Hi everyone, I posted a while ago about my exhaustion dealing with difficult homeowners and trying to find out how I could screen them. I got a lot of responses. Some of them were really helpful. I really had reached my limit. And I really love this lifestyle so I’m determined to make sure that the sits that I have are with warm and appreciative homeowners.
I recently had a video meet and greet with a couple not on this site. I have become very scrutinizing as far as the listing. I read everything they write to try to get a feel for their attitudes. I read all the reviews by the other sitters and I read the reviews that they give sitters. I had a feeling that this couple was going to be demanding and picky from the way that they set out their guidelines. But I wanted to see them in person and see if they really were like that. They seemed friendly in the beginning. I always try to keep things warm and real. They had said that it was a requirement for the sitter to arrive a full day before the sit began to get all the instructions for the house and their cats. And I asked them just to let me know what kind of instructions they needed to give. The woman was very bristly and defensive. Because I mentioned that usually it took about an hour. And she went on and on and kept bringing it up about how she was in the right to need that much time. And got a little confrontational with me.
And the thing is. Is this is exactly what I wanted. I wanted to dig enough to see what their real responses might be and to see how they might really treat me over the period of the sit. She was very defensive. Confrontational. A little bit trying to shame me. I was really respectful and just said that I wanted to know what kinds of things they were gonna be needing to show me. She wouldn’t let it go.
Then I asked her to simply how long she felt comfortable having her cats alone. And again she was a little bit whipping and defensive and said just you need to treat them as if they’re your own. And I said well I don’t know them so I’m just wanting to know what they are comfortable with. What they are used to. So I had to calm her down a lot.
I maintained my friendliness and warmth, but also was clear and direct and I’m so glad I did because this is obviously not a good sit for me. but I also really had that feeling before I even met them so it’s very good to see that I can maybe trust my feelings.
I also had another sit that I just had a similar not good feeling about. And I dug into this homeowner’s reviews of the sitters and saw that she had given several people a four out of five on cleanliness. And then I checked those sitters other reviews to see if other people complained about them and they absolutely didn’t. So that was really good information.
There was one person who responded to my post and said that you can really feel if there is warmth coming from the listing and I have found this true with two separate sits that I haven’t done yet, but I’ve booked but I talked to them on the phone and they seem lovely.
So thank you to those people that responded to me and I wanted to let you know that I feel like I’m developing a new way to do this. It does mean you can’t be dependent on any of these sits . But I have really reached my breaking point and it’s just not worth it to me to be in a stressful situation anymore. And so far, I’m hoping it will work. Anyway, thank you.
Can you please share specific advice that you received, that you found helpful? It might help others to better screen owners. 5-10 specific pointers, maybe?
I hope you did NOT do that cat sit, the first video chat you described above!
Sometimes I think owners want the sitter to arrive a day ahead simply to provide a buffer in case there are any travel hiccups. I can understand this, but the owner should state this, rather than shrouding it. Also, they want to make sure they feel comfortable with you and that you feel comfortable in the home and with the pets. It is not necessarily a red flag, in and of itself.
Anxiety is a prevalent problem throughout the world. I can understand people who are proactive in trying to alleviate or prevent situations which may exacerbate their anxiety. Travel, in and of itself, can be a huge trigger for people.
Hi @Betterqualitysits The description of your recent video call highlights something really important - initial contact is not only about ironing out the practical details of a sit, but (almost more importantly) about seeing how each of you interact, and whether you’re able to work together to reach a solution that both of you are happy with.
Looking at the situation from an objective viewpoint, neither of you is right or wrong in your expectations of the other person with regards to time needed for a handover. You could both put forward your case until the cows come home and still not reach a satisfactory agreement, because there isn’t necessarily one right answer.
In the back of my mind during first communications, I am always thinking, ‘this is the person I’m going to have to deal with if x, y, z (worst case scenario) happens. Can I see us working together in order to resolve that situation?’ You have put this to the test during your video call, and no doubt now have enough information to be able to make a decision on whether this sit would be a good match for you.
