How do you screen homeowners to ensure that you will get a caring and respectful homeowner

Sitter Questions, Advice & Chat
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Hi. I am writing to you in the middle of the night because I am upset with how I am getting treated as a sitter. I’ve been doing it almost 6 years. I have done over 50 sits. All of my reviews are glowing five stars except for one, which I tried to get changed with the trusted house sitter’s process, but was unsuccessful. I am 68 years old. I am a born animal lover. I also work for several pet sit companies. I also had my own small dog walking and pet sitting business. I am a huge homebody so I am mostly home with the animals and I am just really caring. I am caring for the animals and I am caring to the owners. I go out of my way to do whatever I can. And I love doing it because I do really love animals. But I have been encountering so many bad sits that I am getting really discouraged. And it is mostly the owners. Is never the animals. Occasionally the house.

I always do a zoom. I have had situations where I ignored red flags and so I don’t do that anymore. But it doesn’t seem to matter. I’m writing because I would love to hear what other people have found is a good way to ensure that they are at lovely sits where they will be respected and cared about. I am fairly sensitive and I am a little bit hesitant about posting, so I would appreciate that you read the entire post before you make a comment. Thank you so much.

The sit that I’m currently on: we had a zoom. I thought they were lovely. They thought I was as well. I read their welcome guide; made notes. They wrote me before the sit and told me that the notes had been adjusted. I read those and adjusted. I was a teacher for many years and I’m just really good at being reliable and prompt. I always communicate really clearly, letting people know when I will be there. Asking them to let me know whatever details I need to know. Etc. Just for me, it’s basic. So I get to the sit, and the woman is very directive in copious details as she shows me around. She does not hear what I say when I tell her that yes I do know how to do that… Or yes, I have done that and continues to give me the copious details. There is a hyper alertness to things that she thinks I may do wrong. There is not much consideration for me or my needs. There is a harshness to her tone. I could go into details about the situations that are making me say these words. But then this post seems like it would be so so long. I try my best to reassure her to let her know that I understand what she needs. But her communication skills are not great. And I have to say I’m just really surprised that there is this kind of intent scrutiny and direction from her. Considering that I have so many great reviews and if you read them, you can read how much I care and how much care and consideration I give to the animals.

The sit that I just came from, the owner is also a sitter and reassured me that she really understands how it is to be a sitter and how grateful she is that I am going to be her sitter. She asks me to come eight hours early and to follow certain protocol in getting to know her dog. I make the adjustments to do that. She tells me that after the first hour, I will be free to do as I want. And that she feels that this is a great deal because I am getting to be at her house for eight hours without having to do any animal duties which was a little bit of a red flag. But at that point I think the sit was already confirmed. when I got there, I basically needed to be available to her while she packed, and when she thought of whatever it was that she needed to tell me. There was no room for me to stay in. Or unpack in. As they were still in the master bedroom. So basically I was at their beck and call for eight hours. Which was not what was agreed-upon.

One of the problems that I have found with the review system, while I really appreciate that there is reviews… but if you do anything that certain types of homeowners don’t like, you will get a bad review. So it’s a little bit of a problem with being able to be direct about certain situations. I find that I have to be basically flexible and affable, and I’m OK with that if I am getting respected. Part of the reason that I do trusted house sitter is because of the basic idea that it is a equal exchange. And it is not an employee employer situation. I have those. And I understand that when someone is paying me, they feel that it gives them certain rights. But my understanding of the trusted housesitters situation is that it is a lovely exchange where both sides care for each other. I care for you, your house and animals and you care for me. There is mutual respect. And I have had some incredibly lovely homeowners.

I had another situation where the homeowner was supposed to make room for me for my stuff. When I got there, she hadn’t done that, so I had to put all of my stuff in her kitchen. She didn’t feel comfortable with how I put the stuff in my kitchen. She said that she had a special discomfort for things not having a place. So I had to rearrange all my things in order to assure her comfort for the two hours that she was going to be there while she finished her gardening and other tasks. I had a zoom with her and it was a very lovely zoom and I was really looking forward to meeting her.

