellow human, it’s better to move on.
Pet owners have the right to choose a sitter they feel comfortable with. They can’t be forced to say yes to someone just to avoid discrimination.
Humans are imperfect and none of us can control other people’s behaviour.
Telling people not to post in this thread or saying that they have no empathy because they don’t understand everything said here, isn’t going to help the OP or the community.
Your idea about optional badges or banners is great, and could work to the benefit of both sides. We’ve used THS for 4 years and this was the first time since our son came out as trans we were going to have a sitter arrive the night before, the last 2 years it has suited them better to arrive after we have left. I found myself wondering if or at what point I should mention it and in the end just decided to assume the sitter would be a decent human being. It was fine, we had a lovely meal altogether, the conversation wasn’t deep as she is partly travelling to improve her English, and it never came up. But I would LOVE to be able to put a rainbow flag on my profile.
That said, it possibly wouldn’t occur to me to put eg. a BLM symbol if that were an option as we live in rural Ireland and it’s just not as immediately culturally relevant as in the U.S. (though now I’ve thought about it, I probably would do it if it were an option.) But important to realise that while symbols might be nice to indicate certain attitudes, the absence of the symbol wouldn’t necessarily indicate the absence of the attitude.
I’m so sorry this is such a part of your experience. (We’re also unsafe/ unwelcome in Florida!)
No @Maggie8K, I respectfully and politely contend that your reply is not acceptable. Neither is it acceptable for the OP to post publicly that they have experienced discrimination, yet not accept (or anyone on their behalf not accept) any response that is not comforting and expressing implicit understanding.
The OP’s single most important statement is “ I receive the occasional rejection for undisclosed reasons that I know have nothing to do with the criteria provided in listings.” This implies something very serious, for example but not restricted to, racism. The other cited examples are confounding, nebulous and “explainable” but that core sentence is serious and was posted to elicit…something.
May I not be educated? Am I so far excluded from the clique of the “we who know”?
Is that clique not being exclusive and perpetrating prejudice by telling us to accept your truth (even if it is absolute truth) and move on? Is it not conceivable that learning what has happened to the OP could change something that I don’t realise is happening, or worse still that I am myself doing? Is my only rôle as a contributor to this thread allowed to be to offer a hug and an heart emoji and then gloss over the point the OP hasn’t quite managed to get across?
It won’t be long before Angela or a Moderator comes along to close this down, which is a great shame as there aren’t that many “serious issue” topics that get discussed here. The thread has remained on-topic and I have striven to be polite and to elicit information to help me understand and possibly even improve.
I am a 60 year old woman. Of course I have experienced gender* discrimination in my old workplace; men have said and done things that left my jaw on the floor with astonishment, not to mention outrage. Discrimination is not a cachet that can be jealously held to the bosoms of the victims and defended against all who dare to seek clarification; it must be held up for examination, decried where applicable, used as a tool from which to learn and develop or, and not any less pertinent, clarified as actually not discrimination at all. There are slights and hurts and parts of life that really are not discriminatory but the consequence of being part of human society. It isn’t true just because you believe it to be true.
(*Really THS? I can’t use the three letter word beginning with “S” that defines male and female in English?)
The OP has written specific and thoughtful replies and I’d suggest reading them if you’d like to learn more.
Perhaps you might consider that the OP posted in the way they did because that was the way that felt safest to them based on their experience. I realise you may be genuinely seeking to understand but your tone comes across as interrogatory and is not going to make them feel safer. The OP is under no obligation to explicitly “out” themselves to us as a person of colour or an LGBT person ( the Florida reference makes it perfectly clear that they’re in one or both of these groups).
And also worth considering that a person experiencing discrimination may or may not have the emotional energy to do the work of educating others and should not be pressured to do so.
There is some onus on the rest of us to read between the lines and educate ourselves.