Hi! I am new here 
I actually was accepted first time. I thought I could be a solo sitter, as well as sometimes travel with my mum or friends/boyfriend. But because it’s so complicated to find the right dates with everyone I decided to apply as a solo and check later what works well with the HO and the others.
I got accepted and did this, I asked about my mum and a friend as well; especially since the HO initially wanted more people. I also asked questions as well about the place (if there is a washing machine, drinkable water).
The HO came back to me and said I am bombarding her with messages and I feel really sad about it. She feels I am unsettling by changing and she sees me a bit badly now.
While I totally get her as she doesn’t know me and that I can be trusted I feel really bad now to go to someone’s home where I am thought of as not ok and not trusted just because I asked what’s possible and what not. Maybe these things were written somewhere but I didn’t read them
I am thinking that maybe it’s better to tell her she can cancel on me even though I got my flight and got really excited about travelling but I feel like I am going somewhere where I am not trusted, nor welcome, nor accomodated.
I am also worried I will get a poor review and make things even harder to secure a sit and that I paid a lot of money for this site and ticket for nothing.
Any tips from experienced people on how to deal with things better?
I always get so sad when I feel I wronged someone but I am also trying to be by my side.
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@DanaNedelcu Welcome to the forum!
A few points to note:
-It is considered bad manners to apply for a sit as a solo sitter, and then, after you were accepted, to ask the home owner if others can join you. Don’t do it again!
-In your application, ask the home owner for a video call first, BEFORE you accept any sit, so that you can ask all your questions in the video chat and see if you both like each other and the energy is good. This is also a time to ask (again) about bringing someone with you. The first time should have been in the application email.
-Honestly, once we have all the questions out of the way during the video chat, there is not much left to discuss after being invited, and accepting the sit, so there should be no need for bombardment, and no need to constantly write to the owner (and also the other way, the owner shouldn’t constantly write to you). Closer to the time, it’s logistics etc. to be discussed.
Sorry to say, but it doesn’t sound like a great match…but let’s see what the others suggest.
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It might be a good idea to do a few sits solo, just to understand all the ins and outs, and get a few great reviews under your belt, BEFORE you start doing sits with family and friends.
It is a good idea to ask owners to send you a Welcome Guide, right after you have confirmed (or even before confirming if they are willing to send it!). Read over the listing and the Welcome Guide thoroughly and make a list of questions (if any). “Self-sufficiency” is one of the review categories for sitters, and if you are a burden to the owner, they might rate you poorly in this category.
When and if you want to do sits with family and friends, these people should be included in your profile. It should not be a surprise to the owner. You are not really supposed to have extra people in the owner’s home at all, unless you get permission first. Understandably, some owners do not want sitters to have any guests over, even for tea.
Chin up! You will learn and get better at this!
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I’m wondering how old you are? Being a sitter requires a certain level of social skills and life skills, you need to be self sufficient, reasonably good at interpersonal communications, have an understanding of mutual respect and expectations plus be experienced with the pets. Can you imagine what is going through the HOs head? It requires empathy too….
Although you had a perfectly nice plan in your mind, that suited your idea of sitting, you forgot to imagine how it would appear to the HO who is now somewhat confused.
My advice, start again. Offer to have a video chat with the HO, ask if you can explore together as a Team how this sit can go forward. Apologise, and explain your thinking but accept that how you went about it was a bit immature/naive /over excited. Tell them about your fabulous animal skills, reassure them you’re trustworthy. It’ll be ok but only if you put some necessary work in before the sit. This is certainly recoverable. Best wishes.
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Your profile said one thing and then you changed how you first ‘appeared’ to be, you can’t do that with THS, but I get that you didn’t realise the impact it would have.
Remember, when you’re taking responsibility for the keys to someones house and the little bundle of fluff she loves most in the world, you need to be totally transparent about whatever the situation is upfront, not necessarily in your profile, but definitely in the message you send with your application. Then you asked questions that most other sitters don’t ask, so it would probably leave her feeling anxious.
Washing machine - their profile probably says this.
Drinking water - we’ve never ever asked, we’ve always just bought our own water if needed in areas where there’s not a normal water supply. We’ve only had instant drinking water in 1 out of 5 places where the location has been tricky for drinking water.
