I just found the instructions for administering a pill to a cat online.
I don’t know the author.
I had to laugh sooo hard 
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take the cat in the crook of your left arm, as if you were holding a baby. Place your right thumb and middle finger on either side of the cat’s mouth and apply gentle pressure until the cat opens it. Push the pill in and allow the cat to close its mouth.
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pick up the pill from the floor and bring the cat forward behind the sofa. Pick it up again and repeat the process.
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take the cat out of the bedroom and throw away the slobbered pill.
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take a new pill out of the packaging, put the cat in your arms again and hold Paws with your left hand. Force the jaws open and push the pill into the back of the mouth. Close it and count to 10.
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fish the pill out of the goldfish bowl and the cat from the coat rack. Call your husband out of the garden.
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kneel on the floor and place the cat between your knees. Hold the front paws firmly. Ignore the cat’s growling. Ask your husband to hold the cat’s head and push a wooden ruler down its throat. Let the pill roll down the ruler and then rub the cat’s neck.
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pick the cat out of the curtain. Take a new pill from the packet. Make a note to buy a new ruler and mend the curtain.
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wrap the cat in a large towel. Drape the pill in the end of a straw. Ask your husband to put the cat in a headlock so that only the head peeps through the crook of the elbow. Lever open the cat’s mouth with the help of a ballpoint pen and blow the pill down its throat.
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check the package insert to make sure that the pill is harmless to humans. Drink a glass of water to get rid of the taste. Bandage your husband’s arm and remove the blood from the carpet with cold water and soap.
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get the cat out of the neighbor’s garden shed. Take a new pill. Put the cat in a cupboard and close the door at neck level so that the head is sticking out. Pry open the mouth with a dessert spoon. Flick the pill down the cat’s throat with a rubber band.
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get a screwdriver from the garage and hang the door back on its hinges. Put cold compresses on your face and check the date of your last tetanus shot. Throw away your blood-spattered T-shirt and get a new one from the bedroom.
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have the fire department get the cat out of the tree across the road. Apologize to the neighbor who drove into the fence to avoid the cat. Take the last pill from the packet.
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tie the cat’s front and back paws together with washing line. Tie them to the legs of the dining table. Put on gardening gloves and open the cat’s mouth with a crowbar. Stuff the pill inside, followed by a large piece of fillet steak. Hold the cat’s head upright and pour water over it to wash down the pill.
14 Have your husband drive you to the hospital. Sit still while the doctor stitches your finger and arm and removes the pill from your right eye. On the way back, stop at the furniture store and order a new table.
