Hi Everyone,
I’ve just finished a sit which I knew would be tricky from the outset, and the upshot is that one of the very elderly, and obviously poorly, cats was put to sleep yesterday - 24 hours after I left.
I’m heartbroken, not least because he sought me out for comfort at all opportunities so we developed a beautiful bond.
I’ve done a lot of sits, and looked after a number of elderly pets, but this dear soul really stole my heart.
How do you manage to deal with your sadness at the loss of an owner’s pet? It feels very different to the loss of a pet of my own, and I’d really value some tips. Thank you.
Grief is grief, it doesn’t discriminate if you were the owner or the friend. Send a prayer of well wishes to your feline friend, acknowledge the bond you shared and be gentle to yourself for the next few days/week.
We experienced this same scenario with an elderly little dog we looked after about a year ago, who had renal failure. It was truly heartbreaking to hear he had died so very soon after the sit ended, after caring for him for over 5 weeks we had grown attached to him.
Oh dear, it’s making tears spring to my eyes just thinking about him but, we dealt with it by recognising the fun times we had enjoyed with him over the last weeks of his life - and boy, did we have fun with this little fella! He warmed to us quickly and was a total joy, chasing his ball and hopping about on walks over the fields by his home. We have some great little video clips of him enjoying life. Snuggling up in my dressing gown or by the fire in the evenings and just being a happy - if poorly - little chap.
The shock of his very quick downhill slide and death was awful and occurred over the last days of the sit, but I’m so glad we had those videos, which we were able to share with his pet parents and allay some of their guilt at leaving him in his final weeks, since it was so obvious he was not distressed or unhappy.
We have such fond memories of what was a truly wonderful sit with a darling little soul. We focus on the positives. I hope you can, too.
Dear Coco, a regular summer petsit, died unexpectedly 8 weeks after the sit in 2023. I was devastated. I was comforted that the HO contacted me immediately when she returned from the vet. Still upsets me now. Best wishes
Being able to bond, to love and to appreciate the unique being of a loved one- in effect I feel that is very connected. Although grief is hard and sad - it really is to me another aspect of the same - fondness, care, love. Embracing it and focus on the core - which is love.
Remember and treasure the loving moments, that I was so lucky and fortunate to be able to live. What a joy to get enough time - in time!, get the moments, get to know that loved one before they continued their journey.
I’m so sorry for your loss, @1967ag. Having experienced this myself with three beloved pets I’ve cared for, I deeply resonate with your question. As sitters, we often fall in love with these incredible souls—I know I do. For me, each loss has become a profound life lesson.
I’ve learned to truly cherish every moment with them, knowing that our time together is never guaranteed. Loving them fully in the present moment has become my practice of non-attachment. All I can give is my undivided presence and love in the time we share.
When a pet I cared for passed, I struggled to find the right words for their owners. I expressed our shared sadness and the deep love we both held for their fur family member. Later, I created custom travel luggage tags with a photo of their beloved girl as a way to honor her and show my support. It was my way of offering love when words felt inadequate.
Sadly it’s just one of those things but I’m always sad to hear of the death of a pet I’ve looked after. There have been quite a few but I have pics and cherish the times I had with them
I sat an elderly, sick dog who’d been diagnosed three years earlier with heart problems. She ended up having catastrophic seizures late at night, 11 days into our sit.
Up till that last night, she enjoyed quality of life. She was super lovable. And when her humans scrambled home early from abroad to say goodbye before having her put down, we went together to the urgent care where she was being treated. Her humans had brought loved ones to say goodbye to her, too. We got to pet and hold her, so she felt loved till the end.
In the days after, her humans coordinated an online memorial, so we shared photos and memories of her. She was clearly a beloved dog.
Now I imagine her pain free and medication free, able to see again and enjoy life beyond the rainbow bridge. I still keep a photo of her on my desk at home.
I’ve sat 2 dogs who died shortly after the sits. Both were ailing when I took on the sits.
One was a fairly young labradoodle. He was one of a trio of dogs and pair of cats near Austin, Texas. The HO called me a few days before the sit was to begin to let me know that Jasper was ‘under-the-weather’ but had seen the vet who didn’t think it was too serious and making sure I’d be okay pilling him twice a day. When I got there Jasper was only eating occasionally and had gotten picky about which canned food he would eat. I actually went to 3 places to find the one thing he would eat. He was quiet but seemed okay through the sit. About 2 weeks later the wrote to let me know that they’d put Jasper down after the vet discovered cancer. And I understand that the HO didn’t do the tests for cancer before leaving on his trip. The dog didn’t really seem that sick. His review noted “one of those dogs is ailing and Tom was super communicative letting us know how he was doing.” From the picture, you can see that Jasper was doing okay while we were together.
