We live in an area that has lots going on - great beaches, historic houses, fine countryside and historic and market towns - but all except the countryside take a good half hour to get to. We have offered use of our spare car and said that we are happy for our dogs to be left up to a maximum of six hours.
All our previous sitters have been digital nomads and have fully respected our boundaries. In principle, it’s hard to object to her absence for a few hours from time to time but she doesn’t have a job, obviously wants to earn something but what if she finds a job that doesn’t tick her boxes timewise? We would be 1500 miles away and possibly worrying about what is going on in our absence.
Yes, and what if the job has an emergency and the sitter has to choose between doing an extra shift and keeping the job, or going back to your home to take care of the pets as agreed? The issue is not that the sitter wants a job. It is that the sitter made it your business that they want a job.
Since they have made it your business, it is clear that the sitter you are getting is not the sitter you agreed to. I would cancel and find a different one, using this experience to be very clear about your expectations and desires.
Hi @CharlieFarley. I can understand your discomfort. Can I ask what made you choose this sitter? Did you have other applicants? Did you have a video call and feel comfortable and convinced she would be putting your dogs and home first? Has she done long sits before? If so, did she receive great reviews? Perhaps by thinking about the answers to these questions will help you decide whether to go ahead with her as your sitter or choose to cancel her. Three months is a long time for you to worry about how things are going at home.
I see your point; it is interesting that my projection (“I need money”) is very different from yours (“I need companionship/mental stimulation”)
Either way, though - isn’t it crossing a boundary to hand that ball of mess to the homeowner? One thing sitters are rated on is being “self-sufficient”. I can see a sitter stating, “I’ll be here for three months and looking forward to getting to know the community. I’ve started researching some of the local organizations.” But asking the homeowner for job recommendations crossed a line. I recognize that my cultural assumptions play a big role here - maybe in other cultures this is normal? In my world this is a major faux pas.
I had a sitter ask me this - although they gave more details about why they were looking for work, and I have a cat, not a dog, so the time out of the home wasn’t such an issue. They were also only looking for part-time work. I was slightly uncomfortable at the request, as I didn’t want to be responsible for their employment, but gave some general ideas about the job market at the time. Sitter found a job that worked great for them during the 6-week sit. And they were a great sitter!
I wouldn’t assume this is some nefarious request unless there have been other red flags prior to confirmation. I’d just ask for more information - are they looking for full or part time? How do they plan to balance the dog care responsibilities? Does the sit depend on their finding a job? These answers will help you determine if the sitter is still a good fit.
I am presuming the sitter is legally able to work wherever you are?
ETA: just re-read and saw the sitter is looking for PT, and only 2-3 days per week. I don’t think this is unreasonable at all! Still worth asking questions 2 and 3 above.
I was also thinking of the cultural (or even generational) differences. Some people believe that it’s better to tap into the experience/exposure of the person already familiar with the reality of the place. Being asked this wouldn’t bother me, even though I realize that other people would be taken aback.
IMO, the OP should ask themselves whether they would have been bothered more if they hadn’t known that finding a job was the sitter’s intention, and then hear about it afterwards.
If the dog can be left home up to 6 hours a day, a part time job 2-3 times a week could make the sitter feel better mentally and emotionally, more immersed in the community.
My last post in this thread. I just want to point out that a multi-month sit is very different from a shorter sit. Maybe people who haven’t done long sits haven’t thought through the realities of day-to-day life in a longer sit. Conversations between the sitter and HO may involve many things other than just the house and pets since the sitter will be there for an extended time.
I just started a three-month sit about a week ago. I joined a local gym where I can work out, go to exercise classes, and interact with other people. I also found a knitting/crochet group that meets weekly that I can join (I crochet), also to meet and interact with other people. I’m also considering doing some volunteer work. I have a job so I wouldn’t consider a job, but I would consider volunteering a couple mornings or afternoons each week. I guess some people on here would consider that unacceptable – or is it only unacceptable if it’s paid? Personally, I’m an introvert so my need for social interaction is probably less than most people. But three months of staying home and doing everything by yourself, with only pets for company is very unhealthy (and I say this as someone with a PhD in Psychology).
To maintain a healthy life during a multi-month sit means the sitter needs to set up their life in a way that they interact with others. A job is a great way to do that. Even if the sitter’s goal is just to make some extra money, I don’t see why that would be considered irresponsible. If a sitter is on a 3-month sit and wants to work. I don’t see the issue. Most hosts and anyone else with pets have jobs, social lives, families, and still take care of their pets.
However, if the OP doesn’t feel they trust the sitter (not sure why they chose the sitter if that’s the case), then they should talk with the sitter about their ‘no paid work outside the home’ rule and see if the sitter is ok with it. If not, they can unconfirm and look for another sitter. Maybe add to to the listing that online work is ok, but working locally is not.
When you say, “we’re fine with her going out for a few hours to explore the area from time to time but this is not what we envisaged” I’m wondering if your expectation is that a sitter is home most of the time for a three month period and also working from home, so not going out much at all much like a pet owner who is retired or works from home. If you only want a sitter who works remotely, you might need to discuss this with your sitter.
