Concern about upcoming petsit

Sitter Questions, Advice & Chat
1

I have a dog and cat sit starting in mid November and was able to meet up with the pet parent, her dog, cat and 2 emergency contacts last week.

I am concerned about some aspects of the sit which I wasn’t aware of before the visit. The pet parent invited me to the sit back in June, while I was getting ready for a sit due to start in a few days, as well as a big family birthday. I replied to the pet parent that I was very busy and would need to get back to her with any questions etc but was interested. Within a few days, the pet parent sent another message asking whether I was interested in the sit. I asked if she had seen my previous reply and I think she said ‘no’ even though it was marked as read. I asked if either pet had any health problems and the pet parent twice answered ‘no’, just that the (14 year old) dog was getting old. She also described the pets as being ‘no trouble.’ As I was so busy, was interested in the sit, which I thought sounded fine and had the impression the pet parent wanted a quick answer, I accepted the sit, also saying I could arrange with her to visit at some point in the autumn before the sit. I now regret agreeing to the sit without asking more questions and plan to take more time in the future even if that means the pet parent offers it to another sitter instead of waiting.

When I received the Welcome Guide sometime in August, it stated that the dog had allergies, needed daily medication in his food, his ears and eyes wiped daily, was deaf in one ear and becoming a little incontinent. I messaged the owner saying I thought these things were health issues. She replied again that he was just old.

I wish I had been able to visit earlier but had a busy summer/early autumn with already arranged sits, family events and a long term friend dying.

When I visited the house last week, the dog rubbed his ears on me repeatedly, which I was told he does to everyone because they’re so itchy. The pet parent told me that if the dog needs to urinate in the night, I should try to get him into the kitchen if not the garden in time, then soak up the pee with one of the many towels provided. She also said he tended to pass solid faeces in the house so it would be easier to clean up.
The pet parent seemed anxious about the dog, saying she just hoped he would last through the winter, also getting anxious when he stumbled a little, which turned out to be just his rain towel caught on his leg.

I was told that the emergency contacts I met would take over if the pets needed a vet and that one of them would phone me every day to check how I and the pets were. I am not too keen on regular phone calls, which I’m likely to find stressful, though reluctant to discourage any support with the dog. I was also told the landlady of the house would probably visit with her dog on the 2 Sundays I was there. The pet parent said she would tell the landlady to bring her key when I asked what if I’m out.

When I asked about heating, the pet parent said she kept the main room at 19.5C or less and wasn’t heating the bedrooms, I think suggesting I didn’t either. I know that I am unable to sleep and likely to get ill when a bedroom is too cold for me. I am wondering about offering to contribute to the heating bill for the 12 days I’m there if it means being warm enough, though fear this could offend the pet parent.

I would very much like this elderly lady to have an enjoyable, relaxing holiday and to do the very best I can to care for her pets and house. I doubt very much if I would have agreed to the sit if I’d had all the information I have now. I’ve been sitting for a little over 2 years, have some good reviews and have gained valuable experience. With this sit, I feel out of my depth. I expect to be thankful for the support of, but overwhelmed by the amount of contact I’m likely to have with the contacts and landlady, which I haven’t been consulted about. I also wish more pet owners would inform themselves of the Third Party Policy.

Although I plan to clean up as thoroughly as possible, I feel uneasy about preparing food in the room the dog has used as a toilet, would have liked. I expect to be cold, very tired and to find the unpleasant smell in the house I noticed difficult to cope with. My guess is that the pet parent is doing the best she can. I don’t think I have any choice but to grit my teeth and care for the well loved pets as well as I can but wish I’d known more about the sit in advance.

Sorry for the long post. Any constructive comments welcome.

2

I do believe that in this day and age, as terrible as it sounds, we have to look after number one - ourselves.

The poor lady and her obviously much loved doggie sound lovely, and anxious, but unfortunately it is not your place in life, or as a petsitter, to take the priority and well being of others over yourself. It is an uncomfortable situation and not one I would feel good about declining but honestly, there will always be another to take your place should you not go ahead.

Personally I wouldn’t, there are far too many obstacles, even the heating thing. I couldn’t live like that. You will be spending the entire 12 days stressing and cleaning up after the poor baby and freezing whilst you do it.

I don’t advocate for cancelling sits once agreed so it’s really a matter for your own conscience now. You have two options. Either cancel (reasons are well founded) or put on your big girl pants, grit your teeth and think of the innocent dog who is on his final days and the stress it would cause the already anxious HO. Not a choice I would like to make that’s for sure, given the circumstances.