I don’t know what I can say to people during the zooms or during the meet and greets to say look I need to be treated with respect and care. I feel like if I talk about any bad experiences that I have that that will put them off. I also feel like just saying that I need to be treated with respect and care is going to put them off. I always read all the reviews and if there are any red flags or if I don’t like the tone of voice of their post, I don’t apply.

And once I’m encountering the disrespectful behavior I’m already in the sit, and feel that I have to be extremely accommodating in order to not get a bad review.

The sit that gave me less than five stars. I met the owner in person. I met the animals. I saw the house. We had a lovely visit.She did not disclose important details to me. It was a horrific situation. She basically just wanted me to take care of the animals and not bother her. One of them got sick and ended up having to go to the emergency vet. Even though I had alerted her for several weeks as to the importance of going to the vet. She declined until the dog ended up having to go to the emergency vet. They were both completely untrained and were constantly jumping on me and were extremely difficult to walk. They were large dogs.She would always tell me that it was fine. It was fine. Whatever problems I brought up and then of course it was not fine.

So I’m just a little flabbergasted here and a little unsure about how to protect myself going forward with these sits. If anyone can give me any kinds of caring responses, I would really appreciate that. Caring and clear.

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2

I feel for you, we have the total opposite. Every owner we’ve had (40+ sits), has treat us with total respect and have been incredibly grateful, friendly, and really lovely, nothing at all like what you have had to put up with.

It amazes me that some sitters on here have a totally different experiences to us, so I always assume it must be down to the locations we sit in. We sit in the north of the England, and the Costa Blanca in Spain. Where do you usually sit, do you think that may be it?

Also, I only apply for sits that I am truly drawn to, nothing linked to precise locations, it’s everything linked to the feel-good feeling I get about an owner’s profile.

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Aw, that sounds wonderful. You know that’s really interesting. I didn’t say anything about where I am, but I am in Southern California. And pretty much all my sits are in Southern California. Thank you so much for reading and replying.

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Sorry to hear that you are going through this. I have been there a few times.

I think the best advice to give you is to say NO if something is not all right for you. Yes, you might get a bad review, but you might get that anyway even if you do everything they say. You do NOT have to be agreeable and affable at all times. Being a doormat is not part of the job. I have had that happen to me, thinking I had to be nice and swallow my feelings for a bad review, but for my worst sits, I never got a good review anyway. One gave me 3 stars and the others gave me no reviews at all.

Letting yourself get hurt for a potential 5 star review is not worth it! Please look after yourself, and if you are not able to say no, don’t beat yourself up for that either because I know being assertive is not easy for everyone (not for me either). Hope this bad sit will end soon. Hugs!

By the way: It is NOT location specific. It is people specific. I have had bad sits (2 very bad, and a few somewhat bad) where people took advantage in several countries.

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I’m sure this is very frustrating, so many posts suggest reading listings and reviews for red flags, but it sounds like you have been doing just that.
I can understand how location could factor in, however, I sit primarily in Southern California and have only had good experiences…so far.

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Hi @anon86416762

Welcome to the Trusted Housesitters forum,

I’m sorry to hear about your recent experiences, and you’re absolutely right that THS is a mutual exchange.

I see that our amazing community are already sharing their knowledge and experience, I’m sure that with their help you’ll find sits that offer you the right match.

A thought from me, during the zoom calls, do you share your wants/expectations with the pet parents? Even if you aren’t selected for as many sits, you may find that they’re overall a better fit.

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Hi Mark!

I’m not sure how to share that I be treated respectfully. I’m also not sure that sharing that will do anything as the one HO assured me she does but then, didnt.

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Yeah. I have! Thank you mdarden. :orange_heart:

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Thank you Andrea! That is good advice. I would like to be more clear and direct as I actually can do that. I gave just been afraid of getting bad reviews. But with the one less than stellar review, I completely was kind and affable and bent over backwards and never confronted her stuff but was very clear in my review to her to which she replied, thats what you get for hiring an anxious senior citizen. Trusted Housesitters removed the senior part which actually made it look worse.