In your particular case, you could end up on edge all of the time now and sitting is supposed to be fun!
If the dates are at least a couple of months away, on this occasion, perhaps read through the messages again when you’ve had chance to calm your mind, and see if it may be best for everyone if you ask her to find someone else, and keep you as a back up for a couple of weeks just to nice because you changed the way things were, or figure out what your next move is. But let your mind settle first, and then re-read what was said to figure out what you do. They may not be as bad as you first thought, and if they are, she’ll possibly happily let you go.
If she cancels it, no one will know, so you learn from it and put it behind you, but it means you will lose your flight money, but at least you can start THS with a fresh slate, without fearing a negative review, or feeling like you’re disappointing her.
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Congratulations on getting your first sit! In addition to the good advice others have offered, if you haven’t already, I would encourage you to thoroughly read the listing and the welcome guide if it was provided. Once you schedule a video chat, you can ask questions to clarify anything that was not provided or unclear to you. If no welcome guide was provided, you can request it when reaching out to schedule a call, but be sure to review it before the call.
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Welcome to forum @DanaNedelcu !
As others have said, it is the norm to state in your application if you are solo or not, and if bringing someone it would be my advice to offer the host to meet the other persons in a videocall before they (and you) decide if it is a good match.
Whether it is a washing machine available should be mentioned in the amenities section in the listing and/ or the Welcome Guide. It is ok to ask, as some hosts do put things in the amenities guide and later drop on the sitter that they can’t use :item: , but it is a good thing if you show that you have read the listing.
If you’d like you could try to correct the situation. What i did once was to offer the host to cancel if they would like to re-list. Then the host said it was ok, I think it helped somewhat that they got the offer. Or you could just be honest and say that you are new .
The general advice is that you shouldn’t do a sit if you feel something is «off». This goes for you also. What do YOU think? Do you think this is a good match for YOU? Is this the right host for you?
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I understand you are excited about this new adventure and thinking about how having a relative or friend to join you to elevate the experience. Unfortunately mentioning it to the homeowner after you confirmed a sit is not considered appropriate here. That’s OK, you did not know and every new adventure has a learning curve. I would suggest putting in your profile that you are a solo sitter who would like on occasion to bring your mom or boyfriend. I would also say if the PP is not comfortable with this I will understand. You don’t want to miss out on a great sit when you’re not even sure if someone can join you. Others here have given you great advice about going forward or not, repairing the situation, etc, etc. The bottom line is you have to be comfortable with your decision. If you decide to cancel, do it sooner than later to give the PP ample time to find a replacement. Also, the profile will tell you all the amenities. The European countries I stayed in all had washing machines but no dryers. Clothes were hung out to dry.
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Welcome to the community @DanaNedelcu.
I am grateful to you for “saying the quiet part out loud” - the fact that probably all of us made a mistake (or more) on our first sit.
And guess what? It is FINE. It is not the end of the world. It is what life itself is - a learning experience. You’ve actually inspired me to start a new thread: “The biggest mistake I made on my first sit”. There’s lots of threads here about how to GET your first sit, but there’s very little info on common mistakes.
I can pretty much guarantee that you were not the first sitter to make this mistake. But how were you supposed to know? You didn’t know. You couldn’t know. It’s “not done” to advertise as a solo sitter, and then later ask the homeowner to bring someone else - even your mom.
And now you know.
I agree with the wonderful advice of the wise others on this thread: Explain to the HO that you are new, that you did not realize this was an overstep, that you are sorry and would still like to do the sit solo but if they are not comfortable you understand if they’d prefer to cancel.
And then see what happens. In the meantime, read the other posts on this forum to get some more insight. Including the one I’m about to make about the mistake I made on my first sit!
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Thanks Bonny. I am 39 but yeah, I did not mature enough when it comes to petsitting.
I understood all you have said and you are right. I wasn’t very empathic. But that’s also because in her listing, the HO only wanted couples and groups of friends because she has two horses and she thinks it’s hard work. I looked after 4 horses, 5 dogs and 5 cats all in one go so dared to apply as a solo as for me it seemed easy.
