What topics are «rude» to bring up when discussing a sit?

Owner Questions, Advice & Chat
1

At first I wrote this as an answer in another thread, but realised it was a spin-off and wouldn’t burden the OP with it. It is a general question and it is more interesting to set light to it in general so it doesn’t become a «he said, she said»-discussion.

It is to point to how easily we make assumptions (and I guess that can particularly be easy to do in a long thread where lots of experiences are shared). The basis was a sitter that said to the host pre-confirmation that they usually come the night before, get picked up from whichever location (bus, train, airport, etc), and have dinner with the hosts, noting other owners do this all the time. It was said that the dates were altered before confirmation, so this seemed to be a discussion before confirmation (which slipped me also initially).

In the thread it was quite a few that referred to the sitter saying this as making requests and demands (and comparing it with demanding lobsters, I think… :grin: ).

Is it a common assumption that bringing something up is a «request»? (Maybe it was a request, but the basis of this discussion is what is a «request». Is it enough to bring up a topic? Share an experience? Ask? Or is a «request» this is what I need? This is what I want, or I am not interested?. In my post here the actual wording in the specific original message is irrelevant - I’m trying to adress the general).

For me it is not the same to initially talk about what one has done previously and to «request» or «demand» something. (And it is far away from demanding lobsters! :grin: ). I would find previous experience natural to build on. -This is how I have found it, it worked out well. - We did this the last time, it didn’t work out.

Building on previous experience - isn’t that the only thing one can do? To improve the quality of sits? Or are some topics «rude» to bring up for a sitter, and not for a host and Vice versa?

I must admit I have not yet needed - but has been offered - the night before host leaving, as I have had easy travel. But I have said «this is what we did in my last sit».

Trying to keep the lobsters out of it, but too tempting: A friend of mine is an elderly lady whose son fish lobsters in the autumn. So she has a lobster and champagne-party for her friends. So when seated at the table she greets everyone welcome, and make it clear that guests who doesn’t finish their lobster will not be invited next year. Seemed a somewhat relevant little story. :grin::lobster:

It would be quite useful to know more about how things are perceived when we/ I bring something up. Or maybe I shouldn’t bring something up? When is it «demanding»?

1 Like
2

It’s all about communication. People can be offended by anything now days, tone of voice, using the wrong pronouns, political views, it’s endless. Be yourself. If a sitter or home owner gets offended and doesn’t choose you just move on. Life’s short, there is a big world out there to explore. Onwards and upwards.

13 Likes
3

Some people draw the line already when there is no response for a while. That is then not primarily about etiquette, I think. It is just efficient not to continue with what one does not like and pursue other possibilities instead.

4 Likes
4

With some people, the message they think they’re communicating is not the one the other person is receiving. That sitter may have had that pickup and dinner experience several times so declared that “usually” that’s how it works. The host was taken aback because the sitter said “I usually get picked up” and heard it as a demand. This is why as a host I prefer discussing details like that on a video call so I can get cues from the sitter’s expression and tone.

4 Likes
5

I’m quite introverted, so I don’t ask in general, but I believe there’s no harm in anyone asking anything.

It’s just a request, nothing more, nothing less, the art of communication seems to have lost between some people that post on this forum. However, I understand the post you mentioned that came up the other day as they just hadn’t come across that particular scenario before, so I understand them raising their question.

Some people are more outgoing than me and make requests, whereas we wait until we are offered a meal, a lift etc. I love the huge number of different personalities on here. All of us are different, all of us are unique, and it’s a brilliant world we all live in.

Just the other day, for the first time as sitters we made a personal request in response to the lovely owners extending the period they needed us for.

We were booked for 2.5 wks, and the owner wanted to extend it to between 4 - 8 weeks (they need to finalise their plans, so exactly how long is vague at the moment). There’s nothing wrong with them asking… they seem like lovely people, plus their dates are in 2025, not next week, not next month, Spring 2025 and so they have given us plenty of notice in the hope we could adapt. It’s the connections you make with people, they’ve given us 9 months notice! And, because they asked 9 months ahead of time, I automatically offered them extra time so they could firm up on their actual dates, without them needing to rush… we’ve never met, we’ve never sat for them before, but we have a good connection.

It’s all about communication. In return we made our first request of asking if our family could come and visit us, as it affected our plans to visit them. To which they said yes. We had never asked anything like that before. Everyone wins! There was nothing wrong with them asking, even if it meant we could no longer sit for them… because it’s 9 months ahead of time, and there’s nothing wrong with our request to have our family visit in return.

Communication communication communication! I think it’s been forgot about in some of the problems raised in this forum.

11 Likes
6

Definitely communication is key.

I was recently (2 days ago) invited to a sit that I liked the look of for a cat, but it was longer than I can do, and is about 7 hours away from where I’ll be so I’d need to either a) arrive after the HO had left b) stay the night before the HO left (especially if it was a dog I’d not previously met) or c) find a b&b for the night before (again, if a dog).

So I started a conversation with the HO and they’d already thought about sitters who travel (the sit start date is the day before they travel AND it includes accommodation) and also they are happy to change the end date so I can do this sit.

I had already thought about how I might ask how we’d manage my late arrival time - how we ask is crucial.
It might have helped that the HO invited me, rather than me applying, but regardless, it’s how we communicate and what we communicate.

9 Likes
7

Its not rude to discuss logistical details during the pre-confirmation video chat.

We are sitters and HOs and during the video chat, always bring up this specific topic to clarify how arrival and departure are to play out. It helps both parties think through the reality of the sit.

Based on this discussion, HOs can then decide if this is the sitter for them and likewise, sitters decide if this is the sit they want to do.

7 Likes
8

@Garfield Think you’re referring to my Lobsters’n’Bottleservice comment​:lobster::joy: Which obviously is on my rider now, with unlimited amounts of cigars​:pinched_fingers: Your friend sounds phenomenal (and reasonable):champagne:

1 Like
9

I think that questions asked in video chats - by either sitters or hosts - allows some insight into compatibility. So, there aren’t any right or wrong topics, just those which are important to you. Just be aware that some will be off-putting to the other party.

1 Like