All the best and I hope it works out :sparkling_heart:

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3

Definitely doesn’t sound like an ideal sit. Honestly I can’t say for sure what I would do in your situation, but I would most likely go through with it at this point, and just chalk it up to a good learning experience.

And the reason I say that is because you got the first red flag back in August when the welcome guide revealed numerous health issues after you were led to believe there were none. That would have been a good time to cancel the sit, leaving her ample time to find a replacement.

But to be clear, if you were to cancel now that would not be wrong or bad per se since other problematic things came to light more recently, like not being able to use the heating. I am just sharing what my likely thought process would be.

And as for the heating, I think you should definitely let her know it is important to be able to use the heat in the bedroom if necessary. If she were to refuse, then I think cancelling is definitely warranted. This is a short term sit and I don’ t think it is necessary to offer to contribute.

I appreciate people trying to keep energy costs down and that some use their heating and A/C a very limited amount. When it comes to hosting sitters, it is certainly okay to ask them to be mindful of their energy consumption, which I do regardless of whether I am asked to or not.

But I don’t think that HOs who are extremely frugal with its use, and maintain temperatures in the home that the average person would find very uncomfortable–especially in the colder months–should expect sitters to endure that. Even with a higher electricity bill the next month, they are still saving a lot of money by not having to use paid sitters or boarding services.

When it comes to longer term sits, it is not unreasonable for these types of HO’s to discuss contributions to electricity and gas bills and some sitters may think it is worth it depending on the opportunity.

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4

What a difficult situation. It’s too bad it’s so late in the game. You can call the pet owner and tell her there are several important issues you need to discuss prior to going ahead with this sit, some that only became evident last week, long after you accepted the sit.

Fyi, the conditions of the sit are not what you agreed to when you accepted it, and there are several reasons you can cite if you decide to cancel the sit. 1) You were told the dog had no medical problems and that is not the case, as the dog requires medication. 2) The dog is incontinent and you were not informed until now. 3) THS policy states there can be no third parties and having a frequent visitor violates that policy, which includes visits from the landlady, especially where she would be letting herself in with her own key. While not a violation of the third party policy per se, daily phone calls to check on the dog’s status is not what you signed up for. It’s is very good that she has emergency contacts and you will call them if necessary,

I think you should “negotiate” this sit with the pet owner to give her a chance to work with you. You can let her know that while you can handle 19.5 degrees in the daytime, you need to have your bedroom heated or you won’t be able to sleep and may get sick, as it will be for 12 days. If she consents to heating the bedroom at night, asking the landlady to forego visits and the emergency contacts to forego daily phone calls you may want to go ahead just because of the late date. She may need a lot of reassurance about her dog while she is gone. You can let her know you’ll send updates and pictures as often as she wants, ask her how often she wants them and make sure you send them.

And consider this a learning experience. Be careful about sitting for very old dogs, always ask if they have ever been incontinent and if so, where and how often, and ask if they sleep through the night and if they are on any medications. Also ask about the pet’s medical and surgical history. And ask about heating in the winter. Add all these points to your pre-sit questionnaire, and let us know what you decide to to about this sit. Good luck!

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5

Sending you strength to get through it if you choose to. If you’re going to cancel do it sooner rather than later and know that the emergency contacts are there (and the landlady) so you’re unlikely to be leaving the owner with no options. If it were me I’d cancel based on what you’ve said.

I wouldn’t feel too bad about cancelling if I were you but try to learn from it what the red flags were and make sure to listen to your instincts for your next sits.

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6

First, I think you can do this. The sit as described if very difficult but the dog will probably get through it. You have the skills to do it and the heart. But you don’t HAVE TO. You truly don’t.

If you are doing purely as an act of kindness so that this person can go on vacation and the dog will be safe, than fine. However, do not do this thing because you think that you have to. What you’ve described is overwhelming, extraordinary and does violate THS guidelines. You should not be preparing food in a kitchen that is a regular used as a dog toilet. You should not be stuck in a home with an overwhelming smell of dog urine.

What happens if you cancel? There are different possibilities. Probably the homeowner can get a paid sitter or the dog can stay in a lovely dog hotel like kennel. Maybe the vacation is cancelled? Given the dog’s condition, that’s not the worst thing. You don’t have a crystal ball, but if something happenened to the dog while the owner was away, the owner might feel guilty and bad forever.

Frankly, it’s not that hard to train a dog to use pee pads which goes along way toward getting rid of a smell AND to have those pads someplace other than a kitchen. These are really tough conditions.

