First sit got weird, bad

[chloesomething]

I just wrapped my first sit using THS and I am feeling confused and distraught. The sit seemed to be going pretty well, and the HOs agreed, until I got a prickly text the day after I left. Now I have no idea how to write the review or proceed.

The details:
Months ago, I was interviewed by the HOs, a couple in their 60s with three animals, including a somewhat special needs small dog. They live in a city near where I am from and where have some friends and family. I accepted their offer. Initially the couple planned for one day of overlap on either end of their trip, to show me the ropes and for potential airport rides (me dropping them off / picking them up). Closer to the trip, they mentioned that their travel plans might change a little, and they would be driving instead of flying. I arrived on a Thursday morning, as per the original request, and the couple left on Saturday afternoon. To me this felt like a lot of ‘overlap’—a bit awkward, but because this my first THS house-sit, I figured perhaps it was normal.

So they left, and the sit went well. My partner and I took great care of the three animals and the home, including 2x daily walks for the two dogs, specific feeding routines, medicine, litter box scooping, etc. We let the dogs sleep in the bed, the way the owner’s did. We were very patient and gentle with the special needs dog, and only had to crate the dogs twice during the 8-day sit (the procedure recommended by the HOs if we were out for more than a few hours). We sent pictures and updates. We watered the plants and checked the mail. The cat was a breeze.

She was definitely on the “cold” side the whole time. Thankfully, the other partner, G, was very bubbly and friendly. It was almost a good cop bad cop situation. Unfortunately, it was R, the prickly one, who seemed to be in charge of the house sit coordination, texting, emails and communication. On the three-way text thread that I started for the couple and myself, R was the only one to respond. G never chimed in. I think she was just less tech-oriented, but who knows.*

Toward the end of the trip, everyone seemed happy. The owners asked if I was interested in sitting for them again later in the year and they sent me some dates.

The plan was for them to return on Saturday, and when I asked the day before for a time, they said “afternoon / evening” but did not give me a more exact time. I accepted a brunch invitation from my sister on Saturday morning. When I asked again the day of, Saturday, they said “2:30/3pm” arrival. I was back at the house around noon, washing the sheets, cleaning and packing. Meanwhile, my partner went out to fill up the gas tank of the car they lent us, vacuum out a little bit of sand that got in it from a beach trip, and replace the plastic kitty litter scoop that had sprung a crack during our visit. Then the couple texted me at 1pm to say they were 20 minutes away, but I missed the text because I was busy cleaning and packing. When they walked in, it was a little chaotic as I was still in the middle of packing and cleaning. But it also seemed fine. They were in good spirits, happy to be home and see their animals. My partner and I helped them unload their car, then finished cleaning and asked what else we could do. We chatted a little about their vacation and our vacation.Then we said goodbye to them and then pets, everyone with smiles and seemingly in good spirits. I told them I would let them know about the future dates in the next two weeks, once I had a chance to look at my work calendar and airfare.

Even though the sit officially ended on Sunday, we decided stayed at a friend’s house that night. We just figured they would want their house back to themselves after a long trip.

The next day, on my way to the airport, I got a text from R that said there had been damage to the new garbage disposal.
**

I was shocked and very hurt by this text. I have no idea what damage they are talking about, and confused by the sudden change in tone, and the way I was ousted without a conversation of any kind. I texted her back shortly and said as much: we have no idea what damage they were referring to, asking them to elaborate, and also saying I felt a little hurt because we did our best to take good care of the animals and house (which, I did not include, was a lot of work!).

That was Sunday afternoon and now it’s Monday night. R hasn’t responded to me. I am not sure what to do.

Part of me wonders if the damage that R mentions is just made up and there was some other offense. I am also creeped out by the possibility that they had cameras and perhaps saw something they didn’t like. Are cameras even legal?

The time to review each other has arrived. Of course, I would rather not give or get a negative review. I feel I took it very seriously, it is my first sit on this platform. However, they may leave me a negative review based on this mysterious “damage”, and that will negatively effect my since I am new to this platform. Of course, part of me also wants to leave an honest review—that the sit seemed great until this weirdness after I left.