That is really great @Betterqualitysits you have come back to the forum with your latest screening of HOs and used what advice you gained from forum members to determine whether they were a good fit or not. You’ve also worked out to ‘trust your gut’. Well done! Enjoy the next two sits you already have booked.
I also think it’s about knowing your boundaries. I recently applied for a sit which finished Xmas Eve. In my application I mentioned I would need clarification around finishing time. No one wants to be travelling late on Xmas Eve. The HO seemed confused about me wanting that until I explained. But right off was the vibe she hadn’t considered sitters leaving on this day. Lovely home, pets location and I would think she would get plenty of applications but when she asked if I would be interested in a meet before offering me the sit and it was a 3-4 hr round trip? I started thinking hmmmm. Said no and didn’t get the sit. Did I dodge a bullet or miss out on a great sit?
I have become very clear on what I don’t want. Clutter, too many animals, types of animals, them sleeping in the bed. Size of bed. All these thing are deal breakers for me.
I think the key thing is never being desperate for a sit, that can lead to poor choices.
As we’ve seen, some sitters will make all sorts of compromises for what they consider a great location, home, etc., sadly. That means they’ll also sometimes write inaccurate reviews.
Personally, I suggest having consistent standards and boundaries, no matter how nice a sit might look. Like what you described about that host sounded to me like clear red flags. I wouldn’t sit for someone like that even if it were a palace in a magical land.
@Maggie8K well funny, I was prompted to check the review for the sit we missed. It appears dates changed, split into two sits, both with the same new sitters. Finished well before Xmas eve. Boundaries are very important
This right here is why I didn’t give a poor sitter a bad review. She had nothing but stellar 5 star reviews across the board. We came home to a house that stunk of dog urine, feces under the bed, because the dogs weren’t let out often enough. Dead ornamental plants because they weren’t watered, chicken and rabbit coops were disgusting, and the pool wasn’t auto vacuumed (all she had to do was drop the robot in the pool once per week).
I gave her a 5 star review because with my 1 review history at the time, I would appear to be the unreasonable and nitpicky one, exactly how you viewed the host in your situation
This problem is perpetuated by dishonest members who are fearful of leaving anything less than 5 stars because they fear retaliation or they don’t want to “be mean” and ruin a good rating.
Yes. You know it wasn’t so much that they wanted to meet a full day ahead. Because I saw that on their listing, and that would be fine with me. It was more how they reacted to me, asking what the things were that they were needing to show me. There was just a lot of huffing and defensiveness and prickly and so so I was like wow I’m so glad I asked.
The things that people told me that were helpful…
Trusting your gut. For me, it’s really thoroughly researching everything I can find out about the sit and the sitters reviews and really reading the listing and then seeing what kind of feeling I got.
Someone said they only applied for sits that they got a strong warm good clear feeling from. I had two of these sits recently where one person didn’t even have any reviews, but I got such a good warm, easy clear feeling from her and when I talked to her on the phone, she was totally lovely.
This same person said that they only took about a third or 2/3 of the sits they applied for so they were really picky. Which was helpful.
Someone else said that they noticed that there were tons of sits on TrustedHousesitters and you can afford to wait for the one that really feels good to you.
Someone said to research a lot and to read all the reviews and then to also read the reviews they give to the sitters.
Several people said not to feel like you are trying to get them to like you. But to just approach it in the meet and greet as equal basis. And I really noticed that; for example, in the sit with a long handover. I was warm and easy and then just from how she was responding to me, I got a little bit more direct like letting myself be how I really am and that is influenced by who I’m talking to. For example, the really sweet women. It was just a lovely conversation where we really understood each other. And she was anxious, but I felt really OK about reassuring her whereas in other sits, I have felt that the people are anxious and demanding, and then it became really terrible.
Someone else said that when you have the meet and greet if they are conducting it like an interview, then that is a red flag and I love that as a thing to notice. That’s all I can think of for now.