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7

@Marion just a little hard to train a 14 yr old dog to do anything really and the HO apparently is quite elderly. Probably been her constant companion and living alone. It sounds like the poor old doggy is on its last days. :pleading_face:

8

So sorry to hear about the situation you are in and I sincerely hope that if you do go ahead with the sit your worst fears prove to be unfounded.

No-one else can make the decision for you but can I suggest if you do go ahead that you discuss (and get in writing) the plans which are in place if the dog deteriorates and needs the attention of a vet. There has been a discussion in another thread about the T&Cs regarding sitters sometimes having to pay up front for veterinary care if the homeowner cannot be contacted in an emergency. I would be asking if there is pet insurance in place or has an account been set up at the vets.
Will the emergency contacts help out with transport if you don’t have your own etc.

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@catsdogs

Yes you do .

If the dog defecating in the house was not disclosed in the listing or welcome guide and only disclosed on your visit last week then you are entirely within your rights to cancel; if you choose to do so. That should have been in the responsibilities section from the outset.

The T&Cs say that a Pet owner must:
5.2.5. notify a Sitter of any special requirements or behaviours relating to your pet(s) in your Home Listing and when you communicate with any Sitter and during the Handover

So this alone would be a valid reason to cancel; if that is what you chose to do .

There is also the issue of third parties “visiting “.

The purpose of your visit was to see if it was a fit - had everything been as stated in the listing - then I am sure you would not even be considering cancelling. Equally had the HO determined that you had misrepresented yourself in your profile or application and were not suitable for the sit they also could cancel with good reason at this stage.

IMHO there’s no point to do a pre-visit if you see warning signs and don’t heed them .

The lady’s trip going ahead is not dependent on you - she can arrange for paid pet care if she choose to go away leaving a poorly dog who needs medication, and day and night care. That is her choice and you also have a choice whether to go ahead with the sit or not.

At your visit last week , you were made aware of the urinating, defecating in the house, the pets medication needs and the landlady visiting and other issues . If you do go ahead with the sit with this knowledge it will also not be fair on the HO if you mention it as a negative experience in the review - post sit . She would be in her rights to reply that she advised you about all of these issue prior to the sit and you still went ahead in full knowledge of the situation.

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10

I know the sit isn’t ideal, but you should have cancelled it before now if you had misgivings.

11

Thank you for all of these replies which I’ve just read this morning. I find them all very helpful with valid points. I did expect people to say I had no choice but to go ahead with the sit. I also know I ought to have dealt with things earlier. I’m going to ask a lot more questions in the future. (One h/o bit my head off for doing this but I won’t let it deter me in the future!).

I’m going to contact the pet owner and see what can be negotiated. From what she said it sounds like the contacts would deal with any medical emergencies and might be able to care for the pets of I don’t.

I’ll let you know what happens and many thanks again to everyone.

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12

@catsdogs
Ultimately the decision is up to you but personally I would cancel this sit
The T&Cs say that all medical problems must be disclosed up front which they clearly haven’t done - classifying the dogs obvious health conditions as “just old age” is disingenuous at best. The HO seems to me be genuinely dishonest in their approach to finding a sitter but that may just be my opinion.
Top me there are several other red flags here:
The landlady is going to come round with their own key and their own dog? Why? You don’t mention any business that they need to conduct as the landlady and if they did why would they need to bring a dog? Again T&Cs do not allow the owner to have other people on the property while you are sitting.
Incontinence is bad enough as a sitter - I have had sits where animals were incontinent and do not recommend this (one as disclosed but far, far worse than they made out and the other was not disclosed). Faecal incontinence is another level. This is also the kind of thing that must be disclosed in the listing or initial contact.
The multiple emergency contacts for the dog, the daily contact by them to check on the dogs health and the behaviour of the owner make me think they fully expect to dog to either become seriously ill or to pass while you are there.
The cold, unheated house for me is just the cherry on the top.

It may sound harsh for me to suggest cancelling but by doing it now they have time to find another sitter with a more honest approach. They have clearly broken the terms of THS by hiding the condition of the dog until after you have agreed to sit and even now seem to be downplaying it. You have a valid reason within THS terms to cancel this sit.
THS should also contact them to advise they need to be more upfront with the conditions of their animals and the level of care needed.

One thing I have learnt from petsitting is in amongst some of the nicest people there are some who rely on people’s good nature to get you do do far more than should be asked by a less than honest listing.

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13

Although the emotionally healthy thing to do would be to back out, personally I would go thru with the sit because I feel so bad for the lady and the dog. However, I would do a few things to ensure my comfort on arrangements that are more about my privacy and not the dog’s well being: *

  1. State that the bedroom must be heated to at least 18 at night.

  2. You will call emergency contacts only if needed. You can include them on your daily WhatsApp update if they wish. They should not be checking in with you and intruding in your routine and privacy.

