Hello everyone!
Every community has its own unwritten rules: the little things you pick up through experience rather than through a formal guide.
These could look like:
Share your unwritten rules below, whether you’re a sitter or a host!
Jenny 
Great question! It took me a while to work this out too 
As a general rule of thumb, I give five stars.
If there is something worth mentioning, I include it in the written review in a friendly and factual way, perhaps with some context.
For example, keeping a home spotless in the Pacific, without windows and with pets and all kinds of insects coming inside, can be challenging. I would mention those circumstances, but I would not deduct stars for cleanliness. If there were piles of poop in the house, however, I would lower the rating and describe the situation factually.
If the house was not particularly clean but the hosts had left a huge welcome basket, I might deduct no stars or perhaps one, while still mentioning the cleanliness in a kind and factual way. Some sitters would not mind starting a sit like that, while others certainly would.
Most importantly, if you are considering giving fewer than five stars, check with the community on this forum first. It can help you put your experience into perspective.
In general, pet sitters want to be treated with mutual respect, and TrustedHousesitters should be a win win arrangement. Some hosts apparently treat pet sitters as staff, and that is not acceptable.
Something else we do is mirror the host’s language. We repeat their requests in our own words and often use the same words and expressions they use. We also clearly confirm that we understand what they are asking and that we will follow their instructions. Speaking the same language in this way makes communication easier and helps the host feel heard and understood. It is something you rarely see mentioned anywhere, but it can make a real difference to building trust and having a successful conversation and sit.
First time sitters and hosts can sometimes be challenging, particularly when they have no previous experience with reciprocal arrangements such as house swapping. A first timer may even withdraw at the last moment. Fortunately, I have never experienced this myself, but I have friends to whom it has happened several times.
It is also very important to keep hosts updated with photos and videos of their pets, whether they respond or not. It may not be an official obligation, and some pet sitters apparently find it difficult, but we always do it, even when the host has not specifically asked. We also make it clear that they do not need to reply. We simply enjoy sharing the lovely moments we have with their pets.
We also always have a video call with a potential host. It gives us a better sense of who they are and allows us to discuss any additional requests that we might not feel comfortable accepting or that could create a risk for us.
For example, if a property is for sale, a host might ask us to prepare the house or grounds for viewings. I used to work as an estate agent, so I know how important the presentation of a property can be. If I do not know the host, I would probably decline that responsibility. Imagine that the selling agent later says the house looked untidy because one small piece of paper had been overlooked. If the host then believes this affected the sale, it could have serious consequences for our review.
If I already know the host or have sat for them before, I have a better understanding of how strict or flexible they are and how they respond to ordinary human mistakes, such as overlooking one small item in an otherwise spotless house or accidentally breaking a glass. In that situation, I might be more willing to accept the request.
That is another important reason for having a video call. Some additional requests are perfectly reasonable and easy to accept, while others carry responsibilities and risks that make it wiser to say no. This is part of my personal assessment and something that is rarely discussed or written down.
On one sit - a long time before I joined THS, we were sitting two dogs, one a rather large one. The pet owners were pretty specific about some things - feeding, where they were allowed, etc. But totally glossed over the Saturday morning treat, saying it wasn’t that important.
So Saturday morning I’m in the kitchen and this giant dog is barking at me. I had no idea what he wanted and called for my husband. We thought about it and remember the thing the owner said wasn’t important - a peanut butter filled long. We found the long and stuffed it with peanut butter and all was well.
What we learned: something that might not be important to the pet parent is super important to the pet!
Yes those little things are the things you learn during time. The ‘oh-by-the-way-things’.
Look for mentions of the home being clean, in writing, from past sitters. That’s because, they might gloss over cleanliness when giving star ratings, but they’re not likely to write an outright lie about cleanliness.
@Makelikeanapeman because of your post it reminded me of something else.
The big thing about pets: sleeping on your bed.
In general we don’t do this. I go a lot of times out of my bed at night and it is neither good for me or pets. If the pets love company or even are anxious, we make sure that there is a pet-bed near our bed and if the pet is anxious I give them a cuddle every time I go out of bed. Works like a charm.
And I must admit so now and then a cat succceeds in ‘accidentally’ taking up some space. But what can you do when you are half asleep and I forgot to close the door. My bad
In general we take responsibility for 2 things: happy healthy pets and house is whole and clean when we leave.