Most pet owners manage to be out several hours a day and also take good care of their pets. Maybe the sitter is hinting that her economic situation has changed and she might not be able to do the sit without help
It sounds like both you and your sitter may have very different expectations about what she’s taking on.
This is something so important. Some folks ask for their dogs to not be left alone longer than 2-4 hours, I even saw one listing where the pp wrote that the dog couldn’t be left alone for more than 1 hour and that the only run allowed was for groceries.
The truth is that sometimes people ask for paid work from sitters… some folks really expect someone home for 20 hours.
20 hours. Every day for long sits, heck even for short sits… that’s still a lot. What if a sitter wants to go to a park alone, read, grab coffee, watch a movie and eat a meal?
A sitter is not a caged bird while caring for other pets.
A sitter is a person with interpersonal needs as much as the homeowner is. If a sitter is not compromising the sit and keeping up with the responsibilities, then why is it so crazy to think that a sitter can have an interest in not being isolated? Work to make a little something without encroaching on the sit?
A little food for thought there for folks. Some folks ask things of sitters that they themselves don’t do and rules they don’t follow and it’s a little
Silence would have been perfect but so are honesty and communication.
Crossing a boundary would be something like, “hey since I’m not working, do you mind paying me?” THAT is a violation of boundaries. So is “I’m gonna look for a full time job while here and I won’t be able to be here for prolongued periods of time.”
And as for your intentional depiction of a sitter even thinking of stealing or compromising their reputation was dreadful because the purpose of THS is trust and to depict someone in an imaginary scenario like that says a lot about how one sees people. Not judging, but as a sitter, I wouldn’t want to sit at a home where someone would think like that about sitters.
We aren’t all communication experts, and not everyone communicates as directly as they can no matter the culture.
The sitter could simply be saying: Hey, I lost my remote gig, I’m going to your 3 month dogsit which isn’t a job, do you know of any part time work that would help me get through those 3 months?
The homeowner seems to be saying: What? A part time job will take you out of the house way more than I bargained for. I thought you had work covered remotely and would be home a lot. I’m worried about my dog care!
Clearly the two sides need to have a deeper conversation about these changing cirmunstances and expectations.
As a host, I’ve got cats and they have a lot of needs but a sitter could easily work a full time job and still take care of them fine. I could also suggest they might be able to get some drop in or walks from neighbors but this is unlikely as I do this but the only reason they give me the work is because they know and trust me as a neighbor with local references AND it’s not consistent work. But if a sitter asked me, I would wonder if they were really saying or asking something else like: “My situation has changed. Could you give me a stipend?” OR “My situation has changed. I’m rethinking the sit.” And that’s why I would have a conversation to clarify what’s happening.
Also want to add, this model in part relies on people able to work remotely. That sector has been undergoing some changes. Wages for some work may be decreasing. Available hours may be reduced. This could impact many digital nomads and their ability to sit in return for housing.
I agree with @systaran on this, that feels like the amount of time you would have a great dinner with friends, or a movie and dinner. I agree this is restrictive.
However she should not be asking you for help with employment. That was bad form in my opinion.
You live in the area and have relationships with people and businesses. It is only logical that she would ask the only person she knows if they have any knowledge of a good part time job opportunity. I would expect anyone that knows me to ask for my advice if they come to my area. Not a big deal. Also, you made clear your expectations and her being out of the house for those agreed to hours shouldn’t be your concern as to what she’s doing. Your only concern is that she is meeting the expectations you set and she agreed to. I think people are seriously overthinking her request. 3 months in one place would be quite boring. A part time job is a nice way to meet people and occupy some time. I certainly don’t need the work, but I would do the same thing probably. I’m not built for sitting around in one place all the time, I need something to keep me busy.
In principle, I have no issue with the sitter seeking part time work but it was odd the way it was sprung upon us. She had told us that she worked as a graphic digital designer (which implies working from home which all our previous sitters have done) but is seeking work as a housekeeper in a B&B or hotel. We’ve agreed to let us have use of our car but travelling to and from work isn’t covered as it is treated as business use. Our instinct is to withdraw the invitation as we cannot spend three months worrying about what might be happening in our absence.
Follow your instinct. That’s the best guide you can have in this situation.
Apart from that, there are solid indicators that things might not work out well. Either she has lied or she has hidden/misrepresented important information. If I say I work as a graphic digital designer is because I do, not just because I am a qualified designer. If, after informing the owner of that, there is change in my job situation, I would inform them of that change, especially if I ask for help in finding a different job and I would also be very specific about keeping up my part of the agreement regarding house and pet care. Omitting all this might (just might) suggest that the sitter could feel comfortable bending some rules.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do and please, update the forum.
It is one thing to find a small job but now seeing you offered your car, yes, I think that would totally rub me the wrong way. Adding mileage to go to and from work, or what if she decided to run errands, or deliver food as a job using your car. I would cancel.