  3. No visits from the landlady. You will contact her if support is needed. Absolutely no one enters without you being there and invited as a matter of privacy and security.

I would state this in a nice but non-negotiable way. Something like “Although the health and toileting habits of the dog are quite different than originally described, I would like to go through with the sit so that you have a lovely vacation. To do so, I hope you will understand that I must ask for the following things.” …

Then if she balks, “I value my time, privacy, routine, work obligations etc. If these requirements won’t work for you, then it would be better to find another sitter who is made fully aware from the start about the issues around dog behavior/care, household heating, and mandatory check ins from 3rd parties.”

Good luck!

Edited for clarity.

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14

I don’t think that is the choice to be recommended. And I would not phrase it this way.

In my opinion, if this owner wants a vacation, she should bring the dog to the vet to end its suffering. It is not fair to put this kind of care on a sitter.

This spring, I took care of an old dog. She was sweet, but did not walk further than around the block. She also could not see well. That is the kind of things that “old age” means. But she was no problem for a sitter. And I was sorry to hear that she had died because of rheumatism.

15

You 100% have a choice of whether to go ahead with the sit. Hope you manage to work something out - just make sure that you truly are happy with the arrangement before agreeing to it. Any good homeowner shouldn’t bite your head off for asking questions - if they do they probably aren’t someone you want to sit for.

If we’re asking a question that we think could have potential to rub someone up the wrong way we always explain that we’re asking it because of a past experience where we wished we’d clarified something before the sit - we’ve not had a problem with this approach to date and if we did I wouldn’t take the sit.

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16

Don’t do it. It doesn’t sound like you’ll enjoy it, and the pet parent was not honest, so you don’t owe her anything. Kindness is good, but this includes kindness towards yourself!

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17

I know. And maybe I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t know what other resources the dog owner has, but dogs – even old ones – want a sense of dignity and can be trained to use wee-wee pads easily. My point was: there are ways to live with a situation like old dog that can’t make it till morning without peeing that won’t make a home inhabitable. This sounds like the type of sit where there is a situation that the owner has learned to live with, but that’s quite crazy to anyone outside of it. The sitter going in is literally volunteering to live within that craziness. That choice might seem like the kindest thing to do – let the woman have her vacation while the dog has companionship, but NOT doing it doesn’t necessarily mean there is a bad outcome. Saying, in kinder words, that this is a dysfunctional situation that I can’t be part of, can actually be kind if it leads to other solutions.

Age isn’t the end of all change for dogs or for people. It might not be too late for the owner to make changes that would make her and the dog happier. For instance, if the owner hired a vet recommended local sitter who had experience training dogs, perhaps the sitter/trainer could train the dog to pee in a spot on top of a mat with wee wee pads on top of that so the floors won’t be damaged and the house won’t stink – better for everyone. And she could hire a cleaner to really work on the odor situation so she could maybe come home to a nicer house and more confident happier dog.

I just look at the whole situation less through a lens of helping an elderly woman enjoy a little time away and keeping the dog safe, and more as enabling a bad situation for both the dog and the woman. Personally, as a THS sitter, I want to be friends with the animals I’m caring for. I want to continue their routines, but what I don’t want to do is step into some loop of dysfunction and become a part of that.

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19

Many thanks for these replies. I’m finding them extremely helpful. Doing as much as I can today to resolve the situation.

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20

Update: I contacted the owner yesterday, letting her know my concerns, that I felt it would be better to cancel on balance and what my minimum needs would be if I did do the sit.

I got a reply I think suggesting the owner thought I was being unreasonable, as well as not having been committed to the sit, but that she respected my decision and was going to look for another sitter. She cancelled my sit shortly after.

I got through to a human on T. H. chat who said she would contact the owner to help with rewording the listing.

I had found the owner warm, friendly and hospitable in various ways. I do think the listing should be more accurate. I hope she can find a solution in the next 2 weeks and can enjoy her holiday with the dog and cat getting all the care they need. I recognise it would have been much easier for her if I’d cancelled earlier.

I’m certainly going to take more time before agreeing to a sit in future, ask more questions and, if it comes to it, cancel earlier if I find out things about a sit I wasn’t told about before agreeing that I’m significantly uneasy about.

Many thanks to everyone who commented. You’ve given me the points of view, advice and support to find a solution I’m as comfortable as possible with. I’m very grateful.

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21

It sounds like you made a good call - well done! Hope you’re basking in the relief of not having to go through with it.

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