But an honest review would also include some of the awkwardness I encountered, like the 48-hour overlap, or the fact that the house was very cluttered (kitchen counters, vanity, desk, etc), no space was made for us in the fridge. While I did this sit, I left my own cat back home with a catsitter and I made sure to leave him clean, clutter-free surfaces and space in the fridge, as I feel these are ‘givens’ when you have a sitter.

I am thinking about calling them, but I am not sure who to call. I am afraid R will be dreadful on the phone and I will feel even more hurt than I do now. I am afraid if I call G that will seem like I am trying to divide them. Or that neither one will pick up. I am just so confused.

Lastly, there is a chance that they won’t leave a review at all. It seems like they barely engaged with THS, since we’ve been communicating via email and text ever since the initial interview. But it’s hard to say.

Edited to remove the copy of text message and personal information as per the posting terms

[pietkuip]

@chloesomething

I arrived on a Thursday morning, as per the original request, and the couple left on Saturday afternoon. To me this felt like a lot of ‘overlap’—a bit awkward, but because this my first THS house-sit, I figured perhaps it was normal.

No, that is not normal. Arriving on Saturday morning would have been normal, or Friday afternoon because of the special needs maybe.

You went over and beyond. Also with having them in your bed.

Inside cameras are against THS rules.

Anyway, you can write your review, they cannot read it before they have submitted theirs.

[Silversitters]

Welcome to the forum @chloesomething sorry that your first experience wasn’t the best . Are these new owners on THS, had they had sitters and reviews before ?

With regards to your review it should be honest as it’s there purely to warn future sitters . Keep it factual and unemotional
It shouldn’t be based on whether the HO is is going to give you a good review or not . The review system is blind - neither party sees the others review until both have been written . There is a 14 day deadline - after that you can’t write a review .

Stick to facts eg The extensive overlap at the start which wasn’t previously communicated - the clutter - but also
Mention all the positives - pet behaviour etc

• you could include that you receive a text after the sit which accused you of causing damage, that you have reached out to HOs but have not been given any information about what this damage is but that might be best left to use as a reply if they mention it in their review of you .

There are categories to rate on communication and cleanliness , hospitality, pet behaviour and accurate listing .

[lolrj]

So sorry you had this experience!

Definitely don’t call or engage in any more communication with them, there’s no purpose to it.

The only loose ends to tie up are the reviews. Keep yours measured and factual. I think you’ll be fine with this, you’ve written with a very measured tone here! Mention the overlap, that there was some confusion with communication(maybe give a couple of examples around the timings), but also be positive about what you did enjoy about the sit. I’d not specifically mention the accusations, but have it affect the communication and hospitality ratings you give.

There might be an issue of responding to their review of you - in that case, this recent thread had a really good outcome. First 'negative' review

[Cuttlefish]

Calm down for a few days, take some deep breaths and then write a factual, non emotional review of your sit for the three dogs @chloesomething . It’s a sit where you returned both their pets & home happy and healthy, end of. You sound attentive and caring and the HOS sound difficult. Put it down to experience and move on. Please DO leave a review, it’s important for future sitters. You can’t change what they will write about you and personally following up anymore with them doesn’t sound like it will reap any benefits for you. You can respond to their review later on but that’s next steps. Sorry this has happened on the first sit, think about any red flags you’ll have learnt from them (including attitude and overlap and date changes - all big no, nos for a good sitting arrangement) & don’t take a sit like this again. Chin up, best foot forward, you sound like responsible sitters. #cantpleaseallthepeopleallthetime

[anon47943759]

@chloesomething

The time to review each other has arrived. Of course, I would rather not give or get a negative review. I feel I took it very seriously, it is my first sit on this platform.

The new review system, while representing progress, does come with its challenges and requires some time to master. Since this will be your first review, I believe it might even be easier for you to write than it is for me, as I now have to re-learn the art of review writing, specifically for THS purposes.

What is the challenge? The challenge lies (as I see it) in crafting a review in such a way that it does not necessitate a response from the other party, which could potentially challenge your review. However, depending on how they respond, it may also cast the other party in a negative light.

So sleep on it for a few days, brush off all the feelings, use your diplomacy and a bit of humor … and good luck

[chloesomething]

The homeowners are not new to THS. The have plenty of five-star reviews, which is so odd to me. Although I would have kindly left a 5-star review if not for the turn of events. I know I am supposed to keep things unemotional in the reviews, but it really does seem to me like the owner who sent the prickly text and has not responded is going through some kind of depression / weirdness (her leg is very messed up and her mother died very recently) , and like something set her off after our stay.