I absolutely agree! Never been desperate for a sit and I think that just from doing it so much you get really clear about what you want and you don’t wanna deal with and in the beginning I was pretty open and it’s just become more and more defined. From unfortunately, bad situations. But someone told me… In the thing of never been desperate for a sit… that there are so many sits on TrustedHousesitters and you can afford to be patient and I have been keeping track.
Yeah, that’s just freaking crazy that she didn’t want to give you a time to leave on Christmas Eve and just kind of shows that she’s thinking more about herself than the sitter which is not what this site is about!
I do paid sits as well and there it is more a job where I am catering to the client. But that is not what this is about I believe.
Your approach makes sense. Reading tone, asking simple practical questions, and watching how people react under mild pressure tells you more than reviews alone. If someone gets defensive early, that usually shows how they’ll act later. Trust that signal, it saves stress, even if it means passing on otherwise good looking listings.
I really agree. I wish that the reviews were more accurate but the way that it is set up right now is that if somebody has anything less than five stars, people really take notice.
If something is really startlingly bad, I will say it. And I also will give less than five stars. Or I will keep the five stars, but I will say the things that were not great.
And if it wasn’t really bad and could be rectified by me telling the homeowner then I don’t leave a review because I don’t want to lie. And then I will let the homeowner know afterwards what I had troubles with.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. That is really really awful.
PS. I have sometimes helped former homeowners that I have sat for find a sitter when I’m not available. So I’ve kind of looked through a lot of sitter profiles and one thing that I watched for is I make sure that the reviews for the sitters are effusive.
Like you want to see specific details that the homeowner said about how great the sitters are not just a generic thing although sometimes homeowners just leave a really short thing because that’s just their style.
Like this one homeowner I sat for several times like I was their favorite and they just left really brief reviews. And I’ve had that before. But I also have a lot of really effusive reviews going into detail about how I am and that’s what you wanna look for is that you wanna get a sitter that is so great that people can’t help talking about it.
And, this is not always true. For example, there is one homeowner that I sat for that I really didn’t like, and I looked at all their reviews recently, and people were effusive about them. So sometimes it is just not a good fit.
Which is why I am being more heightened about my homeowner screenings. Because I really don’t want to be stressed to the degree that I have been stressed at some of the sits that I have done.
But I’m just telling you that because I really want you to have a good experience experiences and there are so many really really great sitters on TrustedHousesitters. Like I read this reviews and I’m like wow they sound amazing. Like there are true animal lovers who are so respectful and responsible..
Vetting–and that’s what we’re talking about–homeowners for me begins with my application. How they respond to that tells me a great deal about them and if we will be getting along, if they’re “my kind” of people.
Pet owners come in all forms, yeah? But friends are carefully curated, and many of my repeat sits have become friends.
My usual initial application for a sit addresses the animals directly and not the pet owners. I’ll refer to the pet owners in the application (“Ask your mum to contact me if she has any questions, etc.”), and how the owner responds to that type of application lets me know that they get the joke but also appreciate that it’s about the pets first and foremost. If they ask–and a couple have–why I didn’t talk to them, then that already is a red flag for me.
But then the follow-up starts with a WhatsApp video call where we can feel each other out. Since I plan my sits weeks or months in advance, I usually pay a visit to them for a couple of hours to see the place before we agree to the sit. They can check me out, and I can meet the pets and the owners and put eyes on the situation.
Now, this isn’t practicable for most people, I realize, but it works for me in the UK. The other thing you’ll soon find is if you find people you like and who like you, they’ll tell their friends, and you’ll get referrals from like-minded people. Build your contingent of regulars, and you’ll have no surprises. Again, this isn’t a one-size-fits-all kind of a gig, is it? But you’ll find some way to weed out the ones you’re not compatible with and find the ones you are.
Again, for me, it starts with the application. Best of success and happiness as you find new pet loves for your life and heart.
Not that it matters (much) but I’m betting that you have quite a number of stellar reviews because (this matters >) you sound like an absolutely lovely person !
Continued success with great sits with adorable pets and appreciative homeowners.
Boundaries are very important 
