This is a really thoughtful question, and you’re probably not the only person who has wondered about it.
Speaking from a sitter perspective — but really just looking at how the platform tends to work — many of us have come to see the stars and the written review as doing two slightly different jobs.
Over time, the five stars have come to mean something quite simple: the sit itself worked. The pets were well cared for, the home was respected and the arrangement was successful overall. It doesn’t necessarily mean that everyone was a perfect personality match or that you’d automatically want to repeat the experience.
Where the nuance really lives is in the written review. That’s the tool both hosts and sitters can use to gently differentiate experiences and give a fuller picture of how the sit felt in practice — communication style, atmosphere, how the handover went, and all those little human details that stars alone can’t really capture.
One thing many people discover with time on the platform is that not every perfectly competent sit becomes a repeat sit, and that’s completely okay. Sometimes you meet people you instantly click with and stay in touch for years. Other times the sit works well, everyone’s pets are happy, and you simply move on to new matches next time.
Different households, cultures and personalities can also bring slightly different expectations around things like handovers or social dynamics, which can make these situations feel a bit awkward to interpret in a star system.
So many people end up using a simple approach: if the sit genuinely worked, the stars reflect that — and the written review provides the warmth, context and balance that helps future hosts and sitters understand the experience more fully.
I don’t think anyone is saying they expect friendship. That would happen organically, if at all.
However it is fair to expect people you are exchanging with to be courteous, to say hello, please, thank you where appropriate. I certainly would not be sitting at a table snacking and not move when the hosts returned, that’s a bit rude.
Of course kids shouldn’t be forced to converse if they are uncomfortable - but saying hello, please , thank you is not a conversation. Those are part of basic social etiquette that one would expect a teenager to be able to manage.
You could allude to all sorts of stuff, but since that type of thing is subjective, the host runs the risk of putting off other sitters. If it were me, I’d chalk that up to a mismatch and leave it be. Rather, I’d focus on whether the pets were well taken care of and the home was left in good condition.
Hosts always run the risk of putting off sitters, and vice versa. That doesn’t mean you don’t include a point that you consider salient and impacted your experience with the exchange. If it puts some sitters off that’s ok as they are likely of a similar style anyway, so it can be a benefit if they see this HO prefers some social interaction to establish trust and communication at the start of the sit. There are hosts that don’t want that (up to them of course) so sitters can always seek out those hosts instead. It would make a better match for all.
Note that this host already compromised with accepting this family in the first place. They probably don’t typically get many applicants. So if I were them, I’d consider whether they’d be willing to accept imperfect sitters like these or maybe not get sitters at all via THS, if they make it even tougher to attract applicants. Their choice, of course.
@JLucy ahhhhh it’s a minefield as you can see. Lots of good advice. Don’t rush the review, write it, sit on it for a bit, tweak as necessary. You could maybe say due to this sit you have realised you prefer couples only…..
Unfortunately not everyone has great manners or personal behaviour but as you have said, there was nothing untoward with the sit itself, they did what was expected of them. We cannot “rate" a sitter, or a HO, on their personal behaviour, only on how they carried out the requirements of the sit. We aren’t always going to like some people but that in itself doesn’t warrant any deduction of stars. Take a few days to think about it but don’t get lost in the personal side of things. Good luck.
I wouldn’t rate someone on having a sulky teenage son. I have sitters with whom I have some stuff in common and they’ve become to some extent a part of my remote social circle. Others are generationally or culturally very different than I am and just passing through. Reviews are written for the “job” they did as sitters based on the criteria and categories.
The purpose of ratings is not how subjectively likable a sitter is. As a host, I’m not looking for a best friend or someone with a sparkling personality. I’m looking for someone who is going to take great care of my pet and not do anything to alienate my neighbors as I live in fear that one sitter with a cigarette or a loud party could get me banned from using THS in my building ever again.
The default seems to be five and yes some sitters seem to go above and beyond that. If so, please say how so other hosts can see how great they are. It’s fine to say, “If I could give _____ a 10 instead of a five, I happily would.” I both sit and host, I have some reviews like that and I’m very proud of them but they are usually based on stuff like my good humor and resourcefulness during a power outage, or sending photos with updates consistently as the owner wished, etc.
If a sitter did something that didn’t sit right and you could categorize it and felt strongly about it and felt other homeowners would have the objection, then take off points – either for a category or for one or more categories and overall, but be fair. If it doesn’t look fair, than you’ll look bad not the sitter. Be concrete. Describe what happened so other hosts will know why you lowered points. But it’s not a beauty contest or Olympic sport where John gets a 2 out of 5 because Terri gave a perfect performance and made it look easy. Like it or not, 5 is a kind of default which can work for anything ranging from no issues approaching major to this is the new standard by which I will judge all others.
Personally, I wouldn’t have anybody’s teenage child accompanying them on a sit. My home is small and not set up for children. Too much could go wrong. But if I did accept a kid, my standard would be “Are my pets and home safe with this kid around?” I wouldn’t rate the sitters on the kid’s communication skills as for all I know the kid could have a learning difference.I agreed to their kid coming period. If however, somebody broke something and nobody took responsibility for it, then I would write that that happened in my review. If they didn’t communicate with me and somehow used an issue with their kid as an excuse, I would write about that in my review.
I sit too, and I read the reviews the hosts write. If it looked to me that sitters were getting points off for lack of charm or likability or special sparkle, I’d avoid applying.
I agree with your general analysis. Critical reviews are indeed tricky and my advice has been to be really concise and avoid praising, just acknowledge what has been done right.
On the other hand, I completely relate to @JLucy feeling. In this case, there might be some of the issues you mentioned:
They might have
Like stripping the beds. Ultimately, the parents should have made sure it happened. The thing is these are small issues probably deserving some grace but the addition of them all, together with a lack of manners and appreciation for hospitality would probably put most people off.
Also, I know there are some families on this forum traveling with teenagers who seem to have glowing reviews and I have the feeling that they don’t behave like that. Not all teenagers are created (brought up) equal.
If you asked for the beds to be stripped, and this was not done on your return, you could drop a star for organisation. Hosts can vary in what they wish sitters to do with their bedding, so this is a question we usually ask. Some like us to strip and wash the bedding if timings permit, some ask us to strip the bedding and leave it in the bedroom or elsewhere, some like us to leave it on the bed.
I agree with @Newpetlover that it is the parent’s responsibility to ensure their children’s rooms are prepared for the hosts return. I say this as a parent who sits with her 2 teenage sons. They are both fully involved in preparing the home for the hosts return, including stripping their beds. I do check to make sure they have done it correctly.
My sons are both social and polite and will converse with the hosts. However not all teenagers are created, or raised alike.
@Marion makes a good point that had also occurred to me that an apparent lack of manners or social skills might sometimes be caused by neurodiversity.