The person who responded below this says “Definitely don’t call or engage in any more communication with them, there’s no purpose to it.” But I don’t really understand—wouldn’t it be better to try to clear this up before we both end up writing negative reviews?

[Cuttlefish]

You can try and call them @chloesomething but you said yourself that you’re worried about the call and her reaction. It might help, it also might make it worse. Only you can decide. #trustyourgut

[RosiePosie]

@chloesomething

wouldn’t it be better to try to clear this up before we both end up writing negative reviews?

If it were me then, yes, I would be inclined to make an attempt to speak to the HO you engaged well with, in a bid to get some clarification, and to clear up what may be misunderstandings.

All the best with it. You sound like a great sitter - and the first review you receive as a new sitter does carry weight.

[lolrj]

@chloesomething

The person who responded below this says “Definitely don’t call or engage in any more communication with them, there’s no purpose to it.” But I don’t really understand—wouldn’t it be better to try to clear this up before we both end up writing negative reviews?

Obviously you can do as works best for you! It’s true that maybe tone is lost over text so things could be cleared up with a phone call. It’s just in my (life) experience, you can’t reason with unreasonable people (and risk escalating the situation), and if they’re sending you messages like that they seem unreasonable. I think I’m a reasonable person and would always like to reach a conclusion through clear communication but I’ve been burnt before by trying to do that. If the care of the pets has handed back over safely, and all belongings are with their respective owners, then all practical need for communication has ended. That’s the angle I’m taking in giving that advice - of course you know yourself and the situation best though.

[ChristineB]

You explained the situation very well on here. I’d also be like you, in two minds to either write the review based on how you’ve described the experience here or not leave a review at all. Either way if they decide to leave a negative review for you I think your explanation here would be a good response. It feels factual and I personally think people are good at reading between the lines.

[KC1102]

I am sorry to hear your first experience didn’t go well…I know that must feel very disheartening. Based on what you described here, it sounds like you were just dealing with a difficult person.

As for whether or not to contact them again, ultimately you should do what feels best. I have never encountered an issue like this so I can’t say for sure what I would do in similar circumstances.

The main reason I am responding to your post is regarding how to handle your review and any response to theirs should you both write one.

Like others have said, factual and unemotional is the best way to go whether it is your own review or your response to theirs.

To me, reviews laden with emotional, and often hyperbolic language, that focus more on how the person feels than what actually happened, just come across as less credible. And when talking about responses to someone else’s review in particular, makes me think that there is probably at least some truth to the criticism. This may not always be the case, but it is all about perception and that is everything.

While you did a good job here outlining your experience in order to seek other people’s input, and it probably felt good to get it all out, definitely do not provide this same play by play in your review or your response to theirs.

I know it is very tempting to give a high level of detail and explanation to tell our side, disprove a claim,etc…but again, to other members of the site reading these things who have no knowledge of the situation, or the people involved, it just won’t be a good look.

Best of luck with everything and again, sorry your first experience didn’t work out well. As someone who has been doing this for 10 years and has had an overwhelmingly positive experience, I think the majority of HOs on this site are kind, generous, reasonable and easy to work with.

[belluca]

Sorry this was an upsetting first sit!

Taking out the emotions, and personalities, of your post, it looks like this was a mostly good sit, with a wonky start (HOs leaving 2 days after your arrival), and then an unexpected and unpleasant text about damage you don’t know anything about, and then silence when you asked for more information. Correct?

I disagree with the person who said stop engaging with them - communication is always better than assuming tone and intent. This might not be as big of a deal as it feels to you, especially if the HO you are communicating with has a direct, impersonal style. I’d follow up again in a friendly way to say something along the lines of, hey just making sure you saw my text. I’d like to get details about the garbage disposal, as we did not notice anything during the sit. (if you didn’t use the disposal during the sit, mention it). Also want to see if we are still on for later dates (insert something positive about the sit - this whole part ONLY if you are interested in sitting for them again if things get resolved).

I’d leave it up to them and not do a review until they either respond, or on the last day if they never do (or after they leave a review, which you won’t be able to see right away but you’'ll know they left one).