My second experience was earlier this year, sitting 3 dogs, a cat and a macaw. There is a long thread that I started Lessons from sitting an old dog (or any animal, I think) - Sitter Questions, Advice & Chat - TrustedHousesitters Community Forum
I kept the dog as comfortable as I could and he died a few hours after the HOs returned. The HO noted my care in the review. That one was harder because the dog was really ailing. But at least he got to spend some time with his family.
It is hard but we do the best we can to help the animals live the best lives they can and to ‘stick around’ for their family’s return. And if the pet seems to be ailing during the sit, to help the pet family with good communication. The only way to really protect yourself is to not sit senior animals but that won’t be perfect.
Thank you everyone for your lovely stories and kind words. I appreciate them so much. I didn’t know the little cat was poorly until I arrived, and although I was asked to treat him for one ailment, it was obvious there was more than that going on; I wasn’t even sure he would make it through the week at one point.
I feel privileged that I was able to care for him in his last days; to cuddle him, give him treats, and to show him that he was loved.
We’ve looked after a few pets that passed away in our eight years of sitting with THS. One passing was a shock to us. Did a wonderful sit in Australia with a male and female dog. The male dog had some health issues but the female dog was a feisty little gal with no health issues and passed away suddenly after our sit. The homeowners sent us pics of the grave they buried her in.
One of our very first sits and a local one was with Jasper, the most adorable Labradoodle. The homeowners never had another sitter with THS - they didn’t go on a holiday unless we were available to sit for them and we developed a great bond and looked after Jasper about seven times. We also became great friends with the homeowners and still are. Jasper was about 8 when we first looked after him. This past May he passed away at age 16. I was out shopping in a mall when the homeowner texted and asked if he could call me and I knew right away what he was calling about. I promptly left the mall to prepare myself to hear the news re Jasper’s passing. I was heartbroken as if he was my own dog. He had these funny antics where he would hold his leash in his mouth to go for a walk and do a little pose outside of the apartment building. We had a very special Christmas with him. His dads asked if we would consider spending the Christmas to look after him and said we could have family visit and our youngest son and his girlfriend spent it with us and got engaged that Christmas on that sit. Lots of special memories with Jasper and that house sit and still love getting together with the homeowners who are such good friends now.
We had looked after dear Murphy (and his 2 companions) a couple of times and this little dog completely stole my heart. Unfortunately the last time we looks after him he had had a stroke and was a bit wonky, but still happy. Then a few weeks later we got a message that he had crossed the rainbow bridge after another huge stroke. I was so heartbroken I sat and cried my eyes out. It feels a bit stupid that it was over someone else’s dog, but I loved him like he was my own.
So, I totally get how you feel. You don’t have to own to love and sadly love brings grief when you are forever parted. Just take some time to grieve.
My hubby & I have been house sitting since 2018. Several of the pets we met have now passed away. I fall in love with them all. I can’t help it. So it is always hard when you hear they have passed. Some of ours are repeat sits and I’ve watched them become elderly. That in itself is hard. Seeing the change each time you visit. We have a scrapbook of all our sits with pictures of all the pets. It is very comforting to look back through it which helps to bring back happy memories.
Our love for animals is boundless and unrelated to whether we own them or not so it follows that when we receive a ‘death notice’ as has happened several times now, we are almost as devastated as the owners themselves. We also had a gorgeous golden retriever pass away, not unexpectedly, one week into a 3 week sit, with the owners too far away to return. We have always shared in the sadness of the passing of these loved ones the same as we do as if it’s a human and people are always so grateful for our compassion and understanding. They are all dear souls and deserve our love and grief when they pass so share your feelings with the owners and remember them yourself with a photo on the fridge, a short commemorative video clip or an album of your time together to honour their memory, with the most important thing being is that they are being remembered. I hope that helps.
I’ve just heard that lovely cat I looked after got run over and, like you, it’s made me incredibly sad. Last year a pet owner I sat for a number of times, and had a great relationship with, died in a freak accident and that hit me really hard. I think we need to recognise we are making emotional bonds when we are sitting.
Yes it’s happened a few times, it’s really hard when you see the absolute pain it causes the owners.
One of the dogs from my first ever sit died last Christmas and the stepson told me because the owner was too upset.
She remains the dog that I had to work the hardest to win over, lots of space and time and gentleness, you could never move quickly around her - it was three weeks before she let me give her a cuddle. It took three sits before she climbed on the sofa with me. When she used to go for a loo stop on a walk, she would look expectantly at me and I eventually sussed that she wanted me to keep lookout for her - then one time I was caught short and hopped into the bushes for a nature wee, she really diligently kept a lookout for me.
I was lucky that I only ever remembered her well and thriving, I looked after her in the April, she got diagnosed with cancer in the August and by December declined. But she stays in my heart, such a unique girl.
Whenever compliments my gentle nature with their dog, I’m like “yep Scout taught me that”.