I try to be clear and neutral when dealing with problems. But I can do that more with these home owners. I did try with this particular one, saying yes. I do know how to do that; do know that; but she kept barreling on. I dont want to stop being kind, but i really just want to find the homeowners that will appreciate and respect me. I have had a lot of those! Its just been a string of bad ones

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The other problem , which is why I posted here in the first place, is that I’ve had really lovely meetings and zooms with these people. Where I felt that they were respectful and caring, but then during the sit, different personality traits came out.

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If during a sit, I wanted to explore the local area (or maybe something else) i may be able to make it clear that this is a fair exchange.

I’ll take care of your home, your pet and give you peace of mind, in return I expect X hours per day to visit different places.

It sounds like you’re doing everything right, my suggestion may not have helped recently, I just wondered if that approach could remind other pet parents that this process is about give and take.

The forum is here to help though.

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12

The saddest part of your post is the fact that you (or any of us -siiters and HO’s) feel the need to say that you need to be treated with respect and care. This should be tacit, mutual and absolute for all parties involved in every sit. But, alas, the world is filled with people and their “stuff”…..

The only advice I can offer is to remember to listen to red and yellow flags esp during the “interview” ( yes, I know, I know….this word). That is the best and easiest time to extricate yourself from what could be a problematic sit. Sure, you risk missing a possibly great one but , given your history, it is worth the risk.

If any part of your gut, your Scooby sense stalls or questions anything, do not take the sit.

I cannot think of a way to say that you need respect, etc. And, I imagine that if you simply said that, most people would respond with a blasé, “Of course !”.

Another suggestion , be v v clear when speaking with the HO about your boundaries and their needs. For example, if the HO springs a new request upon your arrival, point to the original requests, etc. and let them know that this wasn’t part of the plan and that you’d like to discuss alternatives.

This ^^^ is V challenging.

Finally, re: non 5 reviews : Given that you’ve had so many successful sits over a long period of time, I believe that any potential HO would look at the big picture ( a lot of great reviews and a few not so great ones) and understand that no one is perfect. In addition, a responsible HO will read ALL of your reviews in addition to previous HO reviews a glean an overall sense of your responsibility, skills, assets, etc. In other words, as sucky as they are , a few poor reviews should not taint many years of stellar ones.

You have a challenge, indeed, with no easy answers. I wish you many years of lovely animals and decent people !

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Oh thank you, Mark. For following up I appreciate that. Yeah I’m actually a huge homebody and I’m working on a big writing project which makes me a great pet sitter because I’m just home all the time with their animals.

That is a good suggestion; to just remind them of the equality of the situation. And I’m actually pretty clear in the beginning when I meet them and, I just want it to be a nice feeling thing when I get there. Anyway, I appreciate you taking the time to even respond. seriously

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Oh wow toreishi that is such a great response. Thank you so much for writing all that. I feel really met. It is True that it’s ridiculous to have to even say I deserve to be respected or I would like to be respected. It seems implicit in this situation. It would be like the homeowner saying I would like you to take care of my animals well.

And exactly, people would just say, of course if I said, I would like to be respected and then would do whatever they want.

I like that Scooby sense thing. I’m gonna try more although this particular sit that I’m on right now. When I had my zoom with them, I really liked them and they liked me and I thought oh this is so cool like I was looking forward to it and then, pow!

And that is really good advice about if they are changing things that were already agreed on for me to be more strong and saying hey wait a minute this is not what we talked about. So thank you for that!

One of the homeowners looked at my less than stellar review and said that it made me more real because I had all these great reviews and then this one not so good and she said that the way I responded was really clear and strong and laid everything out. So that’s really helpful that kind of support thank you so much so so so so much!

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And yeah, I just assumed people would treat me with respect as I would treat them so this has been kind of shocking to me in a way. I really appreciate your response. It feels really real and also caring.

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I really hear you on this. I’ve been in a similar place where some sits feel very transactional and others feel genuinely kind and mutual and from my experience with California sits, they usually fall into one of those two camps. The wonderful ones remind me why I love doing it, but the transactional ones can be draining, especially when respect is missing.

