The question of commitment and entitlement

Sitter Questions, Advice & Chat
1

Someone just got upset with me and threatened to leave me a negative review for withdrawing my application for a sit that’s in December. (even though they can’t leave a review because the sit didn’t happen, it’s still an overreaction and quite a hostile response)

I applied a week ago, they sent me an invitation to sit without even messaging or talking to me first and I don’t accept invites without a call or an in-person meet up.

So I didn’t cancel a confirmed sit, I withdrew my application (accompanied by a detailed and apologetic message). They insist I ‘commited’ by applying.

My life circumstances have changed, as it happens sometimes, and I couldn’t do the sit any more so I let them know as soon as I knew and withdrew my application.

Even if I have confirmed the sit and something happened and I had to cancel, especially 2 months ahead, people should be more understanding and less entitled, especially for a free service.

I pride myself on never having cancelled the sit.

The situation might be in reverse one day: what if they list a sit, get applications and then have to cancel the trip or change the dates? Should the sitter be enraged and threaten negative reviews? (even though impossible with THS, these kind of people seem the type to badmouth you online).

Their life and priorities are not the only important ones here. They act as if I wasted hours or days of their time and left them stranded at the last moment.

People keep forgetting this is a mutual exchange. Nobody ‘owes’ anything to anyone.

It’s possible not everyone understands how it works, but the attitude really rubbed me the wrong way.

They seem to be wealthy people who can definitely pay for a sitter, and they live in a location that’s popular, so finding a sitter shouldn’t be hard, especially with two months left.

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2

You don’t need to explain or justify yourself to anyone. The fact is, you did NOT commit to the sit and there are no repercussions in terms of receiving a poor review given that it is a sit you haven’t signed up to. The HO is doing nothing to ingratiate you to commit to a sit (now or in the future) by responding in this hostile manner. Perhaps they don’t have an understanding of how the process works, but you’ve had a lucky escape. Fortunately, their response has nothing to do with you :heart:

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Hi @TomorrowTamara

As a sitter, I have applied for a sit, been accepted almost immediately, and in turn confirmed the sit without having had any correspondence from the home owner. But that was down to inexperience on both parts as to how the system works, and not something that I would do again.

So part of it could just be their lack of experience, and the expectation that all they need to do is press that confirm button, and Mary Poppins of the animal world appears on their doorstep! If you can be bothered, you could explain to them that this isn’t the case.

Either way, I think you have probably dodged a bullet here.

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4

Thank you for all the details. Lots of nuances come to mind.

Technically, if a Sit is not confirmed/accepted by both parties, it is not yet “set in stone.”

Sounds like the Owners are being a bit ridiculous. I would never work with them if I knew who they were!

This case highlights why it is so important for Owners and Sitters to rapidly respond when Sit dates are posted, when applications are sent/received. Communicate quickly, video chat ASAP, and click all the right boxes!

Sitters can “drag out” this process on purpose if they want/need to, and in some cases, may leave the Owner feeling abandoned. (I am not saying that you did this, but it could happen). I mention this as a warning to Owners and strong advice to Owners to rapidly go through the process of choosing a Sitter (respond to applications, have a conversation, click the boxes, and make sure the Sitter has also clicked the boxes!).

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5

You didn’t confirm the sit, it wasn’t a sit. Just ignore it all and move on, no reviews can be left anyway.

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You sent them an “apologetic message” when you withdrew??? You must have given them the impression that you were definitely going to sit for them. Whereas if you were just withdrawing, you would have simply explained why with no apology. So that’s probably why they are so upset. Plus it’s Christmas, they probably had plans to see their loved ones, and they may feel gutted that may not happen now. They may not realise that there are plenty of us that sit in December.

We have conversations going on with HO’s about future sit dates whereby we have shown a commitment to do certain dates, it’s just not actually officially confirmed with THS for one reason or another, but we and the HO know we’re committed to one another. They aren’t going to advertise for another sitter, and we will dedicate those dates to them and pencil them in our diary. And if they are new, I would have guided them through how to confirm.

But officially, if it wasn’t a confirmed sit, then it wasn’t a confirmed sit.

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A shame we won’t know who the owner is so we can avoid them in the future. Massive red flag! I would say, despite you being upset, you’ve avoided what could have been a difficult sit. As @ziggy says, try to move on because they have a bad attitude.

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I was careful about the language I used so it couldn’t be clearer. I said I’m sorry I’m withdrawing my application as my circumstances have changed and I’m unable to do it any more.

I think it was a decent thing to do, to offer an explanation as they have offered me a sit. I don’t send any explanation for applications where I haven’t spoken to owners at all.

It wasn’t Christmas period either, it was first half of December.

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That’s a huge assumption to make. Basic manners would dictate that you give a simple apology for withdrawing your application. I generally write something along the lines of “I’m sorry but I’m not longer available for this sit and I wish you the best of luck in finding a great sitter.”

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Are they fairly new to THS or does it look like they’ve been using it a while?

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It’s seems lately there are more HOs who don’t understand the exchange model here. They think they get applicants and then just choose they sitter they want. They don’t understand that sitters choose too and an application is just an expression of interest in the sit, not a commitment. We’ve all seen threads on here with HOs complaining about a sitter cancelling and it turns out they just withdrew their application.

@TomorrowTamara I’d say you dodged a bullet here. It sounds like you politely withdrew as you had every right to do since it was not a confirmed sit.

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They have two reviews, so not brand new.

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13

Yeah I’ve had some people previously who got upset that I went with someone else. It’s a two-way interview.

Now I openly tell people I’m talking to another or multiple owners to be transparent. (after all, I know that owners might be talking to at least another 4 people)

Especially with owners not responding to my applications (even just click Decline) or taking days to get back to me, I’ve started applying for multiple sits with overlapping dates.

I mean, if you select a person and decline everyone else without speaking to the person first, you’ve only got yourself to blame.

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14

The ‘withdraw’ function is there so you can withdraw. No explanation necessary.

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15

Except that Mary P presumably had a decent salary.

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16

@fledermaus Mary P got paid :astonished:

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17

Two months is more than enough time to find another sitter, and no one here should be exchanging threats of any kind or nastiness regardless of how disappointed or anxious one might feel. It’s an exchange. If they want a different arrangement, they can pay for it.

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18

Not your fault at all. They’re weird and you dodged a bullet. Move on.

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19

We are homeowners who have been looking for a sitter for Nov 20 - Dec 14. We have had several applicants and have gotten so far as trying to schedule video meetings with four of them.

Two of them withdrew their applications just hours before the video. The other two were slow to respond to a video meeting and decided to withdraw.

We have lost weeks and are worried as the dates draw nearer without a sitter. We have wasted our time with sitters who didn’t have a change in circumstances, but were not seriously committed (assuming the video chat went well).

It is very frustrating for the homeowners in these situations. However, I was not nasty to them when they withdrew as they hadn’t fully committed, but was frustrated to the frequency it happened and time/energy lost on pursuing the applicants.

Just sharing a perspective from a now desperate homeowner who still doesn’t have a sitter and has wasted time on sitters who weren’t serious about the sit when they applied.

If circumstances change, that’s one thing, but I encourage sitters to be seriously interested in a sit before you apply. Perhaps sitters are tossing in their applications to beat the 5 limit for number of applications before considering if they could commit to the sit if selected.

We have been members of TH for several years, and this is the first time we experienced this with several applicants.

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From what I’ve read, this is pretty common - and why that artificial limit is detrimental vs helpful. Make sure as you’re declining people in the first round that you unpause your listing so you can keep getting new applications.

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