In one of our video calls before an agreement this suggestion - pet biside the bed - was definitely a ‘no’ from the host with tone and body language.
I respect the ‘no’ but to be honest I was so startled by the physically expressed negativity that I did not ask why it was important. There could be a specific need which needed to be filled.
Afterwards we ended up at a beautiful place which we never would have thought of to go.
So that is also something we learned fast: your first choice doesn’t always to be a good fit. Second place, or third place can even be better.
Yes, same as @EmilyDickinson - we learned to ask where the pets sleep during the video chat. Very important to us as we are uber light sleepers and sleeping with pets means no sleep for us.
For hosts looking for long-term house sitters: if you’re struggling to find someone for the entire period, consider splitting the sit into shorter time frames.
For example, I recently saw a long-term sit with very few applications. The beginning of it overlaps with the sit we are currently doing, so I’m unable to contact the host through TrustedHousesitters. Otherwise, I would have asked whether they had found someone yet and, if not, whether they might consider having us cover part of the sit, perhaps for a month.
In the beginning 11 years ago, we did a few house sits in gorgeous homes but not in the heart of a city. I discovered I’m definitely a “city” girl - not happy in the middle of nowhere so to speak and couldn’t wait to leave those sits due to utter boredom. So I know now what type of sits I prefer. I also agree with others on here that although we have allowed pets to sleep in bed with us, moving forward now we’re not agreeable to that. We allowed it initially to obtain desirable sits but we no longer need to do that.
If you help yourself to any of the HO’s edibles and need to replace them at the end of the sit- make a list as you go. Don’t try to remember them in haphazard fashion, or you may well end up awake at insane o’clock on the last day, waiting for the local convenience store to open, so you can dash over in a wild panic and buy CHEESE, before your HO gets home at slightly less insane o’clock.
I’m a thoroughly organised sitter, so this is absolutely not happening to me, even as I write.
Ok, so @BonnyinBrighton’s smoke alarm saga has me wincing! Why do smoke alarm battery alerts always happen at the least convenient time!
Taking a look at everyone’s lessons learned so far has been brilliant. There’s clearly a lot of hard-won wisdom in here that could save a few headaches.
Keep them coming! What’s the one lesson you learned the hard way that you’d tell every new sitter about?
Great point @Makelikeanapeman - love this!
Then you’ll discover that you can’t actually open the cottonpickin’ alarm, to get at the battery. In the end, you have to grab some random wire and YANK.. The dying battery will shoot out and, in its last act on Earth, bonk you on the head.
Note to self: Get new smoke alarms for own house.
Exactly this-often the plastic is so old the cover is kind of welded to the base. Recently the only way to remove one was with bolt cutters and a hammer.
Yikes, surprised batteries lasted long enough for that to happen.
Happily, our smoke alarms are hardwired, so no batteries to replace.
Our hardwired smoke alarm has a battery as backup in case of a power cut. I know this because it started beeping and I was very confused until I opened it!
That’s a good idea.
I don’t know if ours has a battery backup, but we have a whole-house generator.
Two stories on smoke alarms. While we were away and our home was empty the low battery beep started. Annoying the heck out of our neighbours. Eventually out son visited and changed out all the batteries but it would have been highly irritating for the neighbours for all those days in between.
While in an Airbnb in Tallin when cooking something we set the alarm off. In a large apartment building. High ceilings. Frantically trying to reach/find something, running round the mad chooks. I had opened the door in a panic. The neighbour ran in, leapt up on to the back of the couch and stopped it! Thank god for a tall man with long arms. Searing steaks in small apartments, yeah not such a good idea.
The tone of a profile is incredibly important. Often, it is not the practical details that determine whether a listing feels like a good match. This platform offers so much diversity that all kinds of matches are possible: small houses, large houses, one pet, an entire farm, city living or somewhere completely off grid.
Time and again, people share how, to use a euphemism, ‘startled’ they felt by the tone of a profile.
That is why I would like to share this exceptionally warm wording from a listing involving pets with a few challenges. One particular word immediately made my heart do a little dance: ‘grateful’.
And I would like to add that I am incredibly grateful too. Grateful for all the wonderful people we meet during these amazing travel experiences, this community, and for the lovely pets entrusted to our care and taken ‘under our wings’ during our stay.