If they don’t respond, I’d probably review along the lines of: we arrived at the agreed-upon time, their trip started a day later than expected so we had 2 days of overlap. Sit was overall good (details about the pets), and we left with a discussion around returning for a future sit, pending schedules. We felt good about the handover, but got a text the next day about damage to the garbage disposal we were unaware of. We have tried to get more details, as this is something we did not notice during the sit, but have not gotten any response from the HO, so we truly don’t know what happened.

My hope is that the HOs will respond, and realize that either the disposal is working, was already broken, is under warranty, or just that their pets and home were well taken care of and it’s not a big deal.

Here’s to better sits in the future!

[TravelMan]

Greetings,

All the members that commented had great things to say, not everyone can agree on everything.

But…LEAVE A REVIEW!!! The review process is just as important as the sit itself. I have read three articles on here today with members NOT leaving reviews when they very well should have, and all three seem to regret not doing so. Don’t be a fourth!!!

When leaving a review that includes some warnings, caution or criticism, try to sandwich that in the middle and stick to the facts, not your feelings. Say some great things, add your criticisms or things that could have gone better that were controllable (such as clutter) and then make sure you end the review on a positive note.

Enjoy your next sits!!!

[faithlotus]

Simply as a human, I’d make one last attempt to check in with R and just see if she’s ok.

There’s no harm in that, if that’s what your gut is telling you.

Talk to her like a person. From your caring heart. Not like someone who is holding you hostage for fear of a negative review.

I’ve been sitting with a lot of emotions and thoughts since receiving my first review that did not accurately portray how much care, attention, intention, and security I bring/brought to that/each sit.

It cut me. Deeply. And has me reassessing how I want to engage with this platform, and even if I want to continue traveling thru this type of service.

The thing I keep coming back to is that we are each, at the most basic level, just human.

And we are complicated.

Some are emotionally “healthier”… some are terribly emotionally injured. Some are just emotionally unavailable.

And the state of the world is unstable and frightening and most people aren’t talking about. Most people don’t know how to talk about it.

We all feel it. But it’s sneaky for many who aren’t directly affected. I’d guess that for many, un-dealt with feelings/emotional responses are leaking thru/out of us in awkward ways.

As a deeply emotional woman, who is on a consistent mission to make friends with the complex emotions that present themselves, I really strive to treat people the way I want to be treated.

Not saying this always is what happens…oh boy!

…but the simplest act of inquiring if someone is ok, or checking in just as one person to another is often lost in this faceless online world where people say things they’d rarely say to someone’s face, where we are rated on nearly every “customer-facing” interaction, and where we don’t see how what we say effects the other person.

If she was your mom, how would you be speaking to her? Or, if she was someone you respected, how would you be handling this situation?

That’s where my contemplation has brought me, so far.

I keep coming back to this desire/hope that we just have to treat every single person we come into contact with, with so much care and gentleness. As if they are the most important person in the world. And as if they are the most fragile of creatures.

You never know. They might actual be!

(Grammar Police: don’t bother getting ruffled I still don’t use affect/effect correctly…and I don’t care )

[Jmcrae]

I’m sorry to hear you had an experience like this on your first sit! The whole discussion brings to mind some things I have often wanted to discuss. First, as a sitter only, I have often felt that my emotional investment in each sit is deeper than it is for the homeowners. The safety and well-being of their homes and pets are important to each party of course, but the judgement of how we did is so vital to our future on THS that it is utmost in our minds at all times. Often when a sit ends I feel the homeowners “move on” from the experience much more quickly than we sitters do. For example, we greatly miss the pets and are always wondering how they are doing for many days after the sit ends, the home owners most likely do not realize how emotionally invested we really are.
All that said, in my opinion, it is highly likely these homeowners have already moved on from the situation and are not agonizing over it the way you are. As far as future sits for them go, if you do not get an invite just fill that time with another sit where you will be appreciated. For your review, I agree with most other answers here, in that you should keep the emotions out of it and just give the facts in both your review and your response to the homeowners review. In the future when your potential sit homeowners read what is written from both parties they will understand the situation and know you did a good job in a difficult situation. I hope this experience does not sour you to THS. For every difficult sit, we have had 10 great sits and met so many wonderful people. At times we have deeply worried over a homeowners opinion about us, only to realize there was never any problem but they had just moved on and not given the sit any thought at all. We only figure that out when they invite us back for another sit!