What has helped me is asking small, practical questions on the Zooms that can reveal a lot about an owner’s mindset without feeling confrontational. For example:

  • Will there be space for me to unpack when I arrive?

  • How do you want me to treat leftovers or perishables in the fridge? (If they say, Please help yourself, use anything, you know they’re usually kind and generous. If they sound rigid, that tells you something too.)

  • When would like me to arrive and leave and when are you leaving/returning? ( This helps set expectations early so you don’t end up with surprises and ideally, you avoid the two-hour lecture on how each appliance works.)

What’s helped me is paying close attention not just to the star ratings but also to how owners treat sitters in reviews. Do past sitters mention friendly interactions, having a meal together, or being left a small gift? Those little details often reveal the owner’s mindset. One other thing I’ve picked up from 8 years of sitting: you can often tell early on if the owners are excited to have you as their sitter, or if they see it as more of a chore and annoyance. That difference really shapes the whole experience. If they’re happy I applied, then I’m also happy to sit for them and I’ll absolutely give them 110% of my best pet sitting.

I think your instincts are good you clearly care deeply for the animals and the people, and you deserve sits that feel like a true exchange. Trusting those small red flags and listening to how people make you feel during the call can really help. Many of us have had a mix of experiences, but the good ones really are out there, and they’re the ones worth holding out for.

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One thing that amazes me on Zoom calls is how little sitters actually ask.

For you, I would suggest somewhere in the chat asking HO: 1) Why do use THS? (Poor answer: free pet care or we don’t want to board our pets) 2) What are the most memorable THS sitters/exchanges you’ve had? (Poor answers: the sitter stayed home all the time, managed our air BNB, did our semi annual brush clearance, etc).

If they don’t have answers that align with the real THS philosophy, take a pass…

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Oh wow, that is really fantastic idea. I don’t think I’ve ever asked any of my potential sits either of those questions and I just think that is something that could be really revealing. Thank you so much.

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Thank you! Those are really good ideas. I usually do ask some of those questions because… I usually have stuff that needs to get to the fridge or the freezer right away. And I always wanna know when they want me to get there. And how long they want me to stay. I have kind of vowed to myself that I’m only going to allow for a one hour overlap if they need to show me stuff in person. And not do that eight hours thing again unless there’s a really really good reason.

Most of the homeowners have been really excited to have me just because I have all these great reviews. But, not necessarily because they’re excited about the exchange more about knowing that they have a really competent sitter. But I think what you’re saying is really good. I do always look at the reviews all of the reviews, but I’m gonna look even more carefully.

But I just really appreciate you taking the time to respond and I just really appreciate it cause I was just feeling so bad last night and in the middle of the night and I’m starting to feel a little bit better so thank you so so much

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Well, I am a little confused and I do half of my sits in southern California. One, I am confused how they disrespected you on the first one you described. I had a sit where they asked me to come a certain time, the woman was still at work – I was spending the night since they had an early flight. But I could have easily shown up at 7 pm instead of noon. It was awkward hanging with her husband and sitting there. But I didn’t take it as disrespect. What was disrespect is that they never cleaned their oven or toaster oven.

Secondly, the second sit you describe. I had a sit in Yorba Linda. Two large dogs. Was suppose to be one, then they got a mixed breed puppy, that was 65 lbs at 6 months. So it was jumping up and down on me. But I don’t think that is disrespect. In 50 sits, I am surprised you haven’t encountered more of these types of experiences. I have had amazing sits in CA, in beautiful homes and easy dogs. I had a sit booked with someone with an attitude and I kept trying to cancel it, finally she did. I just knew she would be a problem. But I shouldn’t have accepted the sit in the first place. I was lucky to get out of it. I am your age, I have 35 sits down, but they aren’t all perfect. I have short sit in Huntington beach, early Jan, just to fill dates and I have a feeling it won’t be a great sit, but I took it. And I accept the terms. I have a friend in Laguna Beach and this is 3 nights, so it works. I am sorry but I don’t get the distress.

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