When my mum and friend said they wanted to join I really thought it’s ok to ask.
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Thank you! I asked things that weren’t clear in the WG. I did not ask things that were clear…
As for the HO’s listing she wanted exclusively couples and friends as she has two horses and thinks it’s hard work. I looked after 4 horses, 5dogs and 5 cats in one go by myself and told her that. When the opportunity to come with more people arrived I thought she’s be happy about it.
I am also looking for some compassion here
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Thank you so much! I really needed some compassion. The thing is in the listing she wanted couples or a group of friends. I told her I looked after more horses than 2 and that I can manage so she took me in. Because she prefered more people I thought it’s ok to ask.
The house I’ll be in is a little house she is renting next to the property and read a comment that there are some issues with the electricity. In the listing there was a washer but I didn t know if that is a washing machine so wanted to check. It’s really just a jouse with a bed and a kitchen and bathroom.
I feel it’s a bit impolite not to be open to someone’s questions actually…
But in reality I made a mistake, yes…I own it. I feel like it was all such an unnecesery effort (paying for THS, applying for days like a madman to get here where might be canceled even though I bought my ticket and if I go I might get a bad review and make it even harder to secure a sit).
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I think you should cancel because you do not feel comfortable with this particular sit. It happens even to sitters who have been here for a while. They accept a sit and then in emails or other correspondence they no longer feel comfortable with the sit and cancel. Better now than half way into the sit. Does your airline give you credit for one year to use the ticket? I remember buying a non refundable ticket where I did not get my cash back but did get credit for a year to fly anywhere that airline went and use that dollar amount credit. Talk to them. There is some leg work getting your first sit because you have no reviews. Just like there are some that don’t like applying to PP that don’t yet have reviews. Most start doing sits close th home to build reviews. Then it will be easier to get sits out of the country if that is what you want. Just take this as a learning experience. Don’t take on more than you can handle by yourself. If you are planning to take your mom or boyfriend on the sit that needs to be mentioned in your application and not spring that on them after they read your application and want to have a chat to do the sit. Now you know washer means washing machine. Different countries and cultures will have different names. I remember being in another country and ordering a sandwich at a restaurant. The menu said it came with chips. I thought I was getting potato chips and they brought me French fries. I said to the waiter, I thought this came with chips. He looked at me like I was crazy and pointed to the big pile of French fries and said, right there ma’am. An American sitting at the next table who heard me ask turned around and told me what chips meant in this country. This was before the internet where I can now research better the country I am going to. Sits come up every day so another one will pop up that interest you. House and pet sitting can be a great adventure but you have to role with the punches. If you get upset very easily this may not be for you. That’s also OK. Just live your best life how you see it, not how others see it.
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Can I ask if the sit is in either Switzerland or Spain by any chance?? If so, please DM me as might have useful added information on the HO. #insideinfo
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Thank you for taking the time to write all this. I appreciate it. I wrote the PO a message offering my apologies, letting her know I didn t know and if there are any bad feelings she can cancel as I wouldn t feel confortable if that is the case either. If she forgives me I will just go on doing my things and try to talk as little as possible with the HO so that I do not disturb.
You gave me very good advice! Hope your day is beautiful!
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I bet you will have a great sit. If she is not an understanding person, you have dodged a bullet. Sometimes I read things on a profile I am not sure about so I google. I ask Google to tell me what this word means in the (insert the country I am going to). Once they said they grow a certain vegetable in the garden I was welcomed to. It turned out to be a vegetable that I love but we have a different name for it. Showing independence gives the PP confidence that you can handle a situation on your own without disturbing their vacation that may be only a couple of times a year. Happy Travels!
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You are right, and this is a red flag! Please get the insider info from @Cuttlefish if it may apply to this particular owner. It might save you a lot of hassle.
Not all owners and sit opportunities are created equal! You have to be very judicious to select the winners!
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Thank you so much! I read everyone’s comments and craftet a good message explaining where I was coming from + the option for her to cancel so we don t feel weird about it! She really appreciated the message and we are good now! She even accepted my mum to come.
I learned a lot from all the comments and this situation! It was so stressful!
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That’s great! I love that you will be having mother and daughter time!
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